There is a question that recurs again and again among us. Do people ever change? We state it that simply because it’s easily understood what it is about. It isn’t about if we change physically since we all know we do. It’s about whether our character and personality change. Will a high-energy, type A personality become a mellow, laid back slacker? Will an amoral criminal ever straighten up and become a fine, upstanding citizen? Will a cheater always remain a cheater?
As a person in the middle of his 7th decade I can tell you with absolute confidence from my personal experience that the answer is without reservation a resounding ‘YES…sorta, kinda, probably, possibly, maybe’.
I know, overwhelming in its decisiveness, right? Well, that’s the rub. I have changed dramatically in my understanding and my responses to all sorts of things. All I have to do is compare my relationship to my two wives. I was married to my first wife when I was 24. We divorced when I was 45. I married my second (and current) wife when I was 51. I am now 64.
I believe I am a much better husband to Linda than I was to Kathy. The reason is I changed. The experience of seeing Kathy so unhappy in our marriage and realizing how much of that was my fault changed me. As did the actual divorce and single life that followed.
When I married Linda I took my vows much more seriously. And by vows I don’t just mean sexual purity, I mean the whole idea of vowing to put her as #1 in my life. Part of this change was self-preservation. I didn’t ever want to behave so as to go through what I had gone through with Kathy again. But more of the change was my paying attention to what is right and wrong regardless of whether Linda or anyone else found out about it. I grew up a bit. I changed. I didn’t transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly, but I did become a better caterpillar. Not a perfect one, just better.
So, if you are wondering about this; whether you, or someone you know, can ever change. I say yes. That doesn’t mean it will happen, just that it can and does happen.
Copyright © 2019 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Aldous Huxley, 1894-1963, English writer.
The larger quote is, “Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are the dead.