> I had a couple of friends back in San Jose, California at the restaurant where I worked. They were a couple. The woman wanted the relationship to be more, while the man wasn’t able to decide what he wanted. They went out for many years. He was loyal to her, he was committed to her, he was happy with her. But he didn’t want to get married to her.
Category Archives: James Bryant Conant
Feb 02 comments
I remember sitting at the bar after a shift talking to him about it. His only reason was his fear of missing out on something. I asked what it was he might miss out on? Another woman? A career opportunity? Travel? He didn’t know. He just was worried about being boxed in and not doing what he wanted. What was it he wanted to do, I asked. He didn’t know, but he was afraid that when he did know he wouldn’t be able to do it.
My response? You are going to wake up in 10 years, not married, not having done any of the things you thought you would only be able to do alone because they turned out to be no fun to do alone. You are going to have a life that is free to do with as you please, and no impetus to live it because you have no one to share it with.
I suggested that his fear of being married had to do with an idea of what he thought marriage was suppose to be, instead of talking to his girlfriend about how they wanted to design their marriage, their love, their relationship. He was afraid based on what I thought was a lack of creativity and imagination about how to truly create what he wanted in life.
In the end, he didn’t ask her to marry him. I don’t know what became of either of them. Maybe they both found love. Maybe they are both still single. But I know that his inability to stick his neck out was keeping him from making progress in that relationship and in his life.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by James Bryant Conant, 1893-1978, American Chemist, President of Harvard University 1933-1953