It’s not complicated – today is day #1 of Compliments Week at the NDD.
Complimenting Cleavage – An Embarrassing Story
This past weekend I went to an art gallery opening. My wife Linda was out of town so I was solo. The gallery was filled with well dressed, glamourous people. I saw a friend and we were talking about my napkins, which she said she loved getting every day. She is well known and so she was constantly seeing and greeting new people as they came by. I waited patiently for a respite to continue the conversation when I noticed a woman next to me also waiting to speak to this woman. She had on a very intricate lace top with little colored things woven in. Under it was a plain black camisole. She also had on an elegant necklace that went to mid-chest. Her hair framed the necklace and the lace top very nicely.
I noticed all this in a split second, turned to her and said, with a hand gesture, “I love your top!” Just as I said it realized, along with all those other things I just mentioned, that she had a very pronounced cleavage. Large breasts, low top. My choice of words suddenly didn’t seem the best. She looked at me like I had just said the most awkward thing I could have possibly said, and I had. I did my best to recover, doing another circle of my hand and saying, “It all works great; the lace, necklace, hair, very nice”. I then introduced myself, and we both turned our attention back to our mutual friend. I saw her on and off the rest of the night at that opening and a number of other ones on the same street. I had the distinct impression she was hopeful I would not come up and talk to her again.
The Complimenter
I am a complimenter. It can be interpreted as a come on, an insincere flattery, an over the top rambling, or any number of other things. But I don’t care because I know this truth; If I don’t say it, pretty soon I won’t think it. And if I don’t think it, I won’t notice it and if I don’t notice it the world will be incredibly dull, boring, grey, relentlessly serious, depressing, futile and ugly for me. I don’t want that and so I notice what I love in the world. I think about what I love in the world and I say what I love in the world. Sometimes it backfires and I am embarrassed but I would rather suffer that then live in a world where I can’t speak of the beauty I see.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who does indeed love beautiful eyebrows.
Quote by Oscar Wilde, who loved beauty
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Historical question of the day
Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Come back tomorrow to find the answer
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I think complimenting a woman is tricky for a guy. A compliment on physical appearance can just reinforce the idea that her value to a man is as a sexual object (even if it is not a ‘sexual’ comment). I would value an interaction where a guy asked my opinion on something much more than one where he said he liked my shoes/eyebrows/etc.
I’m not saying don’t compliment, but “you have a very confident air about you” is a waaay better and more useful compliment to a woman than “nice necklace, it brings out your eyes” The first might actually build up the woman’s confidence, while the second (though well intentioned) still reminds her that she is and always will be judged by her looks.
I agree, if one has time to learn that about a person. But sometimes it’s obvious someone has made an effort to style themselves in what I consider a cool way, I think a compliment about that styling can be of value to that person. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be looking for all the non-physical ways I find them praise worthy. I should be looking for that too.
I like when someone notices a hat I wear and compliments me on it. But I also like when they compliment my coaching ability or my creativity or some other element. All those areas mean something to me and I appreciate the compliments.
i too compliment-for all those reasons and more: may be the only compliment one gets all day (or longer) and the radiating joy is worth the less than ten seconds it took to engage with that individual. Keep it up, Marty, the world needs beauty and it must be pointed out regularly I believe.