Unsuccessful Milking

Last we saw the bodyless Ghirl Ghosts they were learning how to milk cows after their food fight in the ski chalet.  The milking didn’t go too well since they have no hands.  They either had to use their mouths, which they thought was gross, or bump heads with a cow’s teat in between, which was also not very successful because they slipped off the teat and hit each other’s head each time.  Even ghosts don’t like getting head butted.

What They Shop For

But what Ghirl Ghosts do like to do is go hat shopping.  Since they don’t have bodies it’s really not fun to go clothes shopping. They like to go to clothing stores, but just to watch people change clothes and then pull pranks on them.  They especially like stealing men’s underwear and women’s bras in their changing rooms and then laugh as they have to walk out with too much ‘information’ showing and bouncing. But they also get depressed because they can’t try on the clothes.

The Bodyless Body Image issue

Eight of the ghirls ghosts went back to the hotel to take naps. Two of them had head colds as well, which is the only kind of colds bodyless ghosts actually ever get.  The other seven decided to check out ‘Not Topless’, the cute little hat boutique in Wolla Tompo, the ski resort where they were staying.   Penelope, the leader of the Ghirl Ghosts tried on two hats, one of which was cute and wavy-like, while the other was a boy’s top hat. She liked it but the other girls laughed at her, saying she looked like a boy ghost. She had always hated when people told her that she looked like a boy when she was not a ghost and had a body, mostly because she was thin and didn’t have any hips or boobs to speak of.  She used to wear a lot of make up, especially false eyelashes and bright orange lipstick to make sure everyone didn’t think she was a boy. So now, even though she only had a head, it made her feel bad and she started crying.  

Sharita told her to get over it, that they all had something that bugged them about themselves. She herself was always told she was a slut, all because she had a lot of curves and walked so the curves kept curving.  Now that she didn’t have a body she never got called that but she still felt that the other girl ghosts thought of her that way.  Sharita started crying too. Ethel, the one who started the food fight earlier, and still had some applesauce stuck on her forehead, told how when she had a body it didn’t work and she hated it.  Sharita asked between sobs what that meant.  Ethel said she had been in a unicycle accident and had become paralyzed from the belly button down. She said that she didn’t have any sensation below that and never had sex or an orgasm or anything like that in her whole life. She started to cry.

The Lonely Saleswoman

So now there were 3 bodyless ghirl ghosts crying while trying on hats.  The other four started to cry hearing those stories and they all apologized to each other for being insensitive.  The saleswoman, who wasn’t a ghost and did have a body and had been on her feet for 12 hours started crying as well.  All the ghirl ghosts went over to her and nuzzled her (they can’t hug so they nuzzle), telling her they were sorry and that they would buy the hats and go. The saleswoman said she didn’t want them to go because she had no friends and was very lonely. She wasn’t crying because her feet hurt and that she was tired but that seeing them all have fun and cry together made her feel even more alone.  She said she had all sorts of body and head issues and no one to talk to about them.

The Ghirl Ghosts told her to close up the shop and then they went in back and listened to her tell all her stories.  They all cried together and had the best time.

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Drawing and short short story by Marty Coleman, who loves hats on women. 

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