Is is weird to be happy that today is day #1 of my new ‘Pain and Suffering’ series?

Friends in Pain

Recently I posted the following on my Facebook profile. 

“Recently I have talked to 4 friends in pain over relationships and where they are in life. I don’t like seeing my friends in pain but I love knowing them well enough to know that they can get through it. Pain isn’t forever, even if it feels that way.”

Many people ‘liked’ the post. I went through the list of those who liked it and found six more who I personally have talked to in the past few years about the pain they have suffered in relationships or some other aspect of their life. And those are just the ones I talked to directly. I suspect many who liked it have also gone through a lot of pain, I just don’t know the specifics.  Then again, when I think about it, how many of us haven’t gone through pain in our relationships?

Out of the 10 I have talked to personally, 6 have gone through or are going through a divorce.  Of the other 4, they either broke up with long term boyfriends or girlfriends or are contemplating doing so, or they were not on good speaking terms with their spouse last I talked to them.  Many of them have other painful issues they are dealing with as well.  Who knows about the others, but I suspect there was a lot of pain in all those ‘likes’.

Imagined Future

I went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage.  It was painful. One of the things that hurt the most was the loss of an imagined future.  Not one I planned in advance, but one I realized was gone once the divorce hit.  People would say,  ‘but you will have a new future and who knows, it might be even better.’ I didn’t really want to hear that because at first I couldn’t imagine it was true. 

But it was true.  I am in that new future now and it has many things in it that I could not have imagined back then.  Not all of this future is perfect, of course not. But it is filled with love and value and meaning and support and creativity and purpose.  I am not sure I could ask for much more than that, right?  Could you?

How the Future

How did this future come to pass? Well, eventually I had to allow the past to be on it’s own. I had to say goodbye to it as a constant companion because it didn’t want me looking at a new future. It wanted me to only look at it. The past was a jealous mistress and I had to divorce myself from it as well.  That doesn’t mean I don’t visit the past. I love much of my past. but just as I don’t sleep with my ex anymore, I don’t sleep with my past either.  I have a new wife I sleep with and a new present and future that accompanies her.

What that means is I made room for discovering a new understanding of my life and my future.  If you are willing to do that, you can discover something new and wonderful as well. 

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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman

Quote by Khalil Gibran, 1883-1931, Lebanese born poet

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