by Marty Coleman | Jun 18, 2010 | Father's Day, William Shakespeare |
This is easy enough, yet so difficult for some fathers (and mothers) to put into practice. The purpose of a parent is, besides feeding and keeping your child safe, is to find out who your child is and help guide that unique individual towards a successful and fulfilling life. It is not about molding them into who you are.
That means:
You are that child’s defender to the teacher who says they should be more this or that. Not making excuses for your child if they have done wrong, but making sure your child is accepted as themselves, not forced to be something they are not.
You are the explainer and reassurer to the child about their individuality and unique character not being bad or odd or unworthy.
You are the example to the child about enjoying and embracing your own individuality and personality.
You are the example of allowing and embracing others, including your own brothers and sisters, who are different than you are. Living out the truth that they are not a threat to your identity just because they are different.
You are the comforter when your child feels something someone else, including you, may not feel in the same circumstances. You allow the feeling, not disparaging or dismissing it. You don’t have to think, as an adult, that is is a valid feeling for you to have. You just have to acknowledge and understand it is a legitimate feeling for your child to have at that moment.
Be those things and your children will be secure in knowing they are truly known.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” – William Shakespeare, 1564-1616. English playwright
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 29, 2010 | Sweets - 2010, William Shakespeare |
I remember reading or hearing stories about the ‘good ol’ days’ when kids would get a candy treat or an orange for Christmas and it was the biggest deal in the world. A sweet dessert was something that happened very rarely and was akin to a special present.
I certainly don’t think that is now the case for most of in the US or most other developed countries. I wonder if just in general we lack joy and excitement in large part because we don’t have to wait for things. We get what we want pretty quickly, whether it’s a TV or a candy bar. We might be excited about something of course, but that uniqueness that comes from something being uncommon isn’t there nearly as much as it used to be.
I also wonder if some of our feelings of entitlement come from that abundance as well. The stores are stocked with candy. I want candy. I am in the store. I deserve the candy I will buy the candy. Candy costs a buck maybe, no big deal. But project that same entitlement to a TV or a Car and man, your debt balloons pretty darn fast!
Practicing the art of delayed gratification is not easy in a world of abundance.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Sweets grown common lose their dear delight.” – William Shakespeare
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 18, 2010 | William Shakespeare |
I love the grand gesture. I love the big proclamations of gratefulness, love. I love the big confessions and repentances, as seen on TV and sometimes in real life. I am a sucker for them.
But, sometimes those gestures can backfire. Sometimes they are overblown hyperbole; goals not attainable, transformations not sustainable. They come from the right place. They are the soul feeling guilty, the heart needing absolution and a gigantic conversion seems to be just the right thing.
I will no longer be the dog, the ass. I will BECOME the good man, the redeemed woman, the solid citizen, the consummate artist we say to ourselves as we cement our resolve to be better.
But the truth of life is that we backslide. The truth of life is that we return to who we didn’t want to be. We don’t completely return. We don’t not make progress. But we don’t usually stay up in the stratosphere of our epiphanies. What we really do is slowly become. We slowly transform. Yes, sometimes it’s faster than other times. But life transformation is not the montage with music score, it is a barely perceptible change in most cases.
It would be so much more fun if it were like in the movies, wouldn’t it? Maybe it would be. But now that I am older I am glad it isn’t. I like the slow change, the real change of becoming better where you don’t lose the good you already are.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Striving to be better, oft we mar what’s well.” – William Shakespeare, 1564-1616, English playwright
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