Category Archives: teens

How To Get Children To Not Listen To You

Teaching Your Children

One of the most important things for a parent to realize is they are smarter than their kids.  Well ok, I know some dumb parents with smarter kids, but what I really mean is that you as a parent must be shrewder, subtler, wiser than their kid.  Why? So you can teach and lead them without the kid consciously knowing it.

Kids hate being lectured to, right? So don’t lecture, be smarter than a lecture.  Put a napkin in their lunch with an intriguing idea written on it, for example.  Put interesting, thought-provoking art up on the walls.   Read books that help you understand something and make sure the book is out for them to see.  Go to a play instead of a movie one night and tell them (briefly) about it’s content.  Clip a headline out of the newspaper and put it on the fridge. Not the whole article, just the headline.  Comment below with your own examples of how you lead and influence your children, ok?

If you want them to go in a certain direction the only way it will happen in the long term is if there is interest and curiosity on their part. Stimulate that curiosity for them to find out things on their own and guess what? They will learn what you want them to learn.

AND if you do it right, in the end they will teach you more than you taught them!

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, Publisher of The Napkin Dad Daily blog

Commentary by Anonymous

The Value of Marriage

adulthoot

I love this quote because it’s simple and true.  How many of you who have kids feel like it was having them that caused you to turn the true corner into adulthood? I know it was for me.  It takes you from obsession with self to realizing you aren’t the center of the universe.  Of course the irony is you are now in the process of raising a child who will one day think they are the center of the universe!

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Peter De Vries, 1910-1993, American editor and novelist

Adolescence is Like Seasickness

As I mentioned yesterday my daughter, Chelsea, got married last week in Seattle.  She went to high school with her husband, Michael, but they didn’t date.  He was in the drama department with her and most of her friends.  I didn’t know Michael back then, but I did hear his name now and then. 

Michael



As a matter of fact, her first boyfriend, Landon, was one of his best friends.  I knew Landon to be a funny, goofy actor with a great heart.  He had a fantastic comedic edge, always quick to say something really funny. He was a Groomsman.  


Her best friend, Delindy, was a Bridesmaid. I knew her through our church, where she was a ‘PK’ (pastor’s kid).  She was also funny and a bit sarcastic.  She constantly had to live with the pressure of being the daughter of the Pastor.

Delindy and Landon



My oldest daughter, Rebekah, was Maid of Honor.  She had to suffer through a number of years of Chelsea wanting to do everything she did, copying her and making her crazy.  

Rebekah


My youngest daughter, Caitlin, was also a Bridesmaid.  She came into my life at age 13 when I started dating her mother, Linda.  She had to cope with 3 new, older step-sisters, a new husband for her mother, as well as the high school cheerleading world.


Caitlin



And of course there is Chelsea, the Bride.  She was the youngest daughter all the way through the end of high school. The pressure to follow two very smart and very creative sisters through the school system was intense at times.  She was shy as she grew but found her voice little by little until in high school she was her own person.

Chelsea and me 

These were the people I drew my napkins for, among others. I saw these young people go through their adolescence and I remember this:  None of them were mature. None of them knew what hit them. None of them figured it out easily.

Adolescence wasn’t always fun.  There was great drama. There was great emotional confusion. There were great ups and down.  To be sure, at least in my house, there was fantastic fun and joy and growth as well. But make no mistake, it WAS a rocky ship they were in at times.

And now?  Now they are wonderful adults, every one of them. I love them so dearly when I see them coming into their own. 


Landon still the same fun and quick witted person. But more importantly, he is a good husband and father of 2 now.  I couldn’t be prouder of him.


Delindy just graduated from University of Oklahoma. But more importantly, she struggled mightily to decipher who she is in the world, and is succeeding at it.  I couldn’t be prouder of her.



Rebekah is a Ph.D. candidate in Neuroscience.  She is a genius no doubt.  But more importantly, she is an unbelievably wonderful enthusiast and curious pursuer of all things fun and creative. I couldn’t be prouder of her.


Caitlin is now a Senior in college. She’s on the Dean’s list and is a hard worker.  but more importantly, she has grown into being strong and confident in the social and academic world. I couldn’t be prouder of her.


Chelsea learns and adapts like know one else. But more importantly, she has never stopped with her enthusiasm for love, music, travel and friendship. She is growing and learning by leaps and bounds.  I couldn’t be prouder of her.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by me. It is a variation on one by Arthur Koestler.

>Art Is The Only Way To Run Away Without Leaving Home

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Day #3 of Art Week at the Napkin Dad Daily


Older kids sometimes want to leave.  Sometimes really badly.  They feel grown up, they feel trapped, they feel more adult than the parents.  They feel misunderstood, not trusted, not respected, not treated fairly.  But they can’t leave. They don’t really want to. So, what do they do?  Hopefully they turn to art. Better than drugs or other destructive escapes.



Do you help them turn to art?  Do you encourage it in your kids or friends or the ones you have in your school or youth group or just out and about?  Do you help them find their voice in creativity?  Do you show you are proud of their artistic accomplishments, do you hold that in high value?


Art allows them exploration, growth and discovery. It allows them to process their feelings, angst, anger, feelings of being different and alone.  It is a bridge into adulthood and self awareness.  It is comfort.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily


Quote by Twyla Tharp, 1941- not dead yet, American dancer and choreographer

Little Children, Big Children

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When my daughters were small I remembering getting sympathy from others because we had 3 in 4 years. It was the cliche of the ‘headache’. but it didn’t really produce an actual headache for me, and my wife didn’t often say she had one. What it really was was an ever-constant mental vigilance. I think most couples are amazed by the overwhelming amount of attention you must pay to this eating and pooping machine for so many years!

There does come a time when you can let them play alone for periods of time. They do eventually go to school. Little by little the need to physically supervise them levels off and the emotional supervision starts up. I remember those same people who were sympathetic to me about having 3 young ones, were, at the same time, saying ‘oh, wait ten years, then you will have 3 teenagers!’ There was dread in their voice.

And it is true that the teen years have more emotional drama than a parent might choose, but I didn’t have many more heartaches than I had real headaches 10 years earlier. What I had was ever constant emotional vigilance, this time to help them navigate through the mindfields of adolescence. I wish I did it better, all parents do.

And then the third phase. It’s the phase that doesn’t get rid of the first two, but combines them. Your child might be out of the house, but he or she is still growing into adulthood, still physically trying to find their home in the world, still trying to find their emotional ground. You are at a greater distance, yes. But the desire, and the opportunity, to be of service to them never ends, whether offering an old table for her first dining room or a shoulder to cry on when the first big relationship goes south.

I am glad being a parent can never be taken away from me, no matter how old my children get. And no amount of headaches and heartaches can ever change my mind about that.

What do you like about being a parent, or about your parents if you are a mini-person still?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote is an Italian proverb
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