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Three out of my four daughters were in either Cheer or Pom squads as they were growing up. Some did it for many years, some just for one. I spent a lot of time watching cheerleaders.
Have you ever noticed how uniforms attempt to do what the name suggests? They are used to create uniformity. Uniformity is good to create the visual impact of a team working together. Identity and purpose is based on the team.
But uniforms did the opposite for me. They focused my attention on what made each individual cheerleader just that, individual. The uniform created a standard base by which I could see how they were all different, all beautiful.
And what made them beautiful? It wasn’t how they were similar, it was how they were different from each other. If there is one thing of utmost importance for a parent, especially a father, to instill in his daughters, it is that he sees them as beautiful in their uniqueness, in how they stand apart and are themselves, not how they look like everyone else.
That doesn’t mean you denigrate their desire to fit in. We all want to fit in, and that is ok. But as they work to fit in they will always find that they don’t completely. When they experience that, it’s a parent’s job to build the value of their uniqueness, the beauty in it.
If a woman isn’t proud of her unique beauty, she will only be proud of how she appears to be like someone else. That doesn’t lead to true self-confidence, just the temporary illusion of it.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by Francis Bacon, 1561-1626, Englishman, 1st and Only Viscount of St. Alban
>Great post. Though I'm still stumbling over the 4 daughters bit. It's completely overwhelming me.
~~Mrs. McGillicutty
>I was a teacher in Central America in the early 90s and at first our school didn't really require uniforms (rare in Central America, or most places, actually). The place was new and it was designed to take the kids no one else would take …
Anyway we changed the policy once we got some traction. Not the admission policy, but the uniform policy. At the time I was a young American and I kind of opposed the change, obsessed with individuality and "freedom." But the principal, a man I often disagreed with, but deeply admired for his integrity and deep personal faith, said something that I will never forget: "Our students distinguish themselves in the classroom, on the athletic field, and in music and other arts." His point? They do not need to distinguish themselves in their clothing.
One more thing, our kids could afford one, maybe two sets of uniform clothing. What's more dignified for a mom or dad in abject poverty: sending kids to school in the same clothes everyday or sending them to school in the same uniform every day?
The other unsaid thing? Our uniform policy cut our issues with gangs (and the violence that comes with it) because we eliminate virtually all gang identified colors and clothing.
So uniformity can promote diversity, excellence and more. But it also can be a tool of justice, economic and otherwise.
I'm not sure I have your point totally, but my kids go to a public charter school with a uniform requirement these days. Sure, I could possibly afford to outfit them with other clothes to "fit in" in some other environment, but I prefer this. Mr. Robinson was right. Individuality and beauty, as you say, are unique, diverse and can be expressed in infinite ways far beyond the merely superficial.
>Mrs. M, it was a huge blessing to have many daughters. I would have loved a son I am sure, but haven't felt a keen sense of loss not having one. My youngest is my step-daughter, who came into my life when she was 13. She is 20 now. I spent 15 years with one or more teenage daughters as a result and I barely have any gray hair and my baldness was complete before any of them hit the teens!
JP, my point really was that even in a uniform, meant to create uniformity, there is individual beauty and character. The looks, personality, heart and attitude aren't fundamentally changed with a uniform. Thanks for the thoughtful comment and insightful remembrance of what had to be a very fulfilling experience.
>Great post, Marty. Confidence is always beautiful to me, always.