This Italian Proverb brings up a LOT of issues. First, why is it not the opposite? Why isn’t there an Italian Proverb that says ‘If the husband sins, the wife is not innocent.’? I think it is safe to assume there isn’t a proverb like that because no one really believes it. People believe that if a man sins, (by the way, for purposes of our conversation here, sin equals adultery), he does so for his own reasons. If a man blames his wife he can pretty much assume he will be seen as an even more complete douche bag than if he has the affair and blames himself.
The Woman
So, why is the proverb about the wife? I think it taps into an assumption. The assumption is that women are better than men. They are more moral, more loyal, more faithful. So, the thinking might go that, because of this superiority, they will not easily fall into adultery just from being horny or egotistical. They won’t jump some guy just to prove they can. They have to have a better reason. And that reason is emotional. And if they have the emotional need to have sex with another man, the fault lies partly (if not completely) with the husband for not meeting her emotional needs.
Sexist or True?
So, the question is simple. In your personal experience, or in lives you have witnessed, is this proverb true? Or is it perhaps sexist to assume the woman is less responsible for her ‘sin’ than a man is? What do you think?
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word:Marriage
It’s day #2 of Olympics week at the NDD. Notice anything different about the drawing today? It’s a ‘not a napkin’ napkin (because I ran out of napkins). Guess what I drew it on.
FAME and GLORY
So much fame, so many endorsements, so much attention, money, glory, adulation, hype and talk for the winners. So much obscurity for the losers. But answer me this. Who won what 100 years ago in the Olympics? I don’t know, I am sure you don’t either, unless you look it up or are related to a winner from back then. We all go back in the same box. Most of us, famous or not, eventually forgotten. Is that depressing? In some ways, yes. One of the things I like most about being an artist is leaving something behind. But art is corruptible (especially when drawn on a napkin) and it too will not last forever most likely.
What Remains?
What remains then? Kindness remains. That is it. That is what I want to get my gold medal in when the time comes. That is what I want to hand down to my daughters and grand kids (come on daughters, times a’ wasting). I want to be good at what I do of course. I want to work with those who strive for excellence. But I really don’t have much tolerance for excellence that is covered with anger and vitriol. I don’t want to be around a winner who is mean and hurtful. I don’t want to be in a business relationship (though it is unavoidable at times) with someone who is scheming, manipulative, insensitive and negative.
I want to be, and I want to surround myself with, one who is both excellent and kind, who achieves great things and does it with love in my heart.
That lasts.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has a lot to learn.
When my daughters were small I remembering getting sympathy from others because we had 3 in 4 years. It was the cliché of the ‘headache’. But it didn’t really produce an actual headache for me, and my wife didn’t often say she had one. What it really was was an ever-constant mental vigilance. I think most couples are amazed by the overwhelming amount of attention you must pay to this eating and pooping machine for so many years!
There does come a time when you can let them play alone for periods of time. They do eventually go to school. Little by little the need to physically supervise them levels off and the emotional supervision starts up. I remember those same people who were sympathetic to me about having 3 young ones, were, at the same time, saying ‘oh, wait ten years, then you will have 3 teenagers!’ There was dread in their voice.
And it is true that the teen years have more emotional drama than a parent might choose, but I didn’t have many more heartaches than I had real headaches 10 years earlier. What I had was ever constant emotional vigilance, this time to help them navigate through the minefields of adolescence. I wish I did it better, all parents do.
And then the third phase. It’s the phase that doesn’t get rid of the first two, but combines them. Your child might be out of the house, but he or she is still growing into adulthood, still physically trying to find their home in the world, still trying to find their emotional ground. You are at a greater distance, yes. But the desire, and the opportunity, to be of service to them never ends, whether offering an old table for her first dining room or a shoulder to cry on when the first big relationship goes south.
I am glad being a parent can never be taken away from me, no matter how old my children get. And no amount of headaches and heartaches can ever change my mind about that.
What do you like about being a parent, or about your parents if you are a mini-person still?
Another proverb for you. This one from my vintage napkin collection that I gave to my daughters in their school lunches.
I was going to draw something about exercise today, but I am SO tired, I didn’t have the energy.
Seriously though, as the saying goes… ‘You can sleep when you are dead’! Get up and move, try something, anything to be active. Not just to stay fit, but to see the world. The world in the field next door, the world at 6am, the world down under. Wherever, whenever. Be curious, be fit, and find friends doing it.
