Not Hate
We often hear about the terrible domestic tragedy where a wife is slaughtered by a hate-filled spouse. It happens way, way too often (once is too often). At least one of that couple had a deep deep hatred for the other. It was a hatred harsh and bitter enough to lead someone to murder. It always astounds me to imagine someone actually doing that, but it happens all the time.
Not Anything
But while those violent acts get the attention, the vast majority of relationships that break up don’t end in hatred and violence in the long term. They end in indifference. The end with a ‘meh’. When we cease to love someone what usually happens is we jettison the feeling. We temporarily have other feelings, including hate, for the person we are breaking up with. But long term we end up shutting down the love and replacing with nothing. No feelings, no emotions, no travails. That is why people say it is hard to love again, because they’ve hardened themselves with indifference.
Outside of a Relationship
The danger isn’t that we reel in a bit after a relationship. It’s that we may reel in all our feelings for everything. For our neighbors, our friends, and our city. For our society, for our culture, for nation. We just don’t care much anymore because caring, and the loving that comes from that caring, is too hard a task. It has too many dangers, too many risks.
Cocoon
As a result we stay in a cocoon of protection. At least it seems like we are protected. But in truth we endanger ourselves. Just like the person who thinks if they do no physical exercise then they won’t get an injury. That is likely true, they wont get an injury. But they will atrophy. And guaranteed atrophy is much more dangerous than a possible injury.
Watch out for wrapping your love into too big of a cocoon. We all have been hurt, but those who heal and go back out onto the field are the ones who will keep their strength, and their love, strong.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Elie Wiesel, 1928 – not dead yet, Jewish writer and activist. Holocaust survivor
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