by Marty Coleman | Mar 7, 2013 | Compliments & Complications - 2013, Mark Twain |
It’s a compliment just to be nominated for Best Napkin Drawing of Day #4 of Compliment Week!
Compliments – The Love Hate Tango
I started this series because I had a conversation with a friend in which she said she didn’t know how to take compliments very well. She thought she was alone in that regard and I assured her that is not true, that a LOT if not most people, especially women, are not at all comfortable or believing of compliments given to them.
While I started to look for quotes and ideas relating to compliments I did indeed come across many who were also not comfortable with praise and compliments. But I also came across many who love compliments, live for them, get sustenance from them and continually hope for them. Mark Twain was one and this quote is an example. It seems egotistical but I think he meant it tongue in cheek, a self-deprecating comment about his own ego.
The Compliment Pool
But there is another way to take this quote. Perhaps it can be interpreted not as wanting more ego stroking, but wanting more specificity. The woman in my drawing is saying ‘nice font’ while reading a profound book. She is staying shallow and superfluous. noticing just the surface, when there is a whole world of depth she has completely ignored.
The Deep End
What about you? When you give a compliment, do you really say what you truly admire, or do you say something generic and forgettable? If you want your compliments to have more power the focus in on more than ‘You are handsome’ or ‘nice work’. Dig down a bit and see if you can’t be more specific. Why is he handsome? How about ‘You have a great jaw line.’ Why was her work nice? Can you say ‘You did a fantastic job negotiating with that client.’ instead?
I can imagine Mark Twain meaning it that way. Perhaps he wanted a compliment that dug down a bit deeper, that reflected a deeper understanding on the part of the person giving the compliment.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mark Twain, whom I compliment on his vast array of quotes about compliments.
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Compliment of the Week
Judge Nicki Minaj’s compliment to American Idol contestant Tenna Torres (wearing the outfit below) – “I like your hair, I like your boobs, too.”
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 6, 2013 | Compliments & Complications - 2013, Robert Brault |
I know I am making you happy when I compliment your arrival at day #3 of Compliments Week!
The Visual Compliment
Imagine a compliment being something you could visually see, that as it came out of your mouth it became something real, floating over to the person it was directed at. What would your compliments turn into? Would it be a bright, garish sticker slapped on a woman’s breasts saying ‘NICE RACK’ or a man’s posterior saying, ‘NICE ASS? Would it be a generic puff of cotton that whispered, ‘I guess you look nice’ as it blew away and was forgotten? Maybe it would be a swirl of glitter that said, ‘oh shiny!’ as it landed on a diamond ring.
The Happiness Blanket
But maybe your compliment can come out as a happiness blanket. It would cover the whole person, no matter what specific compliment you are giving. And guess what? If you deliberately endeavor in advance to make your compliment, whatever it is, a warm blanket of love, given freely and with joy, then you will be happy. If you are happy in giving a compliment there is a much greater chance the recipient will also feel some level of happiness.
Give that compliment today.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who always compliments freckles, which are a like a blanket of happiness in and of themselves.
Quote by Robert Brault
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Literary Question of the Day
“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen” is the first line of what novel?
Come back tomorrow for the answer
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 5, 2013 | Compliments & Complications - 2013, George Chapman |
I am flattered you have shown up for day #2 of Compliments week!
Flattery Wolf
Flattery is fine. You just have to know what it is. It is a social nicety. It is grease that smooths the rough edges of social interactions. It is attached to an agenda. An agenda isn’t necessarily bad or evil or dangerous. But it can be. You have to be aware. Maybe it’s a benign agenda, the man just likes you. The man just wants a little attention and so he is just giving some attention. Maybe it’s cancerous and the man becomes a wolf and wants to get in your pants or in your wallet or in your life for some nefarious reason. You have to have a discernment about people, and men in particular. It should be up to the man to be good, not bad. He is responsible for that. But if he is not, if he is a wolf, and some men are, then you must be responsible for your side of it, the discernment, wisdom and knowledge to tell the difference between a wolf and a dog.
Complimentary Dog
Compliments are fine. But how do you know they are real, true, legitimate compliments and not underhanded flattery with an attached agenda to it? You know by what happens after the compliment. Does the man remain attentive to you in more ways than just complimenting you? Does he back up his supposed admiration for you by acting like someone who admires and respects you? Is he sensitive to what you want to talk about and do or is he pushy and insistent, always directing you back to what his agenda is? It isn’t that the man doesn’t have desires and hopes and even lusts. But he understands their place, that they are behind and less important than finding out and trying to meet your needs. A Complimentary Dog does that, a Flattery Wolf does not.
The Fight
So, who am I to make the case about Flattery Wolf vs Complimentary Dog? I can make the case because I have been both. And I bet if you ask most men they would say they have been both too. It is a fight between the two in many men. Which one wins? The one that gets fed wins. Do you, as the object of attention, reward the dog or the wolf? Do you enable the bad behavior or the good behavior?
I know it is rife with issues to call men dogs or wolves, obviously the analogy only goes so far. It does break down eventually. But it also has many useful elements to it in trying to understand how men think. And the better you understand how men think and act perhaps the better you will be in understanding how to deal with their flatteries and compliments.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who would be a dalmatian if he were a dog.
Quote by George Chapman, 1559-1634, English dramatist
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Historical Question from Yesterday Answered
Question: Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Answer: Wilde was prosecuted for ‘Gross Indecency’. This was a charge leveled against suspected homosexuals who were not caught doing the expressly forbidden deed of anal intercourse, or buggery as it was known then (and which had a possible sentence of death), but were caught being too flagrant about their life in the otherwise underground web of homosexual society. Wilde spent 2 years in prison doing hard labor. When he came out he moved to France, never to return to England. He died destitute.
Oscar Wilde
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 4, 2013 | Compliments & Complications - 2013, Oscar Wilde |
It’s not complicated – today is day #1 of Compliments Week at the NDD.
Complimenting Cleavage – An Embarrassing Story
This past weekend I went to an art gallery opening. My wife Linda was out of town so I was solo. The gallery was filled with well dressed, glamourous people. I saw a friend and we were talking about my napkins, which she said she loved getting every day. She is well known and so she was constantly seeing and greeting new people as they came by. I waited patiently for a respite to continue the conversation when I noticed a woman next to me also waiting to speak to this woman. She had on a very intricate lace top with little colored things woven in. Under it was a plain black camisole. She also had on an elegant necklace that went to mid-chest. Her hair framed the necklace and the lace top very nicely.
I noticed all this in a split second, turned to her and said, with a hand gesture, “I love your top!” Just as I said it realized, along with all those other things I just mentioned, that she had a very pronounced cleavage. Large breasts, low top. My choice of words suddenly didn’t seem the best. She looked at me like I had just said the most awkward thing I could have possibly said, and I had. I did my best to recover, doing another circle of my hand and saying, “It all works great; the lace, necklace, hair, very nice”. I then introduced myself, and we both turned our attention back to our mutual friend. I saw her on and off the rest of the night at that opening and a number of other ones on the same street. I had the distinct impression she was hopeful I would not come up and talk to her again.
The Complimenter
I am a complimenter. It can be interpreted as a come on, an insincere flattery, an over the top rambling, or any number of other things. But I don’t care because I know this truth; If I don’t say it, pretty soon I won’t think it. And if I don’t think it, I won’t notice it and if I don’t notice it the world will be incredibly dull, boring, grey, relentlessly serious, depressing, futile and ugly for me. I don’t want that and so I notice what I love in the world. I think about what I love in the world and I say what I love in the world. Sometimes it backfires and I am embarrassed but I would rather suffer that then live in a world where I can’t speak of the beauty I see.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who does indeed love beautiful eyebrows.
Quote by Oscar Wilde, who loved beauty
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Historical question of the day
Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Come back tomorrow to find the answer
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