This is why self-pity has a timer on it. You are allowed just so much time for it, then the alarm goes off and you need to move on.
One thing I was only so-so successful at as a parent of daughters was teaching them certain things they would need to know as they became adults. Things I probably would have been more forceful in making sure a son knew. Things like changing tires, doing home improvement projects, working with power or manual tools. I tried, and I am sure they learned something, but I didn’t do it as much as I think I should have. Maybe they think I did ok in that department, but I know I could have done more.
Not knowing how to do something can lead to a feeling of incompetence and helplessness and not just about the immediate problem. It can infect much more of one’s life. When you don’t know even how to start solving a problem it is easy to devolve into giving up. Giving up is usually infected with paralysis, self-pity and unfairness.
- Why is this happening to me?
- So and so has more money
- So and so doesn’t have to deal with my issues
- I am disabled
- Nobody is nice to me
- I have no friends
- I don’t get treated fairly
- My work is harder than my friend’s work.
- I don’t get to have fun the way I want
- Woe is me
I say WOA to that, even IF it’s all true. It might give you ammunition in your hate for the unfairness of life, but that is all it will give you. Your satisfaction will be in your complaints. Will that really be satisfying? Won’t it be more satisfying to take action and climb the mountain? It might be squishing that spider, or fixing a leaky faucet, or moving on from a really destructive and crappy relationship. But as long as you are wallowing in self-pity, those accomplishments are not nearly as likely to happen.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“Self-pity makes even the simplest problem almost impossible to solve.” – found via @dtcav on twitter