Drawing by Marty Coleman, who doesn’t. Except for the parts he does.
Quote by George Bernard Shaw, who had a LONG beard.
Quote by Kanye West
Dear Mr. West,
Yes, that is exactly what America wants you to do.
It is confusing, I know. You get messages from every self-help guru of the last 100 years to excel, to be great. You are shown images, videos, books and TV showing people being great. You are told stories of people overcoming incredible odds to become great. You are encouraged to be great by your mother, by your father. Your teachers tell you you can be great.
You go out into the world and pursue your dream. Those capable of influencing that dream; those who could hire you, fire you, produce you, promote you, direct you, invest in you, pay you – they all encourage you to be great. They all praise you when you are great. The people following you; your fans, critics, fellow artists, they all say you are great. You become one of those people who are used as an example of someone who overcame to become great. You are a poster child for becoming great.
Then you make the mistake. Then you do the worst thing you could possibly do. Then you say you are great.
Why can’t you say that? Didn’t the entire world do everything in its power every step of the way in your life to tell you that you could be great and praise you when you did become great? How could it then be wrong to say you are great?
Here’s why: Because in traditional, historic America the most important aspect of being great is being humble. The final proof of greatness is in the great person not being aware of it. Just as the final proof someone is a hero is when they say ‘I am not a hero’. Just as the worst thing a beautiful woman can ever say is ‘I am beautiful’.
Where did this come from? Look no further than the pew. While in every other aspect of American culture we are told to be great, in church we are told we can never be great. We can’t be great because we are fallen, because we sinned, because we have evil in us. We can aspire to be better people, but it is not approved to go too far. Going too far means you have pride. Pride goeth before the fall. If you have pride in yourself you do not understand your true nature. You do not recognize that you are a fallen, debased creature unable to redeem yourself. Trying to be great means you are trying to do that. SAYING you are great means you think you did it, and on your own. And doing it on your own of course means you do not need God. And there is no worse sin than thinking that.
Truth? I think it has often been gigantic, manipulative untruth that has been told in the sanctuary. I think arguments about pride and humility and being fallen have been used as a weapon to keep people, genders, classes and races in their ‘proper’ place. And it has been successful in doing so. I am always happy when I see that element be exposed for the evil it is.
But here is another truth. There is something to be said for understanding self. And understanding self, TRULY understanding self, means you know that you have SOME greatness in you and you have SOME work still do to. It means you understand that you did not achieve this greatness on your own, and that you need to acknowledge and give recognition to those who have helped you on your way. It means you know that it can be taken away from you.
But most of all, over all other things, you should know that no matter how great you become in the eyes of the world seeing you at a distance, it is how you display greatness to those right in front of you that matters most. It is how you love your child, your wife, your husband, your parent. It is how you minister and care to those who depend on you, those who mentor you, those who need you.
When you do that, when you are that, then you won’t be thinking about telling the world you are great. You will just be. And you will be happy and humble when you find others telling the world that you are instead you having to tell the world yourself.
Enthusiastically,
Mr. Coleman
I fancy myself a pretty good thinker. But considering almost all my napkin drawings start with a quote that I myself did not make up, it would be disingenuous of me to say I come up with nothing but original ideas.
However, I do like to think I am unique thinker. A unique thinker isn’t someone who thinks up something out of the blue. Instead it is someone who takes these ideas from others and combines them, mixes them, bakes them into a uniquely stated idea. Not necessarily a new idea, but an idea that has been thought through by one unique individual and come out the other side with something no one else can give it, the perspective and expression of that one person.
I think a lot of young people who are unformed in their own identity don’t understand what this means. I see it all the time on reality TV shows like American Idol. The judges say to the young person, ‘you have to just be yourself’ or ‘you have to put your own spin on it’ or ‘you just need to find your own voice’. And the least mature of the singers look blankly back at the judges, having no idea what it is they are talking about. They don’t know yet how to take another idea, (another song in this case) and make it their own because there is no ‘own’ there yet. They are doing their best to imitate a great singer but they don’t know yet how to become a great singer themselves.
The originality of your ideas isn’t what you should have pride in. It is what should endow you with humility. How you take what is given to you from the outside and transform it into something uniquely yours, THAT is what you can have true pride in.
Drawing by Marty Coleman, who reads in bed.
Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who also read in bed.
It is paradoxical that those who are most self-conscious, seemingly the most insecure and with the most damaged ego and self-esteem, are often the ones who are thinking about themselves the most. They are worried about what others think of them. They are worried about being disapproved of. They are concerned they aren’t lovable. They are thinking a lot about themselves, perhaps in a skewed, inaccurate way, but still they are thinking about self. The more someone does that the less they think about others, right?
The question then becomes, who is the bigger egotist, the one who is supremely confident or the one who may not be at all confident but is thinking about themselves all the time?
Whatever the case, a smart reading of humility would include this idea; that when you aren’t thinking about yourself you are able to think about others and act on helping them, nurturing them, protecting them, feeding them.
Humility is more about other-awareness than self-awareness.
By the way, I like this quote so much I have used it twice. The first time was with a drawing of a woman looking in a hand mirror while a person in the background helped a man who had fallen out of a wheelchair get back in it. The drawing was pretty lousy actually.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by C. S. Lewis, 1898-1963, Irish writer
If it pleases you, today I am serving up napkin #2 of Humility Week.
A lot of people don’t mind serving, but they hate the idea of being a servant. It harkens back to days of slavery, indentured servitude and being in an inferior position where you are taken advantage of.
But the funny thing about really truly being a servant to another is that if you are doing it right you aren’t thinking about yourself. You aren’t thinking it’s unfair to you. You aren’t thinking someone is acting superior to you. You aren’t thinking about you at all. You are thinking about how to serve the other person. If they are a bit rude, so be it. If they are a bit thoughtless, so be it. They aren’t there to stroke your ego. They are there because they need, want or are paying for you to serve them in some way.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying a person in a serving role should be abused. I am just saying that as a servant you will come across all sorts of behaviors and your primary response is not to judge whether you like that particular behavior or not. Your response is to do the best you can in serving that person. Obviously we have our limits and people who abuse should be stopped. But that is a separate issue from going into a serving situation with the right mindset and the right heart.
The humility of serving does not equal humiliation.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, a waiter on and off for 28 years, 1971 – 1999.
Quote by Anonymous
I was inspired by an online threaded conversation with a friend this morning to do a series on humility and confidence. It’s a hard balance for many.
Here is what she wrote. “Gah…why am I so jealous of those girls who can call themselves gorgeous (whether they are or aren’t) while walking into every room like they own it and everything and everyone in it (whether they actually do or don’t)?”
What are your thoughts in response?
Drawing by Marty Coleman, who has the same stuff in him.
Quote by Nicholai Velimirovic, 1881-1956, Serbian Orthodox bishop
Maybe my last Guest napkin from Waco since Caitlin is graduating this year.
And later, when I went on my photo shoot I found this grave marker:
I thought it was pretty OMG!
It’s day #3 of Oscar Week and today we are paying attention to what Directors do.
Take a look at what’s in the frame. Would you be able to tell what is happening outside it if it wasn’t shown? Next time you are watching a movie, pay attention to not only what is in the frame but what is not. THAT is tells a lot about what the director is trying to tell you.
Now replace the word ‘cinema’ with another word. ‘Art’ is an obvious choice since it also often uses a frame. How about ‘Wisdom’? Maybe ‘Life’? I like that. Let’s use the word ‘Life’.
When I had my exhibition last month a lot of non-art people came to it. Many of them said it was their very first time ever to be in an art gallery of any kind. Art galleries and the art that is shown there, was out of their frame until that night. For some they will choose to not bring art galleries into the middle of their frame permanently, and that is cool. But some have had a new experience and will now seek out art galleries and will have the urge to explore them and the art inside. It will be in their frame from now on. In either case though they come away with knowledge and exposure, both of which leads them to greater understanding of what is out in the world, it expands their frame. I like that.
What is in your frame? What is not? Is that how you want it to be?
Drawing and commentary by Martin Coleman, who builds his own frames.
Quote by the film director, Martin Scorsese. I pick him to win Best Director for ‘Hugo’.
The Academy Awards are this weekend so I thought I would do a series on The Oscars.
Linda and I do an OscarFest every year. We make a concerted effort to see all the Best Picture nominees. But we also work to see all the Best actor/actress categories, all the Best Director movies and, especially for me, all the Best Screenplay movies. We don’t always get to them all, but we try and it is a fun winter time activity for us to do as a couple.
This year we were able to see all 9 of the Best Picture nominations. We don’t always agree, but this year we pretty much had the same top 3. They are:
- Hugo
- The Descendants
- Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close
Hugo is my personal choice because of the complexity of the story, the beautiful and innovative visual style, the acting and the script.
The Descendants definitely has my vote for Best Screenplay. The script was realistic and moving. I wouldn’t be upset at it winning best film but I liked Hugo better.
Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close was MUCH better than I was expecting. The story, script and visuals were compelling and moving. I loved it.
From there we parted ways a bit. Movies in the list I did not think were at the top were:
- The Artist
- The Tree of Life
- Midnight in Paris
- The Help
- War Horse
- Moneyball
The Artist was fantastic. But the storyline wasn’t all that original. It basically was a remake of ‘A Star is Born’. I love the movie however and I would not think it a gross injustice if it won. If you haven’t seen it, you should.
The Tree of Life was immense, poetic, visually staggering, symbolic and powerful. Shouldn’t that make my list as a result? Well, it almost did but really, the story is just not that compelling. A kid grows up in the 50s, loves life, hates life, is confused about life. Fast forward to his adulthood and he loves life, hates life, is confused about life. Intersperse with symbolic images of the cosmos and the confusion one sees there and we get a beautiful visual treat, but not nearly good enough to warrant Best Picture in my book.
Midnight in Paris only had one problem – Woody Allen played the main character (disguised as Owen Wilson). I have been a fan of Allen’s ever since Annie Hall, which is still on my top ten list of best movies of all time. But, I like his movies that do not have a Woody Allen character in them. This one had a whiny and stuttering Owen Wilson. He tried to crack jokes that were ‘Woody’ jokes. He tried to hem and haw and communicate terribly like ‘Woody’ would. I just cannot stand that character any longer.
The Help was good but it was so predictable and the visual style was so uninspiring that I just couldn’t see it winning on anything other than story line and that is never enough for me.
War Horse was way too schmaltzy and overly stylized to manipulate the emotions. I enjoyed it for the most part, but it was just too much.
Moneyball wasn’t nearly a dynamic enough story to make it to the top. The visuals were mundane and the acting just wasn’t that moving to me. And this is coming from a baseball fan!
What is your opinion of the Best Picture nominees?
It’s Fashion Week in some little burg off on the East Coast so it’s Fashion Week in the center of the universe as well (that’s here in case you were wondering).
My eldest daughter, Rebekah, once asked me a question. She was standing at the top of the stairs and my other 2 daughters were at the bottom of the stairs near me in the living room. She asked, “Dad, is it ok if I get my belly button pierced?”
Hmmmm….this has got to be a trick question I think to myself. If I say yes, then obviously the other two girls hear it and will then feel they also have permission to have that done when they are Beka’s age. If I say no it sets up an argument about piercing and style that will likely go on for a long time in the household considering the 2 younger girls are only in middle school. Hmmm…how to respond?
First, I thought about what I had preached to so many of my conservative church-going friends who were parents. How often had I said, in response to them complaining about their kids’ styles, “Do NOT destroy the relationship with your child over style. They want to dye their hair purple? When are they EVER going to be able to do it if not in high school? They want to wear what most everyone is wearing? It does NOT mean they are a slut. It just means they want to be a member of a tribe. Chill out and save big battles for big issues, not shoe styles.”
Then I thought about what I had told my own children many times. I am fine with you wearing and accessorizing whatever you want. Any style is ok as long as it’s not permanent (i.e. tattoos, they can get those when they are over 18 and out of the house if they want), dangerous, harmful or hurtful to themselves or others, then I am fine with it. IF, however, I find that your character and behavior goes south I reserve the right to investigate whether your style has anything to with it. If it does, then that style will have to go or be modified.
So, now was the moment of truth. Was I going to practice what I preached with Rebekah? My response was, “Well, I think I would want to go to a doctor and ask what he or she thought of belly button piercings, I would research it, I would find out if there were big infection problems, etc. If that all came back ok, then I would let you get your belly button pierced.”
She listened, turned and walked towards her room and said, “That’s cool. I don’t really want to get it pierced, I just wanted to see what you would say.”
That cracked me up.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who limits his piercing activity to using skewers for shish kebobs.
Quote by Peter McKay, who is either a Scottish Footballer, a Canadian politician or a humor writer. Pick one, you might be right.