by Marty Coleman | Sep 10, 2016 | Decision Making - 2016, Peter Drucker |
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The Road to Hell
You’ve heard the saying, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”, right? What does it mean? Since nobody wants to go to hell, it obviously means good intentions are misleading. You think you are paving the way to heaven, or accomplishment, success, fame, wealth, happiness, security, love, etc. but instead you end up in hell? How can that be?
It’s not because good intentions are evil, it’s because good intentions are nothing. They are ephemeral ghosts that flit about and then disappear. They can’t be built on and they can’t be walked on. What they can do is fool people. They tell people they are actually doing something when they aren’t. They tell people they are making progress in life, when they aren’t. They tell people they are becoming better people, when they aren’t.
Good intentions are nothing, and doing nothing in life is the fastest way to be in hell now and find hell in the future.
The Road to Elsewhere
So, if good intentions are nothing, what is something? Action is something. Hard work is something. Practicing what you preach is something.
Making an idea into a reality isn’t good intentions, it’s good action. It might start with an idea and a determination to make that idea real, and that is good. People need vision and ideals. But they are the ink on the paper in the recipe book. They are nothing without the ingredients being put together to actually make the recipe into food.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Peter Drucker, 1909-2005, Austrian-born American Management consultant and author
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 2, 2016 | Decision Making - 2016, Edwin Markham |
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Not Judging
We had a discussion on Periscope the other day about decision making. It was about this idea and the idea in the blog post before this one, about not judging life events as good or bad, just experience them with minimal judgment. It would lead to less stress and anxiety and more happiness and peace.
People of Faith
Not easy to do of course, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. But how? Many people would say by having faith. But I have been in the Christian church now going on 40 years and I have seen very few people who don’t fret just as much about the future as those who don’t attend church and say they don’t believe in God, afterlife, etc. That doesn’t mean people of faith don’t talk a good game, they do. The script is all there in the bible that you just don’t have to worry. Paul says it again and again in his letters. Peter says it, Jesus says it. It’s a big part of Christianity. But barely anyone (that I know at least) actually lives it out in day to day practice.
The Avoidance List
Why is that? What is it about the unknown future that we really fear? Death? Pain? Discomfort? Does fearing those things help us avoid them? Well, we know we can’t avoid death so that obviously is a problem. But we can avoid it for a while, right?
Here is a list to help you avoid death:
- Eat well
- Exercise well
- Have really good genetics
- Don’t step on a land mine
Same goes for pain. Here is a list to avoid pain:
- Do nothing aggressively physical
- Don’t get in any relationships
- Don’t have kids
- Don’t get blown up on a boat (I didn’t avoid that)
And if you want to avoid discomfort? Here is what you should do.
- Never meet people, cultures or ideas you don’t understand or like.
- Never get a brazilian wax job
- Never eat hot chili peppers
- Never wear tight pants, tight bras or tight hats.
All those ways can be summed up in one rule. Don’t do anything. That will help you avoid all those terrible things in life.
Ok, I Lied
The truth is a life of couch sitting, of never thinking or experiencing anything new is living death. Seeing all the fun, vitality and love others are experiencing in life is a greater pain emotionally and physically than going out and experiencing the world and the risks in it. And by far the deepest discomfort in life is realizing you are afraid of everything.
So, get out there, open that gate, swim that ocean, climb that hill. You will experience discomfort, pain and yes, even death eventually. But the alternative? You are already dead.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Edwin Markham, 1852-1940, American Poet
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 1, 2016 | Decision Making - 2016, Flemish Proverbs |
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Good and Bad
This might sound like a terrible thing. You are going to have trouble no matter what you choose? That sucks. But that isn’t really the end of the story, is it? Beyond each danger maybe there is a blessing, right? Then again, beyond each blessing who knows, maybe another blessing, maybe another danger.
Looking Back
Many people, when they reach a certain point in life look back and say, ‘Everything that has happened in the past, good and bad, has led me to this point.’ Isn’t that another way of saying that those seemingly bad things that happened really weren’t that bad and the good things that happened weren’t necessarily all that good?
Here and Now
Looking back is one thing, it’s easy to do. But what if you avoided this yin yang of categorizing everything into gain or loss as the events happened? What if you experienced them in your mind as as neutral events instead? How would that help your health, both physical and mental, while living in the present AND looking at the future? Less stress, less judgment, less worry, less anxiety might be the result. More peace, more happiness, more confidence might also be the result. It’s something to think about.
The Chinese Farmer
There is a famous old story about a chinese farmer who did just that. Here is a great animation that tells the story. It is being told by Alan Watts, a deep thinker who delved into Taoist philosophy.
Brain Pickings
One of my favorite websites is ‘Brain Pickings‘. You can read more about Alan Watts and his ideas on fortune and misfortune there. There you can also find links to more in depth sites dealing the Watts, his philosophy and books.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote is a Dutch proverb
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 25, 2016 | Brendan Behan, Decision Making - 2016 |
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The Fear of Being Wrong
When I hear people talk about their fear of decision making the number one thing I hear is fear of being wrong. You can see it on reality TV dating shows where the person choosing is racked with fear that he or she might make the wrong choice. You can see it in college kids trying to decide on a major. You can see it in people deciding on which house or car to buy. The list of ‘what if’ worries is endless. For many it can be paralyzing, keeping their life from moving forward and being fulfilled in so many ways.
The Wrong of being Fearful
You may be saying, ‘Hey wait, being fearful isn’t wrong’ and you would be right. And you would be wrong. Why wrong? Let’s use this example. You witness the rape of a friend. You are called to give a statement to police. You are called to look at a line up of possible perpetrators. You are called to testify for the prosecution. Doing those things is scary and it is likely you will be fearful. But what if you are SO fearful that you won’t do those things? You won’t speak up, you won’t testify. What then? Turns out your fear could be the reason a rapist is not convicted and is free to rape again. That could be considered a moral wrong, right?
Procrastinator Excellente
I am a procrastinator in decision making compared to my wife Linda. I take too much time and put off evaluating. Why? Because it means I have to take action and I don’t want to. I am lazy with a bit of fear of decision making thrown in. But what I have found is I have a lot more regrets from not having made a decision soon enough than I do from making a decision too soon. For example, I have waited too long and missed deadlines in applying for art fellowships or competitions in a particular year. But when I got my application in on time for those same things a year later, I certainly didn’t regret it.
The Lesson
First, know yourself. If you are a procrastinator or worrier about decision making, admit it and evaluate why. Then start to look at what it is you do regularly to sabotage good decision making. Do you rationalize and make excuses? You know if you do so just admit it instead of adding on the rationalizations. Also, don’t brag about your indecisiveness. Nothing is worse than someone bragging about their shortcomings as if the bragging makes it ok.
If you want to be a a more decisive decision maker, there is only one way to do it. That is to practice it. When the moment arrives to make a decision, be resolute in evaluating and deciding as quickly as you can. Your ‘quick’ might be days longer than someone else’s so don’t go by someone else. Just go by your own history. If it usually takes you 7 days? Do it in 5. If it usually takes you an hour, do it in 45 minutes. In other words, be deliberate and conscious about your decision making.
You will become a better decision maker if you practice it.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Brendan Francis Behan, 1923 – 1964, Irish Author
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 24, 2016 | Decision Making - 2016 |
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Being Young
Ah, the glories of being the right kind of young. For those it means a body that works well, a future that looks set, a plan and help that builds confidence. That straight line to their future is clearly laid out before them. They can see it as clearly as they can see the sun rise on a cloudless day.
For some their young life is filled with pain, worry, and strife. They can’t see any line to the future much less a straight one because nobody else around them has ever seen it either. It’s like the Loch Ness Monster of futures. Nobody they know has ever seen it.
And then some are in between. The line might have been spotted, but it’s lost or covered up in large areas by the dirt of life; hate, confusion, distractions and more.
The Illusion Revealed
So, who is the lucky one of the three above? The answer? None of them. And all of them. It all depends on how you react to discovering the illusion of the line. Or the reality of it.
To give just one example, I have a friend who for 45 years lived a charmed life. Her line was as straight as could be. She had a wealthy and happy upbringing, good friends, health and education. She then met and married a man who seemed to have a great future himself and had 2 healthy and beautiful kids. The life she envisioned came true. Until her spouse became the least likely thing she could ever imagine, a crack addict. We were having a discussion about this destruction of her family and life when she said “Nothing like this has ever happened to me, I don’t know why it’s happening now.” My response? “Be grateful you had 45 years of a charmed life first, most people don’t have anywhere near that luck.”
Coming up against the truth that the straight line is an illusion didn’t ruin her, even though it could have. She was a very smart, resilient and adaptable woman when she got over the trauma she refocused on finding a new line and was successful. It included an amazing career she never would have had and a new husband who led the way on adventures all around the globe. But most importantly it helped her have sympathy and understanding for others who didn’t live her charmed life but who suffered the ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ in ways she never understood before.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Victor Hugo, 1802-1885, French author
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 19, 2016 | David Russell, Decision Making - 2016 |
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Time and Forgiveness
Why not burn a bridge? I mean, you aren’t going to see those jerks again anyway, right? Many many years ago I was fired from a company. One person made the decision and she was the one who gave me the news. I didn’t burn any bridges then, even though given the circumstances I could have seen her as my enemy.
The Future is the Present
Fast forward 6 years and this woman crosses my path when she enrolls in a class of mine (not knowing I am the lead teacher). A class she will be in 3 days a week for 12 weeks. Now is the moment I am glad I didn’t burn that bridge. I knew who she was and I knew what she had done. I knew it had been unfair and had adversely affected my life. But I had a choice. Would all the anger and unfairness I felt at the beginning hold sway or would I choose a different path?
Embracing
I chose the different path. I embraced her. I worked with her. I cared for her. I listened to her story of injury and recovery. I encouraged her in making progress, and she did. I saw her all the way through. So much so that after the class was over and a new class started she joined that as well. We didn’t become close friends, but there is no doubt she knew I had not only forgiven her (which she may or may not have felt she needed anyway) but had embraced her and wished her well in her life. I didn’t just say it, I acted it out in my actions towards her.
That is why you don’t burn bridges. Not just because you may regret it professionally later, but because it will cut off the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation later in life.
In Your Mind
Another story, this one from an online friend. His daughter abruptly left home at age 18 without much of an explanation. She didn’t respond to repeated attempt to reconnect with her family, including old fashion letter writing on the part of her father. She had been dealing with anxiety and depression before and after she left and eventually did get medical treatment. However, she was still estranged from the entire family. But when she accidentally ran into her younger sister in public and chose to ignore her, the father witnessed the devastation the younger daughter went through. Enough was enough and he knew he had to take action.
But what action? How about burning that bridge, telling her she was persona non grata in the family for hurting the younger sister so badly? NO, of course he didn’t do that. He found a way to contact her directly and demanded they get together and talk. Others had been telling her the same thing, so she agreed.
Moving Past
He was nervous about this meeting, expecting to be confronted by the same angry daughter who had left over a year earlier. But, that is not what happened. Instead he met a mature, responsible 19 year old. One who asked forgiveness, placed no blame on her parents, and wanted to start fresh with the whole family. You don’t have to be told how great that father felt. And why did that happen? Because he didn’t burn the bridge but decided, in spite of the danger and anxiety, to cross the bridge instead. He made the effort out of love and it paid off.
A burned bridge never would have allowed that.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by David Russell
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