I promise that this is #3 of my Promises, Promises series. 

Do or Die

During my first marriage, I broke promises.  Somewhere along the line the combination of me breaking those promises and my wife’s own issues and realizations, led her to file for divorce.  She made one statement that has stuck with me all these years.  It was the statement that clarified for me how bad she saw her situation.  She said, “I feel if I stay, I will die.”

There really wasn’t much arguing to do with a statement like that.  She had reached a point, whether I understood it or not, where the promise she made to marry and stay married was going to break her.  She needed to save herself and the only way in her mind at that point was to divorce me.  I didn’t fight it.

Compassion For Breaking

I am not a fan of divorce. But I understand how it can come to pass when what seemed to be just a small ring around your finger becomes a ball and chain around your neck.  I wish rational arguments could sometimes win the day, but I know that the human heart and human needs are such that rationality isn’t what drives us into a marriage and it isn’t what causes us to dissolve a marriage. 

All this just to suggest we have some mercy and compassion for those who feel the need to divorce, to break the marital vow before it breaks them.  Really, truly listening deep to what is going on inside their heart and mind is the best way to assure you understand.

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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman

Quote by Jennifer Donnelly, 1963 – not dead yet, American writer

Jennifer Donnelly

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It’s a bad thing to break a promise, but it’s also bad to let a promise to break you