Category Archives: gender issues

Apr 24 2 comments
adolescent, education, gender issues, growth

Training Boys or Limiting Girls – Rape Culture

training boys

I got into a long and deep discussion today on FB over a story on ABC News/GMA about girls not being allowed to wear strapless dresses to a middle school prom because they were deemed ‘too distracting’ by the principal of the school.  Click on the pic or link to read the story.

Strapless Dresses Too ‘Distracting’ for N.J. School Dance
Is this an example of a rape culture at work?

There were a lot of points of view, mine primarily being that what is needed is proper training for boys on how to respond to girls, no matter what they are wearing.  Limiting girls because boys might be distracted is placing the blame on the girl, just as when someone blames a rape victim because she wore too short a skirt or too dark of eyeshadow.  Not only is that not the reason behind rape, even if it were, the solution is to get the boys/men educated and trained about appropriate and moral behavior, not telling women they have to wear clothes that conceal.

That’s my initial take on it, what’s yours? 

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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman

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Apr 15 0 comments
gender issues, Nikki Giovanni

What ‘Facts’ Do You Believe That Aren’t True?

I went down to Dallas this past weekend and bought 5 new quote books.  I an going to take a quote from each one over the next 5 days.  Today’s is from ‘Language Is a Place of Struggle – Great Quotes by People of Color, Edited by Tram Nguyen.

facts 1

 Facts

I often think about how much people depend on facts and statistics.  It’s 3 hours driving to Wichita so we better leave by 1 if we are going to get there by 4.  I ran my last 10k in 55:54, a personal record and the first time under 56 minutes.  One of those facts is neutral, not a lot of interpretation to it.  The other, the one about my run, is also a fact, but it has some emotional or psychological meaning to me, and perhaps to others who hear it.

Unfacts

But what about facts that aren’t facts at all?  For example, Rebekah Evans (my daughter) wrote an article in her blog ‘The Cellular Scale’ titled, ‘Do small men think like big women?‘. It’s a great read about flawed science, gender bias and ‘facts’ that aren’t. It’s about the Corpus Callosum, a part of the brain that connects the right and left hemisphere. It’s been said for many decades that women’s are bigger than men’s and that as a result women have a more unified brain, can multitask better, etc.  

But the truth is that is not true.  Later studies showed that it isn’t based on male or female, but on the actual size of the brain. The larger the brain, the less proportion of the brain the corpus collosum is, leading to the wrong assumption it had something to do with women or men.   Check it out and see how a ‘fact’ can be delivered and believed by many people due to many reasons not attached to the veracity of the truth.  In this example it lead right into already existing gender bias.  

What do you believe, not because it is true, based on facts, but because it feeds into a need to control yourself or others, or fits a bias you have? 

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Drawing and Commentary by Marty Coleman, factual.

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Quote by Nikki Giovanni, 1943 – not dead yet, African-American writer and activist

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Jul 15 0 comments
gender issues, love, Mae West, Sex

>Sex & Emotion

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New Napkin Dad cards available at Zazzle.  Birthday, condolence, going away and more.
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Day #4 of Sex Week at The Napkin Dad Daily

Here is the issue about emotion in sex and love.  Men often have too little of it (emotion that is) and women often have too much of it.


For you women, actually it isn’t just that men have less of it than you do. It’s also that they don’t know they have it in the first place. They feel just a hint of something, but they don’t investigate it. It is left unformed and uninvestigated.  Men are often not even aware it WAS a feeling they had, and if they did realize it, they aren’t sure what that feeling represented. They don’t name it and categorize it.  


For you men, actually it isn’t that women just have more of it than you do.  It’s also that they investigate deeper into the emotions they do have. To them they are a mobius strip of never ending investigations.  And not just their emotions, but yours as well.  They figure you are exploring yours as deeply as they are their own and so they want to know what it is you are feeling.  They are working at defining what it is they felt and where it sits in relation to her other emotions and yours. When you aren’t able to say what it is your feel, it’s easy for them to think you either are hiding something or don’t feel anything.


That is why sex is often such a emotionally bonding experience for both men and women.  It isn’t primarily about words. It’s about motion and sensory experience and the emotions are created through those things.  Sex is good that way.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily


Quote by Mae West, 1893-1980, American playwright and actress.  Read her bio, she was an amazing woman well ahead of her time. Incredibly creative and ambitious.  I didn’t realize she wrote many of the plays and movies she starred in.


Jul 14 0 comments
gender issues, Mignon McLaughlin, Sex, teens

>Sex Education

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Day #3 of Sex Week at The Napkin Dad Daily

I don’t actually think this is true, but it brings up a good point, namely that we often teach our sons and daughters differently about sex. Even if we are ‘liberated’ in talking about it we still unconsciously address the two sexes differently. 


For example, talking to a teenage boy going out to a party you might tell him ‘make sure you keep it zipped, don’t do something stupid, don’t be so horny that you can’t control yourself’.  Talking to a teenage girl you might say ‘watch out tonight, don’t leave your drink out of your site, don’t let the guy be with you alone, don’t drive off in the middle of nowhere with him.’


The assumption underlying those warnings is that the man will be the horny one wanting the sex and the girl will be the one deciding to give it or not, like a clerk at a store, disengaged.  But the truth is you have to talk to your daughter with the understanding that she is a sexual creature as well. She could be the aggressor, she could be the one ‘wanting it’ and forcing the issue with the guy.  


I agree it’s not quite as likely, but that doesn’t mean you don’t recognize that, no matter what her libido level, she still needs to know that she will feel things too. It isn’t just about her responding to a guy, it’s about her figuring out her own feelings and desires as well.  It does no good service to a daughter or son to assume they fit into a cookie cutter sexual mold.  Explain to them the range of feelings they may come across, not just some pandering platitude that isn’t based in their reality. 


If you want to be effective in helping your son or daughter understand what is happening to them in the sexual world, you have to address them as real people, not cliches of sexuality.
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Don’t forget, we now have Napkin Dad birthday cards, cups and t-shirts available, check it out!


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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily


Quote by Mignon McLaughlin, 1913-1983, American journalist and author.  Writer and editor for various magazines including Vogue, Redbook, Cosmopolitan and Glamour.


Jan 22 2 comments
Feminism, gender issues, Henry Kissinger, sexism, war

>Nobody Will Ever Win The Battle

>Day 4 in the feminism series.

This isn’t about cliche feminism, it’s about facing reality and oneself, no matter your gender. It’s about real feminism, the feminism of equality and differences co-existing in an atmosphere of forgiveness, understanding, admitting wrong, working sincerely for equality, examining self & society and taking responsibility for your part.

Those things are the signs of victory for both sides.

And enjoying each other, don’t forget that!

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Henry Kissinger (I know, really? Yes, really), 1923-not dead yet, German born American Diplomat


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