The children and adults at Sandy Hook are dead because of the 5 elements shown above. Unless we address those five elements we will not have the change we want. Here why I think they matter.
- The Gun – Yes, the gun matters. It was a gun that was used to killed them. Those who say it doesn’t matter, that if guns were banned the bad guys would find some other way of committing mass atrocities are wrong. There is ample evidence that people will not be likely to kill another person if they have to use a weapon that demands them to be in contact with the person. They will not use a knife for example because they would have to be right there with the person and they would be afraid of having the weapon taken away and it being turned on them. They are also afraid they wouldn’t know how to actually do the killing or be strong enough. And finally they would not want blood all over them. Sick, but true. So, guns, and what type of guns are legal, matter in the debate. To say they don’t is to deny reality.
- The Hand – Yes, the hand matters. It was a specific person who pulled the trigger. He (or in rare cases she) should be held personally responsible for their actions. That is what our legal system is built for and should be used for. Training our children to take personal responsibility for their actions is one of the primary jobs of a parent, and those supporting the family. Having sane and effective consequences for the child, and, even more importantly, adults, who do not take that responsibility are essential. If we don’t include this in the debate we will not find the most effective answer to our violence problem.
- The Brain – Yes, the brain matters. I called it a brain instead of a mind because I want to focus on the reality of what happens in the physical part of the body called the brain. Mental illness is an unfortunate term in some ways because it makes us think that it’s simply about what a person thinks, not the physical structure of the brain itself. If you break a bone in your arm you don’t say you have an arm disease. When you pull a quad muscle during a run you don’t say you have a thigh disease. You call it something specific. You have a pulled quad muscle or a broken arm. People with mental illness have something physically wrong with their brain. It is harder to distill than when the injury is in other parts of the body, but it’s just as real. What that means is that it is not true that all people are in control of themselves and their actions at all time. There are things that happen in the brain that change perception of reality and make people not able to understand right from wrong, real threats from imagined ones. We are learning more about this all the time. We need to include this focus on the brain, how it can malfunction and what we can do to heal it or else we will not have an satisfactory answer to our national problem.
- The Eye – Yes, the eye matters. What we fill our eyes (and thus our minds) with affect who we are. If we spend our time watching movies and games that have as their focus the hurting of other people again and again, whether physically or emotionally, then we are very likely to start thinking along those lines. Programs, games and events that insistently show or allow us to participate voyeuristically in murder, killing, raping, terrorism, war and mayhem for it’s entertainment value do indeed move us in that direction. It becomes what we think about more than if we didn’t see or interact with those things. But I am also talking about mean-spirited, gossipy, and self-righteous programs and speakers whose sole goal is to make fun of other people, to cut them down and belittle them for being different than, and thus less than, they are. What we watch and put in our minds and hearts matter.
- The Dollar – Yes, money matters. Gun manufacturing is driven by sales, just as cars and toys are. No sales and the cars, toys or guns will not be manufactured. Vested interests, including everyone in the gun industry, mental health industry, video game &TV/movie industry, and science industry, have a right to make a living. There is nothing wrong with them arguing responsibly from their point of view but we should always understand they have a vested financial interest, even as they might be discussing things rationally. In the end, we as a nation are not primarily responsible for their industry’s financial health, they are. Our primary responsibility, foreign or domestic, is to protect our citizens. We have a right to come together and make laws that facilitate doing that. We regulated tobacco, cars, chemicals, transportation and many other things for the express purpose of protecting our citizens, even when doing so meant those industries had to change and adapt. However, the most effective voting we can do is with our pocket book. As a parent, you don’t have to buy that violent video game for your child for Christmas. As an adult you don’t have to pay to see a violent movie. As a gun enthusiast you don’t have to buy a semi-automatic assault rifle and high volume magazines. As a college graduate you can contribute to your alma mater doing research in neuroscience to help move our knowledge along in that field. As a citizen you can contribute to and participate in activities that promote safety and sanity. You have control over your money, use it wisely.
Those are the elements that matter. Those are the areas that need to be addressed. Give me a reasonable idea on how we as a nation can deal with and change our behaviors in those areas and we can start a productive discussion. What do you think?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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Howdy Mr. Napkin Dad!
Your art work and verbiage have made valuable points, there are many elements that make and carry out any persons actions, good or bad.
It is sad beyond words to sum up the hurt of family and friends of those lives lost in Sandy Hook.
I continue to pray God’s comfort and peace to those that lost loved ones.
I think your drawing of the 5 elements has made good points and affords us areas to re-evaluate.
From my perspective the ‘bottomline’ has yet to be mentioned.
R E S P E C T and H O N O R
(you might even be singing Aretha Franklins version in your head)
When I was growing up we were taught to Respect.
Respect others. Respect their property, (if your broke it, you replaced it.) Respect their living being.
It didn’t mean we were door mats and allowed others to take a cheap shot ….BUT it did instill a high sense of value for one self which carried toward others. AND it was ok to walk away from a situation that could under value a person or their belongings.
It is a fine line BUT can be done. RESPECT, it simply has an element of strength and dignity.
It was also common in my childhood to be raised to Honor those older than you. I was taught to look a person in the eye and say ‘hello’ answer with ‘yes, ma’am’ or ‘no, sir’ / ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
Now there were a few times inwhich the teacher came down hard on me or I was blamed for something a classmate did.
My parents listened to my side of the story as well as the teachers point of view. And then talked with me about, why the teacher felt my actions were at fault.
My parents were fair and honest and if the teacher was right, well, then the consequences were appropriate.
If my parents sided w my story, then I was given consequences as well and coached on why my teacher had to speak up.
At all points I was still required to respect the person for their position, (teacher, police officer) but not necessarily for their personal input.
I was also taught to Honor my parents, we had chores and a timeframe to complete them in, we weren’t allowed to call material things or people ‘stupid’ ….may seem harsh, but it keeps a lousy attitude and derogatory tone in voice out of reach.
(input- out put)
I know the media has stated mental illness as a root cause to the shooters actions.
BUT, I know with Ausbergers, children can still be taught RESPECT and HONOR.
And that young man did NOT HONOR his mother, nor did he honor what was a value to her, nor did he honor himself.
Yes, something went very wrong and in my overview of the information, the problem more than likely didn’t begin, when he took his brothers drivers license, nor when he took the assualt gun from his moms gun case.
Just seems that implementing the 10 Commandments could possibly help our society….BUT then there will always be some that choose to not abide by God’s governing Word. I believe God is ok with that, after all He did make us with a free will, to make our own choices, OR to live by His Word. In my opinion, we would all be better if we each lived according to His Word.
Have a Blessed Day everyone!
Great post Marty, and even greater comments and discussion.
It would be nice if our elected officials and all of the stakeholders could have this same kind of civil discourse.
It’s true that there is not one solution, but a combination of solutions to this issue in America. Why we seem to be willing to give up because the issue is hard is beyond me. That somehow seems, well… UnAmerican.
When faced with difficult situations and troubled times, we figure it out. The most creative minds, the most passionate people get in a room or a bunch of rooms and come up with not one, but multiple solutions to solve seemingly insurmountable problems. That’s what we do! So what’s different about this issue?
Is it the constitution? Gun control/regulating the types of guns that can be owned by individuals does not equal getting rid of the right to own a gun (or even a few guns). I understand that, you understand that, so what’s different about this issue?
Is it laziness? Are we looking for the magic pill to solve the problem? In the “pick your battles wisely” theory. This seems to be the one to pick. What’s different about this issue?
Is it fear? What can cause more fear than what happens on our streets every day and what happened in Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Sandy Hook Elementary school, and so many other individual and mass shootings that take the lives of our loved ones. What can cause more fear than that? What’s difference about this issue?
I ask the question, what’s different about this issue?
I think I agree with everything you said on the specific level you referenced. Now if we went in depth on each, I don’t know if we would still agree. That being said I absolutely respect what you wrote. Specifically teaching our children to be accountable. When my dad was a kid, every 8 year old boy had a pocket knife and a BB gun. Many had actual rifles, they got in fist fights, they were ornery, BUT they had a respect for people life and morality that our children are missing today. They had boundaries and consequences, there were repercussions to every poor decision they made whether it be grounding, eating soap, or just a good old fashion spanking. Just as they need love and affirmation, they need shown limitations for their actions. Parents spoil children these days to the point of rotten. Blessing and loving your child is very possible while at the same time making sure they realize the value of hard work and worth. It’s not so much what’s wrong with children today as what’s wrong with parents..
I bet you and I could have some serious debates and very deep seeded conversation lol:)
Felicia, I do agree that parents need to not be afraid to hold their kids accountable for their actions. This is especially true when they are young and you have to artificial produce the consequence as in spanking or eating soap to use two of your examples. Those are real consequences, they are produced by the parent to simulate something very unpleasant happening that didn’t happen at the moment of the child’s infraction but could very well happen in the future if they don’t learn proper behavior and activity. When and to what degree that happens is up to individual parents (within limits). But there is also something said for society as a whole caring and holding a child accountable, especially when that child reaches adulthood.
I remember way back in 1980 and 1981 when Lennon was murdered and Reagan almost assassinated. In both cases the adult responsible for the shooting had been able to escape the community he lived in, the one who knew him, and travel and live anonymously for the most part all around the country. No one was paying attention to them, knowing them, holding them to a community standard as they would have been if they had lived in a tight community. I don’t mean to say we all need to live in that sort of world, I am simply saying sometimes, due to the ease with which we can be invisible in the world, we lose sight of those who are a danger to us or themselves. I don’t really know what to do about that, just keep noticing it in our American life and it makes me sad and at times scared.
I had to think hard about how to respond to this post without sounding too much like the sociology student I am. 🙂 It was nicely written and brought up a lot of valid points. I think that as a society we have somehow lost the ability to take responsibility for our actions, not all of us, but definitely quite a few. Parents who try to discipline their children and make them responsible are accused of abuse because others don’t understand their views. It is so much easier to blame the media whether movies, music or video games than to look within and take notice of the fact that we are failing the next generations. It may take a village to raise a child but that always starts at home. I am not a parent and could never imagine what it’s like to be one so that’s really just my view on that part.
We may never truly know what caused this, and other horrific acts, but we all agree that something must change. While the use of mental illness as an excuse or a reason is not always valid, I do believe that access to more affordable care needs to happen. As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I understand all to well how expensive it can be even with a full time job and health care.
I had a better response written out in my head but of course forgot all of it LOL. Great post Marty!
Kelly, thanks so much for the response, it’s wasn’t too sociology studentish, don’t worry. It is tough to raise a child with mental health, behavioral or attitude issues. We do it and we hope we helped them through the rough patches, we hope they are just rough patches and not something permanent, but we don’t know in advance, do we.
It sounds like you are doing what you can to adequately take care of your anxiety and depression and I am happy to hear that!
It all matters. The only thing that’s probably going to work is to get the parents involved. They’re the only ones that can really stop the violence.
I like what Adam Carolla said – make the parents so responsible that they can be put on trial for the crimes of their kids (maybe a 10 year sentence), and I bet you’ll see a lot of these shootings go away.
Just a thought…
Good point Delfin. What if the parent is involved but can’t handle the child? In many cases of mental illness, especially as the child ages and becomes adult, it’s just not something they are equipped to handle successfully. Without long term mental health facilities to deal with these hard cases, I am not sure how effective we can be as parents under those circumstances.
Very nice, Marty! Very well put! Honestly, our nation’s problems will not have an easy fix… There are so many elements to the declining morality in this country that it is mind-boggling. I’ll address each element you have mentioned, then add my own
The gun. I am against weapons, period. To me, there is no use for them. I understand making them illegal won’t do much to stop the gun violence in this country, but the last thing we need to do is meet the gun problem with more guns. I mean really, what is the point of an assault rifle? To kill people. PEOPLE. That’s disgusting. Although I’m personally against guns, I’m not against people who believe they need them. I do agree with one point I continually hear from gun activists; if there were no guns, people can still make bombs. They get these materials from Wal-mart and can kill thousands. It’s sad, but true. Fortunately, you have to be a bit smarter to do that, you risk the possibility of blowing yourself up, and it’s not an instant “in-the-moment” violent reaction…
The hand. It takes a village to raise a child, right? I’m tired of hearing the parents being blamed like they were the only people to ever see these murderers… Yes, they are the biggest influence, but unless the child grows up never leaving the home, others influence and observe them as well… As a parent, if my child fails, I failed them. Not every parent sees it that way though… It is all of our responsibility to pay attention to the people and situations around us.
The brain. Well, as a patient advocate, I am one of the firsts to want to put out the awareness of people who are different…. Mental illness has a dangerous social stigma that causes many people to stop taking their medications, isolate themselves, or refuse medical treatment all together. The brain is very complex and misunderstood. Although it does not soften the wounds of our nation’s tragedies, educating our society is vital to helping those who need it…
The eye. Although I don’t believe the violence children see today is a direct causative for this nonsense, I do believe it hurts those who may have in inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality (see brain). Children for the past 15-20 years have abandoned the playground for the television and computer. This extreme social isolation denies the child the ability to form their social skills correctly. We are social creatures. If parents allow their children to detach themselves from the opportunity to play because the video games keep them quiet, then what do you expect? Of course our children do not know how to behave! They never learned for themselves! This goes for adults as well.
The dollar. Money is the root of all evil. Self-control is nonexistent now. We feed the “bad guys” with encouragement because we continue to watch, buy, eat, etc their products. But it’s easier to give in than it is to take a stand… The media fits into this as well. Most of these kids that shoot up malls, movie theaters, and elementary schools are looking to out-do the guy before. You know who enables and encourages them? The media. Nonstop coverage of the gunman and how “crazy” he was only makes the next guy want to do worse.
I loved this, Marty! I personally think our social media and technology has a lot to do with this epidemic as well… Our nation’s children now thrive on instant gratification. Facebook, and other social medias, give that sense of pleasure. Smart phones, ipads, macbooks; they all give people the satisfaction of feeling wanted and important. It also brings these kids a lot of drama, and although they say they “hate” it, they enjoy the attention it brings. (I am NOT talking about cyber-bullying here. Making that clear.) Once that attention is gone five minutes later, they look for something more shocking, more dramatic, or more interesting to post. They do not know what it feels like to wait for what they want or a reward they want. Why? Because they can get it instantly. A seven year old does not need a dang iphone. I don’t even have an iphone! Twelve year olds post pictures in their bikinis and get 196 “likes” for it…. Seriously? They’re being rewarded for their impeccable behavior, and we allow it to happen. No, bikinis do not lead to a gunman shooting up a school, but it’s the reward they feel that’s so concerning… This same technology also brings a sense of being out of place and isolated to the people who actually do have mental concerns. Not only do they feel ignored in the real world, but they can be isolated just as easily in cyberspace…. There’s no escape from their misplacement now…
Ok, I wrote wayyyyyyy too much! I’m so sorry! Lol you asked me for my opinion, and I have a ton…
Fiona, fantastic essay in response. Very well thought out and thorough, thank you!
I have many thoughts on the tragedy and your napkin.
Regarding the whole gun debate. I do not like guns and I don’t wish to own one. I would support a law banning assault rifles but not the banning of guns. I think if you need or want to hunt or have home protection you should but I am not comfortable with either of those. We should respect others that do however. Next, drunk drivers (alcohol) and cigarrettes kill so many people a year and they are legal sadly. Also, as we know, people who do these things (murders) aren’t worried about breaking laws and find a way to get the “illegal” killers whether it’s guns, drugs, etc. We need more people with compassion and teaching/living moral values so people wouldn’t have an interest in such attrocitiies.
Regarding the brain, some of this can be mental illness but I also believe in free will. There are those who make decisions to do evil things. I don’t feel sorry for them. I grew up with a brother who is now a criminal. He had the love of my parents and the same upbringing as I did. He chose to be wicked. He also had many years of my mother making excuses for him and giving him dozens of opportunities and endless amounts of love. He wants to do the things he is doing and CAN help himself but chooses not to.
Look how much better things were when prayer and patriatism were part of our society. If you don’t believe in God it’s fine. But let those who do have a moment each day to give praise. If you don’t believe in God or a higher power have a moment of positive reflection. We need to send messages that the world is full of hope and love but we also need to stop mocking faith. There’s no more respect or conscious. It makes me sick, things weren’t this way when we all were allowed make those values prominent. WE were so worried about offending someone that we stripped away all the “light” and positivity in our lives. If your offended by a prayer but not by this evil that has permiated our society I just don’t know what to say to you… (I am not speaking about “religion” but true faith and we know the difference)
Next, we all need to be a little kinder and a little stronger. Just because we don’t “fit in” or go through tough times doesn’t mean we kill. Look at the jews, the native americans, and others who have been grossly mistreated. We all have to decide who we are and that nothing can make us unravel. Maybe we get that foundation through faith, love or just good old fashioned fear of consequences like I had when I grew up. Regardless, it has to be brought back to the forefront of our society.
Wow, more than you bargained for for sure! I hope you have a Merry Christmas and are blessed in the new year!
From a friend who wrote it to me directly but is allowing me to put it online.
You have obviously put a great deal of thought . Your presentation has impact and is a very dynamic way to express these thoughts.I agree with what you say with the exception of the violent game playing. I am opposed to guns, think they should have strict gun laws, abolish automatic weapons, HUGE penalties for anyone caught breaking the law, but games and movies are more complicated. I wish we could get to a point where people just thought guns were disgusting and held no fascination whatsoever, but it’s a dicey area when we get into censorship. I think all registered guns users should have to keep their guns in a storage lock up and only be allowed to sign them out for hunting season, sort of like a gun library. Instead of late fees for not returning your gun, you just go to jail. Probably wouldmtt be too popular. good piece Marty. Well done
I shared you on FB, what a pertinent piece of writing. Should be disseminated widely. I will do my part.
Thank you Lynda. I feel it takes note of a number of areas we as a nation and as individuals need to consider and act on so I appreciate you feeling the same and wanting others to read it.
Nicely done. I’m glad you addressed mental illness, because I think we are focusing too much on guns and not enough on the other factors. I’m not sure about the violent games and music; don’t know yet where I stand on that. But I do know that if we only focus on gun control, we fail. Because Marty, some people really will find another way to kill. In China, they have had a rash of mass knife attacks, and on Friday, the same day as the Sandy Hook incident, a man in China stabbed 22 children in a school. On the other hand, Japan also has strict gun control, and very little violence. I do believe that in our culture, if guns are outlawed, criminals will find a way to get them, and if guns are completely destroyed (fat chance!), people will use something else. Maybe not by the same numbers, but gun control will not cure the problem. I’m willing to admit that it will make a difference, however. But we need to give equal focus to the other elements you mentioned, and I feel very strongly about the mental illness element. The way this country treats the mentally ill is criminal. We have to change the laws regarding how they are diagnosed and treated; if they are able to function, and they don’t think they need help, they don’t have to get it–until they have proven themselves to be a danger to themselves or others, meaning, until they have already hurt someone. That has to change. I have a friend in another state who needs to be on medication and in therapy, but they are going to wait until she has hurt herself in an effort to dig out the governmental chips she firmly believes are hidden under her skin, or until she has blown up one of the many “satellite towers” she believes is electrocuting her when she drives by, which is why she has severely decreased the area in which she can now drive her car. She has deactivated her facebook page, changed her phone number multiple times because she believes “they” are hacking her, following her, listening to her conversations. She also believes “they” are monitoring all her movements, that black helicopters hover over her home shooting laser beams in at her in order to make her sick, and that her walls are infested with nano robots, and she has torn up her walls trying to get them out. And I can’t help her, because she believes I’m the crazy one for wanting her to go to a doctor and get help. I’ve called law enforcement in her state, and talked to state mental health professionals. There is no help for her if she doesn’t want it, and she doesn’t. This has to change. We need to better research the side affects of psychotropic drugs, antidepressants, etc., because while they work fine on most of us, on a few they have the opposite intended effect, causing suicidal tendencies and violent aggression. If we implement gun control measures and don’t address our mental health issues, we will fail.
Crystal, I am in complete agreement about the mental health issue. I know within my family we have had to deal with it as well and it’s heartbreaking to watch someone suffer and not be able to get them the help they need. I understand someone being an adult and involuntary committal is a last resort, but sometimes it is needed. A big issue is not whether they can be brought to a mental health facility but how long they can stay and if they can get help or just be warehoused for a week until they are let out again. Long-term mental health facilities are needed but I am not at all sure we live in a society that is willing to have their taxes raised to pay for them.
I agree with most of your sentiment, but I have a couple of different views. I most definitely agree that guns are much too available. But I also believe that gun control would be nearly impossible. The wrong people will always find some way to get the guns. They aren’t concerned with whether or not they are legal. There are also other ways to accomplish mass destruction, such as a bomb; however, that would be difficult on the spur of the moment. I wholeheartedly agree that people need to be held personally responsible for their actions, but the Connecticut case, as in many cases, the killer took it upon himself to administer the death penalty. What happens when there’s no one left to be held responsible? I completely agree with your brain, eye, and dollar discussions.
I am completely open to other views on this subject, because I’m lost for an answer. I’ve heard totally opposite views, and they all have their points. It’s a terrible, terrible problem in our country. Something needs to be done. But what?.
The frustration of having no one to prosecute, to hold accountable makes the tragedy all the harder to bear. But in the theatre shooting in Colorado the shooter is still alive and I doubt very much the relatives of the victims feel any better about the death of their loved ones as a result. I do hope some answers might be forthcoming from him, who knows.
1) Gun: I grew up in a household that did not have guns, so I don’t quite understand the fascination with owning and collecting guns. I also have never understood why automatic weapons are accesible. I can understand having a rifle to go hunting or having a handgun for protection. Automatic weapons are designed to kill right? And interesting point on how guns are a more impersonal way to kill. I think in our culture we do not like to get our hands dirty. Literally. I think it would be easier to justify to myself killing with a gun than killing up close and personal. I could disassociate myself with a gun as opposed to a knife.
2) Hand: It seems like personal responsibility is becoming a thing of the past. I feel like we live in a culture that says it is okay to blame someone else for our mistakes instead of taking responsibility. People have free will. Even if someone is not thinking rationally, they still had a choice.
3)Brain: I like that you said brain and not mind. I hate that mental illness has such a stigma, but I also hate that mental illness is used as a scapegoat sometimes to defend someone’s actions. There are many layers to mental illness. One person may be able to deal with their depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc while another person isn’t able to cope well. Every person is different. While yes mental illness does play a part in people’s actions, you can’t just blame an illness for murder.
4) I agree that what we put in our hearts and mind matters. Like I said previously, everyone is different. Some people can watch violent TV or play violent video games and be fine. Someone else won’t be fine. I think it is everyone’s personal responsibility to recognize if something is unhealthy for THEM. And if they don’t realize it, I wish that family or friends would step in. If someone is depressed, angry, and being bullied then maybe it is not healthy for them to fixate on violence.
5) money: Oh the gun industry has so much power because of money. I do think guns should have more regulations, but I don’t see this happening in the United States until people begin to put safety over money. And money talks.
I have never wanted to kill another person. I suffer from major depression (possibly bipolar II disorder). When I was in high school I was suicidal. This wasn’t because I had a bad family or a horrible life. It was due to a combination of factors. One was that I was severely depressed and did not care about myself. The thing about depression is that it tells you that no ones cares about you. I thought no one would care if I simply disappeared off the face of the earth. I also never fit in. I was teased everyday and came home crying often when I was in grade school. I had a lot of pent up anger because of how I was treated. I also listened to music that was dark and talked about death. For me, this was the wrong music to listen to. For a depressed and angry person, listening about death just perpetuates depression, anger, and suicidal thoughts. Other people could listen to the same music and be just fine.
Luckily, I did not kill myself. I realized that people care about me. I graduated high school and moved away from home and the people that made my life miserable. I am on medication and see a psychiatrist. I am not a well balanced adult. Unfortunately, not everyone turns out this way. What if I had guns in the house? Would I have killed myself? I know that I didn’t want to slit my wrists because there would be blood and pain. Someone else with similar circumstances may have hurt themselves or others.
No one- not my family or friends- realized that I was depressed. I told my mom a year later that I had been suicidal and she completely freaked out. I wish someone had realized.
I don’t agree in any way with murder. However, I can empathize to a point with the shooter becase I understand what it is like to be in such a dark place and think that you will never get out. I know what it is like to have so much anger inside yourself and no way to express it. I know what it is like to think that no one cares. No one loves you. I wish that someone would have helped him.
Unchained, the pain you must have gone through, and still do, is staggering. I am sorry that it is an ongoing struggle but I know you are working hard to get to a balanced and healthy place, and I am proud of you because of it.
How do we get the suicidal and depressed teen to communicate? What can be said to children, what examples can we set, so that if and when they do feel that way they also feel they can turn to someone.
I know in my own life now I actually do ask very direct questions of friends, in person and online, who I listen to and discern some real deep pain, even if it’s said obtusely. I will straight up ask, ‘are you considering suicide?’ And I have had people tell me yes, they are, or had been. It’s frightening but at the same time it just might have been the question they needed asked of them.
I hope we can talk more about this some day. It’s critical nationwide.
Maybe the answer is to be blunt when asking people about their mental health. Or at least not treat it as something to be ashamed/scared/intimidated of or by.
That seems to work better for me at least. An exmaple is when I decided to get a divorce. I had to have someone tell me that it was okay. That I needed to get out of my abusive marriage. And that I would be okay.
Great article. I think all of the elements go together hand in hand. The brain and eye need to be looked at more if we are going to begin change in our society. I do believe each person is responsible for his or her actions but our society as a whole must start making changes.
Angela, I agree completely.
Hi Marty!
I wrote a blog Monday that talked about my personal reaction to Friday’s events. I didn’t talk about the specific events or try to come up with a solution, because I couldn’t pinpoint a central cause or reason for what happened. And as you pointed out, there isn’t one central cause or reason for what happened. Yes, if you take this napkin apart, you can argue that each issue on its own did not cause the problem and I think many people are not looking at the big picture. Since Friday, many of my friends on Facebook plastered pro-gun and anti-gun posts all over the news feed and it bothered me that they were just focusing on one issue. I am so grateful that your napkin touches on the other issues we all need to address and puts them all in one place for our consideration.
It was the perfect storm. It wasn’t just the gun, the hand, the brain, the eye, or the dollar… it was all 5 working together. I know many people who are living with some form of “mental illness” who would never hurt another soul. I know many responsible gun owners (like my dad) who would never use their weapons to harm innocent people. My husband used to play violent video games (before we had kids and he had free time to zone out in front of the PS2), but lives a peaceful life and is sensitive to real life violence. It’s not just one issue… it was all of them (and then some) that played into the devastating events this past Friday.
The way I see it, if it took all 5 for this massacre to happen, just banning guns or violent media or just focusing on mental health (and so on) will not prevent this from ever happening again. If we want to see any improvement, we have to step back and take a hard look at each issue addressed here. We must be adults about this and acknowledge that we will never all agree or reach the perfect solution. Everyone must do the work, make sacrifices and learn to compromise. I’m willing to do that if it means a better world for my kids.
Terese, I agree with all you say, it isn’t going to be quick or easy to make a societal shift, but I do think we need to move away from violence as entertainment, recreation, focus of news and first emotional response to stress (for some). It does start with us, that is who we can control.
I think this is a very well written, unbiased, and thought provoking article. And the biggest point here is that there is not one easy, “magic” solution to the increase in violence that we have seen recently. Gun control seems like the most logical response, but it alone will not solve the problem. Clearly, it will require a multifaceted approach to end the violence.
Theresa, a societal shift is needed. How long it will take, we can only guess. I know it starts with me, the only one I can truly control.
Marty:
Thank you for an insightful post. Our nation has become desensitized, anesthetized and overly willing to turn a blind eye to what lies at the root of our misery. For looking deep within will cause much discomfort as we begin to change and look at what really causes us to act or not act. True change will come when we are willing to Wake Up, Stand Up and Snap Out of It!
Thanks DeDe, We all like to find the easiest answer, and often times that is the true one. But in our deep emotional and psychological lives it can so often be buried much deeper and the pain of rooting it out is just too much, especially if you try to do it alone. Doing it together is the key.
Theoretically, I agree with with most of what you’ve written. There was a time in my life when I would have advocated for gun control. I wholeheartedly understand the reasoning and the position. If we could ELIMINATE guns (and all weapons used to murder) then I would back your position on gun control. But we can’t eliminate guns. Gun control laws mean that “good” people wouldn’t keep/own them, leaving criminals and military/government officials as the only people who own and use guns. I have a serious problem with that. If you look up gun laws, the states that have most restrictive laws against guns actually have the highest crime rates. If I’m a criminal and I own a gun then breaking into peoples’ homes and stealing, raping, murdering, etc….is easy because I know that I will be armed and they will not. The police don’t protect people. People protect themselves. I can’t protect my family from an armed intruder if I don’t have a weapon. It’s not a position I WANT to take a stand on, it’s a position I feel like I’m forced to take a stand on. I don’t like it.
I have some disagreements with gun control. You knew I would. I grew up with guns in the house …loaded ….my brothers and daddy and grandfathers are/were all hunters…..it is unthinkable to me to not have a gun….. Any serious gun collector or sportsman can and would wait a month or 6 weeks or 6 months to buy a gun… I think a waiting period keeps impulse idiots out. Remember there are very strict gun control laws in both CT and Chicago….and in Chicago…hundreds of children have been killed by gun violence…but you don’t hear about it because its in single incidents….what is Rahm Emanuel doing about gun violence?
I very strongly agree that mental health issues, treatments and laws are widely inadequate….there are no more “nuthouses”… Folks are walking around medicated…if they’re lucky…..we have a lot of folks walking among us that are very unstable…….why can’t we have off duty police officers working security at schools and malls and movie theaters…just like we do at CONCERTS and MAJOR LEAGUE SPORTING EVENTS?….does someone like myself pose a threat because I enjoy shooting guns for sport? I do keep one in my truck because I am a female on the open highway alone….ALL THE TIME…..I think if you were my boyfriend, you would want me to carry….because if I were to have a breakdown in New Orleans…or in the middle of nowhere on I-10….I would be a sitting duck………I stopped in New Orleans East to put the top down on my convertible and had a guy pull in behind me…too close and he got out with his hands up and said…..”hey lady….I’m not going to hurt you, but I will sit here until you get back into your car…and drive off…you have no idea how much danger you’re in in this area”….he was an off duty officer….we will unfortunately never be able to stop gun violence completely….nor any violence…..but we need to be smarter about it…..taking away my weapons….is not the answer…..remember ….the Oklahoma City Bomber used used FERTILIZER to kill all those people……I advocate security staff when there are large crowds…and waiting periods…..and if a collector wants an assault rifle….remember most collectors…will wait for the privilege …..assault rifles are very expensive…..that kid in Connecticut did not buy that gun….if his mother knew he was unstable and I’m quite sure, she did…she should have removed the guns from the house and kept them locked up offsite…she was IRRESPONSIBLE for not doing this…….and I do not trust the government to do the right thing….they cannot make a budget…..and most of them have firearms or armed security staff…….these are my thoughts…..DO YOU HAVE A FIREARM?
xoxo
The old chesnut – a picture’s worth a thousand words – works here (altho I admit I didn’t count the words!)… As evidenced by many of the replies, it seems to me that trying to spell out the connections distracted from the overall effect – which I interpreted as a very powerful comment on a specific subject. There is no single explanation for this – or any – tragedy. But, unless we’re all willing to talk about ALL of the contributors there’s really no way we can expect change – since extremists on both sides of each topic can create a stalemate…. So, maybe I’m wrong – the replies don’t really distract, but open discussion…
Well thought out true points on this tragedy. This sorrowful drama is the impetus we need for gun control in this country which is over due.
Renee, I do hope change is made in gun regulations and enforcement as well as many other areas; education, mental health, community outreach, media decisions about pop culture, etc.
the most recent data suggests that media plays little to no role as a motivator for mass murder. that is not a common denominator rather mental illness, depression etc. is. These are people that think that they are smart, and their intelligence isn’t being recognized Or, they just have severe problems like the young man from sandy hook, couple that with access to assault weapons. It appears to be more about being predisposed, rather than environment.
These are my thoughts.
My parents were both taken from their parents in Poland, when they were teenagers, by the Germans during WWII. Neither of them really would talk about the war! My mom suffered from Mental Illness. She never took meds and all of us just kind of thought it’s ok that’s mom. When she was sad, a man would follow her, so we always made sure she was never alone always involved with people or activities.
I have a teenage son. We talk alot being accountable for your actions! We also talk about our peers, and guilt by association. My heart bleeds for Adam and his parents. If he was bullied in High School, I am not sure why things were not handled differently? If my son is being bullied, I would call the school and if actions were not to my satisfaction I would go to the police.
Gun control, I believe in the 2nd Amendment. I watched the news last pm and a man in California had several guns. I talked to my husband and his response was, “You can never have enough guns.” I thought it was a bit much! We have 3 guns in our house and our son knows how to use them. He was taught proper use. He also plays Xbox shooting zoombies. Do I ever think my son would make the wrong choice? NO, because our son is a reflection of both of us. He makes good grades, plays football and piano. The main point is, our jobs as parents is to be up in our kid’s stuff! I know his friends and where he is at all times.
Adam did try to buy a gun and our gun laws worked they would let him purchase a gun. He found a way around not being able to purchase.If you look at history starting with WWII guns were present but that is not what was used. If you put laws into effect it will not solve the problem.
Bottom line we need to be accountable for our actions. If you do the crime serve the time.
Thanks Barb, I can certainly understand and agree with the belief that we are responsible for our actions in most cases, criminal or otherwise. But, as you mentioned in regards to your mother, there is true mental illness that changes the chemistry and workings of the brain to such a degree that your solid upbringing of your son may not be enough to overcome it. What happens in that case?
I often think bullying is used as an excuse for some people. I went through my school years sometimes being the bully and sometimes being bullied. The vast majority of us boys figured out how to deal with it without resorting to violence. We can’t excuse people their violence because they were given a hard time, as bad and hurtful as it can be. But if you combine a mental illness with being bullied (which is sometimes the reason they are being bullied in the first place), then it becomes a bit more understandable that a reactive sort of attack back would occur.
How to anticipate and help those who are in the middle of that sort of thing is the question.
Marty I took some time looking and processing. I am so devastated by what happen everytime I read or see something I find myself crying. I love this. This moment you created in expression. I like it and thank you for sharing.
Thanks Holly, I understand about the crying. I head tears often over the weekend.
I agree wholeheartedly with your points, but at the moment I find it hard to talk about. I’m “gunned out” in a sense. We got a call last night from a dear friend’s mother saying he was dead- gunshot wound to the head. Still don’t know if it was suicide or homicide. He was my husbands best friend in the world and a huge part of my life, starting the moment I met my husband (he was literally there when we met).
Anyway, I can’t tell you how flattered I am that you reached out for my opinion on this. Although I’m not mentally equipped to go on one of my infamous rants right now, your blog post was healing in a way. Our friend had been struggling with “mental illness” for the past five years or so.
Hope the holidays are treating you a little better! Stay warm, my friend.
Kelci, what horrific news for you and your husband. I can imagine knowing of his mental illness that you probably had fears for a while that something bad might happen. Maybe not a death by gunshot but maybe a disappearance and a accident or a destruction of his parent’s well-being. That is such a terrible burden for those around the person who has major brain issues of one kind or another. I think your quiet words were more effective than a rant this time around! I hope you can enjoy the holidays in spite of your friend’s passing. M
Marty~
My brain and my heart are still reeling from all of this. Thank you for taking the time to think this through… I think one of the most important things your post illustrates is that this problem, OUR PROBLEM, is multi-faceted. We aren’t only talking about guns. We aren’t only talking about mental struggles or illness … there is so much to this.
I will start by agreeing with much of what you had to say… and add a few thoughts. I think we need to stop talking about ‘gun control’ and address ‘gun safety’. The problem isn’t that Americans have a 2nd Amendment right that allows them to purchase and own guns, but that the laws are broad, largely unenforced, and ‘2nd Amendment Right’, in my mind, no longer means what our Forefathers intended. I have no objection to an individual’s right to own and protect themselves with a gun – HOWEVER, I don’t know that anyone will ever be able to convince me that assault weapons and the like should be so readily available and easily obtained. Those aren’t ‘protection’ weaponry unless being used to defend soldiers in war, they are ‘attack’ weapons. Nor do I understand that back-ground checks are not automatic, happening in only roughly 50-60% of purchases.
I can’t begin to wrap my brain around the type of mental dysfunction that one slips within to sink to the depths of last Friday. I readily accept that the conversation about the brain, as you mention, and mental illness needs to be had.
The prevalence of violence masquerading as entertainment is worth talking about, though I hesitate to draw a parallel line. As many of your commenters have mentioned, they enjoy many violent video games and are happy, functioning members of society with no predisposition to live violence. That being said, you won’t find them in my home. Ever. There are simply too many images I don’t think my children (or eventually my pre-teens) need to internalize… but that is my personal perspective.
There is one finger you didn’t point and honestly, it pains me to do so, but I must: The Media. The notoriety these ‘killers’ achieve, even post-mortem, makes them a person you and I will never forget. And though Adam Lanza is gone, he, like Dylan Klebold, like James Holmes, etc have stamped their place in history. The wall-to-wall coverage of the crimes, the picking apart of the individual and EVERYONE who knew them, the propensity for the average person to jump in giving their 2 cents with an ‘I -knew-him-when’.. it is all heart-wrenchingly disturbing.
But you know what we learned this past week? That this particular crime was elevated because of the innocence of the victims – rightfully so, but this horrifies me as I FEAR that via the media, potential copycats are learning that the more pain you cause, the bigger your ‘place’ in the history books. Killing the smallest among us, the most vulnerable, creates a wound, a stain that affects us in a way the death of adults does not. Columbine tore into us, Virginia Tech left us staggering, Aurora, Colorado stunned us, leaving us in tears… and now this? THE BABIES….
I only hope our tears, our heart-ache, motivate us to take the action in every arena necessary. There isn’t ‘one fix’. But after we mourn, after we honor… change is needed….
Danielle, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I completely understand about violence as entertainment. Violence like what we see in video games is something I don’t want myself to be inundated with much less young minds. Having said that, my daughter, who had an eye disorder as a toddler was patched on her strong eye for many hours per day to strengthen the weak eye. One of the best ways to do that was having her play video games, mostly Mario on Nintendo. She became really good at it and now, as an adult, is ‘wipe the floor with you’ good at all the intense war games that are out now. I don’t see her or her husband or friends having any negative violent tendencies as a result. Still…I don’t like paying attention to them or violent movies.
I thought I touched on the media issue in my ‘eye’ section, but maybe I just implied that we watch and respond to the media doing the things you mentioned. Anyway, I do agree it becomes a sort of perverse game of fame for unbalanced minds. I liked Anderson Cooper’s attempt to limit the use of the shooter’s name, but it didn’t last and he is mentioned just as often as they always are.
The thing about the 2nd amendment is it asks for guns to be well-regulated. That is all I ask for as well. A wise, sane, rational and self-preserving set of laws and guidelines that doesn’t infringe on true freedom of protection but does call people think about the consequences of their putting shooting recreation over the safety of the country.
Thanks again for commenting Danielle, I appreciate it.
I believe that every action has a consequence. I am speaking of gun control, people control, gaming control, television content control, etc.
And I am not sure that I disagree with all of the consequences of our comfort level with our violence.
We dislike the bad outcomes and laud the good.
The good may include the fact that we are considered to have the strongest military in the World. That military is all volunteer. We are not afraid to fight back; standing up for ourselves; we understand that conflict resolution sometimes involves violence and we seem to embrace it quite well.
And our military is all volunteer. We willingly make the worlds greatest Navy, Army, Air Force, and Marine Corps.
However, sometimes the same thing that makes one person a great military hero can influence a troubled person to make what we, myself included, consider sick and troubling choices.
If we were the most passive people in the world, someone else would rule us.
The issue is too deep. Any change has more than one consequence or effect.
And, I too like the “Smart Gun” ideas. Our technology has evolved enough that new guns sold to the public could be electronically disarmed in schools, public places, etc. But that still does not resolve all of the possible problems.
Adel, interesting juxtaposition of the good of the military and the troubled individual intent on violence having their roots in the same choices we have made as a country, starting long ago. I will have to explore that a bit more in the future. Thank you.
Agreed. Very well written! Thanks for being a voice of reason and compassion right now, especially in regards to the need for better mental health care across the US.
You’re welcome Annebritt. I hope those in power start paying close attention to all the voices calling for some reasonable solutions.
Marty, I read your take on the Sandy Hook Massacre and it was very interesting. I agree that all those areas are important to the violence happening all over our country. I know many people are so against gun control because they truly believe its the first step to losing our freedom. I don’t understand why we need to sell assault rifles to just anyone? It’s a tricky problem. I do believe we have a huge problem caring for those who have mental problems. If you read ” I am Adam Lanzas Mom” which has gone viral you get an idea what these families are up against. And once these children are adults they are basically lost. We’ve thrown them away. Even this catastrophe won’t drive the government to solve the problems because they are just too complex. Not to mention the power of money. Am I a skeptic? Yes
Gay, I did read and repost the ‘I am Adam Lanza’s Mom’ blog post. I found it so frighteningly honest and raw, it just rang out as a cry for help. Human nature and behavior is so mysterious and frustrating, isn’t it.
Very well put in my opinion. I feel the same and have felt this way for many yrs on all points honestly. My ex has been a gun enthusiasts for many yrs, he owns fully automatic weapons and I ha e asked him for yrs “what is the point? Why do you ha e to ha e those?” His response is always “why not?!?! I’m an American and the law says I can own one” I argue the point just because you can doesn’t mean you Have to. I feel that many Americans have the same view as him. “Why not” I could smoke 8packs a day just because I can…but I do.there is no reason.
What you put in your brain is what you put out. I ha e said this to my children Soooo many times. Violence runs rampant on our t.v.’s in our music, video games, its saddens me that my children are growing up in this. I shield them and monitor them, and counteract all that I can. I am responsible for how my children turn out. The school system doesn’t raise my children, society doesn’t raise them, it Me. I lay the ground work for the type of adults they will be.
I agree Jessie, the parent does lay the groundwork. The one exception is when they do have an actual brain disorder that no one, including the parents, can know in advance or control. Then it isn’t just ‘the parent’s fault’ because something much deeper and harder to figure out is at play.
I am glad you monitor your children, they will be grateful when they are older.
#4a the media, sensationalizing, not having the energy or inclination to elevate the content they feed. These kids just want to make a bigger media splash than the one before.
Interesting idea, and I think it has some validity. It’s a competition in a perverse game, yes?
Marty:
I agree with a lot of what you talk about here. I do believe the money thing makes sense, but for now the focus should be on Gun Control, Mind Set, Brain (mental illness) and as you talked about, I would replace with the money issue “Spirit” –a cultural shift in how we live and how we treat each other (as you did mention). I created the brand “HIPP” (Happy Inspired Passionate Peaceful) because we should all live that way, and not only live our best life, but also bring out and inspire that in others. Thanks for bringing attention to these important matters. I really believe now more than ever, we need to take a stand. I believe this is the highest form of bullying (even thou he has mental illness)–I am sure it will come out that he was bullied, and regardless of what illness he has and losing his mind, his act was bullying of the worst ever possible way. God Bless Newtown!
My only 2 issues – 1. We don’t know what mental illness he may of had (but I almost find it safe to say that anyone who commits these kinds of acts is mentally ill), we do know he had Aspergers. But don’t lump Asperger’s in with mental illness. It’s a Developmental Disorder that in MOST cases, makes people behave SO different than these cases. and 2 – I don’t agree with #1. The same day as the shooting, 22 kids were knived in China. In 2010, there were many cases of knife attacks, including the murder of 8 preschool children. If someone is out to kill, they will. Prime example, Tim McVeigh killed a large number of people with equipment we can still buy at Lowe’s. BUT – what I do have an issue with is this. If we can ban high capacity clips for pistols, as we have, why can’t we do the same for rifles? If someone says it’s for hunting – I offer this suggestion. If it takes you more than 3-4 shots to hit a deer.. and more like 30-40 at a fast pace, you should give up hunting!!!
Very thoughtful, Marty. Humans and society are complex and imperfect. So often we want simple solutions for problems that have multiple and overlapping causes. We cannot just wring our hands or walk away when the issues, such as this one, seem intractable. Getting and keeping an intelligent dialog going – and then implementing possible solutions – have to be done. So thanks for contributing to this dialog!
Is there a reason these 5 items are listed in this order? To me, the most important is #3 (which is of course the most complex.) – and then #1. If we can identify and help those with a mental illness and ensure that they do not have access to guns, especially assault weapons, then we have made progress. Perhaps the gun lobby could spend their lobbying and marketing dollars on mental health care instead. I think #5 – money – is what keeps our society and political system from having the dialog we need to have.
Karin, I just started with the item closest to the action, the gun. Then went back from there. One of the issues I have is that it isn’t ONLY people with alleged mental illness who commit these crimes. And many individual murders are not done by those who are insane or mentally ill. Some have a perfectly fine brain and simply decided they wanted to kill for any number of reasons. What do we do about those people? I think making access to seriously dangerous mass slaughter weapons has to be on the table in that case.
And yes, money is a stopping force to progress in many cases.
I agree with your five elements. Hopefully, our nation’s leaders will take a look at these things to prevent something like this from ever happening again.
J, we can always hope sanity will reign in DC, who knows!
While these are all elements that MAY be factors in case by case incidents, and things we should all be consciously aware of, it seems disjointed to apply this list to one incident, even this one. I do understand where you are going with this: personal responsibility can promote greater change than one law, or one ban, or even pointing the finger to one cause. I appreciate that you’re trying to promote a “bigger picture” way of thinking but in some cases this is far too broad. I think looking toward our future an moral values: yes! Let’s adopt personal responsibility and hold each other accountable, but this is a queer incident that requires attention to the nuts and bolts that we don’t have access to. None of us will ever understand this, the motive, the boy, why, why, why innocent children?? And I don’t think we should bang our heads trying to explain it either. I think we should explore facts with caution, pay attention, certainly train ourselves to be wise, innocent and personally responsible, and be aware: aware of pro’s an cons, aware of possibilities, aware of new solutions, aware of history, and aware of how we affect people around us. Be kind. Be gentle. Be strong. Be wise. Stay informed. That is my take.
Marty, you’ve hit the nail on the head entirely. Love the way you thought this out…and the illustrations are always enticing. Thank you for spelling it out well for Newtown, my town. We are hoping that all of the trucks go home soon and leave us in peace to heal!
Neal, I feel for you and our classmate Marianne. Living in that town gives it an immediacy none of us can feel. But whether we are close or far away the truth is we have the power to move towards a safer and saner world, we really do. We just need to buckle down and fight it out, which I know is ironic, but this is a good fight if we all debate in good faith. We can make progress.
Marty, you’ve done a great job of presenting this as the complex many-faceted issue it is. While these may not be the only things in play, they are definitely a big part of it. So far in the coverage and commentary of what happened, most people ARE trying to make it about one thing, whether it’s gun control, mental health, the education system, prayer in school, freedom, etc. Thank you for making it about more than one thing.
I would add to the money dimension something your brought up in the comments: a big part of the conversation needs to be about where we as individuals, families, and a country are spending our money.M ost importantly, we need to look at where the money is going for gun regulation, policing,and mental health. We need to look at how that money is being spent in a system that is wildly over budget and not very effective. And then we need to figure out how we can change that system to identify and help people like James Holmes and Adam Lamza, help their families help them, and keep them from having the impetus, opportunity, and tools to do something like this again.
More than anything though, let’s remember love. Let’s each go out of our way to be kind to that person who’s hard to get along with at work or school or behind the counter. You never know what other people are dealing with and what impact your actions can have. A shooting happend here just a few weeks ago because a work meeting got heated and someone took it the wrong way. You just never know what can happen. (http://www.khou.com/news/crime/HPD-Suspect-in-Mac-Haik-shooting-met-with-victim-the-day-before-181858061.html)
I agree with your points. Change needs to begin right now! This is so complicated and yet, not all of it is. I don’t see why our country doesn’t put an immediate ban on assault weapons. Our country needs to ‘grow a pair’ and not be so afraid to stand strong. Yes, some people will be angry, some will whine and stamp their collective gun toting foot, but it would be a start and I dare any one of them to argue otherwise if it was their kid who sat in that classroom when the monster walked in and began shooting. It is one (horrifying) thing to watch all this on tv, and I am not trying to minimize that, but it feels very different when it is your kids, your school, your town. It becomes so real and visceral, it hits deep in one’s very soul. On the day of the Columbine killings, I had to pick up my 3 daughters at their schools – all very close to Columbine, all on lock down. Intellectually I knew they were probably safe, but I can still feel the terror of that day in my bones. In the days after, I had to drop them off at their schools in front of armed guards, as soon as I pulled away from the curb I would break down in tears. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that trumps the safety of our children. How can anyone argue that? Can we as a society stand on the perceived right to bear any type of arms,anywhere, anytime, at the expense of our kids?
I think you make great points and provide a comprehensive, but understandable framework for discussion. It made me think of two specific things that trouble me. First, the lack of resources in our schools for young people with severe mental illness. We put children with Individual Educational Plans in one room as if those who suffer from autism, fetal alcohol syndrome, etc. are the same. We need better resources for these children and their families especially when a child displays chronically violent behavior – not because they are rebellious, but because their threshold and ability to deal with frustration is incredibly low. Second, I often lament that while watching family friendly programming, there are extremely violent commercials for television shows and movies that show dead bodies and other images I do not deem appropriate for my child. At any rate, I say ‘bravo’ and keep up the good work!
Marty, very good essay. And yes, it made me think. It occurred to me for example with regard to point 2-what was this mother (rest her soul) doing with an assault rifle in the same home with a troubled son? One who had already threatened violence to his own brother (and I think I have read others including his mother). I would think she would be the last person to have such weapons accessible to his HANDS. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Marty.
Franko, let’s hope some evidence comes forward that explains what happened. It’s very sad that the recreational fun she sought to have with her son going to the gun range was possibly the worst thing she could have done for him. We don’t know, but if it’s the case, how sad for everyone.
The only problem I see in your argument as it relates to the shootings is that because Lanza killed himself, he won’t be held responsible. The Columbine shooters killed themselves, he killed himself – are kids learning to take responsibility for their actions, or to take the “easy” way out?
That is a very frustrating aspect to any murder/suicide situation. It always makes me angry that the killer is gone. But I have thought about it recently and besides the obvious good side to the killer being deceased, not being able to murder more, there is the other aspect of imagining his own realization of what he has done. There has to be some recognition of that or else why kill oneself? I don’t know what a murderer would think in those last moments but I can imagine he could be seeing it as him executing himself for the crimes committed. Who knows.
I hear what you saying on mental illness. Nature vs. nurture and I agree. I just have relatives that are autistic and I can’t even imagine them doing something like what happened. On the other hand, I have seen people that are bi polar and schizophrenic and OFF their medications and wonder what they could be capable of.
I think your thinking is correct, there are many facets to the terrible tragedy. I think the brain is a bit more of a complex piece to it all. If you’re mentally ill, but appearing well enough to function in society, and can premeditate and plan something like this which is not apparent to others that’s a pretty scary thing. People around “odd” folks don’t usually fathom something as terrible as this could happen. Other mentally ill people that are quick to rage and act impulsively are scary as well, but wouldn’t necessarily carry out an act such as what happened in Sandy Hook. I think anyone that knows someone with prolonged underlying anger should encourage them to get it figured out. I think there is no place for assault weapons and people that are fixated on obtaining many guns would appear to be at risk for this type of thinking. I personally wouldn’t own a gun because I’d be afraid if I was pissed off enough I might use it, and in my angered thoughts I might make a wrong decision – or it would be taken from me and used against me – I really don’t like guns anyway. Ironically, after this sort of massacre happens, I’ve read that gun sales actually go up. I don’t know what people need to go through to get a gun but it seems like there should be better filters in place, and training and how to secure the weapons from other people getting their hands on them. These guns were in his mother’s name, how did he get to them so easily? I wonder if she would have fathomed this could’ve happened? There’s still alot of unanswered questions for me to make better sense of it.
Very good points Lisa, it is scary to think about how many guns some people have just because they can have them.
The ironic and sad thing is the majority of people who are mentally ill are more likely to be the victim of violence, not the perpetrator of it. But, like you said, the brain is a complex glob of jelly and it is hard to know what is and what is not a dangerous thought process and when it is happening. So much still to learn.
I can’t agree with all of these more. I cannot believe how violent movies have become. The more we see of this crazy behavior on the big screen, TV and video games, the more the mentally ill will be desensitized to it, or at least be prompted with the glamour of it all.
Nice napkin. Does it absorb blood? Not well enough.
Well done Marty. I think it’s important that you added #4. What we consume has an impact on who we are, be drug and alcohol, violence and pornography or just mean spirited gossip. What we consume and how we choose to live our lives matters.
Jeff, having indulged in alcohol, drugs, and porn over the course of my life, I do know exactly what you mean. As those things left my life my life changed for the better, no doubt. What we put in is what we become. What we practice is what we become as well.
In my opinion, “the bad guys” will always be armed with guns and weapons. They will get them illegally. Stripping the good people of ways to protect themselves is wrong. It would be nice to think that police can protect everyone and every time, but that is a fantasy. I believe it boils down to the way people treat each other. Ignore your kid, let them stay in a room alone playing violent games, and a computer as a babysitter, eventually it has to take it’s toll. We have lost eye contact, touch and feeling with one another. We see so much violence on TV it’s almost easy to not even flinch anymore when you see it. We expect it, it’s like working in an emergency room. Eventually you block it out and do your job. When I see these horrible things happen in the world I think about the way we treat animals. Look at a puppy, if you treat it with love and pay attention to it, it’s a good dog. If you ignore it, treat is badly you get a mean dog. Right now we have made it where we are too busy to talk, spend time with and raise our kids…then we wonder what snapped? We like to call it “mental illness” to cope. Sure anyone can “lose it” if they are put in those conditions. Look at the studies done in prisons and hospitals. Almost every time you hear of something like this…neighbors say…they were nice, never bugged anyone, kept to themselves. Keeping to yourself is not normal. We were put on this earth to love God and each other.
Anon, there is some truth to what you say, but I think it is wrong to think of ‘mental health’ as an excuse and to cope. There is overwhelming evidence in neuroscience that actual physical, chemical and electrical things change within the brain in many cases of mental illness. That is why I like to focus on it being a brain disorder, just like any other part of the body. It’s not just the abstract and amorphous ‘mind’ as often as we might thing.
Pam Schueler Patterson
I cry every time I read something about this terrible act. We own guns, but we do feel assault weapons do not belong in the hands of the general public, I also agree we need better and more accessable and reasonably priced mental health care.
I can’t agree with several of your points.
I can agree that this is a multifaceted problem that defies easy solutions. It will take long term work before we see real change. Since we as a society can’t wait for that real change, we’re likely to settle for short term patches.
I think in some ways it’s always going to be a patch, since new technology, new ideas, new weapons, new environments come into being continually. But it does take us realistically thinking through what is necessary and prudent to enact in the here and now. I hope that includes a number of my points.
Very nice, Marty! It may not be all that is/was involved, but you’ve condensed many thoughts that need to be discussed/changed.
Thanks Deb, It is indeed such an overwhelming societal issue that there is never going to be a final, ultimate solution. But we can make progress.
Great graphic/article. I totally agree with every one of those points being part of the problem.
The only thing missing is HEART. Every one of these shooters was hurting. All of these shooters where kids who were isolated from society, family and peers. This kid, the boys in Columbine, the Aurora theater killer were all bullied to the point of murder, quite literally. We must do better at recognizing and helping these children BEFORE they grow up to be rage-filled assassins.
As for the guns….it’s such a loaded (har har) topic. My father was a law-enforcement officer who was murdered when I was sixteen. I hate guns. I would love nothing more than to live in a society where there were no guns. I think they serve NO purpose other than to kill. Hunters can use bows and arrows. Now, strangely enough I happen to be married to a very liberal gun-nut. He used to hunt when he lived in Alaska for 16 years (before he married a vegetarian) and he enjoys target practice and loading his own ammo. He even owns an automatic weapon because it’s “fun to shoot.” As you can imagine, we have had some very spirited conversations the past few evenings. The thing about most gun-nuts is that they believe strongly that it is their second-amendment right to own guns. And, in fact, to own guns equal to what our militia has. I have heard from more than one conservative gun owner in my life (I grew up in S. Idaho…) that “in the event that our government turns on us, we must be able to protect ourselves with the same weapons they will use on us.” Yeah. So there’s that mindset. Also, as you know, if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. They WILL. NOT. turn in their guns to our government, no matter what laws are passed. All that would do is drive those people further into hiding and feed their paranoia.
This is America. We will never get rid of guns entirely. But I think we can all agree that we must improve the way we educate people about guns, and how we track/license guns.
Great job, Marty. Let’s keep the conversation going in this country; we can’t forget, and we must put our politcal differences aside to work together.
Kate
Kate, I think the whole idea that we as private citizens can be as armed as our military is a reach. The military have drones, tanks, bombs, an air force, specialized training, etc. We as private citizens may have guns equal to what a private has, but there is no way we can match the US Military so to use that argument seems a bit hollow.
The ‘fun to shoot’ issue to me is pretty sad because it’s simple recreation, not protection. And is that freedom to have that recreation really worth the societal costs of those weapons being so available? I would hope those recreational gun users would decide no, it’s not.
There are so many elements, and these are certainly some of them. Can we ever fully know what weight each of these plays in a tragedy such as this? I don’t know.
I have a hard time, personally, when we start to compare ourselves to other countries, as many times it is to sensationalize what the US is in comparison to other countries, used to prove a point. My best friend spent 5 years in Japan and had almost daily stops on the subway because another person had jumped in front of a train and killed themselves. She was there when a boy went in a school and beheaded 3 kids and put their heads on stakes outside the school.
I guess my whole point is to say we have more than a national problem here, we have global issues. Certainly some national policies need to be changed, but the world needs change as well. There is evil in the world, and it always finds a way to manifest itself. It breaks our hearts to see what evil can do.
Sara, thanks for the comments. We do have global issues, but can we not look at other governments and see how effectively they deal with an issue and learn from it, adapt the ideas to our own needs? The other question I have is where do we have control? We might have a global issue, but we can control our government (barely) not other governments. So we still, in spite of how international the issues are, have to deal with it here as best we can, right?
I am not sure about evil beyond saying it as an abstract idea. I never see where we can go when something specific is labeled evil.
I agree that these five elements make a good place to start talking. The biggest problem is that there is no answer in situations like this. What works for one person may not for another. We assume that everyone is like “us” and some people just flat-out are not. We want to place the blame somewhere specific but it was all of these things, and more, that provoked such a dramatic wrong to happen.
But Naomi, we aren’t going to give in to it being hopeless are we? If we aren’t, then we have to struggle to find some sort of common ground. We also have to have the guts to fight for what we think is sane and rational in all those areas and if others don’t agree, we still have to fight in congress, state houses, courts, etc. and hope we win the day.
I agree with what you have said, although I do believe you are too kind to the big-money interests at the heart of the problem. In a society that is increasingly lopsided financially — and in which money equals power — the gun manufacturers, sellers, and lobbyists are not just amassing an unimaginable fortune, but are doing so by exploiting the powerlessness of an increasingly disenfranchised population to whom they promise a sense of power and virility through guns. There are something like 300 million privately owned guns in America. More than 10,000 people are murdered with them every single year. And no one knows how many animals are “plinked” by assault rifles just for fun. Of course, a mass school shooting at the hands of a lunatic is utterly horrifying, yet it represents an infinitely tiny percentage of the total number of people (and animals) who are murdered by gun-owners every single day in the United States. And while I personally consider any person who kills with a gun to be a lunatic, only an extremely tiny number of them actually have brain disorders. Yes, we need to regulate guns. Yes we need to treat mental illness. But we need to stop acting as though the problem lies with a few deranged people. Our society at large is a violent powder keg that continues to become more angry and more divided. Who’s going to go out there and take the assault weapons and ammo away? All the mental health counseling in the world won’t stop those pissed-off gun freaks. Just saying.
I don’t offer a solution because right now I don’t think there is one. That doesn’t mean we don’t have to act. We do. But we can’t kid ourselves about the depth of the problem.
Liz, we have to take some steps, even if they are small.
I agree with it all… But as a concealed carrier myself I have to disagree with stripping ourselves of guns. I believe there should be a huge mental health evaluation for those that are purchasing weapons and I also feel we should create weapons that cannot be used but by the person that buys them… Like a finger print reader thing. It’s hard because I do agree guns are a problem it’s just a problem of how they are “cool”
I also feel it would be smart to have paid veterans or officers to be in public places… We have so many unemployed veterans that could stand ground and look like a normal person in schools so our children don’t get frightened.
I agree with Alicia. Unfortunately I have been in two situations with guns and am thankful to have walked away from both (The guns they had were not obtained legally). I want the right to protect my family and home, however I will be praying that I never have to use them.
I love the idea of a “smart gun” that can identify the user and only operate for the owner.
I do agree that what you “feed and fill” your mind and soul with molds who you become. You have made some great points.
The smart gun idea is brilliant, I like it as well.
Alicia, the issue I have with the paid veterans idea is that so many who are against any form of gun regulation would also be against higher taxes in any form to pay for those guards, or to pay for extra mental health evaluations. How do we get around that? Who is willing to pay to put more safety personnel and mental health personnel on staff?
Smart guns are a great possible solution to some of the problem, no doubt.
What I would like to know is why the Canadians, who also have access to firearms and violent video games do not have the same issues we do? I listen to heavy metal, industrial, and play violent, bloody, gory games on my home consoles, and I don’t have the urge to go out and murder a preschool class. There’s something missing here.
Good question. Canadians, what do you think?
Canadians-they have strict gun control. That is the main difference between US and other modern countries. MAny of them have a large number of guns owned by citizens but they are strictly controlled for hunting ususally. There are other differences like the US violent cultural problem, seeing killing people as a solution. Bob Costas speaking out about this in the sports arena was BIG. Then there are killing for political reasons like capital punishment. US is only country still doing this. And then of course, the US government killing people in many countries with drones and soldiers does not set a good example. It really cuts into Obama’s moral leadership credibility big time. He feels free to wage wars killing many innocent people.
I disagree with #4. My husband plays violent video games on the PS3 and the man has never held a gun in his life. I listen to so called “bad” music and I’m a contributing member of society.
Overall, i agree with the nuts and bolts of your post though. Its a combination of things that need to change.
Lisa, I agree that it’s not the existence of those games that are the problem, my adult Neuroscientist daughter is a huge violent video game player actually. But their proliferation, especially among very young boys who can be inundated by the violence can be a problem in my mind. I also was trying to address the larger issue of the base, crass, mean, and hurtful visual onslaught we face in general. It’s troubling to me how much of it there is.
I think there is a huge difference between a video game that lets you play out a fantasy of being a Rambo-style bad-ass in virtual reality, and a weapon–in this case a Bushmaster “assault” weapon–that is explicitly marketed to that fantasy while at the same time putting the capability to carry it out in reality into your hands. The present case is a perfect example of how slippery that slope is. The Mom was a gun lover who, presumably, just wanted to have one of these bad-ass babies for fun at the weekend shooting range. Perhaps trying to raise a difficult child and define a new life for herself after her divorce, her need to be a fantasy bad-ass needed a little expression. But it was her own strange, alienated and needy son who became the bad-ass who took it out in public to put it to the use for which it was so superbly well-designed.
DrBB, I think that is a big part of my problem, is these guns are used for recreation, but is the need for that recreation so important that the safety of our communities is so terribly compromised. My opinion is it’s not worth it.