The Last Drink With The Monkey
Twenty years ago today (5/29/93) I had my last drink of alcohol. I stopped but much damage had been done. As a matter of fact, my divorce 7 years after I quit can, in no small part, be attributed to my excesses while I was drinking. I had gotten the monkey off my back, but the circus he was part of did not depart. It lingered and reared it’s ugly head years later. This was not simply due to my past sins being exposed (which they were). It was also due to my having gotten used to living with a monkey on my back. Having gotten used to hiding that monkey, and the circus he was part of, from others. Even after the monkey was off my back, I still acted as if I had something to hide. I still liked getting away with things. That really was the flaw that led to my divorce if you ask me.
The Secret Circus
It took me many years to unravel that that was what was happening. It’s not something that is permanently unraveled because new situations and events arise that can bring the circus back out at any time. But they are minimal now because I see the tangles starting to wrap around earlier and take steps to avoid them. But most of all I expose them to myself and to my wife. The progress in confronting, and then avoiding, these tangles is one of the main reasons that my second marriage is becoming better instead of foundering. My wife and I both trust that we can point to a tangle and say ‘I am dealing with this, will you help me?’ and we will be helped.
Circuses and the monkeys that inhabit them have far less power when they are exposed.
_______________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by George Carlin
_______________
Marty I am so proud of you. Congratulations on your “birthday”. Twenty years is an amazing achievement. I hope that you and Linda celebrate in style. Sparkle On, dear friend.
Bea Ampersand
Thanks Bea! Yes, Linda and I went out and partied late, I got so drun….oh wait…that’s not true!
It’s great that you came to realize your demons and have continued to fight them. Happy anniversary and may you continue to keep the monkey off your back and be able to give and accept help as needed.
Thanks Larry, I do my best to always look for ways to help others who struggle, with alcohol or anything else.
I admire you, Marty – not just for your success in this battle, but for your perspective on many things. So, I feel completely comfortable bringing up a slightly converse approach (only slightly!) — the fact that sometimes the monkey can be a good pet; and it’s just the circus that needs to pack up and hit the road! As you’re saying, sometimes, what appears to be the real issue isn’t… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cleaned up the surface, just to find that really didn’t improve the whole. Even tho I said I was comfortable bringing this up, I guess I still have to say I hope I haven’t given anyone the impression that I’m minimizing or justifying addictions. Keep up the great work, Marty!
Dave, I do know what you mean. After I had been sober for many years my first wife and I read a book about adult children of alcoholics (my parents had the problem as well) and discovered that you can have all the family symptoms of alcoholism even if all the parties have been sober for quite sometime. The drinking creates a world of lying, secrecy, and other issues (the circus) that needs to be addressed before there is true healing. I didn’t take it as minimizing, no worries.
My grandson, who has been living with off and on since we’ve been married. He keeps telling us he’s dry and not taking drugs, but he delights in getting by with things. We’ve tried to find places for him to sstay, but iy doessn’t work out because of drugs. My glasses need changing, as I see double, and with trifocals, I see 6 of things. He
s s taken some of my most prised posesssions and plam]]es it on people wjo wewe in the hojse. He’s badk with girlfriend who had turned her life aroundHe had a mentor at church, but a frienjd told him we were just truijg to get hij I just hope she is interesing enough in him I’m back to being depressed, except when I’m trying to draw or ;aint Sorru to ge venting, but your blog hit the nail on the head. I havae Erythemia nodosum, an autoimmune disease, that is suppose to go awsay in six weels, but this keeps coming back. Sorry for the vent. You say something every day that really helps me see what’s going on.
Eyrline, I feel for you. You have had many things hit you square between the eyes and It would be hard for anyone not to be depressed. You know the antidote though and that is to create your art. That is your avenue out.
You are right about creating art to fight depression. When I’m not too depressed to get out of bed, I go to the piano at night, shut my eyes and improvise on tunes. I’ve also started drawing, which is fun and no stress attached. If something looks good, people are surprised. If not, no one pays attention. Writing is another passion. I’m an Intern for classes at Writer’s Village University, and am studying my family history, to write a book, if only for the family. And, just for fun, I like to write flash fiction.Most of all, I’m back at church on the organ bench playing for services, a sixty something years habit.
I really admire you Marty, from afar (I don’t want to know about your personal circus lol). You seem to be someone who can channel your angels and your demons. I’ve stopped my alcohol addiction for years at a time but when the going got rougher than I could ever imagine (stroke, not the death that actually woke me up), I fell back into the circus. It’s hard to face when there’s so much other drama and dysfunction around to blame. If there’s any lemonade I’ve made from the orchard of lemons in my recent past, it’s that at least now I have the time and space to take care of myself.
Julie, all you can do is move forward with that goal, all the starts and stops of addiction, habits, blame, etc. are simply prologue to this moment. Chapter one starts now.