Recently, I showed you a number of ‘Three Letter Word’ drawings I did in anticipation of my talk at SXSW and SMTulsa. When I showed them to you I left out the actual Three Letter Word in each drawing, just as I do in my actual presentation. I want the participants to try to figure it out before I tell them. Each one of these Three Letter Words is about igniting creativity in others (and yourself). They are about using words to take a statement from finality to possibility.
Here are the drawings with the words in them. My hope is you can see that just by adding these words you are saying your state of talent, interest, expertise or being isn’t permanent nor complete. You are saying that you believe you can become better, smarter, faster, more creative, more enlightened, more understanding in the future. It is a much different statement with the Three Letter Word than without it.
You can see the other posts about this presentation, ‘Igniting Creativity’ by finding ‘Three Letter Words’ in the series drop down menu to the right.
If this peaks your interest and feel your company or group could benefit from this sort of presentation about creativity, by all means contact me and we can talk about how I can help you!
Many believe these things happened. I assume most believe the crucifixion actually happened. And some certainly believe the resurrection is to be understood as having also actually happened. Others believe it is to be taken symbolically, not literally.
But as heretical as it might be, that isn’t of great concern to me. The reason is because, whether literal or symbolic, the resurrection is still a story about an idea. It’s the idea that you cannot kill good. You cannot kill love. You cannot kill forgiveness, mercy, compassion. Those things will always be more powerful than hate, than selfishness, than greed, than judgment. They will always triumph because they are always needed more than hate.
Hate is an indulgence. I think when we see someone filled with hate we should say, “Wow, there’s someone with too much time on their hands.” Because it’s true. They are indulging in a selfish, greedy exercise for their own entertainment, their own self-righteousness, Their own feeling of superiority.
But Love? Love isn’t an indulgence. It’s a life necessity. Humanity can’t live without it. It is what engenders hope. It is what builds relationships. It is what sustains us in the midst of tragedy. Hate can’t do any of those things, only love can.
The Passion Lesson
So, whether you believe Jesus physically or symbolically rose from the dead, there still has to be a reason for it to have happened. If you believe it is so you are saved? Saved from what? Eternal damnation is, of course, one answer, and that may be true. But what about another answer? Maybe you were saved from hate and judgment. Maybe you were saved from thinking hate and judgment were the best road forward, the best way to react to life. Much of the world around us certainly promotes them as something to feel and act on.
Maybe you were saved when you learned from seeing Jesus being willing to practice what he preached so thoroughly that he allowed himself to be crucified. Not just to fulfill an ancient prophesy, and not just to make a cosmic level save for humanity, but to show humanity something about living on this earth.
Your Neighbor, Here and Now
Jesus so often talked about the Kingdom of God being at hand. I think he meant in the here and now on earth. And how do we access it? By following his teachings. And what were his teachings? Yes, there are teachings about the theology and government of the afterlife. But beyond saying you believe it there isn’t anything else you can do but believe it.
But his teachings on allowing nothing to get in the way of loving your neighbor? That we can act on right now. And he even made it easy for us all. When asked, “but who is my neighbor?” He made it very clear, everyone is your neighbor.
My friends in business, some as high up as VP, but most in middle management, have often told me over the years how little their bosses realize how much work they have done and currently do. Those bosses may have come to power in the past few months, and know nothing of the many years this person saved, expanded, corrected, instilled, encouraged, adapted, innovated, created, built, adjusted, revamped, and competed to make the division or the company what it is today. These friends may have had someone above them recognize their efforts during a year end review that ends up in a file somewhere. But the new bosses will very likely not read those reviews, deeming them irrelevant. It can be very frustrating for them.
Now
On the other hand, as a running coach who leads four sessions a year, I can’t tell my runners that the last session was great and expect them to be satisfied with that. The current session has to be great otherwise my bragging about past achievements means nothing. Now is what matters.
Balance
It’s good to recognize other’s accomplishments. It tells them they are doing a good job and are appreciated. That is important. But, in another sense, it’s also good to not pay too much attention to those past accomplishments because they are not what will cause the business to succeed today and into the future. For that to happen you have to perform today. Of course, both can take place, and that is how it should be. Recognition of past efforts is what makes a person want to continue to put out effort in the present and into the future.
One might think that it is critical when you reach a certain point of success that you up your game and push your level of excellence, going beyond ‘good enough’. But the truth is you can’t wait until you reach any particular level of success to do that. If you don’t push for excellence and originality from the very beginning chances are you won’t ever reach a high level of success. If you do somehow reach that level of success, you will have a hard time sustaining it.
This past week I went to SXSW (South By Southwest) in Austin, Texas. SXSW is actually 3 conferences and festivals; Interactive, Film and Music. I was invited to speak at SXSWInteractive. I also was invited to speak in 2014 so this was my second SXSW experience. And if you haven’t gone, trust me, it really is an experience unlike any other conference.
LARGE
First off it’s larger. Attendance this year is estimated to be around 100,000 for all three events. The Interactive/Film portion, which overlap, is said to be about 25,000. SXSW takes over one of the biggest conventions centers you can imagine and that is in no way enough space. They take over eight other hotels and other venues to have enough room for all the sessions and events. In addition eleven other venues participate as partner venues, associated with SXSW but run by private companies or organizations. I typically went to 3-4 different venues per day.
TOPICS
Second, there is a huge array of topics. This year I went to the following sessions, divided up into the tracks they were in: Click in each session to see my thoughts detailing what it was about and then my live impressions of the event via my tweets.
Keynotes and Featured Sessions
Conversation with Ira Glass (founder of ‘This America Life’ on NPR)
Twitter Notes and Quotes
Ira Glass was hilarious. His session was simply him being interviewed about his professional activities of late, which include (besides his regular radio show) producing numerous podcasts, a feature length movie and a stage act that he performs with two dancers that he has been touring in almost every weekend for over a year. He is disarmingly humble but he is not a slacker by any means. He talked again and again about ‘Will’, how you have to will something creative into existence, how you have to will something to be great instead of mediocre. That was his inspiration point for me.
Gretchen Rubin – Five Counterintuitive Truths About Habits
Twitter Notes and Quotes
Gretchen Rubin has been a favorite author and online personality for many years. She combines fantastic research with great story telling to illuminate ideas. Her ‘Happiness Project’ gained her great attention and she has followed that up with a book on habits called ‘Better Than Before’ this is what she spoke on. After the speech I was first in line to get her autograph on two books, one for my daughter and one for my wife.
I was in this session because the one I wanted to go to, ‘Gender in Media: Why it Matters’ with Geena Davis, was cancelled. This session though was very appropriate for me since it was about streaming media, which I use every day with Periscope. The presenters basically were creating a Periscope for foodies and it was very interesting to hear how they made the decision and what went into creating the website, which launched just 5 days before.
Sitting in on ‘Nom: Food and the future of live video’ after finding out @geenadavis had to cancel her session on ‘Gender in Media’ #SXSW
Elephant in the Valley: Gender Bias in the Tech Industry
Twitter Notes and Quotes
This was one of the big themes throughout SXSW this year. Whether it is the tech industry, media and film, politics or science, there were sessions and conversations about it. Hopefully these discussions will lead to change.
1984 35% of computer science grads were women, 2016? 19% why? #SXSW#genderbias
This session didn’t really break new ground on anything. We all know the world is full of BS, especially in politics, PR, and marketing. What was interesting was watching how hard it was for the presenters to avoid BS words and phrases even while attempting to discuss how to avoid using them. One of the presenters, Jon Favreau, had been a speech writer for President Obama, and it was interesting to hear his stories about Obama and his desire to be and sound real in his remarks and speeches.
Tech and Social Good: A New Model for Collaboration
Twitter Notes and Quotes
This session was a bit of a disappointment for me. I thought it would be more about how to use technology to help build awareness and raise money for non-profits and charitable causes in general. It did touch on that a bit as it applies to the LGBT community but not as much as I would have liked.
Mario had some interesting things to say about making money via Periscope and some eye-opening statistics but I was hoping for more specific tips on apps, etc. to use to facilitate doing this. He did use a number of testimonials on people who are making money on Periscope, including one of my favorite periscoping couples, Doug and Ally of ‘Frameable Faces’. One thing that bothers me in general about money making on social media is how much of it is made by attempting to teach people how to make money on social media.
This was a session focused on twitter and it’s uses in the media, especially in breaking news stories, and how easy it is for a tweet to be let out into the twitterverse without enough thought to the context, or lack of context. This in turn can lead to terrible judgment, misrepresentation, and viral condemnation before you can blink an eye. It made me nervous to tweet about anything!
Now in a panel on Twitter called ‘140 characters, zero content’ will I have any content to tweet?
This session was about applying for and participating in various fellowship programs for successful people. He focused on the Aspen Institute’s Crown Fellowship that he participated in recently. He explained the process, when they met, what they read, and things like that. It seemed to me to be a bit of a bragging session in some ways, talking a lot about all the other famous (and very wealthy) people he rubbed shoulders with. I understood it in some ways, he was like a recent convert who had great enthusiasm. But at the same time I wished he had known his audience a bit better and talked about a wider range of opportunities in more detail, not just those for entrepreneurs and millionaires.
Next session: ‘From success to significance’ – Josh Baer, owner of ‘Capital Factory’ #SXSW
This was one of my favorite sessions of the conference. The reason is that they delivered on the title. It really was about how to design happiness into experiences. They had an interactive section where they had to audience ask the panel how they might redesign certain things to be happier. The DMV was one. Then they had the participants vote on whether the ideas were happy inducing or not. They topped all other elements of the session by bringing out puppies, real live puppies, at the end for us all to ooh and aah over. It was a great way to have us all leave happy!
This was another favorite of mine. The facilitators wasted no time getting us up and active in learning a new, more natural way to network and connect. That’s why I had so few tweets during the session!
Next session – connecting at the speed of story – going beyond the elevator story #SXSW#strychnine the
Even though this was geared more toward elite college age athletes it still helped me a great deal in thinking about new and better ways to coach my runners at Fleet Feet. It really came down to staying connected throughout the coaching process, both in person and online.
‘Connected #Coaching: Active Learning for Athletes’ is about to start. I must be switching to coaching mode! @FleetFeetTulsa#sxsw
I had high hopes for this one but the speaker tended to wander off topic and not address the questions and issues as directly as I might have liked. She didn’t use any slides and I think they could have been helpful in giving details of apps and methods for protecting our privacy. Having said that there were some very interesting concepts and practices from around the world that she did discuss.
I went to this session because my daughter is a scientist. It was focused mostly on the University setting and how professors in particular can get away with egregious behavior and not have any or minimal consequences. When I talked to me daughter about it later she backed up from personal experiences, many of the horror stories the women in the panel were talking about. It is an ongoing problem in all too many professional fields and it seems the solutions are long term, first and foremost, training and raising boys and girls from early on to know what sexual harassment is. And second, to reorganize corporate and academic structures so people are held accountable in a consistent, transparent and fair way.
Next session – #distractingly sexy : fighting #science#sexism online’ w/ Summer Ash, Nicole Cabrera Salazar, Jennifer Golbeck
I really enjoyed seeing a session all about art. Sarah Green explained a program she started that is shown on PBS called ‘The Art Assignment’ where she picks artists from around the country to come up with an art assignment for themselves that when shown to the general public is then opened up to them also fulfilling that same assignment in whatever way they want.
I was enthusiastic and hopeful when I heard about it, that maybe I could participate as one of the artists, but upon hearing Ms. Green’s explanation I realized her criteria for picking the artists is way to bound by traditional art success in the museum and gallery world and it would be very unlikely she would consider me adequately successful. But I still like the idea!
Next session : Art for All: a look at The Art Assignment – with Sarah Green #sxsw#artassignment
This was another session dedicated solely to art and I was surprised to see so many this year. This was all about ‘appropriation art’ or art in which the artist uses preexisting art or images and repurposes them to create something new. Of course the problem and controversy is when either the new art is not a substantial transformation of the old art or when the original artist is given no credit or financial reward for his or her images being used in the new art. This is particularly troublesome when the new art is sold for millions of dollars, as has actually been the case more often that one might realiz in recent decades.
Next session – ‘creative thievery – what’s yours is mine’ #SXSW Jonathan Rosen, Hrag Vartanian, Mary Crosse, Sergio Munoz Sarmiento #art
This session was scary coming in. There were police everywhere in the hotel and there was a bag check that was MUCH more thorough than anything I have had to go through at the TSA line at an airport. Why you ask? Because this session, and the whole Online Harassment Summit, was created in response to violent threats having been given when an earlier session proposal about sexism in the gaming industry was proposed. Because of how bad threats were they cancelled that session. They then had a change of heart and designed an entire program for SXSW. This session was one of the big ones because it had Wendy Davis in it, the former Texas gubernatorial candidate speaking on the panel.
Sitting in on ‘women in media & online harassment’ – important for men to know! pic.twitter.com/5UEphb4vyg
This was pure art and I loved it. The artist was a great speaker, talking about her own creative journey and at the same time encouraging others to pursue their own path. Many things she said are very similar to things I have been saying to artists and students for many decades now, but it was great to hear a fresh take on how to say those things. She was very inspiring.
Next session – being an artist today – finding your way to YAY – #SXSW#art
That is it for part 1. In part 2 I will explain my sessions (I had two actually) and my Airbnb stay, and in part 3 I will show you a bit of the wild fun nightlife of Austin.
People often say they don’t want to argue, right? For example, they may say this, “Arguing has never changed anyone’s mind.”
However, the truth is that in business, politics, science, religion, even art, ideas move forward and action is taken based on arguments made, arguments replied to, arguments won or lost. Continued progress over any substantial amount of time isn’t made without argument.
Persuasion
Of course, there are many ways to argue. Yelling, screaming, ranting, raving, and bullying are some of the ways. And those who make the comment above about arguing never changing someone’s mind usually have that sort of arguing in mind when they say that.
But those are not the only forms of argument. Debate and Persuasion are two methods that usually are more effective. Debate is about logic and reason, persuasion is about self-interest. In debating you are trying to convince someone that your ideas are right. In persuading you are trying to convince someone it is in their best interests to believe and/or act on something.
Best For Business
In business all these types of argument are used. But from my experience inside and outside of business there is no comparison, the most effective method is persuasion. That is because it is the most long lasting. You have converted someone to your way of thinking because you have actually made it their way of thinking as well. And when that happens, a vision for a business can grow naturally within an organization.
Creativity is often seen as a solo pursuit. But that isn’t always true. Yes, the spark can seem to happen within the individual sitting alone in the studio. But all you have to do is think of all the creative ideas from others that went into that individual’s history long before the moment of inspiration hit to realize he or she does not truly create alone.
The Spark Within
Here is the drawing I did yesterday. I am using it in my workshop at SXSW later this week. I drew this while I was streaming live on Periscope. I play a game called ‘Guess the Quote’ when I do my napkin drawings, with the viewers playing a variation on Hangman, guessing one word at a time while I draw the image and give hints.
I came up with the idea of these two very unique characters, one standing on her head, to illustrate the idea of upending expectations. I had already drawn the two characters and had written in the quotes when one of the ‘#NapkinKin’ (my tribe on Periscope) suggested something that led to an even more effective illustration of the idea.
The Spark Without
He suggested I turn the second part of the quote upside down. I had already written it in so I couldn’t change it on the actual napkin. But I was able to change it in Photoshop. However, even without changing it in the drawing the idea sparked my decisions about how to complete the background.
All of a sudden I was thinking about symmetry and reflection, making the top and bottom look the same but not exact, so if you rotated it 180º you would feel it still made sense (granted, this making sense is within the context of a drawing that really isn’t about making sense, but you know what I mean).
Muse
In my larger charcoal and pastel drawings I often use models. The best ones are the ones that know it is a collaboration. Yes, I am the artist. But the creativity is sparked not just from within myself but by them as well. That is why models are often called ‘Muse’. Because they inspire the creativity of the artist.
Your Spark
If you are an Artist, never forget that your creativity, no matter how individual and unique you might thing it is, owes much to the artists of the past and those around you who inspire and collaborate with you.
If you are not an Artist, never forget your creativity isn’t restricted to that fact. Your creativity is not just about what you create, but about what you inspire others to create as well.
Either way, creativity is one way you can be sure to change the world.
Here’s the cover page for my presentation. It will animate with additional information after the Workshop starts.
I am finishing up the presentation and starting to rehearse content and timing this week. I leave for Austin Thursday, stopping in Dallas for lunch with my daughter Caitlin. I am staying at an Airbnb townhouse that I am hopeful will be a great spot.
Let me know if you are going to be there! Use twitter to connect if you can, I will be checking it often. I am @thenapkindad there too.
You will be able to watch the presentation on Periscope (hopefully). Just find me, @thenapkindad and tune in on 3/11/16 at 3:30 Central Standard Time (USA).
And here are the last two drawings I will use in my SXSW workshop, ‘Igniting Creativity with Periscope’, next week. Each one will be animated so that a statement appears in the blank bubble. First a statement with negative words that inhibit creativity, then the same statement but with positive words that ignite creativity.
In continuing my workshop preparation for SXSW I am working the same angle I showed in my last blog post.
I am finding more three letter words that either inhibit or ignite creativity. Here are two more drawings I have done this week that will eventually illustrate these words and their meaning. The second thought bubble in each drawing doesn’t just contain a three letter word, they contain a sentence that has a word in it that I think ignites creativity. Any guesses?
I am going to be speaking at SXSW Interactive Conference in Austin, TX in March. I will be leading a workshop titled ‘Igniting Creativity with Periscope’. (Periscope is the streaming video app I have been using over the past year).
Three Letter Words
In preparation for the workshop I am creating some new drawings that illustrate my belief that there are a number of three letter words that, when added to statements we make about our selves, our limitations and our creativity can change our outlook and attitude from one of finality to possibility.
When I give the presentation I will not be showing the words at first. Being the mean person I am I will be making them guess. So, I might as well make YOU guess as well.
Two Illustrations
Those of you who know these words because you have heard me talk about them on Periscope or in past blog posts, keep quiet, ok?
Those of you who don’t know, guess away. What do you think the words are?!?
Have you ever done one of those tests to see if you are colorblind? It shows a whole series of dot in various colors. If you aren’t colorblind you can see a number appear amid the dots. If you are colorblind, you can’t. Why is that? Because your eye’s retinal cones aren’t developed properly and so the color doesn’t register with the brain. In other words, you couldn’t see that color even if you wanted to.
The history of art is filled with examples of the artist trying to fool your eye. As a matter of fact, there is an entire genre of art called ‘Fool The Eye’, better known by it’s French translation, ‘trompe l’oeil’. The goal is to make you think you see something that, in fact, is not what you actually see.
Pere Borrell del Caso, Escaping Criticism, 1874
Andrea Mantegna, Oculus (window to the sky), Palazzo Ducale, La Camera degli Sposi (The Wedding Chamber), (1467?-1474)
Surrealism
Another movement in art that uses the mind’s initial inability to comprehend is Surrealism. Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte are two who come to mind. There goal isn’t to fool you into thinking you see something you don’t. It’s to see one thing, then another and not easily understand how or why they go together. It’s that visual and mental dance of confusion that gives the art it’s power.
Salvador Dali – Three Sphinxes of Bikini – 1947
Rene Magritte, Empire of Light, 1950
What is Possible
The whole point of these and other works of art is to make you think about what it is you are seeing. To be fooled or confounded or challenged.
It’s telling about artists that so many like to fool us. Artists are great at challenging our pre-conceived notions of what is art, what is real, what is good, what is beautiful. Unfortunately, many of us respond to not immediately understanding something we see by cutting off our curiosity, our wonder, our open-mindedness. We judge and are done.
But if one is willing, in art and in life, to experience rather than judge, to allow for confusion and the unknown instead of demanding all answers immediately, then the rewards can be great.
Among the rewards are delight in discovering new ideas, enlightenment about how others see the world and inspiration for your own creative journey. And those rewards are definitely worth it in my book. How about you?
At first I thought this quote was perfect for my ‘Mind Image’ series. Then after I drew the drawing I started to think it was somewhat pedestrian. Then I got it. It isn’t pedestrian, it’s understated. I can just imagine a upper crust British actor saying this in a period movie as Galileo is being tried for heresy or Socrates is forced to drink hemlock.
Religion
History shows us the consequences of new ideas in religion can be extreme. One need look no farther than Jesus as an example. He was crucified because of the threat his new religious ideas had on the established religion and the established government of the day. And there have been millions more over the centuries who have suffered and died because the threat their ideas pose to someone else.
Science
The process of proving something in science often starts with an individual having an idea that something may not be as it seems and starts to investigate. As he or she investigates their ideas are not yet fully proven and are often met with skepticism and distrust. Luckily, science has a built in mechanism, the scientific method, that eventually allows ideas to prove themselves. The recent proof of the existence of gravitational waves proving Einstein’s 100+ year old theory that they exist is a great example.
Art
Name an art movement and it probably started by being disparaged and attacked by the people involved with the more established art movements at the time. Sometimes even the movements’ names often started as a cut. Fauvism (Wild Beasts) was the dismissive name given to Henri Matisse’s art movement of 1905. Impressionism got it’s name when a critic took it from a title of a Monet painting (Impression: Sunrise) and wrote a satirical negative review of their first exhibition. In fact most art movements tend to take shape in rebellion against a prior movement. Pop followed Abstract Expressionism. Pre-Raphaelites rebelled against Raphael and the Mannerists who followed him.
Open Mind
It’s not likely you, or anyone, has a completely open mind. I know I don’t. We end up believing certain ideas and it’s hard to let go of them, no matter how open minded we are. So, how do we keep as open a mind as possible? Well, the goal, for me at least, isn’t to have a completely open mind. It’s to have a mind that holds on lightly to ideas. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe them, but it means I am willing to accept the possibility that a new idea might come along that changes my mind. I don’t grab new ideas willy nilly just because they are new. But I do allow my mind to consider new ideas before I judge them.
Notice the quote does not say ‘Negative thoughts’. It says ‘A negative mind’ instead. That is because we all have negative thoughts and negative thoughts aren’t always bad. What is bad is when those negative thoughts become so predominant that one’s entire mind becomes negative. When your every response is negative. When your every judgment is negative. When your every decision is negative. Then you have become trapped. You have become automatic. And the automatic negative mind has no bridge to reach anything positive.
Starting Slow
So, how do you overcome this? You make the smallest of positive decisions. I have a friend online who has decided to do a half marathon later this year. She hasn’t run in over 2 years. My advice, and the advice of any reputable running coach? Start slow. Don’t try to run 13.1 miles tomorrow. don’t even try to run 1.31 miles tomorrow. Just get out and run 100 yards. Maybe do another 100 yards. Walk a lot. work up to greater distance, faster pace, etc. Have a plan, maybe a running buddy to hold you accountable.
The Plan
The same is true with our minds. Don’t make some grand proclamation that you are only going to be positive from now on. You know that isn’t realistic. What is realistic is when the next moment arrives where you have to make a choice on being negative or positive, choose positive. Maybe it’s complimenting food instead of critiquing it. Maybe it’s appreciating a view from your car instead of cursing the traffic. Something small, something you can actually do. Make a plan to do it with some regularity. Tell a friend what you are working on, maybe they will join you.
What Training Is
Then do it again. Little by little, as each moment arrives, you choose the positive as best you can. There will be times you won’t choose to be positive, just as in training for a race there will be days you will choose to skip a workout or shorten a run. That doesn’t mean you have failed, it means you are in training. Training means ups and downs, discoveries and doldrums, greats strides and pride, great feelings of failure. But training isn’t about success. Training is about practicing for success later on.
Success in Life
And what is success in life? It’s having lived a positive one. And you become what you practice.
Allison is up early. I can tell because she has answered my message from the night before asking if we are still on for today. The time she answers is 5:22 am. I am up at about 5:25 am and see her response. An early bird like me. That’s cool.
I always wonder what people do who get up that early. I know what I do: coffee making, exercise doing (sometimes), dog feeding, contest entering, kitchen cleaning, art making, news reading. But others? I usually think they are doing more momentous things. Some out of this world exercise routine that lasts for an hour and sculpts them into Greek Gods and Goddesses maybe? Perhaps they are making every meal for every person in their house for the entire week. Or they could be answering the 200 international emails from overnight, solving world problems and arranging to solve more.
Is Allison doing any of those things? I decided to ask. She doesn’t answer. Maybe she is busy doing one of those epic things I mentioned or maybe she went back to bed like I am inclined to do.
1:36pm, May 20th, 2015
Instead I decide to look through the photos I took the first time we met. It was at Philbrook Museum of Art here in Tulsa, Oklahoma in May of 2015. She worked there at the time. I had decided to do some blog profiles of local artists and she was one of the more interesting I had come across. She was a curator, a single mom, and an artist with a distinct style.
Allison and me at ‘La Villa’, the restaurant at Philbrook Museum of Art
She had just changed jobs from being an preparator (someone who gets the artwork and gallery space ready for exhibition) to being a fundraiser. Even though both jobs are in the same museum, it’s like going from being a blue collar warehouse worker to a white collar office worker. It’s going from jeans and tool belts to dresses and high heels. She talks extensively about the transition, how her background and her heart prepared her to be a preparator and fundraising is a brand new challenge tapping into a whole new range of skills she has or needs to acquire. It’s a challenge but very interesting and exciting.
We talked extensively about a very difficult childhood. It’s one that scarred her but also, maybe because of, maybe in spite of, instilled in her a unflappable vision of who she is and an equally fierce determination of who she wants to become.
This is evident by her current situation. She is a full-time worker, a full-time mother to 2 young children and a part-time artist whose bedroom doubles as her studio. She is not making any excuses. She is an artist and she is going to be one, even if that means she paints in her small bedroom.
While we were there we walked around the museum. I asked her which art piece was her favorite and she led me here. This is her very favorite piece of art in the entire world.
Allison with Milton Avery’s ‘Child with Doll’
Here is a better view of it.
Child with Doll, 1944 – oil on canvas – Milton Avery
It resonates with her deeply on many levels. For her it’s more than a child and doll. It’s a mother and child, it’s love, it’s family, it’s emotion in art. It’s always an honor to have someone show me their favorite piece of art, something profound and sacred about it for me.
Our plan was to meet up again at her studio to take a look at her work and finish up the interview. That doesn’t happen for a variety of reasons. I moved on to other projects and she did as well.
9:05pm, January 29th, 2016
Fast forward 7+ months and she contacts me saying she is no longer at Philbrook and is wondering if I want to meet again and update the interview. She is now a full-time artist she says. I really want to hear how this came about and get a chance to see her artwork. We plan to meet in a week.
5:25am, February 5th, 2016
Ah, she responds to my question about getting up early.
“I’ve always been a morning person, but when I’m in a super creative space, I am motivated to get up and get at it! This morning I’ve been reading a feminist blog I follow, doing some religious research, and was getting ready to start yoga but both of my sweet babies just crashed my bed!!!!!”
So, basically she was doing epic stuff.
10:08am, February 5th, 2016
I call her, lost. After having picked up her Soy Latte and my Caffe Mocha I have trusted my GPS and am now facing a ditch digger in an apartment driveway. I tell her I am facing the ditch digger. She kindly directs me to her apartment, which is in a different complex seemingly unknown to google maps, where I can see her waving from her 3rd floor balcony. Success!
We sit and catch up for a while. She is no longer at Philbrook. She took a giant leap of faith 3 month prior, after she got a very sizable commission for a painting, and left her employer to become a full-time artist. I am intrigued and want to know more about this.
Philbrook is an incredible museum. She was honored to work there. And she tried as hard as she could, but she hated being a fundraiser. It was causing her a crazy amount of stress, so much so she was being adversely affected physically and psychologically. She had to talk to someone about it and through that counseling was able to get a clearer idea of what was actually happening. What was happening? She was doing what others wanted, not what she wanted. She was fulfilling someone else’s dream of being a respected insider patron of the arts, with all the prestige and glamour that went along with it.
Philbrook at Sunset
We all do some things because other people want us to, but when it is your entire life you are designing for someone else instead of yourself, it quickly can become toxic and dangerous to your well-being. That is what was happening to her and it had come to a breaking point. She took a leave of absence to figure things out and finally, when a large commission made it feasible, she made the break towards the end of 2015. All she wanted to do was paint.
12:22 pm, February 5th, 2016
When someone makes a change this dramatic it is usually followed by other changes. And she made some serious changes. Changes like cutting her hair and going back to her natural hair color, becoming a more committed feminist, growing deeper in her religious beliefs and practices, and becoming an entrepreneurial artist/business woman. Three of those things it seemed she just naturally gravitated towards with her new found freedom. But the third, being both an artist and a business woman, was gravitation by necessity. She was now going to have to make her living as an artist, no fall back job, no fall back paycheck, no fall back, period. Scary. And exhilarating.
And where is she doing this painting? In her bedroom. In her small bedroom. On large canvases much taller than her and bigger than her bed.
And that is where she is now. She is in her studio. A studio that happens to have a soft horizontal surface with warm blankets where she can sleep. But where it is doesn’t matter. What matters is she is doing it. She is doing commissions, having exhibitions, hustling to make her dream come true. She is making art.
She paints in a very free expressionist style. If she is not doing a commission then she is not planning a canvas out in advance. She goes with what moves her. In this case she has a canvas that was given to her by her grandmother, also an artist, who is moving to Florida. The canvas had already been worked and so there are considerations. How much does she keep, how much does she cover? There is a extra layer of canvas her grandmother has put over the top 5th of the canvas. What to do with that? There are horizontal lines drawn in pencil. Does she use those or get rid of them? This is the same grandmother who really wanted her to have that job as a fundraiser more than Allison did.
This is not easy. The canvas is filled with emotion, memory and heritage even before she starts. She is filled with fight, self-determination, independence, rebellion, hesitancy. She is confronted.
She decides to do what she has set her sails to do. She is going on her journey, not her grandmother’s. She grabs the white paint, stuck shut, and uses all her strength to open it.
Then she makes her move.
During my visit we did a periscope live video interview where Allison tells about her life and her art. Here it is.
If you would like to find out more about Allison and her art, perhaps purchase a piece or commission her to create something for you, you can find her at her website http://allisonkeim.com
The quote on my last ‘Body Image’ drawing was, “Loving your body only when it is in perfect shape is like loving your kids only when they are well-behaved.” While we were discussing the quote on Periscope (@thenapkindad) I realized I could switch out the word body for mind and the quote would still make sense and still be important. One’s body image is important, right? And so is one’s ‘Mind Image’.
What We Think Of How We Think
This can make a huge difference in our daily approach to life. For example, let’s say you think a lot of fearful thoughts. A few questions arise. Do you realize how much you think in fearful terms? Are you aware of how many stories you tell yourself about the past, present and future that have fear at their roots? It seems the answer would be “yes, obviously I am aware of that.” But that isn’t necessarily true.
Our Family Story
Have you ever heard a grown up tell a story, or perhaps you have told it, about when you first realized every family wasn’t like your family? That moment you realized not every family had the same rules as you, or the same discipline, or the same food. It was a revelation, right? Same is true with how we think. If you are raised with fear being the response your parents have to the world, then you could easily think fearfully and think everyone else must think fearfully as well. This could continue well into adulthood. There will probably come a time when you realize your fearful way of thinking isn’t shared by everyone else, but maybe not.
Mind Image
That is what I mean by Mind Image. it’s how you see your own mind and how it thinks. It’s watching it in the mental mirror just the same way as you see your body in the physical mirror. The difference is there isn’t one mental mirror like there can be one physical mirror. There can be many mental mirrors, both within yourself and without.
What To Do About It
It’s one of the best reasons to have good friends and family that you trust who will be honest about how they see you. I don’t mean you have to agree with how they see you, but it’s nice to know they are looking out for you and will tell you if they think your thinking seems to be off in some way. Maybe they notice you are being especially fearful and will ask you about it. Or maybe they will sense you are thinking depressed or anxious thoughts way more than you used to. If you don’t have that circle of trusted people, perhaps you have a therapist or a pastor or someone else who is paying attention.
Coach
I think of it like having a coach. Ever notice in sports that even those that are at the top of their games have coaches? Serena Williams, the most accomplished tennis player of her generation, has a coach. Lebron James, the greatest basketball player of his generation, has a coach. They have someone who can see what they are doing in ways they can’t see themselves.
The same is true with our mental game. Having someone who can watch and respond, help you see yourself more clearly, is of immense value in life. I am not simply talking about someone you talk to when you are in crisis. I am talking about someone to have by your side no matter what shape your mind is in. Waiting until a crisis arrives to let someone see how you feel or what you are thinking can often be too late. Having someone all the time is the key.
Do you have such a person or people? How have they helped you?
This week a vile thing happened to a friend of mine. Kristen Howerton is a Blogger and Professor in Southern California. She and her husband have 4 children. Two of them are adopted African-American boys and two of them are daughters born to them. Kristen and her husband are both white, of european descent. I know her professionally as a fellow blogger and have followed her for years.
Here is a screenshot of her twitter page @kristenhowerton
The Attack
Recently a white supremacist, Lana Kokteff, posted a Youtube video in which she used several photos and videos of Kristen and her family without her permission. She did this to mock and condemn Kristen’s attempts to make sure her sons were not isolated from their African-American heritage.
As a result of this video Kristen received a slew of tweets attacking her and her family in the most vile way possible. Not just disgusting words but manipulating images of her sons and daughters to say these things.
She in turn started reporting these people to twitter and asked her friends to do the same. I am asking you to do this as well.
Trust me, I would not request this of standard boorish, ignorant behavior. This is well beyond that, as you will see if you go to her twitter feed. It’s not pretty. It is ugly, vile, disgusting, perverse and beyond the pale.
Periscope
You can see the Periscope live streaming video I did yesterday discussing this topic. The discussion was quite intense.
What You Can Do
Here is what you can do. Go to her twitter feed, @KristenHowerton, and scroll down until you get to the offending tweets. Kristen has retweeted them so you might see a retweet, not the original. That is ok. reporting the retweet will actually report the original tweet. You will be reporting anonymously so there is no need to worry about the attack going your way.
Remember, do not report a tweet if the person is simply disagreeing with Kristen. While you may disagree with that person’s statement, it is not likely to lead to the person being blocked or the tweet being removed. Look for the tweets that say things that are harassing, attacking, threatening, malicious. Don’t worry, they are not hard to find. When you see them click the ‘…’ at the bottom of the tweet. Click Report. There will be a series of questions asking why you want to report the tweet. Go through the questions until the end and click done. It takes a bit of time, but it is worth it.
Here are the choices I made, even for the tweets with images since the images themselves were for the purpose of harassing in my opinion.
The Goal
Kristen has requested you not engage in discussions with those who sent the offensive tweets, it gives them publicity and escalates the conflict. The goal is to have their accounts suspended and to stop the harassment, not get them more riled up.
The Virus Among Us
It is disheartening to see this sort of filth in 2016. But some in my scope and elsewhere have said, “You will always have racism and racists.” When I hear that I always get the distinct impression that the unsaid next sentence is “So don’t try to fight them.” That to me is like saying “We will always have viruses so don’t try to fight them.”
Racism, sexism, ageism…these are terrible viruses among us. They aren’t to be ignored, they are to be fought. If remnants remain, so be it. But that doesn’t mean you don’t fight.
Thank you and feel free to share this post to gather more to fight the virus.
Yesterday, while I was drawing this, we were having a discussion on Periscope when someone unknown to me, or the #NapkinKin (our tribe) who were watching the scope, came in. He proceeded to say he was depressed and suicidal. I had a feeling he was a troll but I took it seriously anyway, doing my best to give him reasons to live. Others in the scope immediately helped out, giving suicide hotline numbers, explaining that they too suffered from depression and anxiety, and in general trying to help. It was amazing to be a part of it. It really made me love my #NapkinKin tribe more than ever before. He was in only a short time before he said an ominous “Goodbye…”
Mind and Body
I have no idea who he was or what he was about. I hope if he was serious we helped and if he wasn’t he will mature and not do such stupid things. But it doesn’t really matter for the sake of this discussion. The reason I mention it is because we then realized we could substitute ‘mind’ or ‘brain’ in place of ‘body’ in the quote and it would be the same.
Loving Doesn’t Equal OK
Loving our bodies, or our minds, is not the same as saying everything about our bodies or minds are perfect and no change is needed, just as with a misbehaving child. You aren’t going to tell the child that because you love them even when they misbehave that that means their behavior is ok. It’s not ok and you will likely find a punishment for them as a result. That is not the same as not loving them. As a matter of fact, it actually is evidence that you do love them (as long as the punishment is not abusive and hateful).
The same is true with your bodies and minds. If you have an issue with weight that precludes you from living a healthy life, then you are loving your body when you take action to reduce the weight. If it isn’t about weight but about bad skin, or no muscle tone, or bad acne, or a disease or illness, or something else, you are loving your body when you take action to remedy the situation as best you can. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you don’t know some areas need to change.
Evaluation vs Judgment
And so it is with our minds or our behaviors. I can love my mind while still realizing my predilection towards procrastination and avoidance needs work. I can still love my mind while still realizing my hot temper or anxiety or depression or ADHD or any number of things needs to be addressed.
The key in all of it is honestly evaluating who you are WITHOUT judging and condemning who you are. Evaluation is neutral. It says ‘this is an issue and I will address it’. Judgment is morally condemning. It says, ‘I am stupid for letting myself get fat.’ or ‘I am worthless because I can’t focus on something long enough to accomplish it.’ or ‘I hate myself because I can’t stop drinking.’
How Different Would It Be?
How different would you see yourself if you loved yourself no matter what? How different would your progress in whatever area you need or want progress in be if you allowed yourself an honest evaluation of yourself instead of condemning judgment?
You might think this quote is backwards. That the mind is what listens to your body, not the other way around, and you would be right. But the larger truth is that it is not a one way conversation. It’s not a monolog, it’s a dialog. Your body listens to what you say and think. Think negatively and your body will respond to that over time. Be hypochondriacal and your body will find a way to show you more and more things ‘wrong’ with you.
Positive Realism
One the other hand, speak and think positively about your body where it is at right now and you are helping your body. Positive doesn’t mean delusional. It does no good to say to your body “You are in GREAT shape body, good job!” if your body is in terrible shape, right? It’s about stating the truth to your body. “Body, we are here now, in this shape, at this age, in this condition.” The key is to not follow that statement with this one, “And body, because you are in this shape, I hate you, blame you and am giving up on you.” Just say the first sentence and do away with the judgment of the second sentence. Once you say the first sentence, but avoid the second, to your body, then you can move forward and transform or maintain your body as you wish. No judgment mean no negativity, just positive realism. And that starts with speaking truth to yourself, both your mind and your body.
What do you think? Does your body listen to your mind?
Have you ever seen two people whose faces are so different from each other that when their photographs are shown side by side they both look really strange, maybe even ugly? Their head shape, the placement and proportions of their facial features, their hair, their coloring, their skin are so different that it’s a jarring visual juxtaposition when it occurs.
If we happen to be one of those two people we can easily start to compare ourselves. Her forehead is smoother and rounder than mine. My eyes are so much closer together than hers. Her neck is smoother. My lips are thinner. And the list goes on.
What I think is surprising is it’s usually both people that feel that, not just one. The thin blonde looks with envy at the curvy brunette while the curvy brunette wishes she was thin like the blonde. The freckled one looks wishes she had the golden tan of the other while the golden girl wishes she had the fair skin of the freckled one.
Here are two videos that show off how different we all look from one another and how, when we compare beauty to beauty we end up seeing most everyone as ugly at some point. Why is that? First is one with famous celebrities
The second is of non-famous women
Getting Past
So, how do you get past this dilemma? By seeing yourself clearly. Not for who you are not, but for who you are, who you are made up of and how who you are fits together so well. And if there is something you want to change, resist judging yourself negatively. Instead evaluate and make a plan. Body too big? Make a plan. Hair too drab? Make a plan. Character too immature? Make a plan.
You are under your own control. You see your beauty when you see yourself clearly. And that is when you will see everyone else as more and more beautiful as well.
How much does your soul weigh? Your personality? How about your character? Does your Passion weigh anything? What about your intelligence, how heavy is that? Have you ever had your sense of humor weighed at the Doctor’s office? Is there a spot on the medical chart for the weight of your love, commitment, insight, compassion, mercy, tenderness, diligence, patience, opinions, wisdom, spirituality?
The Friend
I have a long time friend in another country who has a lot of very long distance online relationships. By ‘very’ I mean, other country, other language, thousands of miles away type distance. She has been unsuccessful in turning any of these into permanent, in person relationships. But she keeps trying.
The Lie
Recently she had a one year online relationship via text, Facebook, Skype and email, with a man. She planned to visit him in his home country. But there was a problem. She knew he liked thin, ‘sporty’ (her word) type women. She used to be thin and sporty, but now she had gained some weight and did not fit into that category. She was afraid if he knew, he would reject her. She was hoping that if she could meet him he would overcome his dislike for her extra weight because of his admiration and attraction to all the rest of her. So she sent him photos of herself back when she fit that look. When he wanted to see her now she sent photos of her face and some of her more attractive parts (not nude) but none of all of her.
When they Skyped she didn’t reveal her body shape, just her face. She tried to hide herself. He was suspicious and told her she didn’t seem to look the same as she used to. She told him that she still looked ‘good’, he would see. But she was nervous he wouldn’t approve. She went to the gym, lost some weight, not much. Not enough in her mind.
The Truth
After a year of long distance communication; detailed, intimate, truthful, deep communication where they told each other all about themselves, their dreams, their hopes, their desires, they finally met in person when she went on vacation to his home country. And sure enough, according to her telling of the story, within ten minutes he had lost interest. She said he was a gentleman, wasn’t rude, but that she could tell he had made up his mind about her. They spent some time together. She remembers being incredibly self-conscious in the coffee house when they first met. She didn’t want to take off her coat because he would see her big (her word) arms, legs, hands. She knew her breasts look great, but she knew that wasn’t enough by any means. The rest of her did not look like he was lead to believe.
She came back to her home country devastated. He was kind, told her they would still be friends, but that he wasn’t interested romantically. She wants now to know why. Is it due to her extra weight or is it just no chemistry? I told her in my opinion, based on what she said his reactions and words have been over the year when discussing weight, that it probably was weight.
Goal
She said her goal now is to get back in shape, lose the weight, go back to his country and see what he thinks. I have told her instead that the best idea is to get in shape for herself, for her confidence. She agreed.
The life of long distance relationship building is a hard life to navigate through. People naturally want to hide their defects and show off their best parts. She showed her face but because she was embarrassed by her body she lied to him. She understands now that was wrong and unfair. I am hopeful she has learned that facing the truth and allowing others to see the truth, whatever it is, is best. I want her to find peace and confidence in herself before meeting him again. Her victory will come when she realizes she doesn’t need approval from him or anyone else.
I have known plenty of seemingly beautiful thin people who couldn’t do a push up to save their lives. I have also known many seemingly overweight, average looking people who can run marathons, do 20 burpees in a row, work in their garden all day long, take care of their families morning to night, and kayak in open water for hours.
Strength of Emotion
I have known plenty of seemingly beautiful thin people who have an even thinner emotional shell. The slightest thing, inconsequential and trivial, will set them off into emotional tirades. I have also known many seemingly overweight, average looking people who can express themselves effectively and honestly in a wide range of emotions appropriate to the events and circumstances of their day.
Strength of Mind
I have known plenty of seemingly beautiful thin people who wouldn’t know their mind if it rang their doorbell and asked to be let in. I have also known many seemingly overweight, average looking people who are smart, wise, insightful, creative, astute, practical problem solvers, philosophers, leaders, entertainers, opinion makers.
Strength of Individuality
And finally, I have known plenty of seemingly beautiful thin people who are all those positive things as well. All sizes can be those things.
Beautiful does not equal good, thin does not equal fit, educated does not equal wise.
Note that it does not say “Lions do not take into consideration the opinions of sheep.” It says they won’t fret unnecessarily over them. They won’t take the out of context and will not blow them up to be more important than they are.
If you listen to the blithering buffoons on talk radio, you know their job is to get people riled up and wanting to come back for more. They want ratings so they do their best to push people into extreme positions en masse. They want followers, in other words. They want sheep.
A lion (metaphoric, not actual) doesn’t need to bend to every wind of opinion or every idea espoused by someone, especially someone who is obviously under the uneducated influence of one extremity or another. A lion sets his or her own course based on intellect, education, exposure, open-mindedness and experience, all the while listening and considering other’s opinions, just not overreacting to them.
Resolutions are best made regarding behaviors, not outcomes. In other words, don’t say “I will lose 25 lbs, that is an outcome. Instead say, “I will exercise 3 days a week”, or “I will reduce my meal portions by 1/3.” those are behaviors.
