What We All Have Heard
It’s common to hear someone say, ‘You just need to be yourself.’ Our maybe you have heard someone say, ‘I lost my identity in my marriage.’ Perhaps someone has said to you, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore.’ The answer to all these dilemmas is often thought to be a turning inward, getting away from other influences, to ‘find yourself.’
Inward and Outward
But how is that really possible? What is actually going to happen when you turn inward? Are you going to find self-satisfaction in your spleen, liberation in your liver? No, you are actually going to think back. Think back to things you used to do, attitudes and beliefs you used to have. You are also going to think back to the desires you used to have about what you want to be in the future. Maybe you have dreamt of being fit and muscular like you were when you were 25. Maybe you dreamt of learning to play piano when you were 15 and never did and now the idea has come back. Maybe you have always wanted to be an artist since you were a little kid. Maybe you want to be the loving, kind person you were when you lived with your grandfather that year when you were 10.
People, Places and Things
In each of those cases there are people, images, ideas, places, you have within those dreams. They are the concrete things you identify with (even if subconsciously) when you think of these ideals and hopes. They are connected to something outside yourself.
Perhaps the piano is connected to hearing your older sister play beautiful Christmas songs every winter. Maybe the fitness is connected to the happiness, health and the pride you had in how your body looked and felt at age 25. Possibly the art is connected to your love of beautiful museums your mother took you to on vacations. And there is no doubt the love and kindness is connected to how greatly you admired your grandfather as he lived out his days.
Becoming You in the World
Our identity is not truly, completely from within. It is when we identify with the world around us, when we reach out into the world and say ‘I want to aspire to that’ that we can see our identity start to form. When we pursue those things and make them our own; practicing, refining, believing, sharing, that is when it becomes us. And that is when we, and others, can identify our identity.
Who do you want to be and where did that come from?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous
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I’ve always wanted to make my mark–to be famous. But as I’ve grown older, I realize that fame is a tool, not a state of being. Fame can be used to expose injustices, to bring needs to light. Fame can be used to change the world.
I had the privilege of working with Sean Penn in Haiti in 2010, and seeing first hand how fame can be used to do a tremendous amount of good. I was there as part of the Clinton Global Initiative, and again, was impressed with how Bill Clinton used his fame to bring attention and funds to help the people of Haiti.
I’m late in the game, but over the next half of my life, I want to make my mark. I don’t know how I will be doing it, but I think I’m finally on the right track. I want to save lives. I want to change the world.
Crystal, I think you will make it happen, I have no doubt. It all depends on using whatever leverage you have. Fame leverage is really about two things, first, who either knows you, feels they know you or wants to know you and second, who wants to be associated with you. We almost all of us have some people in both those camps, even if you aren’t famous in the classic sense. So, while you become famous, how do you use the fame leverage you already have to do the good you want to do?
Marty,
Currently by volunteering, writing, speaking, communicating however I can. As I continue to do this, doors continue to open just a little wider. I can’t sit still, I can’t slow down if I want to accomplish anything. I’m riding white water rapids, steering when I can, but mostly seeing where they will take me.
That is exactly how to do it, sounds like you are on the right track. Passion and drive, your will to make it happen, is what will make it happen. I am proud of your focused effort!