Day 2 of The Napkin Dad’s Guide to Good Manners
I am not one to talk about the ‘old days’ as if they were better. I am not one to talk about how we did more with less or how good it used to be for kids and how hard it is now for them. For the most part I think that is just old people wishing for better days.
The truth is it’s always been hard for kids. There is always something unique about the culture and society they live in that bring out certain problems they face that earlier generations didn’t have to in the same way.
Today one of the things kids face in the US and many other countries is a very diverse culture. I think that is a good thing. But one of the negatives attached to it is having muddy guidelines about what is proper or improper behavior. It isn’t a uniform definition anymore. Even that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just that it makes the job of the parent harder. Not only does the child not see the example being set consistently among other adults when he or she is away from their immediate family, but the parent’s themselves might have been brought up very differently from one another and have different ideas about what is okay or not okay in personal behavior.
That doesn’t mean a parent gives up on teaching. It means they add a new element of discussion and illustration. When you as a parent see what you deem bad manners you explain to your child why you consider it bad. You explain why it is hurtful or inconsiderate. You give them reasons that help them understand that while others may not do it they way the do, they know it is a good and decent way to behave. And whatever you do, do not off load the responsibility to a school, a village, a society or worst of all, the child. It is NOT the responsibility of the child to learn it on his or her own. It is your responsibility as the parent.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” – Fred Astaire, 1899-1987, American entertainer