I started this drawing with the idea that the grey woman would represent the person who did not know herself and this didn’t see herself as beautiful. But as soon as I started to draw the colorful woman I realized the mistake. BOTH women can know themselves and BOTH women can see their own beauty.
Bad Beauty, Bad.
I had a discussion last week with a photographer friend who posted a photo of herself relaxing in a hot tub after a very hard, emotional couple of days. It represented for her feeling relief and joy at making it through a bad time. She took it down because she was self-conscious, then she put it up again because she didn’t want to give in to her fear of what others would think. I told her I was happy she put it back up because it said she was confident and strong in her beauty and happiness. She asked, “But isn’t that wrong? I would never think I am better than anyone.”
It seemed to me she was equating her believing she was beautiful (looking good, in other words) with vanity, ego and superiority over others. My thought was that while being vain and egotistical about it is wrong, knowing you are beautiful does not necessarily mean you are vain or egotistical.
Good Beauty, Good
It isn’t you comparing yourself, it’s you enjoying who you are. It’s about joy and fun, not about judgment and comparing. It’s about allowing that you have a right to express all of you, that includes your beauty, sensuality, femininity, as well as your moods, mind, love, feelings, ideas, etc.
I don’t think recognizing and enjoying one’s own beauty is bad. What do you think?
A few weeks ago I got in a bit of a kerfuffle with some people on Facebook about a recent public event. I thought it was magnified beyond what it should have been, they disagreed. It made me start thinking about when it’s good, appropriate and helpful to magnify something and when it can be counterproductive.
I think we live in a world where being offended by something as our first public reaction is the norm. We don’t like what someone says or does and so we react strongly in public to it. We let everyone know we are offended. There are times when that is important. The offense is real, it is harmful and it is dangerous to you or the world around you.
But there are other times when it can be a very slight offense, one of opinion or outlook or action, that is taken out of context, out of it’s place and blown up into a big offense. Of course we all have different decision making methods by which we make that choice, but in my mind the rise of social media has blown up the offended first reaction into an crowd sourcing protest intent on inflicting pain, suffering or a moral lesson to someone. Maybe that feels good but, in my mind, it isn’t always the best tack to take. Is the goal to feel good or is the goal to get something good to happen? If it’s to feel good, then shaming someone is like fast food. It feeds you short-term but is it really building your body in any healthy way? If it’s to get something good to happen, shaming someone is very unlikely to be the best way to do that. Maybe talking to them, asking them more questions, getting to the heart of why they said what they said is the best way. Or at least the first step to take.
Maybe there won’t be a resolution you are happy with. You can always take the next step of going public at that point. But maybe you will have a resolution. Maybe the person who offended you will have a new understanding of what they did and how it affected you. Maybe they will be sorry and apologize. Maybe they will work to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
I am a big fan of compliments, both giving and receiving. I give them better than I take them, but I like getting them as well. When I give them I try to be specific. I won’t say someone is pretty, I will say I like their hair style, or their necklace, etc. Often it’s something I might notice that others don’t. An accessory, or a feature perhaps. I like pointing out something specific because I am hoping the compliment I give makes them feel good about choices they made, not just that they were born looking a certain way. And I feel good when a compliment I give makes someone feel great.
Enjoying and feeling good about a compliment is one thing. Feeling your self-worth is attached completely to the compliments is another. The last thing I want is for someone to depend on my compliments for their complete value or worth. First off, I don’t want that pressure, and secondly, it certainly isn’t healthy for the person getting the compliments.
Criticisms
I don’t like giving criticisms, especially if it’s about style or looks. I deliberately step back when I see someone who is jarring to my established notions and let the visuals sit with me for a while. I practice withholding judgment, in other words. This is true in anything sensory; smells, sights, hearing, etc. I like to live with it for a while. And I always try and remember I can view someone without judging them. I think of these sensory experiences as being part of the passing parade of life; something to be enjoyed, admired, explored. Not something I have to judge.
If I do criticize, I would be saying it hoping they gave it some value. But I certainly hope the person receiving it doesn’t automatically take it as gospel truth about themselves. Once again, that would be too much pressure on me and would certainly be unhealthy on the part of the person hearing the criticism.
Balance
I assume that, for the most part, compliments make people feel good and criticisms make them feel bad. That is normal and to be expected. But to get all your worth in life and to feel completely worthless in life due to them indicates an a skewed understanding of your own value.
How do you overcome that? It’s not easy but it is doable. You have to start with small steps. I have a friend, Victoria James, in England, who does a daily live video called #Mindflowers (you can find her as @victoriajamesUK on Periscope). The idea started with her feeling like she, and her friends, all gave compliments to each other a lot more than they give compliments to themselves. They would be much more likely to denigrate and dismiss themselves than say something nice. So she started a daily routine that she now shares around the world. She simply asks the people watching her video to give themselves a compliment every day.
That is how you can start.
Periscope
Here is my periscope video of the drawing being created.
And here is part 2 where I color the drawing and we talk more about this idea.
The Flying Coffee Cup – An Illustrated Short Story
Chapter One
Amanda had her resume laid out just right. She had her business card just so. She had her lucky necklace on and, embarrassing as it was, her lucky underwear too. She had her coffee ordered and picked up. She was ready for the interview.
He walked in with long strides, letting the door close on the woman coming in behind him. He went straight to the counter, stopping just short of running into the back of the man waiting to order. He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes.
When it was his turn he said to the Barista, “Well, aren’t you cute. Aren’t you going to give me a smile?”
She looked at him and said, “This is my smile today, sorry. What can I get for you.”
“I want a very large cup of your strongest coffee, black.” he answered. When it was delivered by the Barista he said, “Thanks but it would have been nicer for me if you smiled.” He was not smiling as he said it.
Chapter Two
He came over the Amanda’s table and sat down. She put out her hand and said, “Hello Mr. Bendetto, I’m Amanda. It’s nice to meet you.”
He didn’t take her outstretched hand. He just nodded and said, “Let’s get started.”
He asked her a series of questions, all were short and curt. When he was done with the interview, which took all of 10 minutes he stood up and said, “I will let you know.”
She stood up and said, “Thank you. I will wait for your email.” She held out her hand to shake his.
He responded, “Honey, I don’t think you should hold your breath. I expect the job is harder than you can handle.” He walked away without saying goodbye or shaking her hand.
Chapter Three
Amanda was just about to start crying when her coffee cup raised up from the table. It had grown wings and was hovering in front of her. The lid came off partially and talked. It said, “You are more than he thinks you are.”
She stared as the coffee floated back down to the table as the wings disappeared, landing softly and not spilling any of itself. She looked up to see if any other person had witnessed it. It appeared no one had seen the coffee fly except the barista who had served the man his coffee. She was staring at Amanda with her eyes wide and her mouth open.
Amanda got up and walked over to the Barista. “Did you see that?” she asked.
“Yes, I did. And I heard what it said as well. How did that happen and why didn’t anyone else see it?”
Amanda said, “I have no idea. It was very strange. But it said the perfect thing to me, that’s all I know. What is your name?” She asked.
The Barista responded, “I’m Amanda. What’s yours?”
Amanda laughed, “That’s my name as well. Nice to meet you Amanda. I am sorry he was such a jerk to you, I heard him talking to you.”
“Yes, he was. Nice to meet you too Amanda. I overheard a bit of his conversation with you as well. He seemed rude to everyone.” Amanda the Barista said.
“Yep, he was a jerk to me. I was having a job interview with him but it didn’t take me long to realize, even though I am desperate for work, I wouldn’t work for him no matter what.” Said Amanda.
The Barista responded, “I am sorry you are in that situation, but I think you are right. I can’t imagine working for him! What sort of work are you looking for?”
“I’m a bookkeeper. I was helping to run my dad’s business but he sold it and retired recently so I am looking for something else. I just got a divorce so the pressure is on.”
“Oh, that sounds like pressure for sure. You know, you might want to talk to Sylvia, the owner here. Her son, John, has been doing the books but he is about to go to graduate school. I think she might be looking for someone.”
Chapter Four
A week later Amanda the bookkeeper had a new job. She had met with Sylvia the owner and they had gotten along great. The pay wasn’t quite as good as with her father’s business but it was not bad either. She knew she could make it with the salary and the hours.
On her first day she was going to meet with John, the current bookkeeper to start her training. But before he arrived she had to clean out an old desk to use as hers. It had office supplies and a disheveled pile of papers cluttering the drawers. She took them out and was figuring out what to do with them when one piece fell to the ground. She picked it up, turning it over to see if it had anything on the other side.
There, on the other side was a drawing of a coffee cup. A coffee cup with wings. She stared at it with her mouth open until she was interrupted by a male voice saying, “You better watch out, you might catch a fly with your mouth open that wide.” She looked up to see a young man, maybe 30 years old, handsome and with smiling eyes. He reached out his hand. “Hi Amanda, I am John. What’s so astounding?”
She blushed slightly, smiled and said, “Oh, hi. Nice to meet you. Sorry about that. I was looking at this.” She picked up the drawing of the flying coffee cup and showed it to him.
He said, “Oh, THAT’S where that drawing is. I have been wondering where it’s been for least a year or so. Was it in that pile of stuff?” pointing to the mess on the desk.
“Yes, it was. Did you draw it?” she asked.
“Yep, that’s by me. You can just call me Picasso, thank you very much!” he said as he laughed a big, hearty laugh.
“Ok, this is REALLY weird. I was looking at the drawing that way because I’ve seen it before.”
John looked puzzled. “How can that be?”
“I didn’t see this drawing. I saw the actual cup. It actually was my coffee cup last week. After the guy interviewing me left my cup grew wings and flew up to me and spoke. I know it sounds crazy but ask Amanda, she saw it too.”
John stared. It was his turn to have his mouth drop open. “Why is YOUR mouth catching flies now, if I may ask!” said Amanda with a laugh.
John fumbled a bit as he looked down at the drawing that was now in his hands. “You wouldn’t believe it.”
“Try me John.” she said. “After all, I just told you I saw a flying coffee cup.”
Chapter Five
“Ok, but it’s really strange.” he said. “I drew that about 7 years ago when I was 23. I think I even have a date on it, I drew it in April, right? I was just starting to help my mom here at the coffee shop and I had just left a long term relationship. I was stuck in the back of this office and I was feeling lonely and depressed. I drew this coffee cup that was sitting in front of me out of boredom one day. I left it on the desk and went out front to get some fresh air and something to eat. While I was out there I saw the most beautiful, sweet woman sitting at a table with a friend. I actually couldn’t see her very well, I was behind her. But I could see the side of her face and her smile and her beautiful brown hair. It was about the same length and style as yours I think only brown, not blonde. Anyway, she was showing off this incredibly unique diamond engagement ring to her friend. I had never seen anything like it. It was shiny and bright and she was beaming with joy.”
“I came back to the office and sat there wishing I had someone like her. I wished I had her actually. I sort of zoned out and started to draw wings and a mouth on the cup in the drawing as I imagined it flying out the talk to her. I wanted the cup to tell her she was making a mistake, that I was the right one for her. Of course I didn’t have any idea about who she was or what she was about. I didn’t really know if I was the right one for her. I was just wanting to be the right one for someone and I attached my dream to her at the moment.” He looked at Amanda with a look that said please don’t laugh at me.
“I often wonder what happened to her. I really do hope all went really well for her. It’s probably a blessing I didn’t see her face very clearly because if I had gotten a good look I probably would still be looking for her face in everyone I see.” He put the drawing down. “I told you it was a bizarre story.”
Amanda was crying. Big tears were rolling down her cheeks. “John? That woman was me. I was engaged 7 years ago in April and came here with my best friend to show her the ring. I had the same style hair, but then it was brown.”
John sat down. Amanda and John stared at each other for a long time without saying a word.
Epilogue
Amanda went home that afternoon, got the ring that afternoon and brought it back. It was the ring John remembered, very unique and shiny.
A year later John and Amanda were married. Amanda the Barista was a bridesmaid in a small ceremony at a beach about 100 miles away. John and the two Amandas opened a second coffee shop at the beach a year after that called ‘The Flying Cup’. They now have 24 shops at beaches around the world and are known for their story and their flying coffee cup logo.
They eventually sold their story to Universal pictures and it was made into a movie that did pretty well.
I recently did an ‘Absorbent Idea’ periscope on Beauty and Makeup. It was based on a series I did back in 2013. The conversation was so interesting I thought I would do a new series on Beauty. Let me know what you think!
So, one of the big things about outer beauty is the curse of comparison. How do you know who is and who is not beautiful if you aren’t comparing them, right? But comparing is wrong, isn’t it? Doesn’t that lead to feeling bad about yourself or judging others?
I actually say no, it doesn’t IF rightly understood. The word compare is neutral. It doesn’t have to assume judgment and condemnation, it can simply assume evaluation. ‘Her eyebrows arch high’. ‘Her highbrows don’t arch’. That is comparing and contrasting, not judging.
But you might say that is all fine and dandy but we know that judgment will naturally follow with a statement like, ‘I like arched eyebrows and I don’t like straight eyebrows.’ Isn’t that right? No, it isn’t right. There is no intrinsic reason you have to state a judgment or a preference after noticing a difference between two things. You can just notice and absorb while exploring and admiring both.
Competing
When the trouble starts is when the thought of competition comes in. That there is going to be a loser and a winner in beauty. That the purpose behind comparing is to compete. That there has to be a judgment that that ‘beauty’ is more beautiful than me. But think about a flower. Does a flower say it needs to look like a different type of flower to be beautiful? No, it doesn’t. It might compete for nutrients in the ground with another flower, but that is not about beauty, that is about survival. It isn’t trying to be judgmental or critical of the other flower. It is not saying that flower isn’t beautiful. It is simply doing what it needs to do to survive and thrive. It does it’s best to get everything it needs to be it’s best.
Your Beauty
If you do the same then you will always have your beauty. Your beauty will be genuinely yours. Not someone else’s, yours. Your style, your shine, your colors. And you won’t have to compete with anyone else for it.
When you are ‘torn up’ about something in life, what is it that really is torn? It’s your mind. For example, I have a friend who has fallen in love with a married man. Her mind and heart are torn. She thinks everything of this man and so she is willing to do everything for him, including risking destroying herself.
Your Focus is your Reality
What you focus on in life is what is real, even when it’s not. Spending your life focused on the existence of Bigfoot doesn’t make Bigfoot real. It makes your pursuit of him real.
Believing Untruth
Believing money will do everything for you in life doesn’t mean it’s true (it’s not). It means you will do everything (and anything) for money without regard for your own (and others) health, safety and well-being.
The questions you have to ask are:
Why do I think it’s true even though it’s proven to be false?
What do I gain from believing it?
Answer those and you are on your way to a more balanced way of thinking about money (or anything else for that matter).
Three times in the last week I have gone to a coffee shop and drawn. The first and second time led to pretty good drawings I thought. But the third time I struggled to get a good drawing.
I thought I would show you the drawings and explain some of the reasons why it went the way it did. Of course, there isn’t a reason for everything in art and creativity so I am not trying to explain it as if it’s a science experiment (where there is a reason for everything). But I think it can be helpful to show failures as well as successes.
The Stranger at Starbucks
I had to take my car in to have something looked at so took some of the waiting time and went to get coffee and breakfast. I was hoping to find someone interesting to draw and Periscope live as I did so. I went to Starbucks and as I walked in I noticed a woman sitting in the corner with her back to the window. She was at a small 2 person table and was talking to someone facing her. She had a nice brochure in front of her and seemed to be explaining something about a company or a sales opportunity.
First Attempt
The woman had a beautiful long face, eyes that were slightly turned up and a wide, expressive mouth. But in trying to capture those elements I exaggerated them. I then reduced her neck and shoulders in size as I tried to complete the drawing. The result was more of a caricature than a portrait. It’s not terrible, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to capture what I saw as a beautiful set of expressive lines and I don’t think I did that.
Second Attempt
This time I thought I would do the drawing in my sketchbook. I started the same way I started the first drawing, with a simple line. I was focused first on seeing and drawing the line that went from her forehead all the way down to her chin. Getting that to flow right was key to the rest of her face. I then went back up to her eye and worked on it’s shape and the line of her nose. By that time I already knew my initial line was off. My solution was to force myself out of that obsession with accuracy by changing my technique to a more gestural one. In other words I decided to draw fast and furious, going over a line multiple times as I went. It allowed me to correct the lines I didn’t like and move more spontaneously in the rest of the drawing.
However, even with a gesture drawing, if you start out with a fundamentally flawed construction, it can be hard to bring it back. And that is what I had done. By the time my initial work on her face was done I knew I had her eyes too high on her face and that their shape made them look vacant and amateurish. But I continued on thinking perhaps working with shading would fix the problem. It didn’t. I was able to do pretty well with her body this time around but it wasn’t going to matter if how I drew her face made her look like an alien, which it did. I worked it a bit longer before I decided there was only one more thing to try, and that was to lower and reshape the eyes. Unfortunately, I had already so overworked her eyes trying to save them that lowering them made them look even worse. I gave up at that point.
Third Attempt
I decided to try one more time on a napkin. I was determined to be spare and simple with my line and learn from what I just done. This time I started with her forehead line, then her eye, wanting to redeem myself after having drawn them so bad the first two times. I felt good about the first one, the one farthest from me and continued with her nose and jawline. At that point I felt I had a better start than the first two.
While her mouth is proportionally larger than average, in the first drawing I had made it too big. This time I waited until I saw her talk enough times to see how her lips looked and drew the four lines as fast as I could. Then I focused on getting the other eye right. After that I felt I had the bones of the drawing right and could move on to her body and hair with a loose and simple confidence.
This one is the best of the three, I have no doubt. The academic issues of proportion and shape are dealt with effectively and the expression allows for interpretation and imagination.
Success From Failure
So, I think I finished with a success. A minor success so far, but a success nonetheless. But I wouldn’t have achieved that success without the ability to walk away from a failure. Stopping something and saying it’s a failure is not failing in the ultimate sense. It’s simply admitting something is beyond repair, learning from it, and moving on to better things.
I had a Dr. appointment yesterday to look at my Achilles Tendon (it’s sore and I have a marathon coming up). After the appointment I went to Starbucks to hangout and draw. I saw this woman’s blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight as I walked in and found a table close enough so I could draw her as she studied.
I brought my sketchbook but decided to draw on a Starbucks napkin instead. If you look at the line drawing only version below you can see how brown the paper is. I usually shy away from coloring these napkins because of that but this time I thought using shades of gray to create a monotone image would be cool. But as I colored I started using colors that were bright. Next thing I know the drawing is colorful!
After I finished the line drawing I showed it to the woman. She seemed to be happy about it. I told her why I started drawing her (her hair) and she said she has only cut it once in her life, way back when she was in middle school. Even then it was still mid-chest so not really short. Her name is Brooklynne and it turns out she has won a few beauty pageants. I expect she will win a few more, as well as some academic scholarships. She was studying hard!
She wanted a picture of herself with the drawing and so I took one on her phone and another on mine.
This drawing is available, original or print. Email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
Money or Sex
Is this about money or is it about sex? When I was drawing it live on Periscope the #napkinkin talked a lot more about what it says about sex than what it says about money. Maybe they just aren’t that different?
Have you ever heard the quote, “Wherever you go, there you are.”? This quote is similar only having to do with money. In other words, you can have all the money in the world but it’s still you in control of it. And if you aren’t competent at controlling your money you will wreck it, surely as you will wreck a car.
This drawing (and the entire Money series) is available for purchase (original or print). Please contact me at Marty@napkindad.com if you are interested.
College of Money
When I was young we were a pretty wealthy family. Nice homes, cars, boats, vacations, even airplanes. But through a series of events, both personal and global, we had to downsize to a much more middle class existence. That included not being able to afford the college I was going to and me going out on my own. I regrouped and eventually went back to college on my own dime. That was the start of my college education in learning how to deal with money.
Masters of Money
I eventually got married and the family I married into was very different than my own. They were quite frugal and responsible with their money. They planned, invested, planned and invested some more. They budgeted, they prioritized, they delayed gratification. They judged the need vs the want. Marrying into that family was the graduate school of my education about how to deal with money.
Ph.D in Money
Later still I got divorced. We had just finally gotten out of debt from a move, a job change, and the raising of 3 kids. But the divorce had blown all that out of the water and I was back in debt. It took me many years to get back on track. That was my Ph.D. into how to deal with money.
Real Life in Money
How do you deal with money? Are you learning from the events of your life? Have you figured out what works and what doesn’t? Have you changed habits, ways of thinking, attitudes? What is the number one lesson you have learned? Let us know and maybe it will become a new drawing in the series!
Quote by Ayn Rand, 1905-1982, Russian-born American Novelist and Philosopher
You can see the creation of this drawing by watching a replay of my Periscope live video. Watching on Periscope allows you to interact with me live as I draw. It can be a lot of fun! If you would like to follow me on Periscope I am @thenapkindad.
Is this true or false? We had a long discussion about it yesterday, trying to come up examples of money solving problems that could not be traced back to actually be a money problem. We covered health, relationships, poverty, and more. We couldn’t find one. What do you think? Can you find a problem that money solves that isn’t in the end, about money?
Original drawing or prints are available – Please contact me at marty@napkindad.com to find out more.
I had a contest on Periscope this month (9/15) where I gave away a print of a napkin drawing. The winner was the one that sent in the best quote, as voted on by the #NapkinKin on Periscope. The quote below, “Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody” was the overwhelming favorite, having garnered 50% of the votes.
The winner was @freddyferret so I thought it would be fun to draw a ferret in the scene. Congrats to Freddy!
I will have another contest giveaway in October so if you aren’t on Periscope, get on it and follow me @thenapkindad!
Yogi Berra was one of the best baseball players ever. If he was mute and never said a word he would still be in the hall of fame many times over. Look up his statistics and there will be no doubt.
Yogi the Poet
But Yogi did talk. He said a lot of very funny, odd and surprisingly insightful things. Many are non sequiturs where the first part of the quote seems to make no sense with the second part of the quote. That gave me the idea of taking the quotes one step further, doing a mash up of two of his quotes and see what I can come up with.
There is a funny thing that happens on Periscope, the live video broadcast app I used daily (@thenapkindad). It’s international and because of that men from all over the world, especially from Turkey and the Middle East, will come on the broadcasts of women and say ‘Open Bobs’. What they actually mean is ‘open boobs’ or ‘show me your boobs’. This usually results in the woman broadcasting and many of her viewers blocking the man. It never results in the woman showing her boobs. Periscope is actually really pretty good about not allowing nudity and sexually explicit broadcasts to stay on.
Open Eyes
When I am watching broadcasts I don’t say ‘open boobs’. It’s not that I would mind seeing boobs, some of my best friends on Periscope have very nice ones I am sure, but I am not there to see them. But sometimes when I watch scopes I do want to say ‘Open Eyes’. This most often happens when I am randomly browsing scopes. I will come across someone who is bored and has nothing to say. They expect those watching their broadcast to entertain them instead of the other way around. They tell you they don’t know what to scope about but will still be scoping, and usually boring their audience into oblivion while doing so. Then there is the type who basks in their horrible situation. They seem to brag about their dysfunction, making it into popular entertainment instead of fixing it.
Shut Eyes
What I sometimes feel these people need is to open their eyes. But how are they going to do that? I think for them to open their eyes they need to shut them. What they all seem to lack is creativity. The bored ones aren’t seeing a creative direction for their attention. The dysfunctional ones aren’t seeing a creative solution to their dysfunction. Their eyes have been open the entire time and it obviously hasn’t led to them finding solutions. So I say they need to Shut their eyes and imagine.
Uniform
What will shutting their eyes do? Hopefully they can strip off the constraints of ‘standard’ and ‘tradition’ and ‘expectations’ and allow creative and imaginative ideas and solutions to come up from their subconscious.
Making connections between disparate and incongruous things is at the heart of creativity and that usually can’t happen if there is a lot of ‘NO’ going on in one’s head. You would think that having your eyes open would allow you to see creative connections but often we see what has been designed by others who are looking for standardization and uniformity, not individual uniqueness. A quick look at the main commercial centers in the US will tell you that – big box franchise after big box franchise looking like you are in Anywhere, USA.
Unique
But shutting your eyes? Shutting your eyes allows you to dream. You can see the connections between things that don’t seem to belong together. You can allow your own unique mind to take precedence over the corporate mind that wants you to fit in to their box.
In order to imagine “I shut my eyes in order to see.”
I bought this painting by Gauguin on a postcard at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City when I was a young teenager. I had it up on my wall wherever I lived or in my studio for close to 30 years. I probably still have it tucked away in a drawer or portfolio somewhere. I always loved the golden color of the main figure and the perfect tilt of the head of the woman at the side. The genius of Gauguin in having the women both look off in the way the do led me to wonder often what it was they were thinking about and looking at.
Paul Gauguin, Les Seins aux Fleurs Rouges, 1899, oil on canvas
My piano was an old upright that had been in Kathy’s (my first wife) family for generations. She had left it with me after we divorced and she moved to California. Chelsea used it for years afterward at my house but when she moved into her first small apartment she got a smaller piano that would fit.
When Linda and I combined households upon our marriage a few years later, we doubled up on pianos. I contacted Kathy to see if she or anyone on her side of the family wanted it and I contacted Chelsea to see if she wanted it. No one wanted it.
Chelsea at the Piano
I researched what it would go for on the open market. Turns out it was very similar to many others trying to be sold and would be unlikely to get me much money.
Ready to be transformed
What I Saw
What I looked at was an old, unwanted piano. But what I saw was more than a piano. What I saw was a bookcase.
Starting the teardown
Take away the bulk of metal and strings and what was left was amazing wood.
Piano in Pieces
So I tore it apart, taking every single piece of wood and ditching the guts.
Almost finished – Just some sanding, staining and varnishing still to go.
I then made a bookshelf with the wood and gave it to Chelsea for her birthday.
What do you see when you look?
Drawing, writing, photos and bookshelf by Marty Coleman
Quote by Henry David Thoreau, 1817-1862, American author (among other things)
Periscope
You can see the drawing being created during a live video on Periscope.
Without imagination it’s very hard to see into the future since it is undefined and can’t, for the most part, be defined by facts. One needs to imagine what is to come.
The Past
Without imagination it’s very hard to see into the past since it is defined only in story and memory. Without a story the past can’t be told and a story is never without imagination.
The Present
Without imagination it’s very hard to see into the present since it is only partially seen. To be able to see what is happening right now but is not present in front of us we need imagination.
Telescope
Your imagination is the soul’s telescope. It allows you to see into the past, the future and the present with more clarity, more detail and more curiosity than you possibly could without one. Don’t leave home (or stay home) without it!
At the end of those two lines make 2 small horizontal lines.
Go 3/4 of the way back up the first line.
Draw 2 lines coming off that main line at an angle.
Draw 3 lines off the ends of those angled lines.
Draw an oval at the top of the first line.
Draw in 3 dots in an upside down triangle formation in the top half of the oval.
Draw a straight horizontal line in the bottom half of the oval.
Appendix:
To depict a female:
Draw 2 circles on either side of the original line, just below the set of lines that are angled out from the center line. Size does not matter. (See illustration above)
Optional:
Draw little teeny weenie lines off of those circles.
Draw a big half circle off the original line. Draw a smaller version of the entire stick figure inside that half circle.
Extra Credit:
Draw a 2nd smaller version in the same half circle
To depict a male:
Draw a straight vertical line coming down from the point at which the first line splits into two lines at the bottom.
Size does matter – The vertical line should not be too long. Or too short.
Optional:
Draw the same line but at an angle.
To depict a child:
Repeat part 1 instructions above but make the oval at the top of the original line FREAKING huge.
To Finish:
Draw a bunch of other people, animals and things that tell a story that no one can figure out.
The Real Story
Ok, the real story is this. I actually did start a Periscope video broadcast with the title ‘How to Draw a Stick Figure’. But it was hijacked by funny, rude, silly, entertaining NapkinKin who kept asking me to draw things. First, a hat, then a dog, the a cat, then some gnats. and a house and a tree and of course someone wanted me to draw boobs. It was too funny not to just go with the flow. This drawing was the result.
I am starting a new series called ‘BEYOND Imagination’. My wife and I always crack up when we hear that phrase because obviously if someone is telling us a story it had to be imagined, thus NOTHING can be beyond it.
When Imagination Becomes Bad
When kids are young, in elementary school, they are allowed to let their imaginations soar. If they want to draw a unicorn, nobody is going to stop them. If they want to make a robot that also poops cookies, that’s a cute and funny thing. But when they get to adolescence they are directed by schools, parents, the world, and themselves to make things real. The suddenly want to make that drawing of a car look JUST like a car. If they don’t they get ridiculed by their peers and perhaps others as ‘drawing like a child’. Nothing is more humiliating than that for a teenager trying to be grown up. So they try really hard to copy reality.
And of course most of them fail. They fail because their desire in themselves and the pressure from others is not matched with training on how to draw realistically. Many then get frustrated, feel like a failure and quit.
When Imagination Becomes Good
Those who don’t quit in frustration will eventually learn techniques and methods and get so they can draw accurately. But then what? Many of the best artists then realize that accuracy isn’t enough. So what if it looks like a photograph? It may woo a crowd but it doesn’t really express much about themselves as artists or fulfill their desire to communicate.
Thinking, Feeling, Seeing
Then they start to get back to their child-like imagination. Then they start to create art based on the quote above. Or maybe it’s not about what they think but instead it’s about what they feel. Either way, they become free from the tyranny of realistic accuracy and move towards using color, form, shape, texture, line, etc. (the formal elements of art) to express what is inside them. And we get to see inside them, not just outside. That to me is a fulfilling starting point for great art.
Quote by Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso, 1881-1973, Spanish Artist
Periscope
You can watch the Periscope video of the creation of this drawing and the guessing of the quote here.
If you are on Periscope you can find me @thenapkindad
Today is the final installment of my Kindness 101 series. I started it as one commissioned piece for Natalie Hamilton (@hammyton on Periscope, @nhammyton on twitter) but it turned into an entire series. This final one also happened to be in conjunction with me filling in for Natalie to do her daily Periscope #bekind101 challenge while she was on vacation. You can see the scope at the bottom of this post.
Arguing
The world is filled with arguments. It isn’t just some current thing, it’s has always been filled with it. And many arguments are needed and necessary. We need to argue about policies of our government. We need to argue about what laws to pass and why.
But what we don’t need to do is argue in such a way that we are unkind. These can happen politics of course, but it’s usually amateur wannabe politicians who are the most cruel. Professional politicians and diplomats understand that even if you disagree with someone you will likely still need to work with them. And that isn’t going to happen if you trash them publicly. It’s why negative campaigning is always so hard to watch or listen to and it’s one of the reasons Donald Trump is so worrisome to many. The idea that he could be negotiating with a foreign power and calling them ‘loser’ or ‘3rd rate’ make people worried that it could lead to a disaster.
Kinding
In most day-to-day cases, in person but especially online, arguing can often become so important to someone that they forget about being kind. They become hurtful and mean in a personal attack on a person instead. It even gets to the point that when a person tries to be kind to both sides in an argument and see each other’s position with some compassion and understanding, that person can be vilified from both sides as being not pure enough in their position. It can be a vicious cycle.
Recently for example the case of Kim Davis has been in the news. She is the Rowan County Clerk in Kentucky who refuses to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. She even went to jail over Labor Day weekend for being in contempt of court. I disagree with her position, simple as that. HOWEVER, I am not against her personally. I am not going to attack her religion or her marriage history or her or her husband’s clothing style. I think it is completely and utterly irrelevant. Not only that, it’s mean and hurtful. Putting that forward among many online who disagree with her position leads me to be suspect. I am not sufficiently angry. I am not sufficiently willing to attack her on all fronts.
But I think we should choose kindness even in the midst of our argument against her position and that means we don’t attack her personally.
You can view the periscope video that shows the creation of the drawing and the discussion about the ‘Kindness101 Challenge’ here.
This is day #3 in the Kindness 101 series. It’s inspired by a daily challenge Natalie Hamilton (@hammyton) has been doing on Periscope called the BeKind101 challenge. 101 days of finding a new, creative way to be kind.
Judgment Culture
It’s the world we live in, isn’t it? Whether it’s political commentary or celebrity gossip or anything in between, judgment reigns supreme in the 21st century. Yes, I know it has been around and rampant before now but this new century, with it’s new methods of image and word communication, has unleashed a new, and particularly virulent, strain of judgment upon the globe. I know I see it all around me, in casual conversations and in momentous public proclamations.
Here are just a few examples of people and groups I have seen being judged with no knowledge at all of who they really are:
Welfare Recipients
Immigrants & Refugees
Racial & Religious Minorities
Celebrities
Gender Orientation
Geographical Location
What are some other people or groups?
In the worst of these there is only judgment and no interest in understanding the real true life of those individuals.
Compassion Culture
Why is judgment so rampant and compassion so lacking? My own idea is that it has a lot to do with the separation of people from the individual they are judging. It’s easy to judge someone on the internet, not so easy to give that same judgment in person. It’s easy to judge a celebrity, who seems unreal. It’s harder to judge that same celebrity if you actually know them.
So, how do you, as an individual, combat this judgment culture? Here are my ideas.
Focus your own mind on compassion, thinking and talking in terms of understanding and compassion instead of judgment.
Forego joining the mob of judgers, whether online or in person.
Actively defend those who are being unfairly judged.
Seek out opportunities to be compassionate and understanding in your real life and online.
It’s as simple and as hard as this, isn’t it.
“Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.”
This is #2 in my series on Kindness, inspired by my periscope friend Natalie Hamilton’s (@hammyton) #bekind101 challenge. She is scoping for 1o1 days in a row on kindness. Each day she gives out another challenge on how to be kind. She asked me to draw something for her under that theme and I am doing a whole series as a result.
The Assumed Bad
If you were a religious Jew back in Jesus’ day you knew the rules. The rules were pretty simple. Don’t congregate, talk to, touch, befriend or help those of other tribes. One tribe in particular stood out as being one to avoid. The Samaritans. They were dangerous, crude, mean, and evil. They were to be avoided at all costs.
The Assumed Good
If you were a religious Jew back in Jesus’ day you knew who was at the top of the God heap, the Levites. They were the tribe from which the priests of the temple came. Not all Levites were priests but all Levites were given special privileges and had higher expectations placed on the due to them being from that tribe.
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
Jesus tells the story of a man who gets robbed, beaten, stripped naked and left for dead along the road to Jericho. A Jewish priest walks by and crosses to the other side of the road to avoid the doomed man. A Levite also walks by and crosses the road to avoid the man. Then a Samaritan comes upon the same man. He does not cross the street to avoid him, helping him instead. He tells the story in response to a question from an expert in the Jewish law.
Here is the passage. It is from Luke 10:25-37 in the New Testament of he Christian Bible.
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
Action vs Intent
The reason this story is known is because the Samaritan took action. If the Samaritan had just thought about doing something good he would have been doing the same thing the priest and the Levite were likely doing, saying to themselves, ‘It would be good to help but I am in a hurry. The robbers might still be around. The guy might be faking it and wanting to rob me himself. I don’t really have the skills to help him or any number of other self-serving rationalizations and even some valid reasons.
The Samaritan took action. Kindness requires action. You can’t be kind in your head alone. If your kindness does not come out in your words, your hands, your feet, your actions, then it really doesn’t exist at all.
You can see the creation of this drawing and a very interesting and intense discussion about it and many other things on my periscope broadcast.
I have been commissioned to do a napkin drawing on the topic of kindness for a fellow Periscoper. I decided to do an entire series on the topic. Here’s the first.
No Day But Today
It’s 5am on a weekday morning. I see a woman getting gas right next to me. I notice she is on the phone being perky, positive and upbeat to whoever is on the other end. I am feeling tired and not at all ready to go running this early. I am doing it grudgingly because I have an obligation to some friends to show up. While I wait for my tank to fill up I listen to her side of the conversation. By the end her enthusiasm and joy has made me feel a lot better about my morning. My outlook has completely changed in the course of 2 minutes.
Wow, who would have thought that overhearing some random person could be so uplifting? I think about saying something to her to let her know how her positive attitude has really changed my morning. I want to thank her. But then she will know I was eavesdropping. She might think I am a creep. She might get mad. I might scare her. She might think I am hitting on her. I should respect her space. I decide to not say anything. She drives away, I drive away. I sort of wish I had said something but it’s no big deal, just a random event at a gas station, not life changing after all.
I run with my friends and two of them tell me my positive attitude really helped them get in a better mood. I tell them about the woman at the station and how I was going to say something but didn’t. Most of them say they wouldn’t have said anything either. It would have been too awkward. But one fellow runner says she wishes I had said something. She says, “You can’t do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
I say, “Maybe I will see her next week at the same station, then I will say something to her.”
My friend says, “That would be nice, do that.”
I go home and switch on the TV to watch the news while I change for work. The news is filled with reports of a shooting in a neighboring town. A reporter and her cameraman were shot and killed. What a tragedy. Then they flash the picture of the reporter on the screen. It’s the woman from the gas station.
Fiction and Reality
This is not a true story about me and a woman at a gas station. But it might have been. There was a woman gunned down, Alison Parker, along with her co-worker, Adam Ward, this week in Virginia. Maybe she did get gas at 5am. Maybe she was on the phone, perky and awake. Maybe someone wanted to let her know she was a positive influence that day. I hope if they felt it, they said it. I hope someone gave the kindness they wanted to give to Adam as well. But I don’t know.
But I do know that we never know. And because we never know, we should always err on the side of expressing the kindness we feel when we feel it, instead of waiting for the perfect time or circumstance.
Periscope
You can see the process of drawing this napkin and the ‘Guess the Quote’ game we played while I drew it.
SXSW 2015 Workshop Proposal – ‘ Igniting Creativity with Periscope‘ – I need your vote and comments for it to be accepted. Please go and support me if you can, thanks!
Oh No You DI’INT!
My wife, Linda, and I sometimes have a bit of a tiff because one of us was sure we told the other something but the other person insists they were never told. She might say she was sure she told me to pay a bill by a certain day. Oh, no you DI’INT! Or maybe I will say I remember distinctly telling her that so and so called. Oh, no you DI’INT!
In most cases what was said actually was said. She told me, I told her. The problem isn’t what was said, it’s what was heard. I know I am guilty plenty of times of not registering what someone has said to me. I am going to go out on a limb and say my wife has been guilty of it a time or two as well. We thought we were communicating but if no one hears it, were we really?
What We Have Here
In the movie ‘Cool Hand Luke’ Luke, the character played by Paul Newman, is subjected to a boat load of punishment because he will not obey his jailers. In the most famous scene of the movie (and #11 in the all time greatest Hollywood movie quotes) his jailer, after beating him says to the onlooking prisoners, “What we have here is failure to communicate.” But when you actually watch the scene and hear the next line, “Some men you just can’t reach”, what the jailer seems to really be saying is there is a failure to listen. That is different than communicating. He is blaming Luke for not listening, not himself for not communicating properly.
But in our daily life it behooves us to ask questions from both sides. First, am I actually communicating well? Is what I am saying accurate and making sense? And second, is the person listening? And if they are, are they actually comprehending what it is I am saying?
If we can do those things we are closer to making sure communication actually has taken place, right?
Periscope on Katch.me
Here is the ‘Guess the Quote’ broadcast I did on Periscope as I drew the napkin. If you would like to find out more about Periscope click the periscope link at the top of the page.
Dominique was born in France but moved to Chicago when she was just a baby. Her father died when she was seven and her mother raised her as best she could. When she was 18 her mother decided to move back to France but Dominique wanted to stay in Chicago and go to school or get a job.
Chapter One
Dominique went to the gallery opening because the exhibition was titled ‘Pierced’. She saw a flyer for it posted in the back hallway of a club where she danced. She wasn’t really an artsy type of person, she had only been to one museum in her life, but she was excited to go because she loved piercings. She had 20 of them herself and was hoping to get more.
She asked one of the other dancers, who went by the stage name ‘Flame’, if she wanted to go with her but she had no baby sitter for that night. The other girls at the club weren’t really very friendly and most of them sort of scared her. She would have invited her best friend at the club, ‘Trinity’, but she had been arrested for her 3rd DUI two days before and was still in jail.
She decided to go alone though it was very scary for her to do so. She never really went out to anything remotely ‘cultural’ even though she read about a lot of those sorts of events online. In her mind she wasn’t very socially adept, never really knowing what to say. She had gotten better at small talk, working at the club had helped her with that, but she still worried about talking about serious stuff. She had it all in her brain, she thought she was pretty smart after all, but she just sort of froze up when that sort of conversation was in front of her.
Chapter Two
The gallery was in the art district of Chicago. She had never been there and got lost. She felt annoyed with herself for not figuring out how to get there in advance and felt a panic attack coming on. Luckily she found it right about then and was able to calm herself down by doing the breathing exercises she learned about on some fitness website she sometimes followed. She checked her makeup in the rear view mirror, reapplying her eyeliner just a bit and touching up her lipstick.
She dressed how she thought one should dress for an artsy event. She wore heels that weren’t too tall, certainly not her stiletto height that she wore on stage. She had on a maxi skirt, the only one she owned, with a bold blue and gold print. Blue and gold were her favorite colors and they matched her piercings. Her blouse was just a simple pale blue leotard type top. It did a pretty good job of reducing how big her bust looked, which she hoped for since she hated the attention they got when she wasn’t on the job.
Chapter Three
The place had a beautiful sign hanging from the front letting her know the name of the gallery, Foray. The gallery was crowded but not so much so that she couldn’t make her way through. She had to go to the bathroom and asked a cute girl who, in spite of looking about 14 years old, seemed to have a certain confidence standing in the middle of the room, as if she knew the gallery. She pointed to the back of the gallery and said, “Go to the left back there and it’s on the right. I like your piercings, by the way.” Dominique thanked her and went off to find the bathroom.
Dominique chuckled to herself once she left the young girl. So young yet so confident, something she wished she had been at that age. She found the bathroom and relieved herself. There was a big orange vase made out of corrugated cardboard in the corner of her stall. It had a single white PVC pipe sticking out of it with a large paper flower sticking at the end. The flower was blue and gold and looked a lot like the stud coverings she had on her piercings. This made her happy.
Chapter Four
She went back out into the gallery and started to look at the art work. She hadn’t really known what to expect since the flyer didn’t have a picture on it. She assumed it would be pictures of people with piercings, but it was not. It was large paintings of strange scenes. One was of a fat man on a fishing boat catching a giant Marlin. It showed a close up of the hook poking through the fish’s lip. Another was of a woman at a sewing machine. She was in pain with her finger impaled by the needle of the machine. It showed blood all over the sewing machine. It made Dominique wince. There was a very large painting of a man dead on the ground with a big hole in him. Another man was standing over him with a gun that was smoking.
It was all very strange to Dominique. She was repulsed but wanted to look at the same time. She had no idea what any of these paintings had to do with piercings at all. She walked into an area where there was a wine bar and food, which she quickly indulged in. She would have preferred water, her mouth was really dry, but she was hungry and thirsty and that’s what was there. The wine wasn’t very good but the little cracker thingies with the tan-colored spread on them were yummy.
She was going for a second helping when the young girl she had asked direction from came up beside her. “You found the bathroom, right?” she asked.
“Yes, found it fine, thank you” she responded. “I liked the vase with the blue and gold flower, that was cool. Who did that one?”
The young girl laughed, “Ha, that’s mine. It’s the only place my mother let me put it. She’s mean like that!”
Right then a woman who looked surprisingly like the young girl came up. “Are you telling a perfect stranger how mean I am to you? You always make me sound like the worst parent.” She laughed and grabbed the girl around the shoulders from behind and nuzzled her neck.
The young girl looked at Dominique and said, “That’s my mom, if you hadn’t guessed.”
Dominique laughed and said, “I figured. You two look a lot alike. She reached out her hand to the girl, What’s your name?”
The girl answered, “I am Veronique but I go by Vera. This mean person behind me is Cruella.”
Her mother laughed and said, “Yep, that’s me, cruelest mother on earth! Actually, my name is Angelique but I usually go by Angel. Nice to meet you.”
She held out her hand and Dominique shook it. Then she turned to Vera and shook her hand as well. Both hands were warm and strong. It made her feel good. “I am Dominique but I usually am just called ‘Dom’.
“So, what do you think of the art here?” Dom asked.
Vera looked at her mom and was about to speak when her mom said, “I am not sure, what do you think?”
Dom responded, “I like it I think. It’s sort of scary though. I like the colors he uses but I don’t really understand how the paintings relate to the title of the show. I only came to here because I like piercing a lot.”
Before she could continue Vera said, “I sort of got that.”
Her mother said, “Don’t be rude Vera.” But Vera rolled her eyes and protested, “I wasn’t being rude, I was just stating the obvious dear mother.”
Dom smiled and said, “I didn’t take it as rude, no worries. I know people look at my face and see a lot of piercings. Anyway, I thought it would about that. I am not sure what these are about. But then again, I don’t know much about art. This is the very first art gallery I have ever been in. And I have only been in one museum before.”
Vera sighed, “You are so lucky! I have lived my whole life going to galleries and museums, they can be so boring!”
Vera’s mother sighed back, “See what I get for exposing my daughter to a life of culture and beauty? Such an ungrateful little waif!” She then let out a big laugh and kissed Vera on the cheek.
Vera wiped her cheek and looked at her mom. “You can be so embarrassing sometimes!” she said as she laughed back.
Dom was completely enthralled by how fun this encounter was. Her spirits were lifted by seeing the relationship between Vera and her mom. But she was confused. “So, I have a question Vera. You said the vase in the bathroom was yours and your mom would only let you put it there. So Angel, does that mean you are the owner of the gallery?”
Angel answered with a smile, “No, not the owner. I am the artist. Vera wanted to take over the gallery with her vases but I, meanest mother in the world, wouldn’t let her. She got the bathrooms and she’s lucky to have them.” She laughed.
“You did these paintings? Really?” Dom said with her jaw open. She was now mortified. “I am so sorry I said I didn’t get them. I really do think they are good. Don’t listen to me, I don’t know anything. I should have just shut…”
Angel put her hand up to stop her, interrupting, “It’s completely OK Dominique. I wasn’t offended. I completely understand people will have all sorts of opinions about the work. I will say however that the reason I think the name of the show and the paintings are connected is that each painting shows something or someone getting pierced by something.”
Dom looked around. “Damn, how did she miss that!”, she thought to herself. “Uh…DUH me. Now I see it. Man, sometimes I can be so dumb.”
“No worries, you aren’t the first person who didn’t see the connection.” Angel said. “I was married to my husband for 10 years and he NEVER got any of the connections I was trying to make. But I still loved him anyway.”
Vera came up close to her mom and hugged her around the waist in a sweet, comforting gesture. Dom wasn’t sure what it was all about figured it wasn’t any of her business anyway.
Chapter Five
Angel excused herself, saying she had to mingle with other guests. She looked at Vera and said, “Are you ok on your own for now?”
She laughed, pointed at Dom and said, “Yep, I am going to walk around with her and explain all the weird things in your paintings that no one ever notices!”
Dom and Vera did just that. They walked around the gallery and Vera explained about little secrets, and in some cases the larger story, behind the paintings.
They got to the last painting, of a man with a gun in his hand standing over someone he had just shot. Dom said, “This is the most gruesome of all the paintings I think. What’s the story behind this one?”
Vera looked at her and said, “This one is of my dad. He had to kill someone a long time ago to protect my mom and me. We went to the mall to shop and there was some guy who started firing a gun near us. My dad pushed us both down into a lingerie store and ran after the guy. He fought him and got the gun away and killed him.”
Dom was stunned. “Wow, your dad was a real hero that day! How did he get the courage to go do that?”
“I don’t know” Vera responded. “Mom says he never really was a scary strong guy before, but she said something just came over him and he did it. She tells me that he never said anything about it afterwards except that he loved us and wanted to make sure we were safe.”
“Wow. Did he ever talk to you about it?” Dom asked.
Vera looked up at Dom and said, “No, he died before I really was old enough to talk to him very much. I was only 5.”
Dom put her hand on Vera’s shoulder. “I am so sorry to hear that. He sounds like he was a really great dad. I bet you miss him.” She was crying as she spoke.
Vera noticed the tears and said, “It’s ok now. I remember good things about him. I am not sad that much anymore.”
Dom said, “You know why I am crying? There is something you don’t know about me. My dad died too. I was only 7.”
Vera looked at her and wrapped her arms around her waist. “I am sorry, it sucks, doesn’t it.”
“Yes, it does.” said Dom.
Vera and Dom went back into the main gallery to get something to eat and drink. They saw Angel again and Vera told her about Dom’s dad dying. Angel gave Dom a hug, holding on for quite a while. She asked, “Would you like to go to dinner with a few of us after the opening is over? It will just be another half an hour if you can wait. I would love to have you with us.”
Vera piped up, “Yes, you have to come, promise?”
Dom smiled and said, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
Epilogue
The dinner was great, as was the fun day the three of them had at the Zoo a week later. Dom started watching Vera a few days a week after school while Angel was at her day job. Vera taught her how she made her paper vases and flowers.
Dom quit her dancing job a few months later. It was a big financial hit but she had saved up some and knew she needed to get out of that business soon anyway. She got a job at the front desk of the Foray Gallery and Vera would come hang out there after school. Dom eventually learned bookkeeping and took over running the gallery’s business side. Turned out she was good at it.
Angel became a very well-known artist and her paintings became much sought after. They started selling to not just collectors but museums as well. The gallery even sold one for $100,000.00, which blew everyone away. There was a big celebration that night!
When Foray’s owner wanted to sell the gallery to move down to Florida to be closer to his dying parents, Dom, Angel and Vera went in together and bought the gallery.
They remained best of friends for the rest of their lives.
Year later, when Dom was asked what was the secret of her success, she would always say the same thing, “The secret to my success is very simple. I had one moment of courage to go see art when I was 21 years old. Everything else came from that”
We were watching an episode of the TV show ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ last week (don’t judge). A girl was smitten with a guy. She was convinced it was a match made in heaven based on their date together. At the same time some of the other contestants on the show were starting to think maybe he didn’t have those same feelings. How? A little bit by what he said, which was mostly talking about another girl who wasn’t even on the show yet, but mostly by his body language, his non-verbal communication, toward the girl he had the date with.
Instincts
The day after the date, he avoided her like the plague. When two of the guys went to her and said they had doubts about his intentions she confronted him about it. He said that he was interested but had kept his distance so as to not smother her. He then confronted to two guys, accusing them of throwing him under the bus and that he felt betrayed. It caused both the men to apologize to him and her. One even broke down, so mortified that he had accused him of that when he really shouldn’t have.
Truth and Trust
The kicker? We the audience have been watching him being interviewed apart from everyone else. And his intent? He couldn’t care less about that girl, he just needed to get a rose this week so the woman he hoped would be at ‘paradise’ would show up next week. He’s been a snake, a liar, a schemer and a con man. A week later the girl he wanted to date showed up. it turns out they had been in contact before the show and knew each other would be there. All he had to do was stay long enough for her to arrive and he did it by playing the unsuspecting woman.
What the guys and girls thought was true, turned out to be true. They picked up on his insincerity but they didn’t trust their instinct. They didn’t believe they could trust what was obvious, albeit unsaid.
How good are you at hearing what isn’t said?
Drawing and commentary @ 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Peter Drucker, 1909-2005, American Management Consultant
