by Marty Coleman | Nov 13, 2015 | George Kennan, True Heroes - 2015 |
Endurance
Why would endurance be associated with heroism? Maybe it can’t be understood unless we think about the opposite. Maybe it’s because giving up is so well understood as being the antithesis of heroism.
That would explain why we call people sports heroes. The push beyond what we think we could do. They endure longer and that endurance leads to the final run, the last leap, the improbable score.
The Rest of Us
So, how does that translate for us, the non-sports hero?
I see it in my wife, when she was a single mom. She went back to college, in spite of the hardship and got her degree. She had to make a decision to struggle and persevere instead of saying it’s going to be too hard and giving up. She endured and made a great life for her daughter as a result. She is a hero to me.
I see it in one of the runners I coach. She is the slowest of all our runners. It can be frustrating for her coach and for her. But she has chosen to keep at it no matter what. And as a result she is going to cross the finish line in a half marathon in less than a month. She is a hero to me.
I see it in my friend Lindsay who has Lupus. She has excruciating episodes where her body rebels against her in dumbfounding ways, blowing her face up into a balloon, making her unable to walk, or just putting her into terrible pain. But in the midst of all that she is planning her wedding and continuing to work every day. She is also continuing to show off on Facebook and elsewhere the most original and unique sense of humor that is both self-deprecating and uplifting, insightful and poignant. She is a hero to me.
Encourage Enduring
And that is what we all hope for other people, right? That they will find the will or ability to endure and accomplish their goals. Encouraging people to be heroes is a good thing.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by George Kennan, 1904-2005, American diplomat
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 2, 2015 | Arthur Ashe, True Heroes - 2015 |
The Star
If you watch a baseball game, like I did last night as the Kansas City Royals won the World Series over the New York Mets, there is usually a ‘hero’ that stands out. He may score the winning run or perhaps he strikes out the side. However, without exception, if you hear an interview with that person after the game is won, he will say it was a team effort. He may say, “Yes, I had my good stuff on the pitching mound today.” But it’s also likely they will say a lot more along the lines of, “I was just trying to contribute to the team.”
The Servant
That got me thinking, what is it they are really wanting to do? They are wanting to serve their team. Yes, they probably like the glory of exalted newspaper accounts and TV reporting. But it’s their teammates who are actually counting on them and it’s into that locker room full of teammates that he must go after the game. If a player is too consumed with surpassing personal records and getting personal glory instead of serving the greater good, they will not be liked or respected in that locker room.
Walks of Life
Combat – It’s often said that the soldiers immediate mindset is to serve and protect his or her fellow soldiers, not to fight for glory or some abstract cause.
Family – Mothers and fathers are not vying for an actual ‘Parent of the Year’ trophy. They simply serving their children as best they can.
Business – A superior, if he or she is good, is suppose to be serving you, not the other way around.
Community – Politicians and activists who are best at what they do are the ones who are working to serve the community.
Examples
What personal examples do you have of those who work to serve instead of surpass?
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Arthur Ashe, 1943-1993, American athlete
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 29, 2015 | Helen Hayes, True Heroes - 2015 |
Designated
Some people are designated heroes just as one of a group of friends is deemed the designated driver at a party. The designated hero is labeled such and is expected to fulfill that role. It might be an Astronaut, the soldier, a politician, the athlete, a family member. It might be the survivor. Whoever he or she is, they are looked up to. The media tells stories about them. Books are written about them. Their deeds are exalted. They become icons and are enshrined. We all know about them.
Not Designated
But for every designated hero that is looked up to, there is somebody else looking at those looking at the person looking at the hero. The teacher who is pointing to the famous artist is himself being pointed at by her student. The beginning pilot who is pointing to the astronaut is herself being pointed at by a person with a model airplane in his hands. The young woman off in the wilds of Canada who is pointing at the world renowned inspirational speaker is herself being pointed at by the many who listen to her modest broadcasts. The small business owner pointing to the CEO of the major corporation is himself being pointed at by his inspired daughter.
You
Now, it could be that someone who is actually a world renowned hero is reading this. But the overwhelming probability is that you are not world renowned. You probably don’t see yourself as a hero. But you probably are. If you are a parent, you probably are. If you are a business owner, you probably are. If you are pursuing an athletic achievement at any level, you probably are. If you are a policeman, fireman, soldier, you definitely are.
The Point
So, what’s the point? It’s not to give you permission to brag about something. It’s to give you permission to know that you are seen. You see heroes and look up to them, and that is good. And you are seen as well and it’s important to keep that in mind as you reach for your own goals in life.
Periscope
Here is the periscope video of me creating the drawing while viewers try to guess the quote. You can find me on Periscope as @thenapkindad.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Helen Hayes, 1900-1993, American actress
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 23, 2015 | Anonymous, Beauty - 2009, 2015 |
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Beauty equals Good
It didn’t start with Disney of course, but Disney certainly popularized it for those of raised in the 20th and beginning of the 21st century. The idea that in a story about good vs evil you must visualize the good as having traditional beauty and the evil as having traditional ugliness. And it’s easy to understand the desire to have it that way. It makes understanding good and evil simple since all you have to do is search for outer beauty and you find the good and same for the opposite.
Shrek
And then came Fiona. Fiona and Shrek turned the beauty equals goodness idea on it’s head. One message that it sent, a message you hear often is, that true beauty isn’t on the outside, it’s on the inside. But there was a more important message that it sent. And that is that beauty is not universal. Shrek didn’t find the ‘human’ Fiona all that pretty.
But when the curse was broken and she turned back into what she had been, a female ogre, Shrek suddenly saw beauty. His kind of beauty. She she saw it in him as well. Both lessons are important to learn.
Inner Beauty
Yes, the cliche is true. Inner beauty matters. And yes, who you are on the inside is what decides your goodness, not your outer beauty.
Outer Beauty
HOWEVER, we do have an outer. Outer, in spite of what so many would like to believe, not only exists, but matters when discussing beauty. Our eyes are not dismissible any more than our other senses. Nobody says what we smell doesn’t matter and nobody says what we hear doesn’t matter. Those things do matter. And what we see matters as well. Having a personal sense of what you find beautiful is not a bad thing, whether looking at a sunset or a hunky fireman.
What is also true though is it is not ALL that matters. If you think and behave as if it does you will very likely end up shallow, egotistical and hurt.
The Inner and Outer Blend
You know how celebrity couples now have one name? Branjolie, Bennifer, Kimye. What would the world for Inner AND outer beauty couple be? Ounter? Inter? Ounner? Who knows. But there should be a word for it because it is what most of us want in our lives. We want to look good and we want to be good, right? We want our outer to be the outer visual expression of our inner. We know not everyone is going to find us attractive, but we would like someone to find us attractive. We know not everyone is going to believe we are good. But we want those who know us to believe we are.
How to?
So, how do we make that happen? It’s no different than anything else we hope to achieve. We practice. The bottom line is you will not become good without practicing being good and you will not have outer beauty without practicing having outer beauty.
If that means time in the gym to make your body what you want it to be, then that’s what you have to do. If it means time spent serving others, caring for those in need, giving your time and attention to others, then that’s what you have to do. And they aren’t exclusive. You can and should be your best inner self while at the gym and you can and should be your best outer self while serving others.
Matters Most
But which one matters most? The inner does. That is the one that transcends the outer. It is where kindness, forgiveness, patience, gentleness, sympathy, empathy, and love reside. Because it is true: Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 20, 2015 | Beauty - 2009, 2015, Coco Chanel |
Know Thyself
I started this drawing with the idea that the grey woman would represent the person who did not know herself and this didn’t see herself as beautiful. But as soon as I started to draw the colorful woman I realized the mistake. BOTH women can know themselves and BOTH women can see their own beauty.
Bad Beauty, Bad.
I had a discussion last week with a photographer friend who posted a photo of herself relaxing in a hot tub after a very hard, emotional couple of days. It represented for her feeling relief and joy at making it through a bad time. She took it down because she was self-conscious, then she put it up again because she didn’t want to give in to her fear of what others would think. I told her I was happy she put it back up because it said she was confident and strong in her beauty and happiness. She asked, “But isn’t that wrong? I would never think I am better than anyone.”
It seemed to me she was equating her believing she was beautiful (looking good, in other words) with vanity, ego and superiority over others. My thought was that while being vain and egotistical about it is wrong, knowing you are beautiful does not necessarily mean you are vain or egotistical.
Good Beauty, Good
It isn’t you comparing yourself, it’s you enjoying who you are. It’s about joy and fun, not about judgment and comparing. It’s about allowing that you have a right to express all of you, that includes your beauty, sensuality, femininity, as well as your moods, mind, love, feelings, ideas, etc.
I don’t think recognizing and enjoying one’s own beauty is bad. What do you think?
Drawing and commentary ©2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Coco Chanel, 1883-1971, French fashion designer
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 16, 2015 | Beauty - 2009, 2015, Cornelius Lindsey |
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Compliments
I am a big fan of compliments, both giving and receiving. I give them better than I take them, but I like getting them as well. When I give them I try to be specific. I won’t say someone is pretty, I will say I like their hair style, or their necklace, etc. Often it’s something I might notice that others don’t. An accessory, or a feature perhaps. I like pointing out something specific because I am hoping the compliment I give makes them feel good about choices they made, not just that they were born looking a certain way. And I feel good when a compliment I give makes someone feel great.
Enjoying and feeling good about a compliment is one thing. Feeling your self-worth is attached completely to the compliments is another. The last thing I want is for someone to depend on my compliments for their complete value or worth. First off, I don’t want that pressure, and secondly, it certainly isn’t healthy for the person getting the compliments.
Criticisms
I don’t like giving criticisms, especially if it’s about style or looks. I deliberately step back when I see someone who is jarring to my established notions and let the visuals sit with me for a while. I practice withholding judgment, in other words. This is true in anything sensory; smells, sights, hearing, etc. I like to live with it for a while. And I always try and remember I can view someone without judging them. I think of these sensory experiences as being part of the passing parade of life; something to be enjoyed, admired, explored. Not something I have to judge.
If I do criticize, I would be saying it hoping they gave it some value. But I certainly hope the person receiving it doesn’t automatically take it as gospel truth about themselves. Once again, that would be too much pressure on me and would certainly be unhealthy on the part of the person hearing the criticism.
Balance
I assume that, for the most part, compliments make people feel good and criticisms make them feel bad. That is normal and to be expected. But to get all your worth in life and to feel completely worthless in life due to them indicates an a skewed understanding of your own value.
How do you overcome that? It’s not easy but it is doable. You have to start with small steps. I have a friend, Victoria James, in England, who does a daily live video called #Mindflowers (you can find her as @victoriajamesUK on Periscope). The idea started with her feeling like she, and her friends, all gave compliments to each other a lot more than they give compliments to themselves. They would be much more likely to denigrate and dismiss themselves than say something nice. So she started a daily routine that she now shares around the world. She simply asks the people watching her video to give themselves a compliment every day.
That is how you can start.
Periscope
Here is my periscope video of the drawing being created.
And here is part 2 where I color the drawing and we talk more about this idea.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Cornelius Lindsey, 1986 – not dead yet, American Preacher
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 13, 2015 | Beauty - 2009, 2015, Cornelius Lindsey |
I recently did an ‘Absorbent Idea’ periscope on Beauty and Makeup. It was based on a series I did back in 2013. The conversation was so interesting I thought I would do a new series on Beauty. Let me know what you think!
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Comparing
So, one of the big things about outer beauty is the curse of comparison. How do you know who is and who is not beautiful if you aren’t comparing them, right? But comparing is wrong, isn’t it? Doesn’t that lead to feeling bad about yourself or judging others?
I actually say no, it doesn’t IF rightly understood. The word compare is neutral. It doesn’t have to assume judgment and condemnation, it can simply assume evaluation. ‘Her eyebrows arch high’. ‘Her highbrows don’t arch’. That is comparing and contrasting, not judging.
But you might say that is all fine and dandy but we know that judgment will naturally follow with a statement like, ‘I like arched eyebrows and I don’t like straight eyebrows.’ Isn’t that right? No, it isn’t right. There is no intrinsic reason you have to state a judgment or a preference after noticing a difference between two things. You can just notice and absorb while exploring and admiring both.
Competing
When the trouble starts is when the thought of competition comes in. That there is going to be a loser and a winner in beauty. That the purpose behind comparing is to compete. That there has to be a judgment that that ‘beauty’ is more beautiful than me. But think about a flower. Does a flower say it needs to look like a different type of flower to be beautiful? No, it doesn’t. It might compete for nutrients in the ground with another flower, but that is not about beauty, that is about survival. It isn’t trying to be judgmental or critical of the other flower. It is not saying that flower isn’t beautiful. It is simply doing what it needs to do to survive and thrive. It does it’s best to get everything it needs to be it’s best.
Your Beauty
If you do the same then you will always have your beauty. Your beauty will be genuinely yours. Not someone else’s, yours. Your style, your shine, your colors. And you won’t have to compete with anyone else for it.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Cornelius Lindsey, 1986 – not dead yet, American Preacher
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 7, 2015 | Money Problems - 2015, Voltaire |
Your Mind Torn
When you are ‘torn up’ about something in life, what is it that really is torn? It’s your mind. For example, I have a friend who has fallen in love with a married man. Her mind and heart are torn. She thinks everything of this man and so she is willing to do everything for him, including risking destroying herself.
Your Focus is your Reality
What you focus on in life is what is real, even when it’s not. Spending your life focused on the existence of Bigfoot doesn’t make Bigfoot real. It makes your pursuit of him real.
Believing Untruth
Believing money will do everything for you in life doesn’t mean it’s true (it’s not). It means you will do everything (and anything) for money without regard for your own (and others) health, safety and well-being.
The questions you have to ask are:
- Why do I think it’s true even though it’s proven to be false?
- What do I gain from believing it?
Answer those and you are on your way to a more balanced way of thinking about money (or anything else for that matter).
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Voltaire, 1694-1778, French writer, historian and philosopher
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 2, 2015 | James Baldwin, Money Problems - 2015 |
This drawing is available, original or print. Email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
Money or Sex
Is this about money or is it about sex? When I was drawing it live on Periscope the #napkinkin talked a lot more about what it says about sex than what it says about money. Maybe they just aren’t that different?
Drawing © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by James Baldwin, 1924-1987, American author
You can watch the creation of the drawing and the guessing of the quote on the Periscope replay.
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 23, 2015 | Yogi Berra, Yogi Quote Mashup - 2015 |
Yogi the Great
Yogi Berra was one of the best baseball players ever. If he was mute and never said a word he would still be in the hall of fame many times over. Look up his statistics and there will be no doubt.
Yogi the Poet
But Yogi did talk. He said a lot of very funny, odd and surprisingly insightful things. Many are non sequiturs where the first part of the quote seems to make no sense with the second part of the quote. That gave me the idea of taking the quotes one step further, doing a mash up of two of his quotes and see what I can come up with.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quotes by Yogi Berra, 1925-2015, American Baseball Player
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