by Marty Coleman | Oct 17, 2013 | Marriage - 2012/13, Stephen Leacock |
I love that today is day #9 of our Marriage series.
The Part
Have you ever been fixated on one particular aspect of a person? Maybe you are in love with their hair, or voice, or smile, or maybe their dimples. As an artist and photographer I am constantly finding things I absolutely love about a person’s visual self. Granted my visual taste can be a bit eccentric. I am a huge fan of great eyebrows for example. If I see great eyebrows I will make sure to compliment the person they are attached to. I love fingernail and toenail polish done really well. I love freckles. And tattoos. And scars. And makeup that most people think is too much.
I also find myself attracted to the internal parts as well. To funny. And bawdy. And educated. And creative. And honest. And more.
The Whole
When I was younger I was like the guy above. I would translate my admiration for the person’s part, internal or external, into an admiration of the whole person. And that was a good thing in one way. I should embrace and see the whole person. They aren’t just one part. But it was bad in another way. My attraction to the one part made me oblivious to whether I liked or was compatible with the whole person. I had a bit of tunnel vision, in other words.
Maturity
That was ok in high school and college. That was my learning process. When I got married right after college I thought I had found a person whose whole being was right for me. Turns out she didn’t necessarily think I was the whole person she was wanting or expecting and after 20 years we got divorced. It was during the time I dated, between the divorce and my remarriage 6 years later, that I learned that no matter how attracted I was to one part, if I was not attracted or compatible with the whole person (or at least most of the person), I was going to be in big trouble. That is why I decided I wouldn’t become exclusive for at least 3 months of dating and why I would wait at least a year after starting to date someone to ask them to marry me. Turns out I asked linda after 2 years of dating and we married a year later. I felt like I had more confidence that my attraction had transcended one particular part of her and had come to know, love and embrace the whole of her.
Growth
Of course, as marriages go on new parts of people come up. They become new people, their ‘whole person’ changes. That’s ok, it’s another part of reality that we need to learn as we grow. We change, so do others. That is why marriage isn’t just about liking and loving the person as they once were. It’s about loving and committing to the person’s growth and change as well. That is where I feel Linda and I have had much greater success than in any of our past relationships over the years. I am happy we allow and include that in our relationship.
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word: Marriage
_________________
Drawing and Commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Stephen Leacock, 1869 – 1944, Canadian writer and humorist
_________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Oct 10, 2013 | Brenda Davidson, Marriage - 2012/13 |
It’s good to put today’s drawing, #7 in the Marriage series, to bed.
What ‘Good in Bed’ Means to Me
My wife and I do one of our favorite things in bed. We do it every day, unless one of us is out of town or is getting up at 4:30 am to go run (guess who that is). We both get a LOT of pleasure from it and don’t want it to end. We do it almost the exact same way every single time. It usually takes the same amount of time. We usually both get up and go into the bathroom right afterwards.
What is it we do?
We cuddle.
There are other things we do in bed; watch TV, talk, read, play games on our phones, and some other stuff now and then. But our favorite thing is to cuddle every morning. I usually get up about an hour before Linda does. But I hear her call as her alarm goes off and I stop what I am doing and go back in for our cuddle. It’s the best.
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word: Marriage
____________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Brenda Davidson ( I have no idea which Brenda Davidson. There are about a gazillion listed on the internet, none more famous than the other, so heck if I know.)
______________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Oct 9, 2013 | Anonymous, Marriage - 2012/13 |
I did a marriage series in 2012 but found some new quotes recently so I decided to add to it.
Faults? What Faults?
This can be taken as anti-wife. The wife as a nag, as a critic, as someone who is always wanting to change the man into her version of who he should be. The faults aren’t real, they are simply things she doesn’t like. Many husbands would say their wives fit this characterization. Without a change the husband is going to withdraw into depression, crack or divorce. They are not happy husbands.
Yes, Your Faults
This can be taken as anti-husband. The husband is an oblivious oaf who has not clue how rude, insensitive, lazy, sexist and unfeeling he is. The faults actually are real and they need to be addressed. Many wives would say their husbands fit this characterization. Without a change the wife is going to withdraw into depression, crack or divorce. They are not happy wives.
Fault Control
In my experience, more wives than husbands tend to think they are indispensable. That if they don’t do it, no one will, especially the husband, and the family will fall apart. If you are that wife, ask yourself this question. What if I died today? Will the world go on? Will your sons and daughters get dressed and go to school without your help or will they stay in their pajamas, unfed, all day long? The answer is, they will get to school. They may have a mismatched set of socks, but they will get to school. Life will suck for a while but there is a very good chance they will recover, your husband will recover, and they will survive. You are close to indispensable, but you are not. Your understanding of control should reflect that reality.
Fault Ego
But are the husbands not responsible in all this? Yes, they are responsible. I often go back and forth between doing what my wife wants me to do (and thinking I am doing it because of that) and doing what I want to do. And what do I find? I find that they really aren’t that far apart at all. So my wife asked me to change the kitty litter. Do I really think if she wasn’t around I wouldn’t ever change the kitty litter? If I am the stunted mental age of a 12 year old maybe. But I, and all other husbands, are not. We are adults. We are going to change the kitty litter. So, if she reminds me or I get to it first, who cares? She is not a nag when she is helping you do what you would do anyway. That person is called a partner.
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word: Marriage
___________________
Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote is Anonymous
___________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Oct 4, 2013 | Joshua Reynolds, Simplicity - 2009-2014 |
If it’s not too much to ask, I hope you will take a little look at day #5 of Simplicity Week.
Relative Simplicity
Because simplicity has such a strong definition in people’s minds we tend to forget that it, like many other things, is relative. What is simple for one person is not for another. This is true of clothing and fashion, as I explored yesterday with ‘the little black dress’ idea. It’s also true of food, housing, emotions, science, art, intellectual pursuits, travel, sports and most any other human activity.
Missing Simplicity
Simplicity is missing when whatever you are doing, looking at or feeling is encumbered by distracting and indulgent elements. Simplicity is also missing when you have such a lack and want of substance that you can’t function. If you have too much you can’t see the tree in the forest. If you have too little you don’t have a forest and as a result you have no trees to see either.
Purity
It seems to me that, no matter where your idea of simplicity falls on that relative scale, it is primarily about purity. You can see the beauty if the expressiveness is pure. You can see the equation if the logic is pure. You can see the love when the intent is pure. You can see the culture if the authenticity is pure.
How complex is your simplicity?
_______________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is a variation of one by Joshua Reynolds, 1723-1792, English painter.
Joshua Reynolds – Self Portrait, 1747-49
Joshua Reynolds Catalog – The Creation of Celebrity
Reynolds was a very famous painter and used his skill and networking savvy to create reputations for his clients that set off the modern idea of celebrity.
___________________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Oct 3, 2013 | Leonardo Da Vinci, Simplicity - 2009-2014 |
It’s here in black and white; day #4 of Simplicity Week.
A Definition
In many people’s estimation, the most visually iconic example of “simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” is ‘The Little Black Dress’. If it is not simple, or at least appear simple to the eye, it will by definition not be a ‘Little Black Dress’. If it is too ornate, overdone, or fussy it might still be a black dress and it might still be little, but it will not be a ‘little black dress’. A little black dress is simple and in it’s simplicity it becomes sophisticated.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
The quintessential example is, once again, Audrey Hepburn. She starred in ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ in the 1960s and her LBD (Little Black Dress) style became the instant example of contemporary style and sophistication.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s poster – 1961
Audrey Hepburn – Little Black Dress
CC
It didn’t start with Holly Golightly though. The LBD started with Coco Chanel. Before her the ornate, overwrought dresses of the Victorian era still said ‘sophistication’ to the general population. She (and others) changed that by creating dresses that were simple in line and decoration.
Original Coco Chanel drawing – 1926
Coco Chanel
Icon
And from then until now it’s been the standard of simplicity AND sophistication in fashion and design.
Grace Kelly – 1954
Jackie Kennedy – 1960s
Sophia Loren – Marilyn Monroe – 1960s
Little Black Dress – 1970s
Little Black Dress – 1980s
Princess Diana – 1990s
Taylor Swift – 2013
What is your favorite example of simplicity being the ultimate sophistication? It doesn’t have to be in fashion, it can be in any field.
________________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Leonardo da Vinci, 1452 – 1519, Italian artist and inventor
________________________
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Oct 2, 2013 | Simplicity - 2009-2014, William Morris |
It’s a beautiful thing that today is day #3 of Simplicity week!
Function
I saw a quote from Einstein the other day. Now, I don’t necessarily believe he actually said it, since a gazillion quotes are said to be from him that aren’t, but it doesn’t really matter. The quote is this:
Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury…to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best for both the body and the mind.
I disagree with it for a few reasons. One is nothing is ever ‘best for everyone’.
Form
The second reason is illustrated by this interaction from the movie, ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ where a young woman is given a lesson in how her purely functional, non-luxurious sweater actually has it’s roots in choices made at the top end of fashion luxury. Take a look.
Form and Function
But I love the quote I chose because it allows for both form (beauty) and function (usefulness) to have it’s place in our lives and that if we focus on those two things, both equally valid, we can actually live a simple life.
__________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by William Morris, 1834 – 1896, English writer, designer and artist. A founding participant in the ‘Arts and Crafts’ movement.
Some interesting links on his art, career and influence.
Victoria and Albert Museum
The Original Morris and Co.
The William Morris Society (US)
William Morris Museum
__________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Oct 1, 2013 | Charles Warner, Simplicity - 2009-2014 |
It’s the naked truth – today is day #2 of Simplicity Week
The Naked Traveller Nightmare
Have you ever had a travel nightmare where you are standing at a baggage claim naked waiting for your suitcase to arrive but it never does? It’s a variation on a school nightmare or speaking in public nightmare. I haven’t, but I have had waiter nightmares where I was waiting on people naked, and that was pretty embarrassing and fear inducing.
The Overdressed Traveller Nightmare
Why don’t we ever have overdressed nightmares? Can you imagine a person dreaming of being at a baggage claim with too much clothes on and too many bags? I can imagine it, but I can’t imagine them being filled with embarrassment or fear because of it. More likely they would be frustrated, tired and stressed rather than fearful or embarrassed.
Follow Through
Let’s imagine what would happen if these two people really did show up at the baggage claim like this. One naked with a small carry-on and no luggage, the other overdressed with too many bags. What would actually happen to them? The naked person would be in danger of cold, sunburn, cuts, scrapes, bruises, exposure to the elements, not to mention possible arrest, ridicule and/or unwanted sexual attention. He or she would be limited in where they could go, what they could do, and how they would move forward in life.
The overdressed person with too many bags would be in danger of also not being able to get where he or she is going, or having to pay a lot of money for others to help them get there. They would have to figure out what is appropriate to wear, where to store all the suitcases and the stuff in them. Choose what to change into depending on what event or activity they were going to. And of course cleaning all the clothes. They would worry about the clothes getting old, torn, wrinkled, out of fashion. They could worry about stuff being stolen or ruined. A lot to worry about.
Baggage of Life
Now, let’s abstract this idea out, using it as a metaphor for our emotional, psychological and historical baggage. We come in the world naked, it’s true. But we survive by putting on clothes. We survive emotionally and psychologically by putting on emotional and psychological clothes via life lessons. The question is how much do you continue to carry with you and how much do you leave aside as you go. One key to success is to practice giving up that which emotionally and psychologically weighs you down. The overdressed, overpacked traveler has not learned this lesson. Another key is to hold on to that which emotionally and psychologically is essential to your survival and protection within your world. The naked traveler with no luggage has not learned this lesson.
The path to a successful and happy adulthood is found in being a traveler between the two extremes.
________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Charles Warner, 1829-1900, American essayist. He is the actual author of the famous quote, “Everyone talks about the weather, but know one does anything about it.” It is commonly misattributed to Mark Twain, who was a friend of Warner’s and used this quote in a lecture.
________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Sep 27, 2013 | Audrey Hepburn, Women and Makeup - 2013 |
I will eat my words if today isn’t day #4 of my Makeup Series.
“Makeup can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if you are ugly on the inside, unless you eat your makeup.”
Outside
I am a firm believer that our outsides matter. They matter because we are sensual creatures. By sensual I mean we have senses. We see, hear, touch, smell and taste the world around us, the outside of the world. We get our information, in large part, from those senses. Even the sense that might seem internal, hearing, is just as much about the outside of how a person’s voice sounds, as the actual words they say. For example, if they are said with a grating voice, the internal message of the words can be lost.
Inside
Let’s define ‘inside’ before we go on, shall we? By ‘inside’ I do not mean your liver or ovaries or lungs or spleen or testicles. I don’t mean your heart either. Not your pumping heart at least. I do mean your mind and the heart that resides in the middle of that. That mind and heart inside you matter more than your outside. It’s not all that matters, it is however, what matters most. It matters because outer beauty doesn’t comfort the afflicted. Inner beauty does that. Outer beauty does not feed the hungry. Inner beauty does that. Outer beauty doesn’t take care of an elderly parent, a sick child, a wounded soldier, a devastated town. Inner beauty does that. Outer beauty doesn’t show sympathy, kindness, patience, or forgiveness. It doesn’t love.
Your Inside Edge is Outside
Then what’s the use of outer beauty? Why pay attention to it? Think of it as the outer edge of your inside. It’s not separate from your interior, it’s just the part of your interior that is at the edge, the edge that connects you to other people. You care about your inside world of thought and meaning, then care about how those things move out into the world as well. It’s through your outside edge that it happens.
___________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Audrey Hepburn, 1929-1993, Dutch born American actress.
young Audrey Hepburn – 1930s
Edda van Heemstra aka Audrey Hepburn – Dance Student – WWII
During WWII, while living in The Netherlands, she changed her name to Edda van Heemstra to allay suspicion about her British roots (her father was British). The story goes that by the end of the war her and her family were reduced to eating tulip bulbs to survive.
She was known, and still is, as one of the most beautiful women in the history of film.
Audrey Hepburn – How To Steal A Million – 1966
And she knew how to use her makeup.
Audrey Hepburn Applying Lipstick Before Academy Awards Presentation – 1954
But she was much more average in outer beauty (as are most Hollywood celebs) than we often realize. She had circles under her eyes, and her other ‘imperfections’, as do we all.
Audrey Hepburn on Broadway in Gigi – 1951
But she was a total beauty because her outer beauty was the manifestation of her inner beauty, her mind and heart. That’s why she was just as beautiful in the photo below as she was in the photos above.
Audrey Hepburn, UNICEF ambassador in Ethiopia – 1988
______________________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Sep 25, 2013 | Jerry Seinfeld, Women and Makeup - 2013 |
I am coloring outside the lines in making today #3 of my Makeup series!
Lip Blind
When I was waiting tables in California back in the 80s and 90s I worked with a waitress who argued that lipstick should only go as far as the lip pigmentation, no farther. Unfortunately for her, her lip pigmentation discernibly changed before the edge of her lips. So she always had part of her lips with lipstick and the other part without. It was odd looking, to say the least. That was the one and only time I have ever seen that. More often, then and now, I have seen lipstick that goes well over the edge of the lips. If it’s just a bit over, to catch the light on the edge, that’s cool. But lipstick that is used to completely and drastically reshape the lips? That only works on TV, movies and beauty shoots where the photographer knows how to minimize the recognizability of that discrepancy. Otherwise people wonder why she didn’t wear her glasses when she put on her makeup, or why she thought it was a good idea to put her makeup on in the dark.
At least that’s my opinion. What’s yours?
_________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Jerry Seinfeld, funny guy.
_________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Sep 24, 2013 | Charles Revson, Women and Makeup - 2013 |
I am sold on the idea of making this day 2 of the Makeup series.
The Good
I once did an engagement photoshoot and part of the fun of it was going to the makeup counter before the official shoot with the woman and take photos of her getting her makeup done. I love taking photos of women putting on makeup so it was a real treat. She enjoyed the pampering process and looked like a million bucks afterwards. It didn’t transform her into someone else, it enhanced who she was into another realm for the day.
Here’s a photo from that shoot:
____________________
The Bad
Yesterday I got a comment from an old friend on my FB page in response to my Makeup #1 drawing. It illustrates a different response to the makeup counter.
“When I was in my 20’s I went to Bloomingdales for a free makeover Sounds like fun, right? I enjoyed being pampered, but when all was said and done and they handed me the mirror, I freaked! Felt I looked like a clown and not myself. I literally ran home hoping I wouldn’t see a soul I knew.
She probably felt she looked like this:
____________________
The Ugly
As much as I love makeup on women, there is one type I don’t like at all. That’s zombie makeup. Why? Because rotting flesh is gross, that’s why. I don’t like looking at it. I don’t watch any zombie movies or TV shows for that reason.
Who wants to look at this, anyway?
Nevermind, i don’t want to post it, it’s gross.
____________________
The Hopeful
So, what is the makeup counter all about? The quote is right, it’s about hope. It’s a physical hope that one will be deemed attractive. Maybe by men, maybe by fans, maybe by yourself. It’s the emotional hope that you are worthy. Worthy of love, of affection, of lust, of passion, of attention. It’s the psychological hope that you look older, or younger, or wealthier, or sexier, or more intelligent, or more employable.
And finally, it’s a spiritual hope. Say what? Makeup has a spiritual component? Really? I say yes. It goes way back through history, the fables that prove time and time again that beauty equals goodness. Is it true in real life? I don’t think it is. But it sure is prevalent and subconsciously persistent in almost every culture , even among those who consciously don’t buy into the myth.
After all, you want to look like Cinderella,
Cinderella by Carlos via Flickr
and not her ugly step-sisters, right?
Why is that? Because they are ugly? No, because they are bad. And bad and ugly are intertwined. Be beautiful and you are not just beautiful, you are good as well. Isn’t that how the story goes?
Of course that’s a lie. But lie or not, it still remains a powerful force when looking in the mirror at the cosmetics counter.
____________________
Drawing, photos (unless otherwise marked) and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Charles Revson, 1906-1975, American businessman – founder of Revlon Cosmetics
____________________
Like this:
Like Loading...
