Update 3/6/21 – I posted this painting on Social Media and since it was so public I thought it might be kind to find the woman I drew. I had her company email address so I went on Facebook and found someone with her name who worked at that company. I friended and messaged her, letting her know about the painting having finally been finished.
She wrote back saying she loved the painting and lo and behold, even though I had no idea when I wrote it, the thought bubble and text bubble were perfect representations of what she had been going through at the time, which was a time of great indecisiveness (I don’t know) leading up to a final bout of clarity (I know) that allowed her to break up with her BF of four years and start a new life!
‘Know Don’t Know’, Watercolor on Paper, 2021
I drew this woman at a Starbucks in Tulsa, OK in 2019 before the Covid 19 pandemic hit. I drew it on Watercolor paper instead of in my sketchbook, hoping one day to find the time to actually paint it. I finally found time in 2020-2021.
I had drawn in the two thought bubbles early on and ignored them until I was done painting. I liked the idea of her thinking one large bubble worth of thoughts and then editing it down into a smaller bubble. My original idea was she would be writing a story and I even wrote a segment of a murder mystery and it’s edited version but didn’t like the vibe of it so never wrote it in.
Finally I went with what I was thinking at the time, which was, ‘I don’t know’. Once I finished the large thought bubble it made sense to have her typing out the exact opposite of her ‘I don’t know’ doubts, just like so many of us do on a daily basis.
These portraits from 1988 and 1989 are all from my sketchbook. Most of the models were friends from work or were students I asked to model to illustrate how to draw portraits.
Student in Profile, Ballpoint pen on paper, 1989
I asked my students to use sketchbooks extensively because I wanted them to draw as often as possible. Waiting until you are in the studio makes sense for media that needs elaborate prep but drawing doesn’t. You can do it on anything anywhere.
Kathy Lay, Ballpoint pen on paper, 1989
I would demonstrate my use of a sketchbook by using them as models in the lecture portion of the class then have them do the same, using each other as models.
Sheila Gomes, ballpoint pen on paper, 1988
I wouldn’t often get very far with the drawings while they were actually posing for me, usually just a line drawing like you see in the first few drawings. But I would work on them later and show them at a later session to show how you can start with very basic lines and take off from there, even without the model being present.
Theresa Castro, ballpoint pen on paper, 1988
I taught that there is power in focus. You don’t have to complete a drawing edge to edge, as a matter of fact, leaving most of it barely sketched in often allows the focus to be where you want it.
Judy Sugg, ballpoint pen on paper, 1989
These may look pretty realistic to some but they really aren’t. They are a stylized realism, not photo-realism. I taught that an absolute likeness is not essential unless you are being paid to do that. If not, then you can and should feel free to compose and stylize as you wish. It’s how you develop your own look and style.
Kristine Hayes, ballpoint pen on paper, 1989
Individual style comes from adaptation of what is into what you want it to be. In my case I love definition, contrast and volume so I increase the lights and darks much further than they were in real life to achieve that.
Suzanna Jones, ballpoint pen on paper, 1989
In my opinion, no one needs a photographic copy of someone in a drawing. There is photography for that. The acclaim that comes from someone saying, ‘Wow, it looks just like a photograph!’ is nice, but in my opinion it’s just a gimmick unless something much deeper is being expressed (which is possible with photo-realism, I just don’t see it often).
Janet Arsenault, ballpoint pen and Prismacolor pencil on paper, 1989
And of course, my work wouldn’t be complete without adding in a cartoon image, preferably including my longest running characters, Singing Snake and Turtle.
Shrek Do you remember Shrek? The main premise of that movie was that while he was ugly he was also very kind and thoughtful, a genuine good ogre. It was a big hit precisely because it turned the ‘beauty equals goodness’ paradigm on its head. Ugly equaled goodness, not beauty. As a matter of fact, the beautiful and handsome ones in the movie were actually quite terrible.
Beautiful People The problem is that ‘beauty equals goodness’ imbues ‘beautiful people’ with an aura of goodness that they don’t necessarily have and allows them an advantage they don’t deserve. A classic and seemingly trivial example is the beautiful woman getting pulled over by a cop but being let go with a warning. In reality though there is a flip side. There are people pulled over who do not fit that beauty standard. They are not given the benefit of the doubt and let off with a warning. They may not even just be given a ticket. They may be hauled out of their car and arrested, all because they aren’t ‘attractive’.
Judgment Bias It’s combination of many things that leads a person in authority to make judgments. And obviously there are legitimate criteria by which to do so. But it could also be they are judging hair and clothing style, the make and age of their car, their race or age, their dialect or accent. If that is the case, then that judgment is based at a fundamental level on ‘beauty equals goodness’ and brings in the associated biases.
Bottom line When we have the power to judge someone, we should double check how and why that judgment is coming about. Is it due to the ‘beauty equals goodness’ bias? If so, we need to rethink.
The Hurt Bird This morning I heard a bird hit our front window. I got up from my chair and went to see if it was hurt. There was no bird but there was a hole in the snow and a light wing flapping pattern around it. It obviously had been stunned but not badly and had flown away on it’s own. If it was still there I was going to go get my work gloves and get the bird to see if I could help it. Have you ever found a hurt bird in your yard? When you pick it up you have to hold on to it tight enough that it can’t jump out and hurt itself but not so tight that you suffocate it, right?
Holding It Lightly That is a handy metaphor for questions and answers in life. I need to hold on to ideas (questions and answers are just different manifestations of an idea after all) that seem important to me, but I can’t hold on to them so tight that they can’t breathe.
Nurturing the Idea What that means with the bird is yes, there is a chance it could get away with how lightly you are holding it but there is a greater chance it won’t escape and you can nurture it back to health. When it comes to ideas this is also true. An idea grows and changes as it ages in your mind. It might become more clear, towards a more firm answer, or it might become a bit more muddied, so you have more questions about it than before (neither direction is better than the other). But the thing is, whatever the direction, you don’t know it in advance. All you know is you have to keep it alive so you can enjoy your relationship with that idea.
Living with Uncertainty And what that means is that it is good if you can live with uncertainty. If you can’t you will demand an answer to every question even if there is no answer that is true or helpful. Then you will hold on to that answer as if your life depends on it, so tight you kill it. It will no longer be alive, able to grow, mature, modify, expand. It will be dead.
Desperate Soil In religion it will lead to legalism. In politics it will lead to hyper-partisanship. In relationships it will lead to unhappiness and isolation. In all cases it will lead to desperation and both questions and answers aren’t nourished well in desperate soil. Where they grow best is in free, loosely packed intellectual soil, rich in nutrients and other ideas, nourished by a loving gardener who takes the time to let both the questions and answer grow into everything they are supposed to be.
The thing to talk about in motivational speaking is our power. If only we would realize our power we could stare down bullies, get that dream job, overcome disease, and end world hunger, is the message. No giant of inspirational rhetoric ever talks about not using power. And why should they, no one is going to travel or pay to listen to someone tell them to be meek or passive, right?
But here’s the truth, motivational, inspirational, or not.
Not is essential
Not is important
Not is powerful
And here is why. Because saying not is taking control. For example, saying, “I am not afraid to fail.” means you are willing to attempt something with the understanding failure is a possibility. Now, we all know the truth is you actually are most likely afraid to fail at some level. So why say it? Is it just a mind game to fool you into doing something? Yep, it is. At least at first. You aren’t actually saying you are not at all afraid to fail. You are saying that in spite of your fear you are going to attempt it anyway. The desire to succeed overcomes the fear of failure.
I am preaching to myself here of course. In my case it’s simple. “I will not have that lemon loaf from Starbucks.” is what I should have said.
What idea do you get just a bit too much pleasure out of? That is your most dangerous idea because, just like a passionate but toxic relationship, it’s the idea that is blinding you to red flags. You are so enamored of it, get so much pleasure from believing it that you forego the usual checks and balances you have on new ideas. Next thing you know you are deep into it and feel like you have invested too much to turn away. This is not true. It only has power when you hold on to it. Drop it like a bad dream and see how it’s power fades as you move away from it.
You won’t regret it.
“The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because it is true. He thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.”
She was writing the letter to her father but had a hard time saying what she wanted so she had started it 7 times.
By that time she was copying bits and pieces of the earlier attempts into the letter in the hope it would finally come together.
The first letter was too harsh. The second was too mushy. The third was too mushy. The fourth was too safe. The fifth was too pretentious and the sixth was too boring.
The seventh was turning out to be all those things and she didn’t like that so she took a break to get another cup of coffee.
As she stood in line she saw a mother roughly pull her child out of the way of a customer walking with a hot cup of tea. It reminded her of something good.
She put on her headphones and got lost in her romance novel until it was her turn to order. The barista said, “Bless you.” when she paid. It gave her a warm feeling.
While she was waiting at the end of the counter she saw an old man grab a pile of napkins as he picked up his drink with both hands. He smiled at her and said, “You can never be too careful, right?”. “Don’t I know it.” she said back with a smile.
As she settled back in her chair she heard the man behind her explain in great, minute detail the process of brewing a perfect cup of coffee to whoever he was with. She quietly chuckled and rolled her eyes.
She felt confident now of what she wanted to tell her father. She smiled as she wrote the five words and signed her given name.
In September of 2018 I went to Erie, Pennsylvania to run the Erie Marathon. It was my final effort to qualify for the 2019 Boston Marathon before the registration deadline the very next day. We had to take a short bus ride from a giant parking lot to the small start area in a nature preserve. While on the bus I met sisters Katie and Emily Funk who had flown in from out of town like I had to run the race. We had a good, if brief, conversation before we arrived at the start area and went on our way. We traded names and promised to connect on social media to see how we all did.
Katie and Emily Funk after the Erie Marathon, Sept. 9th, 2018
After the race we did indeed connect on Social Media. All 3 of us had qualified for Boston at the race and were making plans to connect again in Boston come April. However, one of the quirks of the Boston Marathon is that you can qualify and still not make it in and that is what happened to me. I missed out by 16 seconds. But the sisters made it in with time to spare and fulfilled their dream by running in the 2019 race.
Emily and Katie
Sisters, Sisters
You can see two things by the t-shirt Emily is wearing. One, they live in the neighboring states and two, they love each other a great deal and cherish the times they can get together. This was often when they were running marathons around the country together, always with the hope of qualifying for Boston.
Emily and Katie with the father, Charlie Funk, after the race
Not only are the two of them runners but so is their dad and a third sister, Jennie. Charlie Funk got the idea he wanted to run Boston when Emily went off to Boston College and he got hooked on the idea of running past BC at mile 21. He made it happen in 2008 (and 3 more years). Jennie has run Boston as well. Ever since then they have been a running family.
Painting the Relationship and the goal
Late in 2020 I got an unexpected message from Emily. She told me that they had tried for years to qualify, running 4 marathons together, each time coming up short until finally at Erie they made it happen. And now she wanted to give Katie something that would be a memento, not just of Boston, but of the entire journey they have been on together. So she contacted me hoping I might be available to create something. She sent me some photos of them together and some in action during races. She also sent me pics of the 5 medals representing the 5 races they had run.
After doing a lot of collaging and editing of the various photos I came up with an idea and executed it. I wanted to include the two of them, the 5 medals and the ribbons that held the medals. Here is the final result.
I sent it off to Emily in time for her to present it to Katie when they got together sometime after Christmas. She sent me a pic of them holding it along with all the medals. It made me feel great to have been asked and to be able to produce something that represented their love and their journey.
The world is my idea. Wow, this sounds pretty darn egotistical, doesn’t it? I mean, aren’t I just a mere dust speck in the world? Yes, I am. And that idea of who I am is MY idea of who I am. It is something I constructed in my mind out of all that I have experienced of the world. You however may think you aren’t a mere speck of dust. You might think you are the most important being on the planet. I know some people who think that actually. And that is their idea of the world and their place in it.
My point is, don’t be fooled into thinking that your idea of the world is the world. It’s not. The world is the accumulation of everyone’s understanding of it AND it is well beyond all those definitions as well. So, to be more effective on this planet hold on lightly to your idea of the world. Allow that others’ ideas might have equal validity. They might not as well. Your job is to be open to listening to what that idea is and see if you can learn something from it. Maybe what you learn is that idea is toxic and dangerous or maybe you’ll find out that idea is sublime and healthy. Either way, knowing your idea is just one of many will help you grow and expand your mind and heart.
And don’t be afraid. You aren’t obligated to take on someone else’s idea just because you listen to it.
I drew this last year at my local Starbucks in Oklahoma (before we moved to Texas). I thoroughly enjoy going to cafes and drawing the scenes I find. In this case it was 4 people working away. I got the impression they were all students but, unlike many times, I didn’t go over and introduce myself to them that I can remember.
I had received new watercolor paper as a gift earlier in the year so I brought that along with the anticipation of drawing then returning home to paint. I forgot about the drawing in the fervor of our move and didn’t bring it out again until I had a number of commissions over Christmas that I was doing in watercolor. Once they were done I wanted to continue in that medium and brought this and a few other drawings out.
This piece, and almost all my pieces, are for sale so if you are interested, let me know!
Many people believe all sorts of things that aren’t true. Some of those don’t matter much, for example, a person believing that rubbing keeping his lucky rubber ducky next to his easy chair will make his team win. It’s not true but it does no harm.
We aren’t talking about that. We are talking about lies that destroy and kill. For example, Trump said the Corona Virus was just like the flu and we didn’t have to worry about it. But he was lying, as proven by the recordings of him saying otherwise. That lie cost people their lives because action that wasn’t taken based on it supposedly being true.
Now we have seen this on display again, in Washington, D.C. and the U. S. Capitol Building. Trump has said he won the election. That is a lie. It’s not a mistake, or a miscommunication, it’s a lie. And he knows it’s a lie. But he doesn’t care. He wants to win so he’s making up a story that says he won. A story without evidence to back it up. And his followers believe him. They believe him so much they storm our Capitol and ransack it, searching for Senators and Representatives disloyal to Trump, perhaps to make stand trial in a kangaroo court right then. Luckily they didn’t find any officials.
The problem is the mob, a mob who isn’t bound by truth or evidence or facts. They are only bound by allegiance to Trump. And when Trump said to march on the Capitol and his servant Guiliani said to commit violence, they did so. Trump and all the public officials that supported and encouraged his behavior and his words are complicit and should forever be stained with the infamy of January 6th, 2021.
This was going to be my New Years Day post but a flood in my house on New Years Eve got in the way. At first it was just an obvious emergency I had to deal with, then it became the real life lesson that illustrates this quote.
So, about that flood. It was all my fault. Why? Because I didn’t think small, I thought big. Well, not exactly big, but bigger than I should have at the moment. In other words I didn’t pay attention to the small details that were important. REALLY important. Here’s how it came about.
I am a do-it-yourselfer and since we moved to our new house in Texas from Oklahoma I have been doing a LOT of DIYing. The latest project is a remodel of our guest bathroom. Wallpaper has been stripped and replaced, tub has been recaulked, lights have been replaced and old vanity countertop has been removed in anticipation of our new one being put in. All has gone according to plan.
Since the countertop was off and I could get to them easily I decided I would replace all four old and worn out water valves leading to the two sinks. Often times this is a job for a pro plumber since it can take a blow torch and ‘sweating’ and soldering of pipes.
But in this case it looked like an easy replacement by cutting off the old valve and just leaving a clean copper pipe that I could then attach to the new valve using what is called a compression fitting. Easy peasy, right? Yes, if you do it step by step.
It sounds very dorky but I was very excited to be able to do this by myself so I traipsed down to Home Depot and got all the right tools and parts I would need. Then I got right to it on New Year’s Eve day. I used this cool tool that you snap around the copper pipe and just rotate and it makes this perfect cut. And it did. Only one problem. In my excitement I didn’t think through the order of the steps I needed to take. Like the obvious important step of turning off the water to the house BEFORE cutting the pipe. Duh.
Even though there is a very harrowing but entertaining story about the consequences of me cutting that pipe, for now it will suffice to tell you that I created a massive flood in my house before we were able to get the water turned off. A flood that required us calling our insurance company and having a ‘water mitigation’ team come out and deal with it.
It’s now 2 days later and the wood flooring in the living room and two hallways is torn out and will have to be replaced. The carpet in parts of 3 rooms is also lifted up and is drying, most likely needing to be replaced.
All baseboards are removed and there are holes in all the effected walls (below the baseboard line luckily). Those holes have giant loud fans next to them blowing air into the walls to dry it all out. The carpets also have fans on them. There are also two big dehumidifiers going in the house. All of them will be going 24/7 for 3 days.
And why did this happen? Because I didn’t go small. I didn’t pay attention to the step by step details I needed to pay attention to. This is a DIY version of something that happens to us all at one time or another. We think so much about the big plans that we lose sight or skip the small steps needed to make sure the big plans come off as we want them too. It might be travel plans, or Covid19 protection, or gun and hunting safety, or a million other things.
The point is, taking the time to think through and execute the small things well is what will make for a safe and happy big thing.
Delusion is a hard thing to overcome. Individuals believe things that are untrue for all sorts of reasons. Many times they even know inside that what they believe is untrue but they just can’t get the courage to admit it to themselves or others. It really isn’t that uncommon. But what is far more dangerous is when large groups inside a country believe things that there is no evidence for or is grossly exaggerated. This is true in America right now.
Some Trump supporters have gone down a rabbit hole of adoration. They are so enamored of Trump, so invested in him being their savior (from what I don’t know), that they can’t handle the fact that he’s been voted out of office. They want so badly not to believe it that they have staked their faith on lies told to them by people who don’t really care about them. It’s sad to see but really not surprising when you take into account Trump’s methodology of propaganda and disinformation and his legion of media followers who are also so invested that they amplify that message without regard for their duties as journalists or commentators.
It’s sad to see and I can only hope that we find a vaccine for this hysterical delusion soon.
The Wounded WomanThe Unhappy Wife the Moment Her Fences Flew AwayThe Renaissance Room at the MuseumThe Water AngelMother and SonThe Dancer Dancing in Her Favorite Spot During QuarantineThe Sad Queen Just Wanted To Be LovedThe Dishwashing Attorney With Her Bra OffThe Very Popular Exhibition at the Usually Unpopular Art MuseumThe TV Producer Dreaming She Was a BlowfishThe Translator Getting Ready For WorkThe Tattoo Artist With Issues
You ever notice how paranoid people think other people are paranoid? Or how angry people think others are angry? Or perhaps the opposite, the person who wears rose colored glasses thinks everyone else is nice and benign. What is happening there? They are projecting. They see the world a certain way due to their character traits and so they assign those same traits to others actions. They can’t imagine others thinking differently, especially if they are narcissists who never bother to think about others.
Perhaps that’s why Trump thinks those who lost their lives defending America are losers and suckers. Because he can’t imagine people doing anything sacrificial unless they are those things. He certainly doesn’t see value in sacrifice or someone having sacrifice in his or her character. Instead he sees everything as win or lose. If you do something that can lead to you losing (or dying or getting captured in war) then you are a sucker. You let it happen to you because you weren’t thinking about yourself, and that is not the way he thinks. It’s always about him succeeding, getting away with something, escaping something. If he screws someone else in the process, a vendor back when he was a real estate developer, or a supposed ally now that he’s President, then he did what was smart for him and the other person got suckered.
So I ask you, are you a sucker? You are if you think he cares about you or your life. He doesn’t. He only cares about himself.
“If you are easily offended you are easily manipulated”. I heard our Pastor say this in his sermon this week and it resonated with me.
There are two parts to this quote, first the idea of being easily offended. It is what might currently be associated with ‘cancel culture’. You hear something you don’t like from someone, maybe a celebrity, maybe a politician, and you decide they are no longer worthy of your, or anyone else’s attention because what they did or said offended you so deeply. You might go so far as to say they need to be fired or disciplined in some way. This happens in our 24/7 environment of rage almost every day. Now, sometimes the person or company deserves the judgment and the consequence. Maybe they need to be fired because what they did was so egregious so as to deserve that. But often times we either are overreacting to the ‘sin’ or our judgment is based on incomplete information.
The other part of the quote is about being manipulated. Manipulation in this context means being persuaded to believe something or take some action that you don’t realize is based on incomplete or faulty information, or through appealing to an emotion or feeling that becomes more important than the truth about something.
The question becomes how these two are connected. If you are easily offended it often means you are looking for a reason to judge and may not wait to hear enough information to fairly judge. And if you are that primed to judge, you are primed to hear what a manipulator wants you to hear.
To use two recent examples from today’s headlines, first we have the case of the unwanted hysterectomies taking place in immigrant detention facilities. If the headline is, ‘Mass forced hysterectomies performed on immigrant women’ you might think one thing. If the headline is, ‘Whistle blower describes hearing about possible unwanted hysterectomies at detention center’ you might think another. If you were already upset about treatment of immigrants you could be quickly offended and ready to judge and the headline that heightens to infraction is the one you are likely to believe without checking to see if it is accurate.
Another example: You hear about a ‘riot’ in a major US city that happened after a protest. If the headline is ‘Major violence and rioting causes city to burn’ you might think one thing. If the headline is, ‘Car set on fire after peaceful protest’ you might think another. But if you were already upset at the protesters and their message you could be quickly offended and ready to judge and the headline that tells of more violence is the one you are likely to believe without checking to see if it is accurate.
What that means is we have to analyze and double check our information while withholding judgment. How do you double check the information? One is by being patient and letting the story play out. The other is by having multiple avenues of information coming to you. If you are only listening to Fox and Breitbart then you can trust you are not getting an accurate picture. If you are only listening to MSNBC and HuffPost then the same is true, you are not getting an accurate picture.
You can’t trust a single news outlet to feed you a well-balanced picture. It’s your responsibility to wait until there is sufficient evidence and to hear news from a variety of directions. It’s also your responsibility to not propagate information that is nothing more than gossip and innuendo without evidence. Both of those responsibilities are easier if you aren’t so easily offended and thus easily manipulated.
In the book ‘1984’ there were official sayings of the party in control, inscribed on the giant white pyramid at the Ministry of Truth. war is peace freedom is slavery ignorance is strength
This has always been used as an example of a scary dystopian future we in America might see in a place like Russia or China. But that is not how it’s turned out. Instead we are seeing it play out here in the US under Trump. If you doubt this to be true I would submit the words above as just the merest of slices of what he has said that is absurd and untrue in the extreme.
All you have to do is look through a collection of what he’s said over the past 4 years or more to see the truth. If you don’t see it, I think you might work for the ‘Ministry of Truth’.
A Woman in Summer, 2020A Memory of MineShe’s So UglyThe Hurricane DanceThe Vision and the WeightA Discussion with the GoddessThe Prayer and the SignThe Thinking SkyscraperThe Runner’s PrayerThe Sign in the DesertThe Artist KnowsTonguesCovid LandscapeThe Circular ThoughtShower Singing
This is my attempt to visualize what a portrait of a woman would be if you could see her inner self as the covid debacle and the BLM movement took hold of America in the first half of 2020. What would you look like as the year has progressed so far?
“So I had the weirdest dream, do you want to hear it? Ok, I was in the middle of a pandemic and then it turned into some sort of protest over a guy who couldn’t breathe and I tried to explain that they were both about not being able to breathe but all of a sudden I was in a fire and couldn’t breathe when a woman in a mask brought me to safety and I was surrounded by black people saying they couldn’t breathe and I was so scared I couldn’t breathe but they all smiled and said ‘just breathe’ and then I woke.”
I used to say both these things. Now I am older and wiser and don’t say them anymore. I don’t for at least two reasons. One, they weren’t (and aren’t) true and two, they didn’t (and don’t) help anything even if they were true.
So, why did I think they were true? Because I didn’t do anything immediately and concretely racist. I was consciously not racist as far as I could figure. I accepted people of any race as I met them in my work, my school, my church or anywhere else. If we got along it wasn’t because of race and if we didn’t get along it wasn’t because of race either. It was because of some other reason, some other compatibility. That proved I wasn’t racist, right? In my mind it did.
In the New Testament there is a passage where the Paul speaks of now seeing through a glass darkly but one day seeing face to face. That is how I feel about my understanding of race in America. I used to be so sure of my ‘non-racist’ lineage that I didn’t realize how little I really saw in that glass. But then, little by little, I experienced, listened, heard, read, thought, discussed, watched, wrote, created, and met. And, while sometimes I argued with myself and others about these things, I wasn’t so invested in my own opinion that I wasn’t able to eventually see some deeper realities.
Reality 1a – I cannot know the totality of the Person of Color experience. I should not pretend I do. Reality 1b – I can however, use my creativity to imagine if I was someone else what that experience might be like. It’s not total understanding, but it is a starting point for empathy and understanding. But it is just a starting point.
Reality 2a – I can admit I have both residual racism from my past and current racism from my present in me and not condemn myself for having either of those things. Reality 2b – I cannot however, live with this knowledge and not act to change it within myself and in others around me. If I don’t step up to do that then I am deserving of condemnation. At that moment I become complicit.
Reality 3a – Being ‘color blind’ is a virtue. We want to be color blind when we work, play, interact. We want to treat everyone as equals. Reality 3b – Being ‘color blind’ is NOT a virtue. It is akin to an ostrich putting its head in the sand, looking around and saying ‘everyone looks the same to me.’ They look the same because you aren’t in a position where you can see anyone at all, you are blind. We want to see color, because seeing color is a starting point for acknowledging the history of others and society. It isn’t enough of course, you can’t just see a person’s color and make a definitive judgment anymore than you can judge a person to be physically beautiful or handsome and then projecting that they must be good and wholesome. We all know that is not true. It is the same with color. It tells us something, but it doesn’t tell us everything.
Reality 4a – This is a river you can sit beside and watch flow by. It is unlikely to overflow its banks most days and as a result you can just witness it from a safe vantage point. You never have to dip your toe in, you can just watch. Even if it does overflow, chances are you can climb up the banks to your patio and still be safe, or so you think.
Reality 4b – This is a river that is asking you to step in. That step means risking getting swept away. It is dangerous and once you are in the flow you can’t get out at the same location you first dipped your toe in. It will tumble you through rapids that will bruise your ego and jostle your pre-conceived notions. It might even cause you to leave some friends or family behind for a while as you move to a new destination. It can be scary. But make no mistake, taking that trip down the river will change your life, and the lives of many others (of all races) for the better.
Like I said earlier, I see through a glass darkly at this point. I know my revelations are pathetically inadequate for some and at the same time they may be profound for someone else. Isn’t that the truth about this issue in general? Don’t we have to allow we are all somewhere unique? This person is on the bank of the river, fearful and angry. This other person is in the deep swirling water at the roughest part of the river and needs a hand. That’s why we need to be merciful and helpful to all in our efforts to understand and change, to move our nation and the world forward little by little.
First napkin i’ve drawn in many, many months. We moved from Oklahoma to Texas and pretty much all my art has been on hold for all of 2020 so far. But to be honest, I wasn’t drawing on napkins much in 2019 either, or 2018. But I have been drawing in my sketchbook regularly and that held more interest for me so that is where I focused my attention.
Anyway, I wasn’t planning on doing a napkin drawing but I was sitting at in my studio watching and contributing via zoom with our community group from our old church in Tulsa. The technology was a bit wonky that day and I got a bit bored so I picked up a napkin and just started drawing. We were talking about some serious issues within the church, primarily the role of women. Our community group is filled with strong, intelligent women who fight the good fight every day to have more equality for women in every area of church leadership and activity.
The truth is, if you are going to affect change in any institution, you are most likely going to do it from the inside, which means you have to pick your fights. Fight too much and your ability to influence diminishes. Fight too little and the status quo wins the day. It’s not an easy path for them (or the men who support them) and they understandably get frustrated often.
So, while I was listening to the discussion I thought of how hot potato (or button but a button was not as fun to draw) issues can only be held tight for so long, then you have to drop them, let them cool before you pick them up again. You aren’t giving up the fight, you are being strategic about when to fight.
After all, the goal is not to fight. The goal is to win. If you can win without a fight, great. But you are always ready to fight if you have to.
Until quite recently I was a Running Coach. One of the things I would often ask as we gathered for our group warm up was this: Why are we here? Of course there are many reasons and we would go through all of them over the course of a season. But one reason in particular stood out recently when I went out for a run, my first since the Coronavirus situation hit hard here in Oklahoma.
Why are we here? Because we want to be fit and ready for whatever life throws at us. I would say to my runners, ‘If a disaster strikes in some way in your life, do you want to be fit or unfit? The answer is, you want to be fit.’ Back then I was thinking about if you got sick, lost a job, had to move, had a natural disaster, got a divorce or something else. Now I think, what if you found yourself in the middle of a world-wide pandemic? The answer to the question is the same: we want to be fit. Not only to protect us from the disease, but to help us deal with the physical, mental and emotional issues that come up as we go through this period.
I thought about this in depth as I was running that day. I was running fast and enjoying it but it was getting a little tough and I was doubting whether I could finish the 6 miles at the same pace I was doing mile 1 & 2. Then I thought about all the training I had been doing over the course of the last many years. The truth was I was fit and ready to take on this challenge and there was no legitimate reason I couldn’t finish what I started. So I left my doubts behind and kept up my pace in spite of it getting harder and hurting more. And what happened? I got faster as the miles wore on, finishing with my fastest mile (7:44) and with a new personal record (PR) of 50:24 for the 10k distance .
Why did that happen? A few reasons. One, I am fit physically. Two, I have done seriously hard marathon races that I thought were going to flat out kill me, but they didn’t. Third, I know that when I start to think too far ahead I need to pull back and run the mile I am in. Anticipating what might happen up ahead, having a head filled with ‘what ifs’ is a danger. It can paralyze you so that you don’t push forward with what you know you can do.
Translate that into facing your personal coronavirus circumstances. Yes, the circumstances are harsh. It might be a scary inconvenience like it is to me (for the most part) or it might be an existential threat. But wherever you are on that spectrum you know one thing, you are fit and you are ready. You understand you can suffer a LOT and still make it through. You know that discipline is essential for the long run, and that is what we are in now, a very long run.
