A vintage napkin from 2003, given to my daughters’ in their lunches. Two daughters (at the time) were in high school and I drew a napkin for each of them.
Of course, it’s a balancing act. It isn’t realistic to just smile at all things. If you do you aren’t able to protest injustice, you aren’t able to let your anger be known, among other things. But in the end, the angry raging person is unhappy, becomes shrill and unattractive and as a result is weaker and less able to be a positive influence in the world.
If you have trouble finding the smile inside, try to think about what you get out of being angry. What does it feed in you, what does it validate, or hold at bay? Do you really need that anger and rage to be successful or happy in life? Take a chance, let go of it, just a bit. I bet you will smile at the results.
I found this quote via twitter a few days ago and really liked it. Thanks to @charvoice (Charlene Lewis). Thought I would take a ‘heart series’ break and put this one in the mix.
It’s important for me to always remember that I do not always know the circumstances and background of those around me. I don’t know how they were ‘baked’ in other words. That doesn’t mean I don’t hold them accountable for their actions, it means I don’t assume I know them; their motivations, their opinions or their feelings just because they are in the same room with me, or from the same state.
At my best it means I wait to judge until I know something real about them instead of just thinking they were baked like I was. That short-sightedness leads to the assumption that if they did that ‘thing’ (whatever it is), they must have had the same motivation or reason I would have had if I had done that same ‘thing’. It’s a bad assumption to make.
Anyone who has been married has experienced a spouse not understanding why you do what you do until they meet your family and experience the oven in which you were baked. Then they come home and say ‘NOW I understand why you are like that!’…not always in a nice way, either.
So, before you judge, get to know who it is you are judging, get to understand them. After that, judge away.
A young friend of mine had a car accident on Friday, here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The winter weather – sleet and freezing rain – had been falling most of the day and when something went wrong on the road, I don’t know what, she rolled her car over. She thought she had died because all she saw was white, then she realized it was snow and ice everywhere. She ended up hanging upside down in her car by her seatbelt. Her dog was in the car with her and she thought he was dead as well until she reached out for it and it responded.
She posted photos of the strangulation-like raw marks all over her neck and upper chest from the seat belt. It was not a pretty sight. She can barely move her neck.
The lessons learned? Don’t take life for granted. Pay attention to important things. Don’t delay telling people how you appreciate them. These are not uncommon lessons. We hear them over and over. My hope is that my young friend takes action and turns these new lessons into the habits of her life.
Because it isn’t learning a lesson that is hard. It is becoming the lesson that is.
Here the guest sees worse, but the guest also may see better than the host.
Every perception is a real perception. That doesn’t mean that you have to take another’s as your own. You just have to live with, and be at peace with, the reality that two conflicting perceptions can exist at the same time.
You are your own host, you see yourself in more detail than others, and you have blind spots to yourself that others see easily.
That is why we often find that someone we consider beautiful doesn’t think they are at all. They don’t see themselves the way we do.
Of course, this is not true. You can go to a jewelry store and purchase one. You can steal one. You can inherit one.
But you can’t find your very own pearl, uniquely yours, never owned or touched by another person, unless you dive for it.
Even then you need to know to look for the ugliest thing at the bottom of the sea, an oyster, to find the pearl. Then you have to use a very sharp knife to pry open the oyster and see if a pearl even exists inside it. A lot of work is what that is.
And for what? For a piece of sand, the most commonplace of natural material, surrounded by hardened oyster phlem. Yum. Who will do that? Someone who REALLY desires it. not sort of desires it. REALLY desires it.
So, let’s unmetaphorize this (yes, I just made that word up). I REALLY want to make a success of the napkin drawings. I want to have them seen by the largest amount of people as possible. I want people who like the drawings and my commentary to be willing to buy napkin merchandise from me. I want to make a living at it. That is my pearl.
If the pearl were on the shore, it would just wash up at my feet. But it isn’t on the shore. I have to go out and call, write, post, purchase, think, collaborate, spend, draw, research, talk, listen, learn, focus, discipline, and more. And I have to do that every day. I am excited to do it. But I REALLY have to want this pearl to do this amount of work, right? Especially since there is no guarantee. But that is ok. I really want this pearl. I am going to dive deep for it in 2010.
Wish me luck and when the merchandise is ready to purchase you know what to do!
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Pearls lie not on the seashore. If thou desirest one thou must dive for it.” – Chinese Proverb
Chelsea wrote an article about our relationship for Mia Magazine. I am proud of her skill in writing it and grateful she saw me as being helpful (overall) in her growing up years.
Mia Magazine (click on the magazine image at the bottom of the link page to read it. Go to ‘My Relationships’).
A perfect quote for all you entrepreneurs, business and sales people out there.
I recently had a problem with my Mac Pro. I know, not a common occurrence. I went in to the Apple store to buy a new graphics card, which is where I thought the problem lied. At the last minute I told the 2 (yes, 2) guys helping me that I didn’t want to spend the money to have the computer looked at to see if it was really the problem. They said it’s all free at the store, just make an appointment and bring it in, which I did.
The diagnosis was the logic board, not the graphics card. More money, time in the shop, not a good thing. I left the computer and 2 days later got a call saying it was the graphics card after all and that because they held the computer for so long the card would be free. Yes, free.
I got the computer back and found only one of the monitors (I have 2) was working. I diagnosed it and found the new graphics card takes two power cables, one for each monitor and they had given me only one. I called and explained the problem. They ordered a completely new graphics card because it was the only way to get the extra cable. They had it the next day.
So, I had a problem. The company not only fixed the problem and any ensuing problems but did so in such a way that I want to stay with Apple. I want to support Apple. I want to revisit that store. I want to buy again from Apple. They exceeded my expectations not just with the one on one interaction, but in their way of diagnosing (right in front of me, with full explanation) and in their policy of getting things right, no matter what.
Do you do that with your clients? Do you design your company to do that?
Another proverb for you. This one from my vintage napkin collection that I gave to my daughters in their school lunches.
I was going to draw something about exercise today, but I am SO tired, I didn’t have the energy.
Seriously though, as the saying goes… ‘You can sleep when you are dead’! Get up and move, try something, anything to be active. Not just to stay fit, but to see the world. The world in the field next door, the world at 6am, the world down under. Wherever, whenever. Be curious, be fit, and find friends doing it.
I know, sometimes my drawings just make no sense. But I did have a very pointed message in my reasoning for drawing this. I just forget what it was now.
