Purchase the Original Drawing | Print | Print Series (5)

Your Weight

How much does your soul weigh? Your personality? How about your character?  Does your Passion weigh anything? What about your intelligence, how heavy is that?  Have you ever had your sense of humor weighed at the Doctor’s office?  Is there a spot on the medical chart for the weight of your love, commitment, insight, compassion, mercy, tenderness, diligence, patience, opinions, wisdom, spirituality?

The Friend

I have a long time friend in another country who has a lot of very long distance online relationships. By ‘very’ I mean, other country, other language, thousands of miles away type distance.  She has been unsuccessful in turning any of these into permanent, in person relationships.  But she keeps trying.

The Lie

Recently she had a one year online relationship via text, Facebook, Skype and email, with a man.  She planned to visit him in his home country. But there was a problem. She knew he liked thin, ‘sporty’ (her word) type women.  She used to be thin and sporty, but now she had gained some weight and did not fit into that category. She was afraid if he knew, he would reject her. She was hoping that if she could meet him he would overcome his dislike for her extra weight because of his admiration and attraction to all the rest of her. So she sent him photos of herself back when she fit that look. When he wanted to see her now she sent photos of her face and some of her more attractive parts (not nude) but none of all of her.

When they Skyped she didn’t reveal her body shape, just her face. She tried to hide herself. He was suspicious and told her she didn’t seem to look the same as she used to. She told him that she still looked ‘good’, he would see. But she was nervous he wouldn’t approve. She went to the gym, lost some weight, not much. Not enough in her mind.

The Truth

After a year of long distance communication; detailed, intimate, truthful, deep communication where they told each other all about themselves, their dreams, their hopes, their desires,  they finally met in person when she went on vacation to his home country.  And sure enough, according to her telling of the story, within ten minutes he had lost interest.  She said he was a gentleman, wasn’t rude, but that she could tell he had made up his mind about her.  They spent some time together. She remembers being incredibly self-conscious in the coffee house when they first met.  She didn’t want to take off her coat because he would see her big (her word) arms, legs, hands.  She knew her breasts look great, but she knew that wasn’t enough by any means. The rest of her did not look like he was lead to believe.

She came back to her home country devastated. He was kind, told her they would still be friends, but that he wasn’t interested romantically. She wants now to know why. Is it due to her extra weight or is it just no chemistry? I told her in my opinion, based on what she said his reactions and words have been over the year when discussing weight, that it probably was weight.

Goal

She said her goal now is to get back in shape, lose the weight, go back to his country and see what he thinks. I have told her instead that the best idea is to get in shape for herself, for her confidence. She agreed.

The life of long distance relationship building is a hard life to navigate through. People naturally want to hide their defects and show off their best parts. She showed her face but because she was embarrassed by her body she lied to him. She understands now that was wrong and unfair.  I am hopeful she has learned that facing the truth and allowing others to see the truth, whatever it is, is best. I want her to find peace and confidence in herself before meeting him again.  Her victory will come when she realizes she doesn’t need approval from him or anyone else.

What are your thoughts?

Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com

Quote by Geneen Roth, Writer and speaker