by Marty Coleman | Sep 20, 2013 | The Prostitute - 2013, William Blake |
I swear to God it’s day #4 of ‘The Prostitute’ series.
Good Spirit, Bad Flesh
The drawing illustrates the idea that once upon a time religion walled off sensuality and sexuality to such a degree that the wall turned into an entire building that houses the prostitute. The spirit and flesh – one is good and one is bad. Indulging the flesh for procreation is allowed, but indulging the flesh for pleasure is of the devil.
Good Spirit, Good Flesh
But not long before religion did that, it built a different type of building to house prostitutes. In the ancient Middle East, Greece and Rome there were temples where sacred prostitutes had sex with believers and it was seen as divine and good.
A few questions:
- How did it come to pass that religion built both types of buildings?
- How does religion still contribute to prostitution’s existence, or does it?
Let your Napkin Kin know your thoughts on it.
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Question to yesterday’s answer:
Name the 10 actresses (and the movie they were in) who have won an Oscar for portraying a prostitute.
Today’s Trivia
One of the worlds first poem, ‘Gilgamesh’ (Babylon , 2,000 BCE) contains the first written account of prostitution. Gilgamesh gets a temple prostitute to seduce his rival, weakening him enough so that Gilgamesh is able to beat him in trial of strength. There is no death though. After the fight Gilgamesh and his rival, Enkidu, become best friends.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote By William Blake, 1757 – 1827, English Poet and Artist
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Prisons are built with stones of law, and brothels with bricks of religion
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 19, 2013 | Jerry Falwell, The Prostitute - 2013 |
I am married to the idea that it’s day #3 of ‘The Prostitute’ series
The Dichotomy
Knowing who said this quote is essential to understanding it. It was spoken by Jerry Falwell, the Fundamentalist preacher. I think he probably meant it jokingly, as a way of simply saying men should only have sex with their wives. But it brings up so many dichotomies of American culture in its Freudian underpinnings and it is so funny in imagining the scenarios that it’s just impossible to pass up as an literary object of contemplation.
The Good Husband and the Bad Wife
Men, it seems pretty simple – don’t have sex with a sex worker unless she also happens to be your wife. In that case, it’s a good thing. Of course, the fact that she is identified as a sex worker means she not only has sex outside of her marriage but she gets paid for it. Basically the man is moral since he is only having sex with his wife, but the wife is immoral as are all the other men who she is having sex with since they obviously aren’t married to her.
The Good Wife and The Bad Husband
A question – What if the wife is the primary bread winner due to the high income she gets from her sex work? Isn’t the husband just as morally guilty as the wife since he is condoning the prostitution because he knows they need her income?
How would you (or could you) deal with your wife (or husband) being a sex worker?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Jerry Falwell, Religion Worker, 1933 -2007
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Trivia answer of the day
If this list is the answer, what is the question?
1. Janet Gaynor 1928 – Street Angel
2. Helen Hayes 1931 – The Sin of Madelon Claudet
3. Donna Reed 1953 – From Here to Eternity
4. Jo Van Fleet 1955 – East of Eden
5. Susan Hayward 1958 – I Want to Live!
6. Shirley Jones 1960 – Elmer Gantry
7. Elizabeth Taylor 1960 – Butterfield 8
8. Jane Fonda 1971 – Klute
9. Mira Sorvino 1995 – Mighty Aphrodite
10. Kim Basinger 1997 – L.A. Confidential
11. Charlize Theron 2003 – Monster
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 17, 2013 | Brendan Behan, The Prostitute - 2013 |
I calculate that it’s day #2 of ‘The Prostitute’ series.
The Cost of Free
How much have your relationships cost you? We could go into the monetary side of things and calculate how much it all costs that way. Maybe a billion dollars? It seems that way at times, I am sure. But the far greater cost is the emotional cost. If you are a woman, right about now you should be asking, What? Men have emotions? Why didn’t they show them to me?”
The Ignorant Pirate
Yes, indeed men do have emotions. But it’s a lot like a treasure buried on the desert island with a shipwrecked pirate sitting on the beach. He doesn’t even know he has a treasure below him until some big storm roars in and washes away the beach, leaving the chest full of gold pieces exposed. Only then does the pirate realize it’s even there and start to figure out what to do with it. So it is with men and their emotions. Once they do realize they are there, they have to figure out which emotion is which (not nearly as easy as you might think), they aren’t sure how to give them out, who to give them too, and what sort of condition they should have for the giving, if any conditions at all.
The Cost of Complication
All this is very confusing and conflicting and draining for many men. It demands communication and thinking about feelings and what to do about them. It’s complicated, it’s painful, it’s messy. And usually the man has to be pretty competent at it before he sees much intimacy in a relationship. Men who aren’t very good at it, who struggle with it, don’t like the bargain because it doesn’t seem fair or make sense to them. They don’t get it and because they don’t get it it seems like it is costing him a lot. And that explanation doesn’t even touch on the matter of him trying to understand the woman’s emotions, which is even harder than understanding his own at times.
The Cost of Simplicity
So, what does the prostitute bring? She brings simplicity. She won’t ask for emotions he doesn’t have or know how to express or doesn’t want to listen to, and all he has to do is pay her money. In return she will satisfy at least part of his need. It might not be his long term need that is being fulfilled, but he might not really even know he HAS a long term need. What she does is fill a short term need. It’s uncomplicated. He does this simple thing, she in return does this other simple thing. Done.
Peter Pan, or The Cost of Growing Up
So, what’s wrong with this idea? It sounds like I am excusing men going to prostitutes. But I am not excusing it, I am explaining it (at least in part). The truth is, what I think is really at the heart of it all is men not facing growing up. It costs a lot to be mature and responsible and delve into emotions and feelings and hurts and hearts. Men going to prostitutes are wanting the escape to Never Never Land. They want the fun and joy and simplicity of their youth, only in the sexual arena of adult play instead of in the arena of child’s play.
Original Book Cover – 1915
The Benefits of Growing Up
Take a look at my napkin drawing. The right side, the side of the heart, is complicated. It’s got wind and clouds and sun and volcanos and textures and deep colors. The left side is simple, cartoonish. Men, do you really want to live in that simplistic world? Isn’t the world of depth actually more compelling, more invigorating, more arousing? Isn’t it actually where your senses and mind will most be stimulated, most challenged? Isn’t it where you will be most challenged as a true adult? Isn’t it where you will most likely be fulfilled? After all, it’s hard to be fulfilled living in a cartoon.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Brendan Behan, 1923 – 1964, Irish poet
Brendan Behan
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Prostitution Fact of the Day:
There is no evidence that Mary Magdalen of the New Testament was a prostitute. The unidentified woman who washes Jesus feet is not stated to be Mary anywhere in the Gospels. Evidence strongly points to her having been a leader of the disciples both before and after Jesus life. It was not until much later, when the Patriarchy of the Church established its male dominance as preeminent that Mary started being branded as a harlot.
Hugues Merle – Mary Magdalene in the Cave (1868)
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 13, 2013 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman, Travel Napkins |
‘At First’ – A Short, Short Story
Was she the one being counseled or was she the counselor? I couldn’t tell at first.
Were the children hers, or the other woman’s, or maybe they belonged to the man, or all three. I couldn’t tell at first.
At first I thought she would sit still long enough for me to draw her.
At first she didn’t notice me.
Marty Coleman – 9/13/13
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 12, 2013 | Chaz Bono, Mr. Xperience Says - 2013 |
Don’t blame me, Mr. Xperience says today is #5.
Who Are You?
It’s good to have a strong identity, isn’t it. If you don’t, it’s easy to be swayed and pushed and bullied into being someone else, someone the other person wants or needs you to be. That someone else could be a bad person, i.e. “He just fell in with the wrong crowd, that’s why he stole all that stuff.”
Being Secure
It could be you are being pushed by someone who isn’t very secure. To increase that security they want others to be like them, and that makes sense because they become more secure when they see others imitating them. That is how some parents are. But the best parents are secure. They are wanting their kid to be a unique being, not a mini-mom or mini-dad. They don’t need that reinforcement of their identity to compensate for their lack of confidence. They are happy to see their son or daughter find their own way in life, career, relationships.
Celebrating the Unique
They have ideas of what might work for their kid, and they put that forth. But they don’t reject or condemn the child when they become someone different than they are. They celebrate their kid’s uniqueness. That is how they make sure they have happy and secure kids.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Chaz Bono, 1969 – not dead yet, American writer and musician
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 9, 2013 | Don Marquis, Mr. Xperience Says - 2013 |
Last time Mr. Xperience gave you essential advice about sex. Today, he is guiding you in your child rearing. He just wants to help.
My mother told I did this many times on the changing table. She also said more than once she did not block it effectively. I probably should have apologized to her for that.
Moms, has this happened to you? Men, don’t wait to be told this story by your mother. Go apologize to her for peeing so rudely. And now that you have control of your limbs and bladder, lift the seat up before and put it down after.
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This public service announcement provided by Mr. Xperience
Quote by Don Marquis, 1878-1937, American writer
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 6, 2013 | Mr. Xperience Says - 2013, Yvonne Fulbright |
I am starting a new series today called ‘Mr. Xperience Says’. Some lessons and warnings we can hear again and again but it doesn’t take hold until Mr. Xperience tells it to us. They aren’t lesson I in particular learned via Mr. Xperience. Some I did learn that way, others I haven’t had to deal with but I know many close friends who have. Mr. Xperience is a busy man. Ms. Experience is too.
The Mistake
I have a number of friends who have done this, in spite of them being warned by friends and family that it was a bad idea. It wasn’t until Mr. Xperience told them that they really understood how bad an idea it was. It’s amazing how many people only pay attention to Mr. Xperience. It’s even MORE amazing to realize there are some people who never listen to Mr. Xperience and as a result make this and other mistakes again and again. Those people are hard to watch live life. It’s one thing to give advice, see it ignored but then see Mr. Xperience give the advice and it being learned. That is frustrating but at least you know the finally listened to the advice. But when they don’t even listen to Mr. Xperience, that is torture to watch.
My Xperience
I never had sex with my ex. Well, I did before she was my ex, but actually we slept in separate rooms for almost a year before she moved out so we weren’t having sex well before she was my ex, and that just logically continued afterwards. It’s not that we didn’t have the opportunity after she moved out since she had her own house, I had mine. But she wasn’t about to let that happen and I moved on relatively quickly as well.
Tucson
Many years later we spent 5 days alone together in Tucson, Arizona. We had gone there to talk to one of our daughters and try to persuade her into coming home with one of us. We did see her the first day but she got scared off by what turned out to be wrong tactics on our part and didn’t show up the next day for our expected conversation about things. We hung around for a number of days hoping she would show up, talking to her friends and landlord, but she never did. In the meanwhile we spent every day together, driving here and there, eating meals, waiting in this one cafe. We got along pretty well, with only one small tiff, and it was pretty much a version of some of the tiffs we had had during our marriage about child rearing. Not a huge fight or anything, just a difference of opinion.
Reassurance
We also stayed in the same hotel, about 3 doors down from each other. This scenario of course led to a bit of anxiety on my wife Linda’s part. She wasn’t really worried about anything happening between us, but at the same time, if something were ripe to happen, this situation was definitely letting it happen way to easily. So, she had some worries. Each night I called her and reassured her of the truth. The truth was, 1 – I loved her, not my ex. 2 – I didn’t want to have sex with my ex. 3 – she didn’t want to have sex with me, either. This made her feel better. I was very happy to have married a woman who trusted me in that situation.
My ex was (and still is) in a relationship herself. I wasn’t privy to her conversations with her boyfriend, obviously, but it would not surprise me if he had some of the same worries. I might be wrong, she could have spent years railing against me, talking about how much she loathed me, but I never got the impression she did. At the same time, she did divorce me and she never showed any interest in the possibility of getting back together in any way, sexual or otherwise. I don’t know her boyfriend’s personality though, besides him being a nice guy, so I don’t know what their mutual worries or thoughts were about it. Whatever the case, we both spent the days as caring co-parents to our daughter, not as ex-lovers yearning but denying ourselves sex with each other. I am glad of that.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Yvonne K Fulbright (and many others)
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 29, 2013 | Marty Coleman, Plan On It! - 2013 |
This will be spot on for some people, and not for others. I planned it that way.
Sheesh, another drawing of naked people, what’s up with you Marty!? Well, I like naked people. Some of my best friends are naked at least once a day. But beyond that, nakedness is a visual metaphor of our stripped down, exposed self and the cathartic transformation that occurs when we allow it to happen.
Megan LaBonte
Megan
That may be something that happens physically, like it did to Megan, a Photographer friend of mine in Massachusetts, who recently decided to go without makeup now for a number of months. She was petrified by the idea but she did it. She stripped herself clean of the mask and went out into the world not knowing what to expect.
This is what she wrote upon posting this photograph:
Before and after. Realized yesterday I have now been through my first whole season with out make up. What a difference it has made not only in the health of my skin but in my happiness as well. I love waking up each morning and facing the world just as I am, never realized how much I was hiding until I took this mask off. I now will wear it every once in a while to go out but other than that I don’t miss it at all and in fact for such a seemingly little thing it really has made a big impact on my life. I feel free from it and look forward to the next three seasons with an all natural face.
There are a lot of things Megan can’t change about herself. Genetically she is pretty much set and short of plastic surgery she isn’t going to change her natural face much. In other words, she has her spots. But she still could do a lot. In the simple act of not wearing makeup she took away some color, and added texture. She took away strong line and exchanged it for more subtle transformations of tone. In other words, she changed the color of her spots.
Reading her statement, it’s about much more than a physical transformation. It’s about a psychological and emotional transformation. She says she is happier. Happiness is not physical, right? It’s about attitude and emotion. She also said she realized she was hiding much. Was she hiding some hideous deformation on her face with the makeup? No, she was hiding something psychologically deeper. While the transformation was physical on the surface, that mask of makeup represented something much deeper and it was facing those deeper issues that was transformative far more than just going without foundation for a day.
Deeper Planning
Just to clarify, the napkin scene above is not related to Megan. She is just an example from among my friends about a physical transformation and she had a recent illustration I thought captured it well.
The Napkin shows a pretty horrendous family scene. It’s fraught with sexual tension, distress and possible abuse. It’s not hard to make the assumption that the family has highly dysfunctional relationships throughout. Who knows what terrible things have happened to make everyone run away in pain. We know all the children are running out into the world with spots. Spots that came from that home, that set of parents. Spots that hurt, spots that scar, spots that fester.
So, how do we go about transforming in these situations? With courage and a deliberate decision to do it.
For example, I have a family spot called alcoholism. The only way I found to deal with it in my own life was to stop drinking. I turned the scotch colored spot to water colored spot (whatever color that is.) I had to choose to change the color of that spot long ago or lose what mattered to me. The spot is still there, but it is pale now compared to the color I initially inherited.
What about you? Perhaps your spot includes a gravy colored spot called eating. Well, you aren’t going to stop eating. But you can transform the color of that spot to green for more vegetables and less gravy. Perhaps your spot is the green spot of envy. What color could that spot be turned into?
What about other spots you would like to transform? Whatever spots you choose, they won’t fade or change colors on their own You have to decide you want to change them, and yourself. You can do it.
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Drawing, quote, and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 28, 2013 | Eleanor Roosevelt, Plan On It! - 2013 |
I planned today to be about wishing.
Wishing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I wished something would happen. Is that wish a plan? No, it’s a wish. A plan would be setting up automatic transfer from some ‘wish’ account to my own wish account. It would be directly linked to my brain thoughts, would know when I wish something and pay me my dollar. That is a plan.
Planning
What is the difference between wishing and planning? Not much. Planning is just sort of organized wishing. You wish to paint a painting for your mother’s birthday. If you organize that into what to buy or find to paint with, where you are going to paint. and when you will make time to paint, then you have organized the wish, simple as that. It’s still a wish, but you have put legs to it.
Dream, Image and Deed
Long ago I did a series of art pieces called ‘Dream, Image and Deed’. It sort of clarified for me what it took to make something happen. I had to dream (or wish), I had to imagine it clearly by making an image of it (or writing it down, same idea) and then I had to do the deed. The drawing above illustrates that idea.
The key to turning a wish into a plan is to not get caught up in the big picture. You may wish for an around the world trip, but you aren’t actually putting that in action. All you are really doing is the first step, which might be to figure out the stops you would like to make. That is a wish and it’s a plan. You keep doing the next little step, until you can’t do any more steps. If it ends before your trip, then you adjust the dream to be only half way around the world and back, or whatever it takes for you to continue to take steps.
I wish you good plans!
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 23, 2013 | Gloria Steinem, Plan On It! - 2013 |
I planned this post for yesterday, which it is – if you read this tomorrow.
Dreaming your Plans
Are you allowing yourself a dream? I don’t mean the ‘I ate a cookie and it turned into a pink tutu in my stomach and flew out my butt and became a butterfly and talked to me about the African Lowland Gorilla needing cookies more than I do’ dream. I don’t mean that kind.
I mean the real life dreams. Do you allow yourself those dreams? Or do you think you don’t deserve one? Maybe you had your dream shot down and don’t want to dream again? Maybe you have been told so many times dreaming is for losers, just go and do your work and shut up about stupid dreams. Or maybe you fill your mind with other people’s dreams instead of your own. Remember, without a dream, very likely you won’t ever have a plan for anything. It all starts with a dream, so allow it.
Planning your Dreams
Are you planning your dreams? I don’t mean the ‘I dreamt I had a sock around my wrist and there was a baby alligator coming out of it with a bobblehead doll of my 3rd grade teacher in it’s teeth who was singing an oratorio in a Donald Duck voice while wearing a mankini’. I don’t mean that kind.
I mean the real life dreams. Are you planning those?
- Do you dream of downsizing and having less ‘stuff’? Are you planning on how you will actually get rid of that stuff?
- Do you dream of being a size 8 again? Are you planning on how to make that dream happen?
- Do you dream of making new friends who are more like you than the stuffy people you know at work or church or the country club? Have you joined that nudist rock climbing group yet? Have you auditioned for the community theatre yet? Have you taken that bow hunting class yet?
- Do you dream of contributing to your home town somehow? Have you looked into that school mentoring program you heard about last year? Have you called the hospice society who helped out your uncle in his last days?
What are your dreams for becoming who you want to be? What is your plan to make that happen? Do you think you will become it without a plan, without a dream? You won’t you know.
If you can dream it, you can plan it. If you can plan it, you can make it happen.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Gloria Steinem
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