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When my daughters were small I remembering getting sympathy from others because we had 3 in 4 years. It was the cliche of the ‘headache’. but it didn’t really produce an actual headache for me, and my wife didn’t often say she had one. What it really was was an ever-constant mental vigilance. I think most couples are amazed by the overwhelming amount of attention you must pay to this eating and pooping machine for so many years!
There does come a time when you can let them play alone for periods of time. They do eventually go to school. Little by little the need to physically supervise them levels off and the emotional supervision starts up. I remember those same people who were sympathetic to me about having 3 young ones, were, at the same time, saying ‘oh, wait ten years, then you will have 3 teenagers!’ There was dread in their voice.
And it is true that the teen years have more emotional drama than a parent might choose, but I didn’t have many more heartaches than I had real headaches 10 years earlier. What I had was ever constant emotional vigilance, this time to help them navigate through the mindfields of adolescence. I wish I did it better, all parents do.
And then the third phase. It’s the phase that doesn’t get rid of the first two, but combines them. Your child might be out of the house, but he or she is still growing into adulthood, still physically trying to find their home in the world, still trying to find their emotional ground. You are at a greater distance, yes. But the desire, and the opportunity, to be of service to them never ends, whether offering an old table for her first dining room or a shoulder to cry on when the first big relationship goes south.
I am glad being a parent can never be taken away from me, no matter how old my children get. And no amount of headaches and heartaches can ever change my mind about that.
What do you like about being a parent, or about your parents if you are a mini-person still?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote is an Italian proverb
