by Marty Coleman | Oct 15, 2010 | Memory - 2010, Venice |
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I am almost positive this is the last day of ‘Memory Week’ at The Napkin Dad Daily
I am not a big regret guy. But I do regret some things I did. I regret not treating my first wife better. I regret not working harder as an artist. But truly most of my regrets are about the things I didn’t do. Usually from lack of courage.
My daughters and I went to Europe in 2003, before I met Linda, my wife. We spent a few days in Venice, Italy and one evening we took a long water taxi ride. During the ride I went out back, away from my daughters, and met a couple with a third person. The third person was a attractive woman who was suppose to come with someone else but that person had bowed out at the last moment and as a result she obviously felt like a third wheel. She was funny, cute and endearing and I liked talking with her a great deal.
We had a very nice, animated conversation about all sorts of things; what we did, how we liked Europe, etc. They were going to a certain restaurant for dinner, we were going elsewhere. But the woman mentioned that after dinner she didn’t know what she was going to do. She didn’t want to hang out with the couple the entire time, wanting to give them some ‘alone’ time in the romantic environment.
I told her I wasn’t sure what we were going to do either. We continued to talk about this and that and then it was our stop to get off. I knew where she was going to dinner, and where she was staying. We got off, went to dinner and then walked around a bit until we went back to our B & B. It was an enjoyable evening.
But to this day, I regret not having made plans with that woman to meet up after our dinners and take a walk around Venice. I regret not telling my grown daughters I was going to take off for an hour or so after we got back to the B & B, and go and find the woman to take that walk. I don’t imagine a great love affair, I only imagine a nice walk with a new friend who I wanted to spend more time with.
Funny too, in the absence of actually having that memory, I have an imagined memory about what would have happened.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by Sydney J. Harris, 1917-1986, American Journalist
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 14, 2010 | Francois de La Rochefoucauld, Memory - 2010 |
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I can’t remember if I told you this, but it’s ‘Memory Week’ at The Napkin Dad Daily
I have great stories from my life and I like to tell them. So, as a service to mankind and to help you avoid the problem mentioned in the napkin today, I have this suggestion; if you happen to hear one of my stories twice think of it as seeing a rerun of your favorite TV show during the summer. See, wasn’t that easy?
My father, who is 92, is sharp as a tack mentally. For about 2 minutes. Then he forgets what I have told him and asks again how the family is doing; daughters, wife, etc. I will recount for him what I had just told him and about the 2nd or 3rd time it pretty much sinks in and he is up to date on things, for a while.
We should all have someone like that at our disposal so we can tell our stories as many times as we want and not worry about having told it before!
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Drawing by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily (I repeat this line EVERY DAY, have you noticed that?)
Quote by François duc de La Rochefoucauld, 1613-1680, French writer
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| Snappy Dresser |
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 13, 2010 | Memory - 2010 |
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I have nostalgia for ‘memory week’ at The Napkin Dad Daily and it’s not even over yet!
I am wary of nostalgia. I think about the inclinations so many people have to think back on the ‘good old days’. They have what I think is a glossy hollywood version of the past in their minds.
They may have had a perfect upbringing, but the person who says ‘when I was young….yada yada yada’, who sends out chain email extolling the grand virtues of their self-reliant generation, who recount the idyllic American life they lived is being seduced by nostalgia.
They forget that:
- Their African-American friends, if they had any, couldn’t sit on the bus with them.
- Their mothers didn’t get anywhere near equal pay for equal work.
- Their father was not given any rights when their parents got divorced.
- Their brother was shipped off to Vietnam.
- Their sister overdosed on drugs.
- The Jewish kid down the street was called a Jesus killer.
- The Mexican kid at school was called a wetback.
- Their effeminate cousin was bullied mercilessly at school and his father disowned him.
- *Some of these things unfortunately still go on, and when they happen today we hopefully recognize it as negative.
Don’t be fooled by looking backwards with rose colored glasses. Each generation has its triumphs and burdens. Each generation has its shame and its glory.
Even the greatest generation had its weaknesses.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by George W. Ball, 1909-1994, American Diplomat
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 12, 2010 | Memory - 2010, Michel de Montaigne |
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Late yesterday I think I remembered that I hadn’t ever done a series on Memory yet.
A statement of logic and heart:
1. Most of the memories I can’t forget are about things I regret.
2. For every regret, there is a lesson learned.
3. I don’t mind remembering a lesson learned.
Thus: I don’t want to forget that which I regret.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
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| Quote by Michel de Montaigne, 1533-1592, French Essayist and statesman |
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 11, 2010 | Memory - 2010, Persia, Persian Proverbs |
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I am trying to remember if I have done a series on memory yet.
I have had some relationships over my life with people who have had long memories for slights and injuries. I know this because as I got to know them I found out all the places we couldn’t go and things we couldn’t do. We couldn’t go to this restaurant because a former boyfriend and she had gotten in a fight there. We couldn’t watch this old movie because it reminded her of a really bad experience she had as a child. I wasn’t suppose to call her by a certain pet name because her mean older brother had called her that. I couldn’t cook with this vegetable because she was forced to eat it as a child and now despised it. Something I said 15 years prior got brought up in an argument.
It can be endearing in a cute way, a little quirky element in the relationship. But it also can lead to having nothing but those negative attachments. If you want to be free to experience the positive, you can’t have your memory bank filled up with only negatives.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote is a Persian proverb
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| Persian empire around 500 BCE under the reign of King Darius |
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 4, 2010 | Confucius, Memory - 2010, The Philosophers - 2010 |
The ancient philosopher of day #3 is Confucius. Thanks to Julie Chin, former meteorologist from KJRH, channel 2 in Tulsa, Oklahoma for the suggestion via twitter.
Forgetting and remembering are two edges of a sword. To forget cuts away the bombed out landscape of wrongs from our past. That can be very good. To remember allows us to avoid the ‘wrong bombs’ in the future. That can be very good. So, which is it to be? How do we grow in wisdom and intelligence so as to be protected while not being consumed with bitterness and anger over the past?
I see the difference being in one’s focus. As I have mentioned before, when I was 18 I was blown up and burned in a boat explosion. It was due to overflowing gas. I can tell the story passionately but I don’t retain bitterness or anger about it. But put me in a gas station with some idiot smoking a cigarette and you can be damn well sure I will say something. My remembrance isn’t used to resurrect my pain or what I lost, it’s there so I can do something in the here and now to help avoid similar pain for others.
When I think of the best current example of that I think of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission. They asked people to come forth and tell their painful stories of the apartheid era. They didn’t want the stories told to bring about vengeance but to bring about healing. Remembering was a way of saying it wasn’t nothing, it did matter. But they were also saying it is remembered so we can help all of our futures, not so we can condemn and fight each other.
What part of your past are you holding onto with bitterness and anger? Let go of that memory and turn the focus to adding it to your collected wisdom of life. Forget the pain, remember the gain. That is how you will create a healthier and safer future for you and yours.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucius (Kong Qiu – 孔丘), 551BCE – 479BCE, Chinese philosopher
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