identifying your identity

 

What We All Have Heard

It’s common to hear someone say, ‘You just need to be yourself.’   Our maybe you have heard someone say, ‘I lost my identity in my marriage.’  Perhaps someone has said to you, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore.’  The answer to all these dilemmas is often thought to be a turning inward, getting away from other influences, to ‘find yourself.’  

Inward and Outward

But how is that really possible?  What is actually going to happen when you turn inward? Are you going to find self-satisfaction in your spleen, liberation in your liver?  No, you are actually going to think back.  Think back to things you used to do, attitudes and beliefs you used to have.  You are also going to think back to the desires you used to have about what you want to be in the future.  Maybe you have dreamt of being fit and muscular like you were when you were 25. Maybe you dreamt of learning to play piano when you were 15 and never did and now the idea has come back.  Maybe you have always wanted to be an artist since you were a little kid.  Maybe you want to be the loving, kind person you were when you lived with your grandfather that year when you were 10.

People, Places and Things

In each of those cases there are people, images, ideas, places, you have within those dreams. They are the concrete things you identify with (even if subconsciously) when you think of these ideals and hopes. They are connected to something outside yourself.

Perhaps the piano is connected to hearing your older sister play beautiful Christmas songs every winter.  Maybe the fitness is connected to the happiness, health and the pride you had in how your body looked and felt at age 25.  Possibly the art is connected to your love of beautiful museums your mother took you to on vacations.  And there is no doubt the love and kindness is connected to how greatly you admired your grandfather as he lived out his days.

Becoming You in the World

Our identity is not truly, completely from within.  It is when we identify with the world around us, when we reach out into the world and say ‘I want to aspire to that’ that we can see our identity start to form.  When we pursue those things and make them our own; practicing, refining, believing, sharing, that is when it becomes us. And that is when we, and others, can identify our identity.

Who do you want to be and where did that come from?

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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman

Quote is anonymous

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