I was delayed a week by my exhibition opening, but we shall now continue with Optimism/Pessimism Week at the NDD!
Are you under a pessimism cloud?
You know those beautiful days in late fall and early spring when it feels warm and wonderful when you are in the sun but have a cloud come over and all the wintery chill lays over you like a blanket? That is how I feel when I am with certain people. Pessimists tend to be that cloud. Some are consciously trying to diminish joy or happiness, but most aren’t. Most are doing nothing more than what they would consider to be normal and even prudent things. They might be bringing up possible dangers for a course of action. They might be pointing out the negative characteristics of someone in order to warn you of them. In their mind, it is helpful to be a pessimist because bad things constantly happen and we should be prepared for it.
But the pessimist usually does not accomplish his or her goal of being safer or happier by being negative. Whatever their conscious intent and reasons, the effect is to suppress joy and enthusiasm. That is what they actually accomplish.
If you happen to be with one of those people, you will also suppress your joy and enthusiasm because those are feelings you naturally want to share and you are with someone who can’t or won’t contribute in the sharing. It’s like being a fun and joyous child who is with a stern parent constantly telling them no. It’s depressing and debilitating.
The way out, it seems to me, is easy enough in one situation. You have a somewhat casual friend who is this person and you make a pretty simple and easy decision to no longer be their friend. But most situations are not that easy. It might be a closer friend, one who relies on you and you are committed to over many years. It might be a boss or a co-worker you can’t get out from under without risking too much, or it might be a spouse/partner with whom you are hopelessly entangled financially, emotionally, materially and more.
In those harder cases you will only be able to retain your joy and enthusiasm for life by either getting above the cloud, being the brighter, hotter sun that evaporates it, or by finding ways to get out from under the cloud for moments at a time. Whether it is by delving into your creative spirit, moving out into the world and connecting to others in group activities, or by choosing a non-reactive response to the pessimism.
None of those are easy choices, but staying under the cloud is much harder for your soul and will eventually destroy it.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has had 6 dogs in his life (Moses, Robbie, Vodka, Oreo, Gracie and Sadie.)
Day #5 of ‘Free Will’ week at The Napkin Dad Daily
We all desire to do great things. But we can all get carried away by the desire and then find we lack the capability or resources to do that which we are so excited about.
When I first moved to Tulsa I worked in a small start up company making educational software (CD-Roms) for children. But to get the job I had to start at the bottom. The very bottom. I scanned hundreds of line drawings for animations. That is all I did. I would clean them up in the computer and off they would go to the animator. I was virtually unskilled labor at that point.
But I also had 20 years experience as an artist, 9 years experience as an art teacher and 14 years experience as a restaurant manager in a high stress, high volume restaurant. I had moved to Tulsa to take this job, taking a pay cut with the hopes that it would lead to a great opportunity in this new field.
I also had no fear. So, when the question was asked at a staff meeting who might like to learn the animation software (Macromedia Director) to help out I wanted to jump up and say ME! But the lead illustrator, senior to me by a long shot, had the first pick to do it. But he was used to drawing by hand and just wanted to keep doing that and working a bit in Photoshop. He said it would be a hassle to learn.
When he said no, I said yes.
Within a year and a half the animator, the art director, and the producer all either left the company or were let go. Guess who moved up into each of those positions? I did. And, more importantly, I succeeded in those positions. And it all started with me saying yes.
The lead illustrator, a negative bully, quit and went back to home construction, blaming our management for him not being able to go anywhere with his career.
So, my point is that the above quote, while true, is never to be used as an excuse. If you have the desire then of course you need to be honest about your capabilities. But not having full capabilities doesn’t mean you have NO capabilities. Your power is greater than you think and is most likely able to back up your will, if you will let it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by Thomas Fuller, 1608-1661, English churchman, historian and writer
When I was in high school my buddies and I weren’t the most ‘popular’ guys. But we were probably the funniest. And one of the ways we were very funny was to make fun of other people. We were very good at it. What we lacked in ‘physically beat you up’ ability, we made up for in ‘verbally beat you up’ ability. It was fun and it was oh so easy.
Part of the reason I was good at it was that my mother was good at it. She was very funny. She laughed easily at all sort of things. But in particular she loved to skewer people who were up on their high horse about something, or just because they had the money to show off how high their horse was. I liked that about her, it kept her down to earth in my mind.
But as time went on, I started to notice that this humor was keeping her from meeting people, was keeping her from having friends because she wasn’t just poking fun, she was also doing a bit of judging without knowing the people. She was making assumptions based on their wealth or clothes or country club. She retained her humor all her life, but as life took it’s toll on her she had less time to judge and more time to just enjoy people. I liked seeing that.
At the same time I started to see the same thing with me and my friends. We were losing out on knowing and becoming friends with people because we were too busy judging them. As one would hope, that adolescent judgment mellowed out as we aged and it wasn’t our only way of being funny as we got older.
When I had kids of my own I really wanted to make sure they found ways to have fun, be funny, even poke fun, without cutting off good people just because they were different, just because they may have ‘appeared’ to be a fool. I wasn’t always good at leading by example in this because I still can make fun of people pretty easily.
The truth is, maybe those other people you are laughing at are fools in certain areas. I know my share to this day (and they know me), but you run the risk of losing out on knowing the other parts of them as well. And that could, in the end, quite easily make you the lonely fool, right?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“To make a trade of laughing at a fool is the highway to become one.” – Thomas Fuller, 1608-1661, English churchman and historian
