Idealized and Powerless – Gender Equality #1
The Bargain
This gets right to the heart of the fantasy that drives so much historic gender inequality. Some men want women to embody a certain societal fantasy ideal. In the worst case they seduce the woman into living up to that ideal (on the surface at least) by offering them a bargain. If you meet their ideal standards they will not only idolize you but you will also get preferential treatment, physical protection, financial safety, social status and loyalty. Sounds like a bargain, right? Many women have made that bargain and have lived with it for their entire lives. Some may even have been satisfied with that life. But many more have lived under the bargain for a while, believing the fantasy ideal just as much as the man, only to discover the downside.
The Downside
The downside is that the man will not let you be his equal in the corridors of business, governance and public life in general. They will be critical as you age, as you lose shape, as you pay attention to our offspring more than you do to them, and as you try to gain some level of independent significance. Then the man will be dissatisfied and feel justified in removing elements of the bargain as you falter in your ideal status. And they will feel justified in searching out a new ideal to pursue.
Powerless to Powerful
And then you realize your idealization has come at the price of powerlessness. At least that is what that man wants you to believe. That is the fear he hopes keeps you in ‘your place’. But the truth is you are not powerless. The only thing hiding your power away is your fear. It is a fear that giving up the bargain will reduce you to powerlessness when actually you already are powerless. The truth is breaking free will liberate you to be powerful. This does not necessarily mean breaking free from a marriage, though it often does mean that. What it really means is breaking free from the fantasy and illusion that you have to rely on a sexist bargain to exist.
Mutual Benefit
This is not just a benefit to the woman to break free, but to the man as well. Of course, it doesn’t seem like that at first, but if the man let’s go of this sexist bargain he will gain something he hasn’t had, a true, equal partner in the world. A person bonded to him in love, not in fear. He will gain a partner who is free to pursue her full potential in whatever direction she wants. And when that happens, both parties to the old bargain win.
What do you think?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Erica Jong, 1942 – not dead yet, American author