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You Are the Bundle
This was an interesting one to draw. Once I finished the drawing I didn’t really like it much. It just didn’t make sense. A woman holding a bundle of sticks is going to stop some jerk? The I realized it wasn’t the bundle of sticks doing the stopping, it was the woman. the WOMAN was the bundle. She was strong because of all the various ‘sticks’ she was made of. She isn’t just strong as one thing, she is strong because she is many things. Each of those things by themselves might be a weakness, but even the weakest stick is strong when in a bundle, right?
All Of You
That is why your supposed flaws are really only dangerous to you if you are ONLY your flaws. But you aren’t. You are your strength, your humor, your perseverance, your attitude, your skill, your craft, your intelligence, your wisdom, your judgment, your toughness. In with those things are also your fears, your anger, your panic, your laziness, your self-righteousness, your forgetfulness, your selfishness, your lack of common sense. They make you stronger than if you are just one thing. And that means, if you bring all those things out, even some of the negative ones, at the right time, you won’t be broken.
Did you ever run away from home as a child? It took some planning and some guts, didn’t it. You probably got no further than half way down the block or more than a few hundred yards behind you home in the woods before you turned around or were found by one of your parents. But for most of us we actually never did get to the point of actually running away. We thought about it, we maybe even planned it, but we didn’t do it. Why not? Because we were afraid. We were afraid of danger and the unknown, afraid of starving or getting lost, afraid of not having any help and afraid of hurting those we left behind, especially if we had brothers or sisters younger than we were.
Run Away Adult
I remember my ex-wife at one point in our final throes of divorce saying there had been many times during our marriage she just wanted to run away. Just have it all be gone, have me gone. I have heard many other women since then say the same thing, and I have seen even more people say it on Facebook or Twitter. They say it with humor, but underneath they are serious in their desire to escape.
Why don’t they run away? In many ways the reasons are the same as for kids. They are afraid of danger, the unknown, starvation, getting lost, not having support or help, and abandoning those left behind. Hopefully for an adult the last item on the list is much more important. It is no longer about just what the person running away wants, it’s about the responsibility one has to those still remaining. The children who don’t deserve to be abandoned, the home, the neighbors, the family, the friends, the work, whatever it is. There is a feeling of obligation – I have to face my worries, my fears, my burdens and work through them the best I can.
In the end, that is what makes a soldier a true military hero, and it is what makes a parent an everyday hero.
The drawing above is a metaphor for how some people will hurt and manipulate others in their pursuit of wealth. They are consumed with it and nothing will stop them. They will metaphorically murder someone who gets in their way.
No Metaphor
And at other times it is not a metaphor at all. People really do murder to get their hands on wealth. History is full of stories of that sort of lust that blinds the person to moral or ethical boundaries. Movies and books are filled with fictional and true exploits of those who pursue money at any expense.
Drive
What is it that drive a person to that point? Why does the husband or wife kill their spouse for the insurance money? Why does the dictator send his country’s young men to death in war to get to gold or oil or land? How do you control your desire for wealth? What keep you from becoming that person?
I wish I knew why it happens and how to stop it because it certainly is one of the most pernicious and destructive impulses humans have and we would be so much better off with that under some sort of control and balance on the planet.
There is a 100% chance of this drawing being #2 in my Promises series.
Running in the Rain
When I start coaching a new season many of my runners worry about what we do if it rains. I tell them one of my favorite things to do is run in the rain and that we run in it unless lightning is present. They are not at all sure they like the idea.
But when we start out on a long run in stifling, drenching heat and humidity but with ominous clouds promising rain it doesn’t take long for them to be begging for the rain to actually fall. Those days when it does, it’s glorious. We are energized and rejuvenated and happy. We are little kids puddle jumping. But those days when it teases but doesn’t rain, then we are miserable because not only are we still hot and drenched in sweat, but our expectations of a cooling rain are left unfulfilled.
Cloud Promises
Promises are like that cloud threatening to rain. Our expectations go up and our disappoint is all the greater if the promise isn’t kept. It’s often better for the promise to not even appear in advance. You simply act on what you know you have purposed in your heart privately and the cooling and nurturing rain falls. No promise, just action.
I got distracted (as entrepreneurs tend to do) and didn’t finish my ‘Launching a Business’ series I started a few weeks ago. Here is #3.
Being the Boss
My wife works for a big company, she is not an entrepreneur. But when she talks about her legacy it’s not often about her actual work, it’s about the team she leads and how important it is that she lead it well so those under her continue to be employed and get paychecks. That is what she really cares about. These people work for her, but she works hard for them as well.
Being the Entrepreneur
It is even more the case when you are an entrepreneur. You might hire 1 or 2 people to start. And then you understand very quickly that someone’s livelihood depends on you. The man works for you and you work even harder for the man.
This Italian Proverb brings up a LOT of issues. First, why is it not the opposite? Why isn’t there an Italian Proverb that says ‘If the husband sins, the wife is not innocent.’? I think it is safe to assume there isn’t a proverb like that because no one really believes it. People believe that if a man sins, (by the way, for purposes of our conversation here, sin equals adultery), he does so for his own reasons. If a man blames his wife he can pretty much assume he will be seen as an even more complete douche bag than if he has the affair and blames himself.
The Woman
So, why is the proverb about the wife? I think it taps into an assumption. The assumption is that women are better than men. They are more moral, more loyal, more faithful. So, the thinking might go that, because of this superiority, they will not easily fall into adultery just from being horny or egotistical. They won’t jump some guy just to prove they can. They have to have a better reason. And that reason is emotional. And if they have the emotional need to have sex with another man, the fault lies partly (if not completely) with the husband for not meeting her emotional needs.
Sexist or True?
So, the question is simple. In your personal experience, or in lives you have witnessed, is this proverb true? Or is it perhaps sexist to assume the woman is less responsible for her ‘sin’ than a man is? What do you think?
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word:Marriage
The saying when you are being taken advantage of without you really knowing it is, ‘You’re being played.’ It means someone is manipulating you to achieve an end of their own. They make it seem like it is in your best interest, maybe even that it was your idea. But unbeknownst to you, the real goal doesn’t take you into consideration. You will be left behind when you are no longer needed. You might even be damaged or hurt. That’s being played.
Being Planned
If you don’t know what you want in life, if you don’t make some effort to go in that direction, you are going to find yourself being a chess piece in someone else’s plan for their own life.
An example: The daughter who is ‘forced’ by her parents to get a law degree when what she sort of liked was art. But she didn’t know herself very well, didn’t think her ideas of what she wanted to do were valid or useful (because her parents said so) and so she bowed to the pressure and got her law degree. She grew old resenting her brother for having the courage to withstand the parental pressure and become a salesman instead of the doctor they wanted him to be. She blamed her parents, her school, America, capitalism, and her gender. But she never realized the real reason was she didn’t know herself, didn’t trust herself enough to say, ‘this is who I am and this is what I want to be.’ She was afraid, and maybe lazy. She was afraid of not living luxuriously. She was worried about putting out so much effort to achieve her dream. She was tired just thinking about it. And so she ended up living the life her parents wanted her to live, for their reasons, not hers. She was a bitter and angry woman later in life, never knowing it was her decisions that made her like that, no one else.
Naked to the World
Why are the people in this drawing naked? Because others can see through us. They can see when we are being who we want to be, who we plan to be. And they can see us when we are hollow shells, waiting to be filled by someone else’s idea of a life. I would rather be courageous and say ‘This is my plan.” and be seen in all my planned glory than to be a coward and live someone else’s ideas and life and STILL be seen naked to the world. Because, if I am seen naked as me, then the criticisms and compliments are things I can actually listen to. I can evaluate them knowing they are at least based on something real.
If I am a lie, then criticisms and compliments aren’t ever about me. I am not connected to them, I can’t be helped or encouraged by them. It’s as if they are talking to or about someone else. And they are.
What is your plan for your life?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is an American Proverb
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SXSW
Don’t forget, I am in need of votes at the 2014 SXSW PanelPicker site. I have a workshop proposal called ‘The Compelling Image in the Age of Social Media’ that I would love to present in Austin next March. Part of the decision making process (30%) is having SXSW members vote for the proposals they would like to attend. You do have to register, but it’s painless and if you are involved in Social Media and interactive online world in any capacity the conference would be worth finding more about.
Please vote here —–> SXSW PanelPicker and then amplify the proposal across your social media world if you are able!
I identify with the fact that today is the first in the ‘Identity’ series.
Prints are still available. $25.00
If you are tense, take a look and see if this might not be the problem.
Of course, to know this you have to admit what part of you is the part other people want you to be and what part is the part you want to be. That takes honest self-evaluation. Then of course the hard part come in. You have to admit it to the world and take action on it.
Have you been able to do this? How did you do it?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote is a Chinese Proverb
I found it online at the Facebook page of a friend, Kimberley Clayton Blaine. She is a wise woman, someone who is constantly growing and learning. She is one of those people you are glad is in the world. You can find her at her website/blog The Go-To Mom. She’s worth following.
Do you excuse your snark and judgment as being hip? They aren’t hip, they’re thorns. Thorns meant to hurt and denigrate. You might get followers and fans and people laughing at your words, but you are hurting others and you will, without a doubt, be hurt yourself in time. The path you covered in thorns will one day be the path you yourself must follow, and the thorns will be even more plentiful. Even if you avoid the thorns on the path, more thorns than that will have grown inside your heart and will strangle your love, compassion and care.
In the past few months I have photographed a number of women who have all told me the same thing; they hate their nose because it is too big. This isn’t new, I have been hearing it from women (never men) most of my art and photography career, which goes back over 35 years. In not one of those situations did I look at their nose and think that. Instead I thought their nose was just right for their face in balance, shape and size. In other words, I loved their nose and thought it added to, not detracted from, their beauty.
The French Knows Noses
If there is any place on earth that has refined taste, it’s France. This quote is a French proverb. It’s from the country of high sophistication and beautiful art, architecture, women, men, fashion, food and more. If France can make a national statement about the beauty of the nose, then who are we to disagree, right?
That’s it. That is all I wanted to say. All you women out there who think your nose is too big, I think your nose is beautiful.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who knows.
Quote is a French Proverb
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If you ever do get put down for your nose, memorize this monologue from Roxanne.
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Trivia question of the day
What animal has the most olfactory (smell) receptors?
