Perfect

I had a conversation yesterday with a beautiful and fit woman.  The topic? How she gets judged and made fun of for being ‘perfect’.  I have had this conversation before with other women as well.  It’s almost easier to make fun of that ‘perfect’ person, isn’t it?  None of the guilt or shame you feel when laughing at a person who looks funny or talks funny. That would be mean, cruel, hateful, immature, ignorant, and judgmental and we wouldn’t do that, would we? 

Better Than

So what is it when the object of your derision or judgment is ‘better’ than you, not worse? What name do you give to your response when the person you are making fun of or cutting down somehow appears to be nicer, smarter, more fit, more thoughtful, more giving, more balanced, more conscientious, more diligent, more loving, more sensitive, wealthier, prettier, sexier, happier?

I have a few words we could use. How about mean, cruel, hateful, immature, ignorant, and judgmental? Perhaps we could add in jealousy and envy for good measure?

All That is Hidden

Let’s just focus on the word ignorant.  We will focus on it because it applies to what you know. And guess what, unless you’ve taken the time to care, YOU KNOW NOTHING about any person’s insides.  You don’t know the struggle she’s had to get up at 5am most mornings to exercise before the kids are awake.  You don’t know about her garish stretchmarks.  You don’t know the abuse she had at the hands of her mother.  You don’t know the dyslexia she had to overcome in school. You don’t know the prejudice she felt being so tall and skinny and flat chested in 9th grade. You don’t know about the skin condition she has on her back that makes her itch like crazy.  You don’t know about how hard she works to stay connected to her husband who is busy all the time.  You don’t know about her debilitating fear of flying.  In other words, YOU KNOW NOTHING about her interior and very little about her exterior.  

Your Quiver

You see the facade and you make fun because she is an easy target.  And she is an easy target. But if you can target her for derision, you also have the power to target her for love, compassion, mercy, patience, kindness, gentleness and more.  But the truth is, it doesn’t matter who the target is, it matters what the weapon is. Are you aiming to be derisive, judgmental person?  Use the arrow of hate.  Are you aiming to be a loving and compassionate one?  Use the arrow of love.  You have both in your quiver, just bring out the right one and shoot.  The more you reach for the right arrow, the more that arrow will end up in your hand without you even knowing it.

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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has a lot of scars.

Quote by William Shakespeare, 1564-1616, British Playwright

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