No matter how much effort you put into making your life and relationships stable (read: guarantee) , there are a million random possibilities that will change what you anticipate and expect to happen.
A friend of mine was quite diligent in college to make sure she chose a future husband who would make a lot of money and be stable; a good husband and a good father. She found him and expected him to be those things and he was for the first 15 years. Then he got a new job in a new town. He moved there before the rest of the family and by the time the family moved there months later he was a crack addict. WHAT you say? That is crazy. Yep, it was crazy. It was the single most unexpected thing she could have EVER expected to happen. What ensued were years of money problems, drug addiction, job changes, job losses, and eventually an end to her supposedly idyllic married life.
I remember her saying to me in anger and confusion, “I did everything right. I picked the best possible person. I planned out our life and I carried out the plan. I committed no sins, I had no moral failures, I gave him no reason to do what he did. He had it all and he told me he was happy with it. I did not deserve to have this happen to me.”
My response? “It’s not about what you deserve, it’s about what you get.” The word ‘deserve’ should be restricted to contracts: I will do this if you pay me that. I then do this thing and I then ‘deserve’ the agreed upon payment. Other than that situation I think the word deserve is grossly misused.
But, it’s important to note, the point isn’t that bad things will happen, the point is that the UNEXPECTED will happen.
THAT is what you must be good at dealing with, in relationships and in life. Are you?
One year ago today at the NDD – Technology #3 – It actually applies to today’s quote and drawing, go check it out!