I loved my school days. Do I seem like a bully to you? I don’t think you could find a friend from high school who thought I was.
But they would be wrong. I knew how to bully and did it at times. Why did I do it? Let me quote someone else who said it best.
“There doesn’t always have to be a reason. People don’t even always dislike the people they’re bullying, it’s just something they have fun doing … It’s not really something they even care about – it’s just like something they can do, and then friends join in, and it’s almost like entertainment, I guess.”– Dylan Kaufman, 12th grade, Northampton High School
Reported at Gazettenet.com
Here is my worst case of bullying and it fits in perfectly with that reasoning.
In our junior year of high school a number of my friends and I drove to Florida on spring break. In Florida we met up with two girls that were co-workers back in our home town with some of our gang. They were both fun and pretty and we were having a great time. We were also drinking.
One of the popular songs at the time, that we all happened to hate, was ‘Every time I see your face’ by Ringo Starr. It came on the radio when we were driving around with the girls. We started singing along with this song we hated.
In the meanwhile, one of the girls had been upset about something I think, I don’t remember for sure. I do know we were sort of annoyed about it. So, what happened? We turned on her. We weren’t trying to bully, we were letting out our annoyance at her. But with a bunch of guys all drinking, bantering and feeding off each other, it wasn’t long before we were singing very cruel and hurtful lyrics about her and her face. It didn’t cease until she was out on the balcony of our hotel room in tears.
In truth, it had very little to do with her at all. We were just ‘having fun’ cracking ourselves up over who could come up with the rudest lyrics. But our intent was beside the point. We knew we were hurting her and we continued because our fun was more important than she was. We thought she should have understood what we were doing. We thought she should just ‘get over it’. We thought the next day she would have forgotten about it like we did. That was not the case.
It was a shameful and bad thing we did. I remember thinking later how that really was over the top cruel and I never wanted to get that out of control with my words and actions again. I didn’t like being that mean, it wasn’t fun like we thought. It was just mean. If I could find that woman I would apologize in a heartbeat for that cruelty and whatever bad feelings remained with her about that moment in time.
An important note: My best friend, Jim Moore, who was with us on the trip, did not contribute to this cruel episode. I don’t remember it all that clearly but I think he was instrumental in getting us to finally stop. He was kind and thoughtful that way and it made me look up to him even more after that.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Show me a person who enjoyed their school days and I will show you a bully and a bore.” – Robert Morley, 1908-1998, British actor