by Marty Coleman | Oct 22, 2014 | Angela Huckleby, Conscience - 2014, Mark Twain |
Let’s be clear and don’t forget, today is day #2 of our Conscience series!
The virtue of a bad memory
This morning I happened upon a Facebook post by a muse and friend of mine, Angela Huckeby. This is what she wrote:
Tonight’s reflection:
Dates and anniversaries of sad occasions.
Sometimes I wonder if it is a coping mechanism that I have acquired after a few small tragedies, but I have no idea what date ANY of my family members passed away on… Or the dates of my divorces… And most days I can’t even remember the date of my second marriage.
Selective memory, I’m sure.
Seem odd? Probably.
The thing is, I have become a master at NOT dwelling on the past. I’m sure a little bit of dwelling can be healthy, but I see so many people in absolute heartache each year over the anniversary of anything that caused them pain.
What’s the purpose of such torture?
I see no point. Remember the joy and live and love in the now.
Where We Store the Big Mixing Bowl
Angela’s reflections show a different side to the virtue of a bad memory than the one mentioned by the quote author, Mark Twain. He is humorously pointing out that it’s pretty convenient to forget our ‘sins’. But Angela is telling us how beneficial it is to also forget our sorrow, pain, resentments, heartaches.
Now, the truth is we don’t really forget them. What we do is put them away in the far back of a lower cabinet, as we do a big mixing bowl we only use once a year.
We know those things are there, we know we can feel them and remember them again if we want. But we have done our constant remembering, our wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth. We are wrung out and gnashed out. Now we know we can put the memories way out of the way and we won’t lose them. We know we can bring them out if we ever need to.
Not a Sin Excuse
There is a peace in that. If you haven’t felt that peace, maybe there are some memories you need to store away. Not so you can excuse your ‘sin’ in the present, but so you can live and love in it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mark Twain
Reflection by Angela Huckeby. Angela and I became friends when she agreed to pose for my ‘Velveteen Women’ project back in 2011. A four panel photo-collage with her as the subject was included in the exhibition at Living Arts in Tulsa in 2012. Scroll down to see all four panels.
Artist and Muse
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 17, 2014 | Conscience - 2014, H. L. Mencken |
It’s been weighing on my conscience to do a series on Conscience so here is #1
Rationalizing
Some say humans would not be moral without God, that that is where our conscience comes from. I don’t tend to believe that, I think many non-believers are quite more and conscientious. But I do think there is a basic understanding of right and wrong in most of us (barring mental illness for the most part) and that we know when we aren’t doing right. We may quickly rationalize not doing right, after all most of organized humanity has rationalized incredibly immoral behavior, but deep down we know what we are doing is wrong.
Guilty Before or After?
Not wrong enough to change mind you, but wrong enough that if you get caught you will immediately be repentant and contrite, apologizing profusely. Yes, you are doing all that because you got caught, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling the immorality of what you did. It’s just that the switch was turned on for you to feel that immorality without the buffers and blinders of your rationalization.
Where?
So, where does our conscience come from? Is it inherent or learned, from a God / spirit being or society or?
What do you think?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956, American journalist and critic
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 8, 2014 | Architecture Is - 2014, Spiro Kostof |
Hello Napkin Kin! Here is the last of my series on Architecture. Next week I will use these 4 images (among others) in a short presentation to a group of architects here in Tulsa.
Spiro Kostof – 1936-1991
Honestly, I didn’t know who Spiro Kostof was when I chose the quote. I assumed he was an architect. I liked the quote and so I used it. When I came to post this morning I looked him up and lo and behold, he is not an architect, he is an architectural historian. That sounds kind of boring compared to an actual architect, right? That’s what I thought. Then I read up on him and it turns out he was a ground breaking academic and writer on architecture who departed from the typical academic review of styles and individual pieces removed from their context. Instead he wrote about architectures place in the world of society, culture, history, and art. He explored the development of architecture in it’s greater context.
Once I learned that I reread the quote and it made even more sense. It was written by someone who studied specifically not only how it develops but how it influences the world it inhabits. Basically he seems to be saying architecture is never in isolation. It can be an actor on the human stage and can also be the stage itself.
I have found the videos from the last class he taught at UC Berkeley, where he was a Professor of Architectural History. I am thinking it would be fun to watch the videos. I will let you know how they are. http://www.lib.berkeley.edu/MRC/kostof.html
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Here are the other Architects and historians I’ve written about so far:
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Here is a poster of all four architecture drawings available via Zazzle.
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 1, 2014 | Quote Authors |
I am working on four drawings at one time this week so none are ready to publish.
Since I know the Napkin Kin are chomping at the bit to have some sustenance I am posting this for your enjoyment.
This was taken by a friend a while back and unfortunately I forget who took it. But they get anonymous credit!
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 29, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman |
Prologue
Liz didn’t grow up in the church but she had been attending for many years.
Chapter One
She got the dress from a new online shopping service. She loved it and was excited to wear it to church where she was going to get up on the alter and report about the youth choir.
Chapter Two
As they got out of the car in the church parking lot her husband said, “I just noticed that two of those little donut circle things on your dress look like your nipples. They’re right where they would be.”
Liz gave him the death stare. “WHY ON EARTH would you say that to me right now, even if it is true?” She said. “You know I am going to be completely self-conscious about that now! You can be such an unthinking idiot sometimes.”
Chapter Three
By the time the pastor called her up onto the alter she had already suffered through 20 minutes of panic. As she walked up she saw her four choir friends sitting on the side, waiting to go on and do their quartet devotional. She looked at them looking at her and she knew they saw the same thing as her husband. She turned to face the congregation blushing a deep crimson. There was nothing she could do about it.
Chapter Four
She forgot to tell the congregation what time the youth choir concert was going to be and forgot to explain about the fundraising needed to send the kids to choir camp next summer. She tripped on her way back down the stairs but caught herself before she fell. She sat down next to her husband, who whispered that she did a great job and no worries about the dress, it wasn’t obvious at all. She wanted to kick him in the balls.
Chapter Five
Afterwards, everyone said she did a great job. Many of the women complemented her dress and asked where she got it. Two guys from her husband’s mens group also complemented the dress. She wanted to kick them in the balls too. She dragged her husband out of the Fellowship Hall the second the niceties were over.
Chapter Six
Her husband was in the dog house for the whole week. As a result he missed out on their weekly night for having sex. She told him that he deserved far worse so he better not complain.
Epilogue
In later years Liz said that it was that moment, as odd as it sounds, that changed the direction of her life. She ended up leaving her husband and her church a year later. She moved to Florida with their kids, taking a job as a music teacher at an inner city high school. She started caring much less about what people might be thinking of her and her clothes and as a result was very happy. She ended up having polka dots and circles in almost everything she wore.
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 3, 2014 | Anonymous, Well Wealth - 2011 |
Prosperity Doctrine
In American Christianity, there is a sect that preaches what is known as the ‘Prosperity Doctrine’. In essence it says simply, God want you to be prosperous and if you obey him properly you will be. This is actually not a new phenomenon. At the beginning of Christianity you have Jesus preaching again and again about money and it’s trappings. Why did he preach on that? Because it was a big problem in the society he lived in just as it is now.
What Money Gets You
People want a lot of money because it will give them security. You can have an alarm system on your house to keep Miss Scarlet from breaking in and hitting you on the head with a candlestick in the library.
People want a lot of money because it will give them prestige and power. You can join a Country Club and get your photo in the Society Page of the local paper.
People want a lot of money because they can then purchase fancy things that stimulate their senses. You can buy his and her fragrance producing drones to hover over your side of the bed at night.
When Money Gets You
And that is what Jesus, among other sages past and present, have warned against. It’s not money that is the problem, it’s the constant desire for more of it that is. And the supposed cure, having enough money, is actually the thing causing the disease since it turns out riches enlarge, rather than satisfy appetites.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is Anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 29, 2014 | Muhammed Ibn Zafar Al-Siqilli, Well Wealth - 2011 |
Drowning
I was raised in a very wealthy community, Darien, Connecticut, during my Jr. High and High School years. There was a LOT of money around. One thing I noticed as I was growing up was having that money gave no immunity to family problems. Yesterday I mentioned that having great wealth can exacerbate problems and having been in that world for a while is how I know it’s true.
After those teenage years my family’s financial situation balanced out to a much more average middle class existence. I went off to college and was pretty much on my own. All the usual things a college age kid goes through, crappy apartments, ramen noodles, part time or full time jobs doing dishes or bussing tables, I did them. On top of that I got my degrees in Art, simply the BIGGEST money making degree one can get, right? uh huh.
Lowered Expectations, Higher Satisfactions
The result was getting married and raising a family with no where near the money my parents had. Luckily I didn’t obsess about wealth or having a lot of money. But I did have to learn that with my limited income and a growing family I had to be much more frugal with our resources than I initially thought. I learned a number of great lessons from having to make that adjustment.
- Doing things your self instead of hiring someone else to do it is satisfying.
- Giving away a portion of what you make (even when it’s not a lot) to causes and people you believe in and who need help is satisfying.
- Living life simply without garish and ostentatious displays of wealth and ego is satisfying.
- Knowing my family and I can make do no matter what is satisfying.
The Lake of Satisfaction
The truth is you don’t drown in money when you have a lot of it. You drown in alcohol or boredom or stress or greed or ego or promiscuity or any number of other things. And how that happens usually revolves around a desperation to keep ahold of ALL the money. That leads to an intense level of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
If you can open the gates of the dam and let go of that money that is overflowing (and more is overflowing than you probably realize) you will be better able to enjoy the lake of Satisfaction instead of drowning in it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Muhammed Ibn Zafar Al – Siqilli, 1104 – 1172, Italian Political Theorist
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“Wealth is like water. They who do not open a dam to carry off its overflow drown in it.”
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 28, 2014 | Logan Pearsall Smith, Well Wealth - 2011 |
You will have to live with the fact that today is day $4 of our Wealth Series!
Are The Rich Different?
I don’t think they are. I think they just have more ways to get in trouble than the average Joe or Josephine. Where I might be able to splurge on a new TV I really shouldn’t buy. A wealthy person can splurge on a new mansion full of TVs or if REALLY wealthy, a whole TV station.
Dead Broke
In an interview recently, Hillary Clinton said that when they left the White House they were dead broke. The reason it turned into a gaffe was that the ‘Clinton’s ‘dead broke’ and the average American’s ‘dead broke’ is vastly different. They were still able to buy a huge house in a very tony area of the New York suburbs. They both had the ability to lecture for $200,000.00 dollars a pop. They both had the ability get paid to sit on corporate boards or start foundations that would pay them. They may have had a cash flow issue, even the biggest and brightest companies and individuals can have that happen, but they were not dead broke.
Balance
And that’s what is meant in this quote. It would be wretched to be wealthy but still have a middle class approach to using money but have to live among those who indulge in an ostentatious and garish use of money. Of course all wealthy people aren’t that way. Warren Buffett is one of the wealthiest men in the world and he still lives in the modest house he was born and raised in in Omaha, Nebraska. That is one of the main reasons he is about as popular of a wealthy person as you will ever find.
OK, I’ll Take the Chance
The last few ‘wealth’ posts I did last week got responses where the contributor said something like, “Yes, it could be a problem being wealthy, but I think I would take the chance.” Me too. I would be willing to try being super wealthy, running the wretched risk. But I would always want to remember that whatever I am not, good and bad, will only be increased with great wealth.
It’s a good reason to practice the good and put away the bad as often as possible….just in case the wealth comes in!
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Logan Pearsall Smith, 1865 – 1946, American-born British essayist and critic.
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“The wretchedness of being rich is that you have to live among rich people”
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 27, 2014 | Fitness & Health, Samuel Johnson |
The Problem
Yesterday I did a photo shoot in a park filled with gigantic rocks and steep, narrow trails. There were gnarled tree roots trailing all over the ground and the rocks, loose branches and dirt were everywhere, and the heat was well into the 90s. My friend and model, Brittany, was doing yoga poses for me in what was essentially a scouting trip for a future group photo shoot I will lead later this year.
I investigated the park beforehand and found it was a mecca for local rock climbers. As I read up on that I found something interesting. Each rock climb a person does seems to be called a ‘Problem’. And that makes sense to me. It’s a problem to be solved. How to get up and get down the rock.
Suffering for Art
We had a great time and got some fantastic shots. At the very end we had to ascend a pretty steep trail covered with roots. I had a two photo bags and attempted to make it up without putting them down. Brittany even asked if she should hold them while I went up. As I said no, I lost my balance and fell/slid back down the trail. I only went down maybe 10-15 feet so it was no big deal but somehow I hyperextended my left middle finger and got a small gash on my palm while trying to hold on to my bags and catch my balance. I then gave her the bags and tried again, successfully this time.
The finger felt pretty stiff and it didn’t want to bend all that much. But I knew it wasn’t broken so we finished up the shoot and went and had a nice lunch. I showed it to my wife when she got home last night. It was the illustration for my narrative about the shoot and the environment.
The Hard Working Muse
Brittany meanwhile escaped without injury. But she didn’t escape without plenty of ‘problems’. She did incredibly hard work hiking, climbing and posing in heat that was above 90º by the time we were done. She balanced on very high rocks. She crawled under low tree limbs through the dirt. She held intense poses on undulating tree roots halfway up rock faces. She planked over dry gullies while perched on two small flat rocks feet away from each other. All the while she was trying her best to look good, pose well, keep from slipping due to sweat being all over her, keep from laughing, keep from keeling over from dehydration (we had plenty of water, don’t worry. But it was REALLY hot!) . She figured out the solution to a multitude of problems. It was amazing to watch her work.
Here is one of the photos of Brittany to give you an idea of what it was like.
Parsva Bakasana – Side Crane Pose
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What Remains
Sometimes misfortune or ‘problem’ is what we really remember. Brittany and I will always have the photos to view years later, and that will be great. But the story we tell about the day will be filled with how difficult and harsh the environment was and how much fun we had finding the solutions to the multitude of problems we set for ourselves.
That is the essence of great storytelling after all, right?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Samuel Johnson, 1709 – 1784, English
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“Depend on it that if a man talks about his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagreeable to him.”
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 21, 2014 | Rob Lowe |
Thanks to Rob Lowe for his story and the quote.
Empty Nest
My daughters are all long gone from the household. The eldest left for college in the East Coast in 2000. The youngest left for college in 2008. I remember the last one really well. It was traumatic for my wife more than for me, but it was emotional for all of us.
A Father’s Wisdom
I was reminded of those emotions yesterday when I read a fantastic essay on a father’s first child leaving for college. The link to the memoir is below with the quote author. It is well worth reading. It was exquisitely written, full of memories and love, heartbreak and pride. The father thought the son was bearing it all very well until after a introductory session with all the students and parents. The son turned to the father, with wet eyes giving him away, and said, “None of the other kids look scared at all.” The father said what I think is some of the best advice anyone can ever get when you are overwhelmed with emotion, “Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”
The Inside is Not Out
It’s so easy to look at the bright colors, big smiles, hearty laugh, nice clothes, high energy and perfect style that is on the outside and think that is a reflection of the inside. And yes, sometimes it is. But we humans are FILLED with emotions and feelings, fears and worries, that never make it to our outer surface. They are deep swimmers in the middle of the ocean. They don’t venture to the surface often, if at all, and thus are never seen by others.
But rest assured, they are there whether you see them or not. Don’t assume, don’t judge. Just be open to discovering who those people around you really are. You will find if you dive down just a bit, their deep swimmers might come up and be seen.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote and memoir by Rob Lowe, 1964 – not dead yet, American actor. Rob Lowe on sending his son to college.
Photo courtesy of Rob Lowe
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