I had a contest on Periscope this month (9/15) where I gave away a print of a napkin drawing. The winner was the one that sent in the best quote, as voted on by the #NapkinKin on Periscope. The quote below, “Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody” was the overwhelming favorite, having garnered 50% of the votes.
The winner was @freddyferret so I thought it would be fun to draw a ferret in the scene. Congrats to Freddy!
I will have another contest giveaway in October so if you aren’t on Periscope, get on it and follow me @thenapkindad!
Yogi Berra was one of the best baseball players ever. If he was mute and never said a word he would still be in the hall of fame many times over. Look up his statistics and there will be no doubt.
Yogi the Poet
But Yogi did talk. He said a lot of very funny, odd and surprisingly insightful things. Many are non sequiturs where the first part of the quote seems to make no sense with the second part of the quote. That gave me the idea of taking the quotes one step further, doing a mash up of two of his quotes and see what I can come up with.
There is a funny thing that happens on Periscope, the live video broadcast app I used daily (@thenapkindad). It’s international and because of that men from all over the world, especially from Turkey and the Middle East, will come on the broadcasts of women and say ‘Open Bobs’. What they actually mean is ‘open boobs’ or ‘show me your boobs’. This usually results in the woman broadcasting and many of her viewers blocking the man. It never results in the woman showing her boobs. Periscope is actually really pretty good about not allowing nudity and sexually explicit broadcasts to stay on.
Open Eyes
When I am watching broadcasts I don’t say ‘open boobs’. It’s not that I would mind seeing boobs, some of my best friends on Periscope have very nice ones I am sure, but I am not there to see them. But sometimes when I watch scopes I do want to say ‘Open Eyes’. This most often happens when I am randomly browsing scopes. I will come across someone who is bored and has nothing to say. They expect those watching their broadcast to entertain them instead of the other way around. They tell you they don’t know what to scope about but will still be scoping, and usually boring their audience into oblivion while doing so. Then there is the type who basks in their horrible situation. They seem to brag about their dysfunction, making it into popular entertainment instead of fixing it.
Shut Eyes
What I sometimes feel these people need is to open their eyes. But how are they going to do that? I think for them to open their eyes they need to shut them. What they all seem to lack is creativity. The bored ones aren’t seeing a creative direction for their attention. The dysfunctional ones aren’t seeing a creative solution to their dysfunction. Their eyes have been open the entire time and it obviously hasn’t led to them finding solutions. So I say they need to Shut their eyes and imagine.
Uniform
What will shutting their eyes do? Hopefully they can strip off the constraints of ‘standard’ and ‘tradition’ and ‘expectations’ and allow creative and imaginative ideas and solutions to come up from their subconscious.
Making connections between disparate and incongruous things is at the heart of creativity and that usually can’t happen if there is a lot of ‘NO’ going on in one’s head. You would think that having your eyes open would allow you to see creative connections but often we see what has been designed by others who are looking for standardization and uniformity, not individual uniqueness. A quick look at the main commercial centers in the US will tell you that – big box franchise after big box franchise looking like you are in Anywhere, USA.
Unique
But shutting your eyes? Shutting your eyes allows you to dream. You can see the connections between things that don’t seem to belong together. You can allow your own unique mind to take precedence over the corporate mind that wants you to fit in to their box.
In order to imagine “I shut my eyes in order to see.”
I bought this painting by Gauguin on a postcard at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City when I was a young teenager. I had it up on my wall wherever I lived or in my studio for close to 30 years. I probably still have it tucked away in a drawer or portfolio somewhere. I always loved the golden color of the main figure and the perfect tilt of the head of the woman at the side. The genius of Gauguin in having the women both look off in the way the do led me to wonder often what it was they were thinking about and looking at.
Paul Gauguin, Les Seins aux Fleurs Rouges, 1899, oil on canvas
My piano was an old upright that had been in Kathy’s (my first wife) family for generations. She had left it with me after we divorced and she moved to California. Chelsea used it for years afterward at my house but when she moved into her first small apartment she got a smaller piano that would fit.
When Linda and I combined households upon our marriage a few years later, we doubled up on pianos. I contacted Kathy to see if she or anyone on her side of the family wanted it and I contacted Chelsea to see if she wanted it. No one wanted it.
Chelsea at the Piano
I researched what it would go for on the open market. Turns out it was very similar to many others trying to be sold and would be unlikely to get me much money.
Ready to be transformed
What I Saw
What I looked at was an old, unwanted piano. But what I saw was more than a piano. What I saw was a bookcase.
Starting the teardown
Take away the bulk of metal and strings and what was left was amazing wood.
Piano in Pieces
So I tore it apart, taking every single piece of wood and ditching the guts.
Almost finished – Just some sanding, staining and varnishing still to go.
I then made a bookshelf with the wood and gave it to Chelsea for her birthday.
What do you see when you look?
Drawing, writing, photos and bookshelf by Marty Coleman
Quote by Henry David Thoreau, 1817-1862, American author (among other things)
Periscope
You can see the drawing being created during a live video on Periscope.
Without imagination it’s very hard to see into the future since it is undefined and can’t, for the most part, be defined by facts. One needs to imagine what is to come.
The Past
Without imagination it’s very hard to see into the past since it is defined only in story and memory. Without a story the past can’t be told and a story is never without imagination.
The Present
Without imagination it’s very hard to see into the present since it is only partially seen. To be able to see what is happening right now but is not present in front of us we need imagination.
Telescope
Your imagination is the soul’s telescope. It allows you to see into the past, the future and the present with more clarity, more detail and more curiosity than you possibly could without one. Don’t leave home (or stay home) without it!
At the end of those two lines make 2 small horizontal lines.
Go 3/4 of the way back up the first line.
Draw 2 lines coming off that main line at an angle.
Draw 3 lines off the ends of those angled lines.
Draw an oval at the top of the first line.
Draw in 3 dots in an upside down triangle formation in the top half of the oval.
Draw a straight horizontal line in the bottom half of the oval.
Appendix:
To depict a female:
Draw 2 circles on either side of the original line, just below the set of lines that are angled out from the center line. Size does not matter. (See illustration above)
Optional:
Draw little teeny weenie lines off of those circles.
Draw a big half circle off the original line. Draw a smaller version of the entire stick figure inside that half circle.
Extra Credit:
Draw a 2nd smaller version in the same half circle
To depict a male:
Draw a straight vertical line coming down from the point at which the first line splits into two lines at the bottom.
Size does matter – The vertical line should not be too long. Or too short.
Optional:
Draw the same line but at an angle.
To depict a child:
Repeat part 1 instructions above but make the oval at the top of the original line FREAKING huge.
To Finish:
Draw a bunch of other people, animals and things that tell a story that no one can figure out.
The Real Story
Ok, the real story is this. I actually did start a Periscope video broadcast with the title ‘How to Draw a Stick Figure’. But it was hijacked by funny, rude, silly, entertaining NapkinKin who kept asking me to draw things. First, a hat, then a dog, the a cat, then some gnats. and a house and a tree and of course someone wanted me to draw boobs. It was too funny not to just go with the flow. This drawing was the result.
I am starting a new series called ‘BEYOND Imagination’. My wife and I always crack up when we hear that phrase because obviously if someone is telling us a story it had to be imagined, thus NOTHING can be beyond it.
When Imagination Becomes Bad
When kids are young, in elementary school, they are allowed to let their imaginations soar. If they want to draw a unicorn, nobody is going to stop them. If they want to make a robot that also poops cookies, that’s a cute and funny thing. But when they get to adolescence they are directed by schools, parents, the world, and themselves to make things real. The suddenly want to make that drawing of a car look JUST like a car. If they don’t they get ridiculed by their peers and perhaps others as ‘drawing like a child’. Nothing is more humiliating than that for a teenager trying to be grown up. So they try really hard to copy reality.
And of course most of them fail. They fail because their desire in themselves and the pressure from others is not matched with training on how to draw realistically. Many then get frustrated, feel like a failure and quit.
When Imagination Becomes Good
Those who don’t quit in frustration will eventually learn techniques and methods and get so they can draw accurately. But then what? Many of the best artists then realize that accuracy isn’t enough. So what if it looks like a photograph? It may woo a crowd but it doesn’t really express much about themselves as artists or fulfill their desire to communicate.
Thinking, Feeling, Seeing
Then they start to get back to their child-like imagination. Then they start to create art based on the quote above. Or maybe it’s not about what they think but instead it’s about what they feel. Either way, they become free from the tyranny of realistic accuracy and move towards using color, form, shape, texture, line, etc. (the formal elements of art) to express what is inside them. And we get to see inside them, not just outside. That to me is a fulfilling starting point for great art.
Quote by Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso, 1881-1973, Spanish Artist
Periscope
You can watch the Periscope video of the creation of this drawing and the guessing of the quote here.
If you are on Periscope you can find me @thenapkindad
Today is the final installment of my Kindness 101 series. I started it as one commissioned piece for Natalie Hamilton (@hammyton on Periscope, @nhammyton on twitter) but it turned into an entire series. This final one also happened to be in conjunction with me filling in for Natalie to do her daily Periscope #bekind101 challenge while she was on vacation. You can see the scope at the bottom of this post.
Arguing
The world is filled with arguments. It isn’t just some current thing, it’s has always been filled with it. And many arguments are needed and necessary. We need to argue about policies of our government. We need to argue about what laws to pass and why.
But what we don’t need to do is argue in such a way that we are unkind. These can happen politics of course, but it’s usually amateur wannabe politicians who are the most cruel. Professional politicians and diplomats understand that even if you disagree with someone you will likely still need to work with them. And that isn’t going to happen if you trash them publicly. It’s why negative campaigning is always so hard to watch or listen to and it’s one of the reasons Donald Trump is so worrisome to many. The idea that he could be negotiating with a foreign power and calling them ‘loser’ or ‘3rd rate’ make people worried that it could lead to a disaster.
Kinding
In most day-to-day cases, in person but especially online, arguing can often become so important to someone that they forget about being kind. They become hurtful and mean in a personal attack on a person instead. It even gets to the point that when a person tries to be kind to both sides in an argument and see each other’s position with some compassion and understanding, that person can be vilified from both sides as being not pure enough in their position. It can be a vicious cycle.
Recently for example the case of Kim Davis has been in the news. She is the Rowan County Clerk in Kentucky who refuses to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. She even went to jail over Labor Day weekend for being in contempt of court. I disagree with her position, simple as that. HOWEVER, I am not against her personally. I am not going to attack her religion or her marriage history or her or her husband’s clothing style. I think it is completely and utterly irrelevant. Not only that, it’s mean and hurtful. Putting that forward among many online who disagree with her position leads me to be suspect. I am not sufficiently angry. I am not sufficiently willing to attack her on all fronts.
But I think we should choose kindness even in the midst of our argument against her position and that means we don’t attack her personally.
You can view the periscope video that shows the creation of the drawing and the discussion about the ‘Kindness101 Challenge’ here.
This is day #3 in the Kindness 101 series. It’s inspired by a daily challenge Natalie Hamilton (@hammyton) has been doing on Periscope called the BeKind101 challenge. 101 days of finding a new, creative way to be kind.
Judgment Culture
It’s the world we live in, isn’t it? Whether it’s political commentary or celebrity gossip or anything in between, judgment reigns supreme in the 21st century. Yes, I know it has been around and rampant before now but this new century, with it’s new methods of image and word communication, has unleashed a new, and particularly virulent, strain of judgment upon the globe. I know I see it all around me, in casual conversations and in momentous public proclamations.
Here are just a few examples of people and groups I have seen being judged with no knowledge at all of who they really are:
Welfare Recipients
Immigrants & Refugees
Racial & Religious Minorities
Celebrities
Gender Orientation
Geographical Location
What are some other people or groups?
In the worst of these there is only judgment and no interest in understanding the real true life of those individuals.
Compassion Culture
Why is judgment so rampant and compassion so lacking? My own idea is that it has a lot to do with the separation of people from the individual they are judging. It’s easy to judge someone on the internet, not so easy to give that same judgment in person. It’s easy to judge a celebrity, who seems unreal. It’s harder to judge that same celebrity if you actually know them.
So, how do you, as an individual, combat this judgment culture? Here are my ideas.
Focus your own mind on compassion, thinking and talking in terms of understanding and compassion instead of judgment.
Forego joining the mob of judgers, whether online or in person.
Actively defend those who are being unfairly judged.
Seek out opportunities to be compassionate and understanding in your real life and online.
It’s as simple and as hard as this, isn’t it.
“Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.”
This is #2 in my series on Kindness, inspired by my periscope friend Natalie Hamilton’s (@hammyton) #bekind101 challenge. She is scoping for 1o1 days in a row on kindness. Each day she gives out another challenge on how to be kind. She asked me to draw something for her under that theme and I am doing a whole series as a result.
The Assumed Bad
If you were a religious Jew back in Jesus’ day you knew the rules. The rules were pretty simple. Don’t congregate, talk to, touch, befriend or help those of other tribes. One tribe in particular stood out as being one to avoid. The Samaritans. They were dangerous, crude, mean, and evil. They were to be avoided at all costs.
The Assumed Good
If you were a religious Jew back in Jesus’ day you knew who was at the top of the God heap, the Levites. They were the tribe from which the priests of the temple came. Not all Levites were priests but all Levites were given special privileges and had higher expectations placed on the due to them being from that tribe.
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
Jesus tells the story of a man who gets robbed, beaten, stripped naked and left for dead along the road to Jericho. A Jewish priest walks by and crosses to the other side of the road to avoid the doomed man. A Levite also walks by and crosses the road to avoid the man. Then a Samaritan comes upon the same man. He does not cross the street to avoid him, helping him instead. He tells the story in response to a question from an expert in the Jewish law.
Here is the passage. It is from Luke 10:25-37 in the New Testament of he Christian Bible.
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
Action vs Intent
The reason this story is known is because the Samaritan took action. If the Samaritan had just thought about doing something good he would have been doing the same thing the priest and the Levite were likely doing, saying to themselves, ‘It would be good to help but I am in a hurry. The robbers might still be around. The guy might be faking it and wanting to rob me himself. I don’t really have the skills to help him or any number of other self-serving rationalizations and even some valid reasons.
The Samaritan took action. Kindness requires action. You can’t be kind in your head alone. If your kindness does not come out in your words, your hands, your feet, your actions, then it really doesn’t exist at all.
You can see the creation of this drawing and a very interesting and intense discussion about it and many other things on my periscope broadcast.
I have been commissioned to do a napkin drawing on the topic of kindness for a fellow Periscoper. I decided to do an entire series on the topic. Here’s the first.
No Day But Today
It’s 5am on a weekday morning. I see a woman getting gas right next to me. I notice she is on the phone being perky, positive and upbeat to whoever is on the other end. I am feeling tired and not at all ready to go running this early. I am doing it grudgingly because I have an obligation to some friends to show up. While I wait for my tank to fill up I listen to her side of the conversation. By the end her enthusiasm and joy has made me feel a lot better about my morning. My outlook has completely changed in the course of 2 minutes.
Wow, who would have thought that overhearing some random person could be so uplifting? I think about saying something to her to let her know how her positive attitude has really changed my morning. I want to thank her. But then she will know I was eavesdropping. She might think I am a creep. She might get mad. I might scare her. She might think I am hitting on her. I should respect her space. I decide to not say anything. She drives away, I drive away. I sort of wish I had said something but it’s no big deal, just a random event at a gas station, not life changing after all.
I run with my friends and two of them tell me my positive attitude really helped them get in a better mood. I tell them about the woman at the station and how I was going to say something but didn’t. Most of them say they wouldn’t have said anything either. It would have been too awkward. But one fellow runner says she wishes I had said something. She says, “You can’t do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
I say, “Maybe I will see her next week at the same station, then I will say something to her.”
My friend says, “That would be nice, do that.”
I go home and switch on the TV to watch the news while I change for work. The news is filled with reports of a shooting in a neighboring town. A reporter and her cameraman were shot and killed. What a tragedy. Then they flash the picture of the reporter on the screen. It’s the woman from the gas station.
Fiction and Reality
This is not a true story about me and a woman at a gas station. But it might have been. There was a woman gunned down, Alison Parker, along with her co-worker, Adam Ward, this week in Virginia. Maybe she did get gas at 5am. Maybe she was on the phone, perky and awake. Maybe someone wanted to let her know she was a positive influence that day. I hope if they felt it, they said it. I hope someone gave the kindness they wanted to give to Adam as well. But I don’t know.
But I do know that we never know. And because we never know, we should always err on the side of expressing the kindness we feel when we feel it, instead of waiting for the perfect time or circumstance.
Periscope
You can see the process of drawing this napkin and the ‘Guess the Quote’ game we played while I drew it.
SXSW 2015 Workshop Proposal – ‘ Igniting Creativity with Periscope‘ – I need your vote and comments for it to be accepted. Please go and support me if you can, thanks!
Oh No You DI’INT!
My wife, Linda, and I sometimes have a bit of a tiff because one of us was sure we told the other something but the other person insists they were never told. She might say she was sure she told me to pay a bill by a certain day. Oh, no you DI’INT! Or maybe I will say I remember distinctly telling her that so and so called. Oh, no you DI’INT!
In most cases what was said actually was said. She told me, I told her. The problem isn’t what was said, it’s what was heard. I know I am guilty plenty of times of not registering what someone has said to me. I am going to go out on a limb and say my wife has been guilty of it a time or two as well. We thought we were communicating but if no one hears it, were we really?
What We Have Here
In the movie ‘Cool Hand Luke’ Luke, the character played by Paul Newman, is subjected to a boat load of punishment because he will not obey his jailers. In the most famous scene of the movie (and #11 in the all time greatest Hollywood movie quotes) his jailer, after beating him says to the onlooking prisoners, “What we have here is failure to communicate.” But when you actually watch the scene and hear the next line, “Some men you just can’t reach”, what the jailer seems to really be saying is there is a failure to listen. That is different than communicating. He is blaming Luke for not listening, not himself for not communicating properly.
But in our daily life it behooves us to ask questions from both sides. First, am I actually communicating well? Is what I am saying accurate and making sense? And second, is the person listening? And if they are, are they actually comprehending what it is I am saying?
If we can do those things we are closer to making sure communication actually has taken place, right?
Periscope on Katch.me
Here is the ‘Guess the Quote’ broadcast I did on Periscope as I drew the napkin. If you would like to find out more about Periscope click the periscope link at the top of the page.
Dominique was born in France but moved to Chicago when she was just a baby. Her father died when she was seven and her mother raised her as best she could. When she was 18 her mother decided to move back to France but Dominique wanted to stay in Chicago and go to school or get a job.
Chapter One
Dominique went to the gallery opening because the exhibition was titled ‘Pierced’. She saw a flyer for it posted in the back hallway of a club where she danced. She wasn’t really an artsy type of person, she had only been to one museum in her life, but she was excited to go because she loved piercings. She had 20 of them herself and was hoping to get more.
She asked one of the other dancers, who went by the stage name ‘Flame’, if she wanted to go with her but she had no baby sitter for that night. The other girls at the club weren’t really very friendly and most of them sort of scared her. She would have invited her best friend at the club, ‘Trinity’, but she had been arrested for her 3rd DUI two days before and was still in jail.
She decided to go alone though it was very scary for her to do so. She never really went out to anything remotely ‘cultural’ even though she read about a lot of those sorts of events online. In her mind she wasn’t very socially adept, never really knowing what to say. She had gotten better at small talk, working at the club had helped her with that, but she still worried about talking about serious stuff. She had it all in her brain, she thought she was pretty smart after all, but she just sort of froze up when that sort of conversation was in front of her.
Chapter Two
The gallery was in the art district of Chicago. She had never been there and got lost. She felt annoyed with herself for not figuring out how to get there in advance and felt a panic attack coming on. Luckily she found it right about then and was able to calm herself down by doing the breathing exercises she learned about on some fitness website she sometimes followed. She checked her makeup in the rear view mirror, reapplying her eyeliner just a bit and touching up her lipstick.
She dressed how she thought one should dress for an artsy event. She wore heels that weren’t too tall, certainly not her stiletto height that she wore on stage. She had on a maxi skirt, the only one she owned, with a bold blue and gold print. Blue and gold were her favorite colors and they matched her piercings. Her blouse was just a simple pale blue leotard type top. It did a pretty good job of reducing how big her bust looked, which she hoped for since she hated the attention they got when she wasn’t on the job.
Chapter Three
The place had a beautiful sign hanging from the front letting her know the name of the gallery, Foray. The gallery was crowded but not so much so that she couldn’t make her way through. She had to go to the bathroom and asked a cute girl who, in spite of looking about 14 years old, seemed to have a certain confidence standing in the middle of the room, as if she knew the gallery. She pointed to the back of the gallery and said, “Go to the left back there and it’s on the right. I like your piercings, by the way.” Dominique thanked her and went off to find the bathroom.
Dominique chuckled to herself once she left the young girl. So young yet so confident, something she wished she had been at that age. She found the bathroom and relieved herself. There was a big orange vase made out of corrugated cardboard in the corner of her stall. It had a single white PVC pipe sticking out of it with a large paper flower sticking at the end. The flower was blue and gold and looked a lot like the stud coverings she had on her piercings. This made her happy.
Chapter Four
She went back out into the gallery and started to look at the art work. She hadn’t really known what to expect since the flyer didn’t have a picture on it. She assumed it would be pictures of people with piercings, but it was not. It was large paintings of strange scenes. One was of a fat man on a fishing boat catching a giant Marlin. It showed a close up of the hook poking through the fish’s lip. Another was of a woman at a sewing machine. She was in pain with her finger impaled by the needle of the machine. It showed blood all over the sewing machine. It made Dominique wince. There was a very large painting of a man dead on the ground with a big hole in him. Another man was standing over him with a gun that was smoking.
It was all very strange to Dominique. She was repulsed but wanted to look at the same time. She had no idea what any of these paintings had to do with piercings at all. She walked into an area where there was a wine bar and food, which she quickly indulged in. She would have preferred water, her mouth was really dry, but she was hungry and thirsty and that’s what was there. The wine wasn’t very good but the little cracker thingies with the tan-colored spread on them were yummy.
She was going for a second helping when the young girl she had asked direction from came up beside her. “You found the bathroom, right?” she asked.
“Yes, found it fine, thank you” she responded. “I liked the vase with the blue and gold flower, that was cool. Who did that one?”
The young girl laughed, “Ha, that’s mine. It’s the only place my mother let me put it. She’s mean like that!”
Right then a woman who looked surprisingly like the young girl came up. “Are you telling a perfect stranger how mean I am to you? You always make me sound like the worst parent.” She laughed and grabbed the girl around the shoulders from behind and nuzzled her neck.
The young girl looked at Dominique and said, “That’s my mom, if you hadn’t guessed.”
Dominique laughed and said, “I figured. You two look a lot alike. She reached out her hand to the girl, What’s your name?”
The girl answered, “I am Veronique but I go by Vera. This mean person behind me is Cruella.”
Her mother laughed and said, “Yep, that’s me, cruelest mother on earth! Actually, my name is Angelique but I usually go by Angel. Nice to meet you.”
She held out her hand and Dominique shook it. Then she turned to Vera and shook her hand as well. Both hands were warm and strong. It made her feel good. “I am Dominique but I usually am just called ‘Dom’.
“So, what do you think of the art here?” Dom asked.
Vera looked at her mom and was about to speak when her mom said, “I am not sure, what do you think?”
Dom responded, “I like it I think. It’s sort of scary though. I like the colors he uses but I don’t really understand how the paintings relate to the title of the show. I only came to here because I like piercing a lot.”
Before she could continue Vera said, “I sort of got that.”
Her mother said, “Don’t be rude Vera.” But Vera rolled her eyes and protested, “I wasn’t being rude, I was just stating the obvious dear mother.”
Dom smiled and said, “I didn’t take it as rude, no worries. I know people look at my face and see a lot of piercings. Anyway, I thought it would about that. I am not sure what these are about. But then again, I don’t know much about art. This is the very first art gallery I have ever been in. And I have only been in one museum before.”
Vera sighed, “You are so lucky! I have lived my whole life going to galleries and museums, they can be so boring!”
Vera’s mother sighed back, “See what I get for exposing my daughter to a life of culture and beauty? Such an ungrateful little waif!” She then let out a big laugh and kissed Vera on the cheek.
Vera wiped her cheek and looked at her mom. “You can be so embarrassing sometimes!” she said as she laughed back.
Dom was completely enthralled by how fun this encounter was. Her spirits were lifted by seeing the relationship between Vera and her mom. But she was confused. “So, I have a question Vera. You said the vase in the bathroom was yours and your mom would only let you put it there. So Angel, does that mean you are the owner of the gallery?”
Angel answered with a smile, “No, not the owner. I am the artist. Vera wanted to take over the gallery with her vases but I, meanest mother in the world, wouldn’t let her. She got the bathrooms and she’s lucky to have them.” She laughed.
“You did these paintings? Really?” Dom said with her jaw open. She was now mortified. “I am so sorry I said I didn’t get them. I really do think they are good. Don’t listen to me, I don’t know anything. I should have just shut…”
Angel put her hand up to stop her, interrupting, “It’s completely OK Dominique. I wasn’t offended. I completely understand people will have all sorts of opinions about the work. I will say however that the reason I think the name of the show and the paintings are connected is that each painting shows something or someone getting pierced by something.”
Dom looked around. “Damn, how did she miss that!”, she thought to herself. “Uh…DUH me. Now I see it. Man, sometimes I can be so dumb.”
“No worries, you aren’t the first person who didn’t see the connection.” Angel said. “I was married to my husband for 10 years and he NEVER got any of the connections I was trying to make. But I still loved him anyway.”
Vera came up close to her mom and hugged her around the waist in a sweet, comforting gesture. Dom wasn’t sure what it was all about figured it wasn’t any of her business anyway.
Chapter Five
Angel excused herself, saying she had to mingle with other guests. She looked at Vera and said, “Are you ok on your own for now?”
She laughed, pointed at Dom and said, “Yep, I am going to walk around with her and explain all the weird things in your paintings that no one ever notices!”
Dom and Vera did just that. They walked around the gallery and Vera explained about little secrets, and in some cases the larger story, behind the paintings.
They got to the last painting, of a man with a gun in his hand standing over someone he had just shot. Dom said, “This is the most gruesome of all the paintings I think. What’s the story behind this one?”
Vera looked at her and said, “This one is of my dad. He had to kill someone a long time ago to protect my mom and me. We went to the mall to shop and there was some guy who started firing a gun near us. My dad pushed us both down into a lingerie store and ran after the guy. He fought him and got the gun away and killed him.”
Dom was stunned. “Wow, your dad was a real hero that day! How did he get the courage to go do that?”
“I don’t know” Vera responded. “Mom says he never really was a scary strong guy before, but she said something just came over him and he did it. She tells me that he never said anything about it afterwards except that he loved us and wanted to make sure we were safe.”
“Wow. Did he ever talk to you about it?” Dom asked.
Vera looked up at Dom and said, “No, he died before I really was old enough to talk to him very much. I was only 5.”
Dom put her hand on Vera’s shoulder. “I am so sorry to hear that. He sounds like he was a really great dad. I bet you miss him.” She was crying as she spoke.
Vera noticed the tears and said, “It’s ok now. I remember good things about him. I am not sad that much anymore.”
Dom said, “You know why I am crying? There is something you don’t know about me. My dad died too. I was only 7.”
Vera looked at her and wrapped her arms around her waist. “I am sorry, it sucks, doesn’t it.”
“Yes, it does.” said Dom.
Vera and Dom went back into the main gallery to get something to eat and drink. They saw Angel again and Vera told her about Dom’s dad dying. Angel gave Dom a hug, holding on for quite a while. She asked, “Would you like to go to dinner with a few of us after the opening is over? It will just be another half an hour if you can wait. I would love to have you with us.”
Vera piped up, “Yes, you have to come, promise?”
Dom smiled and said, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
Epilogue
The dinner was great, as was the fun day the three of them had at the Zoo a week later. Dom started watching Vera a few days a week after school while Angel was at her day job. Vera taught her how she made her paper vases and flowers.
Dom quit her dancing job a few months later. It was a big financial hit but she had saved up some and knew she needed to get out of that business soon anyway. She got a job at the front desk of the Foray Gallery and Vera would come hang out there after school. Dom eventually learned bookkeeping and took over running the gallery’s business side. Turned out she was good at it.
Angel became a very well-known artist and her paintings became much sought after. They started selling to not just collectors but museums as well. The gallery even sold one for $100,000.00, which blew everyone away. There was a big celebration that night!
When Foray’s owner wanted to sell the gallery to move down to Florida to be closer to his dying parents, Dom, Angel and Vera went in together and bought the gallery.
They remained best of friends for the rest of their lives.
Year later, when Dom was asked what was the secret of her success, she would always say the same thing, “The secret to my success is very simple. I had one moment of courage to go see art when I was 21 years old. Everything else came from that”
We were watching an episode of the TV show ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ last week (don’t judge). A girl was smitten with a guy. She was convinced it was a match made in heaven based on their date together. At the same time some of the other contestants on the show were starting to think maybe he didn’t have those same feelings. How? A little bit by what he said, which was mostly talking about another girl who wasn’t even on the show yet, but mostly by his body language, his non-verbal communication, toward the girl he had the date with.
Instincts
The day after the date, he avoided her like the plague. When two of the guys went to her and said they had doubts about his intentions she confronted him about it. He said that he was interested but had kept his distance so as to not smother her. He then confronted to two guys, accusing them of throwing him under the bus and that he felt betrayed. It caused both the men to apologize to him and her. One even broke down, so mortified that he had accused him of that when he really shouldn’t have.
Truth and Trust
The kicker? We the audience have been watching him being interviewed apart from everyone else. And his intent? He couldn’t care less about that girl, he just needed to get a rose this week so the woman he hoped would be at ‘paradise’ would show up next week. He’s been a snake, a liar, a schemer and a con man. A week later the girl he wanted to date showed up. it turns out they had been in contact before the show and knew each other would be there. All he had to do was stay long enough for her to arrive and he did it by playing the unsuspecting woman.
What the guys and girls thought was true, turned out to be true. They picked up on his insincerity but they didn’t trust their instinct. They didn’t believe they could trust what was obvious, albeit unsaid.
How good are you at hearing what isn’t said?
Drawing and commentary @ 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Peter Drucker, 1909-2005, American Management Consultant
If you feel I give good things to you via The Napkin, would you do me the favor of commenting on and voting for my workshop proposal for SXSW 2016?http://panelpicker.sxsw.com/vote/55965You do have to register into the SXSW site but that is so they won’t be overwhelmed by spammers. It is not an obligation to do, attend or buy anything. Thank you very much, Marty
Communications
My increasing use of Periscope has made me think a lot about communication lately so I am starting a new series on it this week.
Who We Are
Have you ever listened to someone who is so grating, so annoying that you just can’t stand to listen to them? It really doesn’t matter what they say, you pay no attention because all you can think of is wanting them to shut up. You can’t hear what they are saying.
Or perhaps you are up late at night watching a televangelist or a informercial and you hate it but still watch it. It’s like watching a car wreck. You want to turn away because it’s ugly and gruesome but you want to watch to see how bad it may get. But while doing that you aren’t actually listening to the message or the product qualities, you are only watching for the perverse entertainment value. You can’t hear what they are saying.
Preconceived Notions
Sometimes the person hasn’t said a word yet and you already have decided not to listen to him or her. It could be because you are prejudice against them due to their race or gender. Maybe it’s because they are in a certain political party or on a certain TV or Radio station. But whatever the case you aren’t open to hearing what they have to say.
Open Mind
I’ve listened to enough Fox News to know they are not my cup of tea. When I heard they were going to put on the first Republican debate of the 2016 election cycle I did not have high expectations. When it became obvious Donald Trump was going to be front and center in that debate I didn’t have high expectations either. But what I did have was an open mind. I was willing to watch the debate and hear all of them, in spite of some reservations about both the news channel and the candidates.
I would still not consider myself a fan of Fox News. But I am a fan of how the three people did their jobs as journalists asking questions. I thought they were tough and to the point. They exceeded my expectations, especially Megyn Kelly.
I was not a fan of Donald Trump before the debate and I am still not a fan. He lived up to my preexisting opinion of him, which is; take away the money and fame and you are looking at an insensitive, simplistic, bullying brute. Put him in overalls and give him a wad of tobacco instead of being in a bespoke suit and tie and he would be considered the worst cartoon stereotype of a backward, uneducated and mean-spirited hick you could find.
In both cases though I was open to having my opinion changed. I was not so set against something or someone that I was unwilling to consider what it is they actually said. I heard what they said and I made my judgment.
Their Fault, My Fault
I do my best to hear what a person has to say but I am not always able to do that. Sometimes there is just too much of ‘who they are’ in the way. But my effort, in spite of not always succeeding, is to take that out of the equation as best I can.
Of course, I want people to hear me clearly as well. I hate the idea that someone will not hear me because I have a bad reputation or because they have some negative memory of me. That is my fault and I have to live with it. If that is something I can control going forward then I want to control it.
But if someone can’t hear me because I am a man, or an older man, or white, or middle class, or American, or not their version of Christian or something else that has to do with their prejudice more than who I am, then I have to let that go. I can be sensitive to not live up to certain stereotypes of course, but I am going to have the best outcome by being the best me I can be, not by fighting every possible prejudice there might be against me.
I am once again proposing a workshop for SXSW 2016. I was accepted and presented in 2014 and would like to do it again in 2016.
If you have been reading my blog lately you know I have been doing a lot of Periscoping (live video broadcasting with chat interaction). I am proposing the idea below and it’s been put up for the SXSW community to review, comment and vote on. I would deeply appreciate it if you would take the time to go over to their site to comment and vote. Comments, particularly ones focused on how you have been helped creatively by me (whether in Periscopes or not), would be especially helpful.
I feel I give a lot of value in art, writing, ideas and inspiration via The Napkin. I hope you feel the same and that if you do you will take a moment to help me out.
Thank you for your continued attention and appreciation of this site and my work!
Oriole had her first one person show at the Gallery Heron.
Chapter One
Oriole got the skirt she wore to the opening at ‘Upscale Retail’ a consignment shop in the fancy part of town. Her sister, Wren, said the skirt looked great on her and that she had the perfect blouse to go along with it. They went over to their mother’s house and found the blouse in spare bedroom closet. Oriole wasn’t at all sure the two went together but her mother, Robin, said that contrasting patterns was the new thing and it looked great. Their little sister, Myna, thought it looked stupid but she thought everything looked stupid so they paid no attention to her.
Chapter Two
Oriole had her friend, Ibis, do her hair and make up. She had been a hair stylist and cosmotologist before she had triplets. She told Oriole that the striped hair was the newest thing and that a dark circle of rouge on the apple of her cheek was also a new trend (she called it rouge instead of blush, trying to be old fashioned).
Chapter Three
Oriole was at the gallery an hour early. She wanted to make sure the paintings were hung correctly and that the food was laid out just right. She found that the piece called ‘Balls’ was hung next to the piece called ‘Hose’ and it shouldn’t have been. She didn’t like the sexual innuendo of the two of them side by side because neither painting was really about sex at all.
Chapter Four
She went to find the gallery owner, Miss Heron, and complained to her. But Miss Heron said it was too late to change the location of either painting. She reassured Oriole that no one would notice that they were next to each other and to just not worry about. Oriole was nervous but agreed to let them stay where they were.
Chapter Five
The opening was a big success. Many people came to it and 4 paintings sold. There were many compliments on the food. Three people said they liked her skirt. Nobody mentioned the two paintings next to each other, though Oriole did see two girls laughing while looking at them. Her family came, including her Aunt LittleHawk, who had gone on a spiritual retreat in Navajo territory and changed her name from Fiona Finch.
Chapter Six
Two days later Oriole was awakened by a call from Ms. Heron, the gallery owner. She told her to get the newspaper and look at the front page of the ‘Art Scene’ section. She said there was a big photo of her welcoming the guests at the opening and a rave review alongside it. Oriole didn’t get the newspaper so she had to get dressed and go downstairs to the corner store to buy a few copies.
The review praised her use of paint, her witty ability to have content and humor together, and the subtle but insistent message of sexual power among women. She particularly liked the two paintings, ‘Balls’ and ‘Hose’ being next to each other. The reviewer, Henrietta Hornbill, said it was the most auspicious inaugural one person show in the city since Nick Sparrow had shown his sculptures of handcuffs made out of different colors of Jello.
Chapter Seven
Oriole was very confused. How could any one get a sexual control message out of her paintings? She had never thought about that at any time in the creation of the paintings. She called her oldest and dearest friend, Dovey, (who lived in Cardinal City, California and couldn’t make it to the opening) and asked her if she thought there was a sexual message in the paintings. Dovey said, “Duh, I’ve always known that. I am not surprised it was what the reviewer saw.”
Chapter Eight
Later that day she got a call from Onea Owl of NPR asking if she would be available for an interview, maybe at the gallery, about her work. They wanted to do a story in the next week about sexuality and wanted her included as an artist leading the way in feminist interpretation of sexual issues. She said yes, mostly because she hoped to meet that lady with the hard name to pronounce who was always on in the mornings.
Chapter Nine
Three days after that she got an email from someone supposedly from Vogue magazine. She thought it was a joke but she recognized the name of Winny Warbler at the bottom of the email as someone who had been a judge on that reality TV show about fashion. Ms. Warbler wanted to do a photo shoot with her as part of an editorial piece on stylish female artists in the city. She was hoping to get Jinny Crow and Penelope Plover as well.
Oriole called her and asked why she wanted her in the editorial shoot. Winny explained that while the striped hair, clashing patterns and bright circularly rouged cheeks had all been trending separately, Oriole had been the first one to have put them all together so successfully. Oriole was even more confused but decided she was going to go with the flow.
Chapter Ten
Oriole became a wildly successful artist in the city, then nationally, then internationally. She was the biggest hit at Art Basel in Miami the next year. She was chosen for the Venice Biennale and the Whitney biennial the year after that. She was the first artist on the cover of Vogue, first on the cover of Time since Picasso and first on the cover of Art Forum since ‘the artist formerly known as art’.
Chapter Eleven
Oriole flew high with her fame for 45 years. She became incredibly wealthy with homes in New York and St. Tropez. She had her retrospective in 4 museums simultaneously. MOMA showed her paintings, LACMA showed her sculptures and Tate Modern showed her prints and drawings. Her erotic art was at the museum in St. Tropez.
Epilogue
The most amazing thing about her career though was her departure from it. After the retrospectives closed she sent a press release out saying that she was going to retire from painting and focus on bird watching. She sold her homes, donated her remaining paintings to various museums around the world and disappeared from the art world. She moved to Saskatchewan, Canada and watched migratory birds the rest of her life, which lasted another 20 years. She died in her sleep in her small cabin in the north woods. Though it was never thought that she ended her own life, she was 95 after all, there was a note on her desk that made some people think she had known the end was near.
It said, “I saw all the important people in my life fly by today. I can die happy now.”
Do you want to know what is impossible? A relatively obscure Austrian bodybuilder who can barely speak English becoming one of the biggest international movie stars ever and THEN becoming Governor of the most populous state in the USA. That is impossible.
Here’s another one: A divorced B-list actor, on his way out in popularity, becoming the President of the United States. That is impossible.
One more: A clinically depressed unwed mother on welfare becoming the biggest selling author of the last 20 years with a net worth of over 1 billion dollars. That is impossible.
Necessary
Each one of these examples followed the process in the napkin. First, they did what was necessary. They did the hard work to reach their first goal. That first goal is not where they ended up. It was the necessary first step. If you aren’t willing to do the dishwashing in a restaurant, chances are you aren’t going to become an owner of a restaurant.
Possible
Each of the people above had a vision of what was possible. One knew he could become a world famous bodybuilder, the best that has ever been, before or after. One had the foresight and courage to change direction mid-life from acting to politics and public service. The third believed in all her heart that if she could get this book finished and into the right hands it would be a success. Their necessary hard work gave them glimpses into what was possible and they took advantage of those opportunities.
Impossible
Once the possible is taken advantage of with the foundation of necessary hard work, then those things that were WAY out of reach, that were impossible, all of a sudden became no longer impossible, just unlikely. Then more possibles came to pass and then the unlikely became a possible. Then, the impossible became real.
Arnold, Ronald and J.K.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was just another bodybuilding meathead. Ronald Reagan was just another washed up actor. J.K. Rowling was just another wannabe writer. But that’s what others thought of them. It wasn’t what they thought of themselves. They saw themselves, AND applied themselves, as if they were much greater and much better than how others saw them.
They Knew
They knew they couldn’t let others opinions decide their fate.
They knew hard, focused work was the key.
They knew they had to take advantage of the possible for it to become real.
They knew their vision had to expand and adapt as the future played itself out.
They knew not to be afraid of failure OR success.
Do you want to achieve the impossible? That’s how to do it.
Here are some rags to riches stories that illustrate this process again and again.
I usually think of perseverance as just sticking with something. But this quote brought to the fore a different aspect of perseverance for me. This focuses on the underlying reasons so many people don’t persevere; they think they’ve already worked hard enough or they simply tire of the work. That make me think about my own work differently.
Seems To Me
Yes, I’ve done a lot of work in my Napkin Dad efforts over the years. Sometimes it seems like it should be enough work to have succeeded. But what difference does it make if it ‘seems’ like anything? You can’t go by what something seems like. You have to go with reality. And the reality says I have more work to do to get where I want to go. In other words, ‘seems’ is irrelevant.
The Top of the Rock
Have you ever watched TV reports of rock climbers attempting to scale some giant cliff? They never have as their goal to get half way up the cliff, right? They say they are going to conquer that mountain, not conquer the half way mark of the mountain.
Often in rock climbing you see these beautiful photographs of the climbers in little tents hanging on a vertical cliff taking a break. They have food, shelter, warmth and they can actually survive days and weeks going up a cliff that way. They sleep all night and start up again the next day or they may have to wait it out a day or two if there is a storm.
But they stick to their goal, the top. No matter how tired they are, they can’t say ‘I worked hard enough, I am now at the top.’ They aren’t at the top until they are at the top, no wishing or feeling they should be at the top will change that.
It’s no difference with our goals. Do we want to achieve something? Then let’s set our minds to it and get started. Take little steps, keep at it, and let’s not fool ourselves into thinking we are done before we are done. We know it will be hard work and we commit ourselves to doing it. When we are tired, we take a break. But, we don’t shortchange ourselves and we don’t shortchange the world waiting for us to contribute what we have to give by quitting. We get out of the tent the next morning and resume our climb to our goal.
Periscope
Here is the Periscope video of the #NapkinKin trying to ‘guess the quote’ as I drew.
Drawing and Commentary @2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Newt Gingrich, 1943 – not dead yet, American politician
This is what happens when I decide to ask the #NapkinKin on Periscope what I should draw! I had the quote and had just the word ‘wish’ in the top and bottom quote areas. They had to guess the quote as usual but this time I decided I would let them suggest what I would draw as well. The result? A funny, crazy, unique and totally original napkin! See the bottom of the post to read the chronology of the drawing’s creation.
Prints are still available. $25.00
Someone Else’s Help
Sometimes self-help is knowing when you need or want someone else’s help. You don’t have to NEED someone’s help like when you are in a burning building and need to be rescued. You can just need or want someone’s help because it’s more fun than doing something alone.
I do my drawings alone. I come up with the ideas and images and I find the quotes. I choose the elements, the characters, the backgrounds. I then choose the colors and the type and degree of shading and rendering. I do it all. What that means is sometimes you start to get in a rut. You do the expected thing a little too easily. You fall back on a character or a color or a concept you may have done a few times too often.
Better Together
How many of us have never said, “I wish it were easier.”? Maybe it was losing weight or getting in shape. Maybe raising kids. Perhaps your marriage or job or family or home ownership or….or all of it. People just wish all of life was easier sometimes. right?
What I’ve noticed is that often that desire for things to be easier is actually a desire for a sharing of the burden. You aren’t opposed to the hard work of life, you just sometimes want to have some support in making it through. I know it’s true in my life as a runner. I run 5 days a week in a group I coach. I do all my own miles obviously, no one runs them for me. But I am not alone. I have companionship and support as I run the miles. Most of the people I run with think I am there for them, since I am the coach. But that is not completely true. I am a coach in no small part because I want to run with others. They meet my need as much as I meet theirs.
Friend in the Head
This week and next I am off from coaching and so am running on my own. I have been running 12 years now and it’s STILL not easy getting out my front door for a solo run. I can think of a bazillion reasons to not go between my bedroom door and the front door. But if I had a friend waiting in my driveway for me? I would not have those bazillion reasons going through my head. I would have my friend in my head. That is the power of doing things better.
How It Came About
So, as I mentioned, this funny and strange drawing came about via crowd sourcing on Periscope. Here is how it came about. All the people mentioned can be followed on Periscope.
The first suggestion was from @orion. He said draw stars (based on the fact that ‘wish’ was the only word showing).
@frogulox (Aaron) said there should be a top hat. I ended up drawing a sort of stove pipe top hat.
I had a suggestion of a rabbit from @futureartist123 (Mario). My attempt rendered a whale instead who fit snuggly under the top hat.
@feynwoman (Julia) suggested flowers. Since the whale was looking up, I decided flowers growing off the tree would be what he was looking at.
Then @ladyNynah (Antonia) said a tree and @JCahoonArtist (Jennifer) said a cactus about the same time. So, I drew a cactitree.
A cane with a bauble on top was then suggested by @frogulux, which I gave to the whale, along with a bow tie. Fred Astairewhale was born. He also asked for a hole in the tree for a gnome. I made the hole, but later @gintonics2 (Ginny) suggested a little bird instead so I drew a bird we named ‘Gnome’.
Then a turtle was recommended by @sfgianttortuga (Steve, a SF Giants and Turtle fan) and @Frogulox. I decided to make Turtle have a fascinator on her head and voila, we have Ms. Gingerturtle, the perfect friend for Mr. Astairewhale !
@LadyNynah reminded me Mr. Astairewhale needed water to survive so I gave him a swimming pool.
Then what to put in the middle. We had suggestions of a waterfall, a ladder, and from @PeteMtz, a stepladder. I decided a stepladder would be the right size.
@hammyton (Natalie) was thinking about danger and suggested a banana peel. I made it a whole banana to make it easier to comprehend quickly.
But what to put on the stool, anything? @VictoriaJamesUK (Victoria) suggested a vase of flowers and it seemed just right.
Then it was just the background left. @VictoriaJamesUK wanted a mountain and I fit it in behind Mr. AstaireWhale. I added a small hill on the other side, behind Ms. GingerTurtle. Then it was just a simple road going back into the distance and it was done.
The coloring was done to be as fun and bright as possible.
So, there you have what went into making this drawing, one I never could have made by myself!
You can follow all the people mentioned on Periscope. Tell them I sent you!
She didn’t like her shoes. She worried they didn’t go with her skirt. Her husband said they looked good together but she wasn’t sure.
Chapter One
When Sonya arrived at Starbucks he was already there. She noticed his shirt first since it was the same color as her shoes. He didn’t see her since he was facing away and writing in what looked like some sort of notebook calendar type thing. It was hot out so she walked behind him without saying anything and stood in line. She stared at his head because he had gray hair and she was surprised by that. He looked old because of it but then again not that old because his hair was full. She thought it was probably thicker than hers.
Dennis was annoyed she was late. He had arrived a minute early and had already been there 6 minutes. That meant she was 5 minutes late, not a good sign as far as he was concerned. He started writing notes in his calendar book, hoping to get rid of his annoyance. It wasn’t working. In addition he hated the shirt his wife had picked out for him. He hated the baby blue color. He hated the buttons. He hated the scratchy label in the collar.
Chapter Two
Sonya got herself an iced cherry something or other, she wasn’t sure what it was called. But she liked the color and that usually was a good enough sign that she would like it. She walked over to Dennis’ table, speaking and putting her hand on his back as she passed. He jumped as she did that. He hated to be touched. He tried to hide his scowl but she caught a glimpse of it as she turned around to sit down. She smile and introduced herself, holding out her hand to shake his. She could tell his smile was forced as he reached out his hand. His hand was cold and clammy and his grip was non-existent, as if he was a young boy who hadn’t learned to grip yet. She got a creepy feeling from him.
Dennis was startled when he felt the hand on his back. Then this loud grating voice startled him even more. The touch, the voice then the face all all told him in about 15 seconds that he wasn’t going to hire her. She had straggly hair, too much eyeliner and eyeshadow that was a weird color. He couldn’t imagine her fitting in at the office. He could see his secretary making fun of her and the maintenance guy trying to hit on her. He could see his assistant not wanting to work with her.
Chapter Three
Sonya smiled as big and as often as she could. She told her testimony of how she became a Christian at the age of 17 after her mother had died. Dennis interrupted her constantly during her story, asking her theological questions about what it was she actually believed when she converted. He asked a number of questions about Calvinism, which she didn’t really understand at all. He was so focused on that he didn’t even acknowledge the loss of her mother. She continued to tell about her faith journey and how it led to her wanting to work in the missions area of the church he pastored. But she was getting angrier and angrier underneath the facade because not only did he keep interrupting but he wouldn’t look her in the eye. He did however look at her chest way too much. When he started talking he wouldn’t shut up. He bragged about his Christian journey, about his 3 degrees in Theology, about the increase in attendance, about how many times he had been on TV in the last year. She was hating the interview and starting to hate him.
Dennis had to go through the motions of interviewing her but he wanted to make sure she had no doubt she was not a good fit by the end of it. He pressed her on important theological questions that she could not answer. He told stories about his church that she should have responded to with enthusiasm. The fact that she didn’t showed she was self-absorbed with her own overly sappy story. She would not be able to see the church had to take priority over her autobiographical obsession. No matter how hard he tried though she kept wanting it to be all about her. He smiled and said all the right Christian things but inside he was starting to hate her.
Chapter Four
Sonya left the interview very worried. She needed the job and had felt God was calling her to it until she had met Dennis. He seemed creepier as the interview went on. She could see him trying to hit on her. When she got home she realized she hadn’t once thought about her shoes.
Dennis left the interview annoyed. He needed to fill the job and really did think Sonya was the perfect candidate until he met her. She seemed sloppy (she had a stain on her green jacket that he couldn’t not look at. Her Christianity was immature and overly emotional. She did her makeup worse than his daughter did. When he got back to his office he realized he hadn’t once thought about his annoying shirt.
Epilogue
Sonya eventually got a job as a secretary to a Roller Derby team, the Banford Banshees. She helped them get organized with social media and their attendance rose 3 fold in just 2 months. She got a tattoo of a screaming banshee on her butt.
Dennis left his church for a new pastoral position in Beaumont Falls. He served that congregation loyally until the voted him out due to declining attendance. He became depressed until he got a job selling shoes at the mall. Women loved how he put high heels on them.
Yesterday I watched a Periscope by a friend in the UK named Victoria (@victoriajamesUK). She is starting a new daily broadcast where she and her followers will all say one positive thing about themselves each day. It’s a good practice to get into, especially if you are prone to beating yourself up over anything and everything.
She was talking about using a hashtag so everyone would know where to find the broadcasts and tweets and she used a phrase that included the words ‘mind and flowers’. I wrote back, shortening it to just #mindflowers. She liked that quite a bit and decided to use it.
In the meanwhile, A few days ago I had written down some quotes on the topic of self-help. When I went to start my drawing, and the accompanying Periscope, I saw this quote among the ones I had chosen. It was an obvious choice to use today!
Patience
I got a text last night from a friend who was upset that she couldn’t argue a certain point very well. She had posted a statement on Facebook and had gotten some backlash for it. She tried to argue her point, and I thought she did it pretty well, but she did not. The reason? Because the person she was arguing with ended up not agreeing with her. Boy, if I felt I failed every time my simply brilliant arguments didn’t lead to the reader or listener to come to their senses and agree with me, I would feel like a failure ALL THE TIME.
What my friend was hoping to see was an immediate acknowledgement of the rightness of her position. Don’t we all, right? But the truth is most changes of opinion don’t happen like that. Changes of opinion do happen, and I am all for arguing your position. But changes happen when the time is right for them, not necessarily when you happen to make the argument.
Rain
Think about a garden. in the middle of winter you can have seeds or bulbs underground getting plenty of water from rain or snow melting, right? That doesn’t mean those seeds or bulbs are going to sprout and blossom. They have a much more complex dynamic going on, as does our minds. The water (argument) is essential. But so is temperature (society) and soil (biology) and fertilizer (circumstances) and more. One argument is like one watering of the garden. It isn’t going to grow the garden if there isn’t another watering later on, if there isn’t good soil, the right temperature, the right nutrients. The garden will grow in it’s own time, when it is ready to grow.
Our minds open and blossom in their own time, and it’s wise for us to be patient with ourselves and others as to when and how that is going to happen. It doesn’t mean you don’t put forth your beliefs and opinions of what is right. It just means you understand and trust the process.
Periscope and Katch
I am now having my Periscope videos automatically saved at Katch.me. Here’s the one from yesterday where I drew this napkin.
This is #6 in my self-help series. I have done them all live on Periscope (@thenapkindad #napkinkin). Some of them have been a ‘Guess the Quote’ style scope where I start with just a few words of the quote on a blank napkin and the viewers guess the quote as I draw. The drawing hopefully is illustrating the quote so the more I draw the more hints the viewers have of what the quote might be about.
The only rule is you can’t google the quote. You have to just guess live. While doing this drawing someone did look it up but it was towards the end so it wasn’t a big deal. Plus, I had forgotten to mention that rule at the beginning anyway.
Being Deliberate
The key to making the most of who you are is first, knowing who you want to be. Not ALL of who you want to be, just part. Then, you act deliberately to become that. As you create that part of you that will help you understand what more you want to do or be. Then you go about doing that as well. Yes, you may have a big picture vision of your overall ‘YOU’ but practically speaking you are going to be doing one small step towards that at a time. So, focus on that and don’t worry about the big picture, it will take care of itself.
Being Courageous
Another essential element is courage. Whoever you want to become, whether it’s the best burlesque dancer in town or the town librarian, someone is going to judge you negatively for it. You may be judged a loose woman of easy virtue as they used to say. You may be judged a prude and a spinster. It doesn’t matter what you choose, someone won’t like it. But it’s your life, not theirs, right? And if you want to live their life then bow to their judgment and be who they want you to be. But if you want to live YOUR life, then have the courage to say, “This is my life, my choice.”
The Juiciest Peach
There is a famous quote by Dita Von Teese, “You can be the juiciest peach on the tree and there is still someone out there who doesn’t like peaches.” It’s futile to try to persuade every random person on the planet that you are a juicy peach. You just go about being the peach you want to be and be that confidently. That confidence and courage will do more to persuade the world and gain you respect than any bending over backwards trying to please everyone.
Barbara woke up and took a walk towards the volcano. She got lightheaded on the walk and saw a vision of all her past boyfriends tumbling down the steep mountain.
She saw Josh, the young man she had the affair with at the beach resort. She didn’t know if he really should be included since he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, more like a one night stand, even though it did last 4 days.
She saw Bob, the guy she met at the photography store. He wanted to photograph her but she turned the tables and eventually got him to pose for her instead. He broke up with her when he realized she had posted the full frontal nudes of him on her Flickr account.
She saw Jared, the older man she had a fling with at her job. He was divorced and a bit pathetic, but he smelled nice and bought her things. She broke up with him when she realized he thought 9/11 was a government conspiracy.
She saw Benjamin, the Jewish guy from her AA group. They bonded when the both realized they didn’t believe in God. He broke up with her when he found the love of his life on Eharmony.
She saw Robin, the dapper fellow she met at the hair salon. He was great in bed and she would have kept him but she caught him with her makeup and panties on one day and couldn’t handle that he was prettier than she was.
She saw Trevor, the British Cad who she knew was cheating from the very beginning but she stayed with him because he had a nice penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park. Ironically he broke up with her when he caught her cheating with Benjamin.
She saw Kevin, the police officer who stopped her for speeding. The went out for almost a year, but then he was wounded in the line of duty and had to go live with his parents in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. They broke up when he reconnected with his elementary school sweetheart back home.
And finally she saw Tim, the bodybuilder she met backstage at some competition. She liked his big muscles but he had erectile dysfunction and it was something she just couldn’t get over.
When she returned from her walk she called her husband, who was away on a business trip, to say she loved him. There was no answer and that made her wonder what he was doing.
