For all you out there who dismiss praise and compliments, think about this one. You probably will say no, I really don’t want or like compliments. But then ask yourself what you get out of rejecting them. What you get is ego satisfaction perhaps. Satisfaction that you are being humble, fulfilling the edict to not be vain or filled with self. And in turn you probably wouldn’t mind being praised for that.
I can’t remember if I told you this, but it’s ‘Memory Week’ at The Napkin Dad Daily
I have great stories from my life and I like to tell them. So, as a service to mankind and to help you avoid the problem mentioned in the napkin today, I have this suggestion; if you happen to hear one of my stories twice think of it as seeing a rerun of your favorite TV show during the summer. See, wasn’t that easy?
My father, who is 92, is sharp as a tack mentally. For about 2 minutes. Then he forgets what I have told him and asks again how the family is doing; daughters, wife, etc. I will recount for him what I had just told him and about the 2nd or 3rd time it pretty much sinks in and he is up to date on things, for a while.
We should all have someone like that at our disposal so we can tell our stories as many times as we want and not worry about having told it before!
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Drawing by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily (I repeat this line EVERY DAY, have you noticed that?)
Quote by François duc de La Rochefoucauld, 1613-1680, French writer
Vintage napkin from 2004. Drawn for my youngest daughter (at the time) and put in with her lunch.
So, maybe the key to enduring our own misfortune is to act as if we are someone else. Nice thought but we truly only have to endure our own pain first hand. Empathy and sympathy are the closest we can get to feeling what others feel. That is why those traits are of great value in having others feel love from you. Yes, it does increase our pain a bit, but the love and solace we give by being empathetic and sympathetic to others is well worth it.
A variation on a theme I return to again and again, that of mixed motives in what we do in life.
Most people look for purity of motive in deciding whether to judge someone positive or negative. The more obvious virtue in the act, the better the judgment, the more vanity in the act, the worse the judgment.
I think that is us being enamored of a fictitious ideal. We like the stories of old that idealize the heroes and it such a clear and easy world those stories tell of that we dearly wish to find that in real life. However, reality is the ultimate hard-ass partner, not allowing us the luxury of that fantasy for very long.
Why not simply embrace that virtue and vanity are linked, that one will always travel with the other. Why think that is wrong for them to travel side by side? Why not welcome them when they accompany one of your friends or family, or a celebrity you see on TV? You might as well, since you know V and V are going to accompany you when you go visiting, and you would like them to be welcomed as part of who you are, right?
It makes life much more comfortable and real to admit the reality of our lives and our motives in it.
“Virtue would not go so far without vanity to keep it company.” – Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French aphorist and swashbuckling roque, 1613-1680
“We only confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld French author & moralist (1613 – 1680)
I got busted stealing 5 cents worth of bubble gum when I was 14 years old. I got pulled into the back of ‘Stoler’s Five and Dime’ by Mr. Stoler. In the time it took me to walk back there I had already figured out what I was going to say, that it was my very first time EVER to steal anything and I would never do it again…yada yada yada. My second thought was that that was way to obvious and I am sure every other kid who ever got caught by Mr. Stoler said the same thing. So, sure enough the very first question he asked was ‘Have you ever stolen before?’. I answered ‘Yes’. That was the truth. He then asked, ‘Have you ever stolen from this store before?’. I answered ‘No’. That was a lie.
The police were called and I was brought down to the police station, no joke. The policeman gave me the stink eye and made me feel I would be selling pencils on the street corner the rest of my life, my sin had been so great. He also said Mr. Stoler ALWAYS prosecutes. Gulp!
They called my father who came down and got me. When he arrived the police brought us into a room and sat us down. He said that Mr. Stoler was NOT going to press charges after all. My father asked why and the policeman said it was because I was the very first kid Mr. Stoler had ever caught who admitted to having stolen before. Wow, my instincts were right! I had made the right choice.
However, I don’t know if the next answer was the right choice or not, to lie about stealing from his store. But I do know that admitting to the ‘little’ fault of stealing before probably persuaded him I didn’t have a ‘larger’ one of stealing from him.
My father, on the way home jokingly said ‘You know, if you were going to get caught stealing something, couldn’t you have chosen something that was worth stealing, like a TV or something?’
I did buy a TV once that was a real steal, but that was the last thing I ever stole.
Our faults are more pardonable than our efforts to hide them.” – La Rochefoucauld
Hiding things makes so much sense, is so compellingly important to the addict, the secret bearer, the flawed one. But in the end the secret will find its way out. It may not show itself directly, but something wrong in the world will. Maybe it will be anger and frustration with family or friends that isn’t deserved and doesn’t make sense. Maybe it will be escapist behavior that threatens yourself and those around you, or it might be an out and out full exposure of the secret when you least expect it. But however the secret comes out, directly or not, holding onto it will affect your life for the worse, not the better in the long run.
This is the definition of ‘mixed motives’, isn’t it! People are often surprised when I say I had more than one motivation in doing something, that part was selfish, part artistic, part greedy, part altruistic, etc. They aren’t really surprised I had them, just that I admitted to them. How does one hide motives, and for what reason? Why can’t more than one motive live within an action?
I know a number of people whose overwhelming sweetness seemed pleasing at first. Over time I saw that sweetness as actually masking an inability to express what they were really feeling and who they really were. As a result I learned they weren’t safe to trust since I never could discern if what they were saying was what they were really thinking and feeling.
How does one become both strong and sweet?
“Only strong natures can really be sweet ones. Those that seem sweet are in general only weak, and may easily turn sour.”
