Category Archives: virtue

>Search Others For Their Virtues, Thy Self For Thy Vices

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I was midway through drawing this napkin this morning when I realized I have a problem.  No, not my ‘have to run to the bathroom problem’, another problem.  This one revolves around this quote. Within a well-balanced person this quote can take hold and be of value.  You try to find the best in others, but because you want to be improving as you move forward in life, you know it’s a good idea to be aware of and figure out how to cope with, your vices.  You already know your virtues, you don’t really need to go searching for them.


But I don’t live in a world of well-balanced people.  I live in a world of terribly imbalanced people.  How so you ask?  Because so many of the people I know are already obsessed with their vices and ‘flaws’. That is all they see in themselves. They see the speck of dust in the corner of the room, not the entire beautiful home they live in.  They see the pinch of fat on their tush, not the great shape they are in. They are obsessed with guilt about what they did or didn’t do, how they don’t match up, why they haven’t accomplished what they want, how they let someone down, how they look.


They don’t see their value, their contribution, their beauty (inner and outer), their humor, their impact, their wisdom, their sexiness, their progress.  The reflection in their mirror is not the flower they are.


Can I, or you, do anything about this?  I sometimes think I can, and other times I think whatever I do will be minimal at best.  But we really only have 3 choices, right?  1) we can ignore it, just let it be.  2) we can agree with them, backing up their skewed version of reality. 3) We can do our best to help them see what they can’t see themselves, yet.  


I choose #3.  I will always choose #3.  If I am successful in helping them, cool. If I am not, I know I have tried and perhaps my effort might still help out further down the road, the way lessons to a child often are understood many years later in life.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily


Quote by Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790, American printer, publisher, writer, politician, scientist, inventor, statesman, soldier, and diplomat.  If you want to read of a great man, you can do no better than finding out more about Mr. Franklin.  I recommend the biography ‘The First American‘ as a good starting point.

>Virtue Consists, Not

>This goes against the grain of the way I have thought about virtue in the past. But after I read this quote, and heard the ongoing stories about Tiger Woods and his infidelities, it made me reconsider.

I use to think the man or woman who wanted something bad or unhealthy but stood against the desire and didn’t indulge was being virtuous. I am not saying I completely disagree with that. They are virtuous in many ways.

It also glides into a perfect fit with the ideal of the rugged individualist who battles his or her demons and comes out victorious. It makes a good story in other words because really, what is more boring than a truly virtuous person, right?

But the quote really does bring out the idea that the KEY to being virtuous is not in battling your desire, but to not have the desire. Of course you might be saying, fine but how do you get RID of the desire? Isn’t that the billion dollar question! Think of all the industries that would go belly up if we got rid of the desire instead of spending our lives fighting the desire. The diet industry would lose a lot of financial weight. The tobacco industry would go up in smoke. Alcoholics Anonymous would have some problems keeping their glass full as well.

I do know in my own life I have only won the battles when the desire has left me. I had to reach a crisis point, a bottom, for that to happen with alcohol, which it did in 1993. But once I hit that bottom the desire left. If, however, you don’t have a revelation or event that stops the desire stone cold and it wants to stick around a while, the key to success over a vice is in large part a function of how much you feed it. Find something to replace it and stick with it. If you are an addictive personality, which you likely are if you struggle like that, then find another addiction! Become an exercise whore, or a furniture maker extraordinaire, find something and stick with it. And then let time work it’s magic and sweep the desire into the past.

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily blog

Quote by George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright

>Virtue Would Not Go So Far

>A variation on a theme I return to again and again, that of mixed motives in what we do in life.

Most people look for purity of motive in deciding whether to judge someone positive or negative. The more obvious virtue in the act, the better the judgment, the more vanity in the act, the worse the judgment.

I think that is us being enamored of a fictitious ideal. We like the stories of old that idealize the heroes and it such a clear and easy world those stories tell of that we dearly wish to find that in real life. However, reality is the ultimate hard-ass partner, not allowing us the luxury of that fantasy for very long.

Why not simply embrace that virtue and vanity are linked, that one will always travel with the other. Why think that is wrong for them to travel side by side? Why not welcome them when they accompany one of your friends or family, or a celebrity you see on TV? You might as well, since you know V and V are going to accompany you when you go visiting, and you would like them to be welcomed as part of who you are, right?

It makes life much more comfortable and real to admit the reality of our lives and our motives in it.

Drawing by Marty Coleman, the Napkin Dad
Check out my work and merchandise at
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quote by Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French aphorist and swashbuckling roque, 1613-1680

>Vices and Virtues

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One of the big problems the USA has, I think, is the harsh judgment of
public figures’ vices without any balance between that and their virtues.
The closet homosexual, the one who drinks to much, the gambler, the
pantyless partier; we all have our vices. If those vices are doing damage
to themselves or others then dealing with them is important. But just having
some behavior you don’t like or find distasteful doesn’t mean you ignore
or throw out the virtues that same person has.

I think we in the USA tend to feel that allowing something means we
are approving of it. And that is not the case. We allow it because it is
none of our business and isn’t hurting us or anyone else, even if we don’t
like it. We can disapprove of it for ourselves, but we are in a country
dedicated to individual liberty and if someone wants to gamble or not wear
panties or spend money on silly things, then it’s their decision, not ours, and
it doesn’t mean they are without virtue.

By the way, when I put ‘closet homosexual’ in the list, I am not saying
homosexuality is a vice. I am saying that their are some people, including
some who participate in it, who think it is and they act secretly because
of it.

quote by Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States.

>We Are Here On Earth

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I love the simplicity and purity of this statement.

The Christian commandment that we do for others as we would like them to do for us does not include the caveat that we only have to do that if they return the favor.

In other words, you can’t really know why ‘others’ are here, only yourself. So, pay attention to what you are called to do. That will be the best way to lean the arc of the universe towards good.

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