Intention vs Reality

I had a completely different quote in mind this morning when I went into my studio to draw.  But I saw a scary looking eye in the napkin pattern and drew the eye. That led to a fish, which led to a number of other fish, which led to them looking like they were about to attack something or someone which led to a woman on a beach covered in wounds and scars.

I didn’t intend it, much like the many things we say and do that hurt people. There is a scene in this past year’s Oscar winner for best picture, Birdman, that illustrates this perfectly.  The main character is freaking out about the possibility of being humiliated by the press and the public if the play he is directing and acting in (as well as having written) turns out to suck. He asks another character, a woman he is sleeping with, “Aren’t you worried about being humiliated?”  She says in response, “It won’t be the first time I’ve been humiliated.”  He says, “Of course it won’t be.”

She stares at him and says, “You’re an asshole.” She walks out and he is left completely baffled, having no idea why she said that or why she is mad.

He is baffled because he had no intention to hurt her feelings. But her feelings were hurt nonetheless. It was an imagined hurt that led to a real wound. He later realizes that what he said hurt her feelings and apologizes to her. He doesn’t apologize because he intended to hurt her and he is now sorry. He apologizes because he realizes it doesn’t matter if he intended to hurt her. What matters is the effect of his words hurt her.

Dangers all Around

There are dangers in life, real scary dangers.  Some we can see coming, like the severe weather we have here in Oklahoma. Some we don’t ever see coming, like an earthquake in California.  And some we understand as part of the risk of everyday life, like driving a huge hunk of metal down a road, flying in a giant tube in the sky, or being in a relationship with another human.  Those are real and wounds from them going wrong can be real wounds.

 There is enough danger in reality, no help comes from adding imagined danger to the things that wound you.

This and all other napkins are for sale as originals or as prints.  Coming soon The Napkin will be a secure ecommerce site and you will be able to buy direct. In the meanwhile, please email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.

Quote, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman © 2015