My family is blue today. I have a cousin, Jim Powell. His only son Gavin died along with his best friend Matt in a rafting accident this week in Walnut Creek, California. He was 17, Matt was 16. There had been heavy rains in the area and after Gavin found an old inflatable raft in his garage they made plans to raft down a local creek. They wore helmets but no life vests and were unable to navigate in the fast rushing waters. Both of them died during their trip. Links to the story are below.
As any parent knows and will tell you, nothing in the complete realm of human existence can be more completely and utterly destructive to one’s soul than losing a child. I have not had that happen and I am very grateful. But I know the fear, as do all parents I have ever known. I may not be as controlling of my kids as my wives have been, I may say ‘you have to let them go do this or that’. I am that father who said that is how it has to be to my wives. But make no mistake, for every time I have said that, and I bet for every other spouse who played the role of the one saying it’s ok to let them go, we knew we were gambling a bit. All of life is a bit of a gamble, sometimes greater odds, sometimes lesser. It’s a sad, sad moment when the odds go bad and something like this happens. The essay below says it better than I can, I encourage parents to read it.
So, why did I illustrate a quote about a dog? I didn’t draw this to say I hope he has a dog. I drew it because ‘blue’ can’t always be explained, even when it is so obvious, as in this case. The pain, the suffering, the what ifs, the if onlys, the guilt, the loss, the anger, the hopelessness, the fear, the emptiness. They can’t be listed out like that in a broken heart. They can’t be categorized and compartmentalized and logically explained one by one. I can imagine that is what one feels they must do when asked ‘why do you feel blue’.
Maybe it’s best to be like a dog, not ask why, even if we know what we think the answer will be, but just comfort and be.
- YouTube slide show of Gavin and Matt
- Article in the Walnut Creek Patch
- Patch essay on the limits of being a parent
You can google Gavin Powell to find more
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Drawing by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote author unknown
