I hope you are aware that today is day #4 of Dating 101
Who are you attracted to?
I think we all will admit there is a certain type of look that we are attracted to. I have explained it from the point of view of an artist this way; Sometimes you see someone and you can evaluate perfectly why you think they look beautiful. The hair, skin, smile, eyes, shape, etc. can all be evaluated and as a result you might say “I think that person is attractive.” There are a lot of people like that for me. And I like it that way. I love finding beauty in most everyone.
But there is another level of attraction that precedes evaluation. It is the visceral, immediate response to a beauty that hits you without any thought or evaluation. It isn’t a matter of choosing, it just is. I like that as well.
How Much Are You Aware Of?
But with that visceral response that comes before thinking, we can get ourselves in trouble. It may not just be ‘I like blonde men’ or ‘I like short girls’, which is fine and doesn’t need to be evaluated really. But it might be ‘I am attracted to bad boys or bad girls who treat me like crap.’ Then what? When our immediate attractions lead us to trouble again and again, we need to become aware of it. Maybe not the first time, but after that, not paying attention to why you are attracted to someone who is going to hurt you, is compounding danger for yourself.
Then What?
So, if you do know your attractions are dangerous, what can you do? I believe maybe you can change your attraction. But you can’t do it directly. You can’t say, ‘I will now like men or women who are this or that way’. But maybe you can do it indirectly. If you work on seeing why you like who you like, perhaps that gives you enough insight into some of the underlying reasons. Then, little by little set free from those unconscious responses, with practice and awareness maybe you can start to see other qualities that become more attractive.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is adapted from one by David DeAngelo (I added the last line)
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