by Marty Coleman | Aug 25, 2016 | Brendan Behan, Decision Making - 2016 |
Buy the original | Buy a print | matte and frame available
The Fear of Being Wrong
When I hear people talk about their fear of decision making the number one thing I hear is fear of being wrong. You can see it on reality TV dating shows where the person choosing is racked with fear that he or she might make the wrong choice. You can see it in college kids trying to decide on a major. You can see it in people deciding on which house or car to buy. The list of ‘what if’ worries is endless. For many it can be paralyzing, keeping their life from moving forward and being fulfilled in so many ways.
The Wrong of being Fearful
You may be saying, ‘Hey wait, being fearful isn’t wrong’ and you would be right. And you would be wrong. Why wrong? Let’s use this example. You witness the rape of a friend. You are called to give a statement to police. You are called to look at a line up of possible perpetrators. You are called to testify for the prosecution. Doing those things is scary and it is likely you will be fearful. But what if you are SO fearful that you won’t do those things? You won’t speak up, you won’t testify. What then? Turns out your fear could be the reason a rapist is not convicted and is free to rape again. That could be considered a moral wrong, right?
Procrastinator Excellente
I am a procrastinator in decision making compared to my wife Linda. I take too much time and put off evaluating. Why? Because it means I have to take action and I don’t want to. I am lazy with a bit of fear of decision making thrown in. But what I have found is I have a lot more regrets from not having made a decision soon enough than I do from making a decision too soon. For example, I have waited too long and missed deadlines in applying for art fellowships or competitions in a particular year. But when I got my application in on time for those same things a year later, I certainly didn’t regret it.
The Lesson
First, know yourself. If you are a procrastinator or worrier about decision making, admit it and evaluate why. Then start to look at what it is you do regularly to sabotage good decision making. Do you rationalize and make excuses? You know if you do so just admit it instead of adding on the rationalizations. Also, don’t brag about your indecisiveness. Nothing is worse than someone bragging about their shortcomings as if the bragging makes it ok.
If you want to be a a more decisive decision maker, there is only one way to do it. That is to practice it. When the moment arrives to make a decision, be resolute in evaluating and deciding as quickly as you can. Your ‘quick’ might be days longer than someone else’s so don’t go by someone else. Just go by your own history. If it usually takes you 7 days? Do it in 5. If it usually takes you an hour, do it in 45 minutes. In other words, be deliberate and conscious about your decision making.
You will become a better decision maker if you practice it.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Brendan Francis Behan, 1923 – 1964, Irish Author
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Sep 17, 2013 | Brendan Behan, The Prostitute - 2013 |
I calculate that it’s day #2 of ‘The Prostitute’ series.
The Cost of Free
How much have your relationships cost you? We could go into the monetary side of things and calculate how much it all costs that way. Maybe a billion dollars? It seems that way at times, I am sure. But the far greater cost is the emotional cost. If you are a woman, right about now you should be asking, What? Men have emotions? Why didn’t they show them to me?”
The Ignorant Pirate
Yes, indeed men do have emotions. But it’s a lot like a treasure buried on the desert island with a shipwrecked pirate sitting on the beach. He doesn’t even know he has a treasure below him until some big storm roars in and washes away the beach, leaving the chest full of gold pieces exposed. Only then does the pirate realize it’s even there and start to figure out what to do with it. So it is with men and their emotions. Once they do realize they are there, they have to figure out which emotion is which (not nearly as easy as you might think), they aren’t sure how to give them out, who to give them too, and what sort of condition they should have for the giving, if any conditions at all.
The Cost of Complication
All this is very confusing and conflicting and draining for many men. It demands communication and thinking about feelings and what to do about them. It’s complicated, it’s painful, it’s messy. And usually the man has to be pretty competent at it before he sees much intimacy in a relationship. Men who aren’t very good at it, who struggle with it, don’t like the bargain because it doesn’t seem fair or make sense to them. They don’t get it and because they don’t get it it seems like it is costing him a lot. And that explanation doesn’t even touch on the matter of him trying to understand the woman’s emotions, which is even harder than understanding his own at times.
The Cost of Simplicity
So, what does the prostitute bring? She brings simplicity. She won’t ask for emotions he doesn’t have or know how to express or doesn’t want to listen to, and all he has to do is pay her money. In return she will satisfy at least part of his need. It might not be his long term need that is being fulfilled, but he might not really even know he HAS a long term need. What she does is fill a short term need. It’s uncomplicated. He does this simple thing, she in return does this other simple thing. Done.
Peter Pan, or The Cost of Growing Up
So, what’s wrong with this idea? It sounds like I am excusing men going to prostitutes. But I am not excusing it, I am explaining it (at least in part). The truth is, what I think is really at the heart of it all is men not facing growing up. It costs a lot to be mature and responsible and delve into emotions and feelings and hurts and hearts. Men going to prostitutes are wanting the escape to Never Never Land. They want the fun and joy and simplicity of their youth, only in the sexual arena of adult play instead of in the arena of child’s play.
Original Book Cover – 1915
The Benefits of Growing Up
Take a look at my napkin drawing. The right side, the side of the heart, is complicated. It’s got wind and clouds and sun and volcanos and textures and deep colors. The left side is simple, cartoonish. Men, do you really want to live in that simplistic world? Isn’t the world of depth actually more compelling, more invigorating, more arousing? Isn’t it actually where your senses and mind will most be stimulated, most challenged? Isn’t it where you will be most challenged as a true adult? Isn’t it where you will most likely be fulfilled? After all, it’s hard to be fulfilled living in a cartoon.
_______________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Brendan Behan, 1923 – 1964, Irish poet
Brendan Behan
_______________
Prostitution Fact of the Day:
There is no evidence that Mary Magdalen of the New Testament was a prostitute. The unidentified woman who washes Jesus feet is not stated to be Mary anywhere in the Gospels. Evidence strongly points to her having been a leader of the disciples both before and after Jesus life. It was not until much later, when the Patriarchy of the Church established its male dominance as preeminent that Mary started being branded as a harlot.
Hugues Merle – Mary Magdalene in the Cave (1868)
_______________
Like this:
Like Loading...
