by Marty Coleman | Nov 22, 2013 | All is Vanity - 2013, George Sand |
It’s reasonable to assume today is day #3 of the Napkin’s ‘All is Vanity’ series.
Quicksand of Living
Here’s the thing about vanity; It’s distracted living. It’s can be while driving, or working, or talking, or texting, or studying, or dating, or exercising or having sex or….the list goes on. Vanity means you are consumed with self and how you are seen by others. This is usually accompanied by disregard for reason and logic. You do things that are dangerous, things that are counterproductive, things that are restrictive. You aren’t able to see and take part in the life you might want to take part in because your vanity won’t let you.
Quicksand of Activity
You won’t go swimming in a pool because your makeup might get messed up. You won’t stop putting on your makeup as you drive because you might be seen without it, and that just won’t do. You won’t go hiking because you might get sweaty or, sin of all sins, smelly. You won’t put on a coat when it’s freezing out because it might cover up your cute outfit.
Quicksand of Love
And in the end your consuming preoccupation with self will keep you from caring about others. You won’t be able to give love and even if you are given love, you very likely won’t be able to see it clearly over the full-length mirror you are staring into.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by George Sand (aka Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin) 1804-1876, French novelist and memoirist
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Vanity is the quicksand of reason.
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 21, 2013 | All is Vanity - 2013, Nathaniel Hawthorne |
I am not deficient when I say today is ‘All is Vanity’ day #2
Pet Peeve
I think I have mentioned before that I have a pet peeve, a big one. I really do not like when people brag about their shortcomings. I especially don’t like it when I do it. When I found this quote and it added a new layer to my understanding why this happens.
Bad at Math
Let me give you an example. I did not excel at math in school. I didn’t flunk it, but I didn’t excel at it either. So, if a conversation comes up about math, and I am asked directly if I am any good at it, it’s a simple declarative statement to say, “No, not very.” If I am feeling hopeful and positive I might say, “No, not very…YET.” meaning I might become better at it in the future. That is how I like to think about things I am not very good at at the present moment.
Bad at Math Vanity
But what if instead, when I was asked, or even if I was not asked and I was just a general part of the conversation, I said, “I am REALLY BAD AT MATH! I can’t balance my checkbook, I can’t pay bills very well, I HATE math! I don’t understand my IRA or my 401k and I am terrible at keeping a budget!”
If I said that, would I be stating a simple declarative statement? No, I would be saying to the world, ‘I am proud to be bad at math. I think it makes me pretty cool. It shows me to be a hip artist, or maybe a cool musician. It puts me in the ‘above all that mundane crap’ world of bean counters and bureaucrats and pencil pushers.
Wrong Vanity
And I would be wrong. It doesn’t do that. It just shows me to be vain about a deficiency. I am seeing a shiny gold tooth in the mirror worth bragging about when actually I just have an ugly black tooth that really isn’t worthy of attention. It’s nothing to be proud of, nothing to brag about and certainly nothing to be vain about. What it really is, is something to be better at if you can, just like any other optional deficiency in your life.
Right Vanity
You suck at your marriage? Don’t boast of it, become less sucky at it. You don’t know how to write? Don’t brag about, learn how to write. You are a lazy bum? don’t be vain about it, get the hell off the couch and start contributing somewhere. Turn that deficiency into an available gift. Then if you want to be vain about it, go ahead.
Have you ever been vain about a deficiency? Let’s hear your insight about it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne, from his book – The House of the Seven Gables
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“It is very queer, but no less true, that people are quite as vain, or more so, of their deficiencies than of their available gifts”
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 14, 2013 | Marty Coleman |
Lately everyone on Facebook is making a list of ‘things you didn’t know about me’. Someone posts a list and if you ‘like’ the list the list maker messages you and gives you a number. You have to then post that number of things people don’t know about you. This is a take off on that idea. My number is random.
1. You already know I am an artist and have 2 degrees in art.
You don’t know that I had to leave or was kicked out of 2 undergraduate colleges and one graduate college on my way to getting those degrees. One of those events was completely my fault.
2. You already know I was burned on 70% of my body in a boat explosion at age 18.
You don’t know that the resulting legal issues didn’t get resolved for 9 years. I got enough money to pay for most of Grad school.
3. You already know my dad, Skeets Coleman, was a famous aviator.
You don’t know that he paid for me to learn to fly starting at age 13 and I got my pilot’s license right after my 17th birthday. Even though I don’t fly now I always imagine I could land any plane in an emergency.
4. You already know that my Grandfather was a sunday painter and woodworker and taught me all sorts of things about drawing and woodworking when I was very young.
You don’t know that he was President of Encyclopædia Britannica for many years.
5. You already know that I am exhibiting artist.
You don’t know that my first exhibition was of nude figure drawings in the Darien High School library in 1973. I was 18 and a senior. No, I am not joking. It was a different time then.
6. You already know I taught drawing part-time at the college level.
You don’t know that I tried for 8 years to land a full-time teaching job and wasn’t able to. I finally retrained myself on computers, switched career directions and landed a job in Tulsa.
7. You already know I am a running coach.
You don’t know that I didn’t start running seriously until I was 53. I will log just under 1,000 miles this year and will run my 3rd marathon next month. It’s never too late.
8. You already know I love Oreos.
You don’t know that I haven’t eaten one in all of 2013 (so far).
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 13, 2013 | Marcelene Cox, Shop 'Til You Drop - 2013 |
Here is a fashion statement for you: Today is day #5 of my ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series!
Getting To Know You – Camping
I had a girlfriend back in the early 2000’s. We got a long really well until we went camping together. She thought I was weird and picky on the trip. I thought she was weird and loosey goosey on the trip. That trip pretty much sealed our fate as being incompatible in the long run. We broke up shortly thereafter.
Getting To Know You – Cooking
I had a ‘not quite a girlfriend’ girlfriend, also in the early 2000’s. We were pretty focused on each other and it looked like we were about to become GF/BF. That is until we cooked a dinner together with me in the lead. She thought I was too intense in the kitchen. I reminded her of some relative, I think an uncle. She hated him for deep emotional reasons that somehow were triggered by how I was while cooking. We had a good dinner and a fun evening, or so I thought. But the next day she pretty much said we couldn’t go forward because of how much she disliked being reminded of this guy.
Getting to Know You – Shopping
When I was in my early 20s, single and living in San Francisco I had just started to date a woman. It was pretty much still at the friendship stage but it was leading to GF/BF status. That is until we went shopping. She had to go to a very fancy soiree for her Tennis Club, at which she was an up and coming star. We traipsed over to Union Square and headed directly to the top floor of Neiman Marcus. She knew pretty much what she wanted and focused on blue blouses to go with a skirt she already had. She found a blouse that went for $500.00. This was in 1978. That was a LOT of money for a blouse in 1978. She was 20 years old. She bought it and out we went. I expressed surprise that she would spend that much money on a blouse for one event. She waved it off and said, “Oh, I won’t keep it. I will wear it tomorrow night and bring it back. If I mess it up my mother will be mad but she will pay for it.”
I learned a lot about her during that short shopping trip. I didn’t pursue the relationship after that.
Lesson Learned
Now do I think you really can tell everything you need to know by going shopping with a woman? No, of course not. Women aren’t just their shopping habits any more than men are just their ‘tool bench in the garage’ habits. But I am saying you can learn a lot by shopping with someone, male or female. Doing something active is how you find out about people. That includes even those you have been married to for years and years.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Marcelene Cox, American writer
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 8, 2013 | Pierre Legare, Shop 'Til You Drop - 2013 |
There is more than an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie chance it’s shopping day #3!
A Good Idea
I actually think a Garage Calendar might be a pretty good item to have at the counter at Victoria Secret, don’t you? A great impulse purchase to bring home to hubby.
But Seriously
But seriously, why is this statement true? Why are there no garage calendars in bikini/lingerie stores? What do you think?
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Drawing and commentary (what there is of it) by Marty Coleman
Quote by Pierre Legare, 1949 – not dead yet, French Canadian humorist
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 6, 2013 | Mignon McLaughlin, Shop 'Til You Drop - 2013 |
I love/hate that today is #2 of my ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series.
Ok, fine. This is not just about women.
Losing It
I recently lost about 25 lbs. As a result some of my clothes don’t fit. Most of my pants I have noticed it all along, except my jeans and some of heavier material, which I do not usually wear during the summer. I started wearing them this fall and in some of them I look like a baggy bag man. I also didn’t wear many long sleeves shirts over the summer and early fall. But now I have had a number of times I tried on my long sleeve shirts only to find they are similar in look to Seinfeld’s Puffy Pirate Shirt. Not the look I am going for. Combine one of those shirts with one of my baggy pants and I am baggy bag man extraordinaire.
Buttoning It
I did find a great shirt in the back of my closet this past weekend, perfect to wear out to a gallery opening and dinner with Linda. I put it on remembering it used to be too tight. I knew it would fit perfectly now and it did. Only one problem. There is a button missing right at the belly button. I remember losing it but didn’t really care because the shirt didn’t fit and I knew I would probably never wear it again. Oops.
Ironing It
So I finally found a shirt that wasn’t a puffy pirate shirt and went searching for a pair of pants. I found what seemed like the only pants I had that fit that weren’t thin summer pants, too dressy or jeans. Hadn’t worn them in a while but maybe I hadn’t worn them in so long they were from when I was thinner, way back when. Or maybe they came from that consignment shopping trip I did in the spring, I had no idea. I tried them on and I wasn’t immediately baggy bag man.
However, they were ridiculously wrinkled and had dust on the fold over the hanger and that meant I had to iron them and use one of those sticky roller things on them. But Linda was taking a nap and I didn’t want to wake her. You know what an ironing board sounds like when you pop it open? They are never silent, they are always squeeky and squeely. I tried, but it made the noise it was destined to make from the beginning of time, and woke Linda up. I think she thought it was a dog making a weird sound, not me. So I let her believe it. I ironed my pants and I looked slightly non-baggy bag man for the day.
I need to go shopping.
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mignon McLaughlin, 1913-1983, American Journalist and Author
Mignon McLaughlin
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 4, 2013 | Adrienne Gusoff, Shop 'Til You Drop - 2013 |
Shop around if you want, but here’s where you will find Day #1 of ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’!
True or False?
Actually, I would say from the level of divorce in recent decades that sex (or at least relationships the sex is part of) is becoming more like shopping. You can return the product, but that doesn’t mean you are going to find anything particularly better.
What do you think, is shopping better than sex?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Adrienne Gusoff, born in the 20th century – not dead yet
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 23, 2013 | Anonymous, Dating 101 - 2013 |
It’s nobody’s fault that today is day #2 of Dating 101
Body and Soul
What type of woman does Playboy say they present? A good woman with a great body, right? What type of Prince does Disney say they present? A good man with a great body, right? Not that different after all. In both cases the person is refined to a high degree. Warts are removed, whether in character or body. Behavior is fun, but not too fun. They have personality, but not too much personality. They are unique, but not not too unique. They are serious, but not too serious. They have morals but not so strict as to be unrelatable. They are portrayed as loving their object of affection in just the way that object wants to be loved.
In other words, they endeavor to present an ideal person who is also the boy or girl next door.
Reality
Now, what is reality like? Our spouses, or potential spouses, may or may not have great bodies. They may be too serious or too much of a character. They stand out too much, or perhaps they blend in too much. We who are married pretty much know this truth. But those of you who are dating? What if you actually confuse fiction and reality? What if you think women really should glow in that ‘natural light’ with breasts perky and desire strong while meeting all your domestic needs? What if you think that men really should provide forever, save you from all danger, never be mean or stray or not attend to your every need, all the while being a stud. What then?
Picky and Settling
Then you are picky and anything short of that unrealistic ideal is settling. It’s a fun fantasy but life is isn’t going to wait around for a fantasy. It’s going to pass you by while many good men and women pass them by as well.
Playboy and Disney both provide fantasy stories. They should be kept in that genre. Reality is much more interesting, fun and challenging than fantasy anyway.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is Anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 21, 2013 | Anonymous, Dating 101 - 2013 |
Doing the marriage series last week made me contemplate what leads to marriage, which is dating, of course. So this week I am presenting a most helpful and informative teaching series on dating. Chime in with your hints and tips.
The Head in Charge
Women, I am about to tell you something you probably already know. Men have have a big head and a little head. Sometimes big head lets little head do what passes for the thinking between the two. Little head can easily rationalize acting really stupid, manipulative, selfish and immature. If big head isn’t maintaining some control over little head then both heads can get in trouble as a result. They can also hurt relationships, friendships, families, children, communities and themselves. Little head doesn’t think about those consequences.
Women, How To Tell
Women, you know, or should know, that men have these two heads. You should look for signs that tell which head is doing the thinking when on a date. If you feel you are being manipulated in conversation and being pushed into doing something they don’t want to do, in spite of you letting it be known they don’t want to do it, you can rest assured it’s Little Head doing the thinking. Big head has checked out and is just along for the ride. Women, being able to spot this phenomenon is a helpful quality to have. It can save you a lot of grief. It doesn’t mean the guy is bad, it just means you might want to wait until his big head is back in charge before you get too involved.
Men, You Should Know
Ah Men, you thought I was going to leave it there and say that it’s all due to you having these two heads, didn’t you? No, it isn’t. Men, you should know that women also have two heads. If you don’t then you haven’t been paying attention. Their little head can take control over their big head as well. Yes, you men seem to let little head take over with more frequency, it’s true. But women aren’t one headed robots. They can cede control to little head on a date and wreak some havoc in the wrong situation too. It’s not a one way street.
Master of My Domain
I am hopeful the dear reader does not think I am against little heads. I think they are wonderful and have an important role to play. Some of my best friends, of both genders, have them. But just as a captain leads the ship on the voyage, big head needs to be master of the dating domain, not little head.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous
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The worlds biggest head reportedly belonged to the wrestler, Andre the Giant.
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 18, 2013 | Bob Edwards, Marriage - 2012/13 |
I judge today to be a good day to finish up our Marriage series!
Trust Judgment
Do you trust a person’s opinion of their spouse? Most likely they know the person the best, right? As a result, wouldn’t they have the most accurate judgment? It seems logical except it comes up against another idea, as told in a quote we all have heard, ‘Familiarity breeds contempt.’ The problem isn’t that we know our spouse so well. It’s that we know our spouse TOO well. So well that our opinion is skewed. It might be skewed toward contempt and denigration like I show in my drawing or toward adulation and adoration.
Judgment for What?
As I was drawing this I came up with a quote, ‘If there is no reason behind your judgment, then don’t judge.’ I was thinking about how a spouse’s judgment has a different reason and purpose than most others. She might be judging based on his emotional attentiveness, finding him lacking or fantastic. But your judgment might need to be made based on his technical skills at work. He might judge his wife based on her organizational skills around the house but you might need to judge her on her social ability at the volunteer organization you both help out at.
What is the reason for your judgment? Very likely it’s different than the spouse’s reasons. Either way, to latch on to someone else’s judgment of someone is a dangerous thing, spouse or not. Making your own judgment, based on your criteria and reasoning, is essential to being an adult in the world.
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word: Marriage
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Bob Edwards, 1860-1922, Canadian Humorist
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