by Marty Coleman | Mar 18, 2014 | William Feather |
Do you agree with this? At first I thought I did, but now I don’t think I do.
Kind and Like
I think I am naturally kind and I like most of the people I come in contact with ( or that are ‘attracted’ to me, since we are using that term here). I can imagine if I was in a romantic/intimate relationship, even married, to some of them they would bug me and we probably wouldn’t last. I can imagine if I were in a business relationship with some of them they may annoy me. But ‘don’t like’? I don’t think that is true. I like them plenty. I think being naturally kind actually mean you like most people. You might notice things that bother you, but that is not the same as declaring you don’t like someone.
The Server hating Serving
I remember back when I waited tables at Eulipia Restaurant in San Jose, CA. One of my co-workers really hated waiting on people. I couldn’t figure out why she stayed in the service industry if she was so bothered by serving. I think it’s the same with kindness. If you are naturally kind you don’t mind people and their uniqueness much. If you do, then maybe your kindness isn’t really all that natural. Maybe it’s just a burdensome feeling of obligation to be nice. That certainly comes in handy, but it’s not the same as being naturally kind.
but maybe I am missing something. What do you think, is the quote true? Explain.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by William Feather, 1889-1981, American Author and Publisher
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 13, 2014 | Marty Coleman, Simplicity - 2009-2014 |
SXSW
I am back from 6 days at SXSW Interactive in Austin, TX. I led a workshop then attended presentations and panels on a wide range of topics. Being there is the ultimate in complex reality. Between the overwhelming crowds and choices; the sheer logistics of eating, drinking, transporting, sleeping, and the intense focus of meeting, talking, learning, teaching, communicating, and remembering it all, it was anything but simple.
The Simplicity of Thinking Now
The only way I could keep it simple was to be focused on what was in front of me. Whether it was a person I was meeting for the first time, a slide on a screen, a lecturer, or a transportation moment, paying attention to that alone allowed it to stay as simple as it could be at the moment.
The Complexity of Thinking Not Now
Yes, I was multitasking. for example, I wanted to tweet (find me at @thenapkindad) what was being said but I also wanted to take notes. My solution? My tweets became my notes. When I got in trouble was when I thought ahead instead of stayed with what I was doing. For example, leaving my hotel in the morning. I never forgot my badge, thank God, but I did forget my water bottles one day. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when water is 3.25 a bottle? It’s a big deal. I forgot my schedule booklet one day and had to go over to registration (a long way in a big convention center) to get a new one, one not marked up with all my notes. I had left mine in the hotel bathroom when I went back in to make sure I was empty before starting my day. Twice while at the conference I left a water or coffee behind that cost way too much to leave behind. Yes, I went back and got them each time and it added frazzlement to my day.
Less Thoughts, More Thinking
All this made me think about Simplicity. I realized I didn’t need to think less, I needed to have less thoughts. When I limited the amount of thoughts or was able to unify those thoughts into a clear thread of thinking, then I was successful in getting the most out of my time and efforts. That’s simple enough, right?
Check out the rest of the Simplicity Series here.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 5, 2014 | Dorothea Lange, Photography |
An Apology
First off, my apologies if you tried to get to my site yesterday. It was hacked and down for most of the day. With the help of a great PHP coder, Jim Gillispie, I was able to get it back up and running just in time for a momentous week ahead. Thanks Jim!
SXSW
I am headed to the SXSW (South by Southwest) Interactive Conference in Austin, TX tomorrow. I am leading a workshop called, ‘The Compelling Image in the Age of Social Media‘ on Friday. I wanted one more napkin for my presentation so I drew this one.
If you are headed to SXSW and would like to attend my ‘workshop‘, get your name on the waiting list as soon as you can and hopefully a spot will open up. The best and quickest way to contact me there will be via twitter. My handle is @thenapkindad.
Seeing With a Camera
One of the best quotes about photography is this if/then proposition: “If you want to take a beautiful photograph, then stand in front of something beautiful and press the button.” This proposition is true but there is a variable within it. That variable is what you consider to be beautiful. For me, a series of questions follow from that variable: Is my mind open to seeing beauty that isn’t readily apparent? Can I see beauty in details, in unexpected and hidden places, within something larger that may not be beautiful? Can I escape judgment long enough to explore an alternative appreciation for something?
I believe my camera can often be a gateway to that freedom, both for me as the photographer in the moment of discovery and later for the viewer of the image in the moment of revelation.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Dorothea Lange, 1895-1965, American photographer
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 25, 2014 | Barbara Kingsolver, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
We wave goodbye to the Mothers series with drawing #4.
This is true of fathers too, by the way.
The Gift
When I left home in 1973 for college, I really left. I went to college in Ohio, then Massachusetts, then moved to Hollywood, then to more college in Southern California, then to Michigan and back to California, this time Northern. I felt confident and able to make my way in the world and that is what I did. My parents raised me so I would be able to do that. I am very grateful for that gift.
The Forgetting
But with that confidence also came a forgetfulness. I forgot how much I had, at one point, needed them, especially my mother. I wish now I had repaid that attention with attention back to her in her later years. While I visited with some regularity, it really wasn’t as much as it should have been. My mother taught me well how to cope, and how not to cope, with life. I learned invaluable lessons from her, even when she was not aware of her teaching me. I did let her know some of that, and thank her for it, as best I was even aware of it at the time. But she died when she was young, only 62, and I was deep in the middle of raising young kids at the time, not really all the way to the place where I understood the lessons so I wasn’t able to thank her as I would want to now.
The Much Sweet and The little Bitter
Now my daughters are all grown. And all of them are strong and independent and able to make their way in the world. They make their missteps just as I did, but for the most part they are more than capable of correcting the misstep and moving on. They like hearing from me and they probably call me more than I call them. But they don’t need me the way they once did. A little bittersweet but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The joy of seeing someone who once knew nothing of how to cope with the world navigate through it with class and intelligence is a heart-filling thing for a parent. I think it is probably easier for me, maybe as a man, maybe just as me, I am not sure, than it is for their mothers. But even though it might be harder, I know it makes them so very proud to see their daughters strong and capable, able to move forward on their own, just as it does me as well.
What is your story of letting go of your mother or your child? Was it easy, hard? How did you do it?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Barbara Kingsolver, 1955 – not dead yet, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 21, 2014 | Marty Coleman, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
What a perfect day to present Mothers #3!
Perfection in Parenting
After Mothers #1 was published earlier this week a comment was posted by Julie from APlaceforThoughts.com. Julie was worried about failing at her work as a mother, comparing herself to her father who had to raise her on his own and had done a great job in her estimation. In the course of that conversation I came up with the above quote to try to assure her that it wasn’t about perfection in parenting, it was about love in parenting.
The thing is, kids are looking for love, not perfection. If you are supporting them and encouraging them and guiding them, they don’t really care if you are good at math, or able to run a marathon or make a million dollars a year. And if you do do all those things but don’t show them love, they don’t really care much about those accomplishments either.
Love Over Limitations
We all have our limitations in physical capabilities, emotional strength and intellectual prowess. One mother is missing an arm and a leg. Another never graduated from high school. A third is fragile emotionally. But none of that matters if they make the decision to deliver love to their children as best they are able. That is what the child will remember. That is what the child will pass on to their children.
Don’t expect to deliver perfection in your parenting. Expect to deliver love.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 19, 2014 | Jane Sellman, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
Yesterday we wondered why, if evolution were true, mothers don’t have more hands.
Well, today I solved that problem.
SAHM, WAHM, WAW and WAHWEE
The Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) supposedly that means they don’t ‘work ‘at home, they just ‘stay’ at home. Those that ‘work’ at home, they are WAHMs. The Work at Home Mom combines some sort of job, all the way from part-time self-employed to full time corporate employment, with the bulk of the domestic activities. And then there are the WAWs (I just made this up). The Work at Work mothers go someplace to work and then come home. And then there are the WAHWEEs (I made this up too). Those are the ‘Work at Home & Work & Everywhere Else’ moms.
Most of the women I know, including my wife, sisters, oldest daughter and many friends, are WAHWEEs. In other words, all mothers are working mothers. They do it all and they are awesome.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Jane Sellman, American author and college professor
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 18, 2014 | Milton Berle, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
The start of a new series on Motherhood.
Hard Moms
I always feel very sad when I hear from someone who had a mother that did not care for them as they deserved. I am not talking about moms that are a bit too controlling or a bit too demanding. I am talking about moms who abandon and abuse. It’s just really, really sad when I hear those memories come out.
Luckily it does seem they are in the minority. Most of those I know are very grateful for their mothers and what they did for them, even when there are shortcomings in them that cause hardship for us. I had that with my mother. She was an alcoholic and wasted many good years in a fog of liquor. But she became and stayed sober for 15 years before her death and that made a huge difference in the redemption our family had together. There is nothing quite as sweet as a family rebuilt and restored.
Emotional Hands
We read the quote above and look at the illustration and it seems to be about physical limitations. But what about all the emotional and psychological hands a mother needs? How many of those hands does one have available? It becomes a lot more complicated when we realize it’s not just about if they can do all the activities they need to do, but about all the emotional personas they have to deal with and be. It isn’t easy being a mom.
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Drawing and commentary © 2014 by Marty Coleman
Quote by Milton Berle, 1908-2002, American comedian
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 17, 2014 | Quote Authors |
Today in the US it is ‘Presidents’ Day’. It is also ‘Random Act of Kindness’ day. So I decided to make a mashup day. It’s now the ‘Presidents and Other Random People Day’.
I started by looking up some images of George Washington (Prez #1).
This is what I found.
I found the usual images but I also found some random images of people who didn’t, at first glance, seem to belong in a search for George. Since today is also Random Acts of Kindness Day I thought I would show a kindness by remembering and honoring these other people as well.
1. George the Myth
The painting is of George Washington as a young boy. It is illustrating the mythical story of him admitting to his father that he chopped down the cherry tree because he ‘could not tell a lie’. All Americans know that story and many of us know the painting. But who is the guy drawing back the curtain and pointing to the illustration? The name of the painting is ‘Parson Weem’s Fable’ by Grant Wood and the man in the painting is Parson Weems, the creator of the fable about the cherry tree. It’s been alleged, and with good reason based on his other exaggerations, that Weems made up the story. Washington was revered above all other figures among the founding fathers and mothers, and with good reason. But along with that admiration came a desire to exalt him way above his reality. This story was just one of many meant to put him up on a quasi-God pedestal. The truth is though, he needs no pedestal. The raw facts of his life and his efforts are enough to put him at the pinnacle of America.
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2. George the Inventor
This one isn’t hard to figure out. The photo is of George Washington Carver, the amazing scientist and educator. He was known primarily for his many discovered uses for peanuts that helped create a billion dollar industry. He was the one who introduced crop rotation to the south, saving it from soil depletion from heavy cotton and tobacco growing. He also was an inventor, educator, painter and a musician. This man was a great man, never once selling or patenting any ideas of his, always saying “God gave them to me, how can I sell them to others?”. Check him out, it’s worth it.
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3. George the Model
He’s a model and has nothing to do with George. The book however is about Washington as a young boy and man. Who knows how accurate it is.
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4. George the Congressman
It’s easy enough to assume his name is George Washington something and you would be right. He’s George Washington Collins. He was a Congressman from Illinois who died in 1972 in a plane crash after only 2+ years in office. His legacy was cut short, but his wife, Cardiss Hortense Collins, ran for his seat in congress and won. She ended up serving 24 years in the House of Representatives. A Random accident led to an amazing career for the first African American woman from the midwest to ever serve in Congress. Read her story, it’s also worth it.
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5. George the Bridge
Honestly this one caught my eye first. A modern day woman in an image search for George? That definitely didn’t make sense. But it does. George Washington had a bridge named after him, the bridge going between New Jersey and New York. This woman jumped off it to her death this month. Her name is Ashley Riggitano and she committed suicide on her 22nd birthday (Feb 6th, 2014). She was a burgeoning jewelry designer and fashionista in NYC. She left a suicide note in her Louis Vuitton bag she left on the bridge. In it she told of being bullied and harassed by ‘friends’, 5 of whom she named and said she did not want to be allowed at her funeral. These women included her supposed best friend and business partner in her jewelry business. One told her to “Go kill yourself with Xanax” shortly before she jumped off the bridge. Her family said she had suffered from depression and anti-depressants were found in her bag along with the note. It was also said she had tried to commit suicide before. It’s a very sad story.
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So, I was thinking maybe our random act of kindness today can be the giving of attention. I loved finding out who these people were, what they added to the world. They may all have passed away, but they deserve to be paid attention to, to be remembered in kindness, random or otherwise.
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© 2014 Marty Coleman | Napkin Dad Publishing
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 14, 2014 | Anonymous, Valentine's Day |
Happy Valentine’s Day to all my Napkin Kin!
Remember, whether you have a lover, BF, GF, BFF, husband, wife, all of the above or not, there is always someone in front of you who needs love.
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 10, 2014 | Breasts - 2012-2013, Joyce Grenfell |
I know many of the Napkin Kin would say the moment below is the moment, right?
Purchase the Original Drawing or Purchase a Print
The Sublime Moment
I don’t regularly have this sublime moment in my life repertoire, but I did have it once. The moment helped me understand the ecstasy of which my female friends speak. No, I didn’t enter a drag queen contest or dress up as a woman for Halloween (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I had to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours as part of my annual physical. It was strapped around my chest the whole time and what an annoyance it was. It was SO great to finally have it off. I figured out then that if I were female I would probably be one who takes her bra off the second she gets in her car to go home from work. I just knew I would want it off that bad.
Anyway, just a fun drawing today to let my female Napkin Kin know I understand your agony and ecstasy (at least a little bit!)
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Joyce Grenfell, 1910-1979, English actor and songrwriter. She actually used the word ‘corset’ instead of ‘bra’ in the original quote. I can imagine a corset would be even harder to keep on all day.
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Happiness is the sublime moment when you get out of your bra at night
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