by Marty Coleman | Sep 1, 2016 | Decision Making - 2016, Flemish Proverbs |
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Good and Bad
This might sound like a terrible thing. You are going to have trouble no matter what you choose? That sucks. But that isn’t really the end of the story, is it? Beyond each danger maybe there is a blessing, right? Then again, beyond each blessing who knows, maybe another blessing, maybe another danger.
Looking Back
Many people, when they reach a certain point in life look back and say, ‘Everything that has happened in the past, good and bad, has led me to this point.’ Isn’t that another way of saying that those seemingly bad things that happened really weren’t that bad and the good things that happened weren’t necessarily all that good?
Here and Now
Looking back is one thing, it’s easy to do. But what if you avoided this yin yang of categorizing everything into gain or loss as the events happened? What if you experienced them in your mind as as neutral events instead? How would that help your health, both physical and mental, while living in the present AND looking at the future? Less stress, less judgment, less worry, less anxiety might be the result. More peace, more happiness, more confidence might also be the result. It’s something to think about.
The Chinese Farmer
There is a famous old story about a chinese farmer who did just that. Here is a great animation that tells the story. It is being told by Alan Watts, a deep thinker who delved into Taoist philosophy.
Brain Pickings
One of my favorite websites is ‘Brain Pickings‘. You can read more about Alan Watts and his ideas on fortune and misfortune there. There you can also find links to more in depth sites dealing the Watts, his philosophy and books.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote is a Dutch proverb
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 26, 2016 | Series |
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A year ago I was asked to create an image about a charity I would like to have people donate to. It was going to be produced on T-shirts, etc. and sold, with the proceeds going to the charity. For a number of reasons it never came to pass. BUT I did do the drawing. The drawing and prints are available for sale. All profits will go to Neema International.
The charity I chose is one I have supported for a couple of years now, Neema International. The money goes to support the Tuleeni orphanage in Tanzania as well as outreach to the entire community of children in the surrounding villages. Neema International is headed by Mandy Stein, an amazing young woman originally from Texas who now lives and works full time at the orphanage. She plans, builds, teaches, negotiates, and works her butt off to make a better life for the kids. Whether it’s new buildings, uniforms for school, supplies, transportation, food, community support, education or technology she has her fingers in the mix trying to make it all happen. Mama Faraji, shown below with Mandy, is the founder and leader of the Tuleeni Orphanage.
Mandy Stein and Mama Faraji
First Drawing and Post
You can read my first drawing and post that I did about a year and a half ago on Mandy and her work with Neema here. It was a post about happiness and purpose, something Mandy exemplifies to an awe-inspiring degree. Among other things it shows a photo of the building below well before it was completed.
NOW
Here is the new orphanage and education building. It took years of effort from Mandy and many others but it’s now complete!
Of course, the outside is just part of the effort. The inside had to be completed too. Here are some photos of what was involved in that!
Transporting mattresses for the orphanage
New bunks at the orphanage
Finally, a great place to eat dinner!
YAY, a reliable bus to take the kids to school and elsewhere!
This is just a fraction of what is going on at Tuleeni. Other efforts include:
- Sending many of the orphans, especially girls, to private schools so they can get a quality education. Girls are seriously underrepresented in the education system there and they are working hard to overcome that.
- A Technology Education center for the entire village.
- An Education Sponsorship program.
Love is the Purpose
I often write and illustrate at this blog that you become what you practice. I practice art and I practice teaching/coaching and I have become pretty good at it. You are good at something too. But becoming good at something still leaves the question. WHY? Why are you becoming good at this skill? What is the ultimate purpose behind it?
For me, the reason is to bring joy, happiness, hope, encouragement, insight, and most of all love to others. This is the greater thing to practice because some day I might lose my ability to create or run. But I will never lose my ability to love, right?
This is what Mandy is doing. Yes, she is building, teaching, organizing, etc. But what she is really doing is practicing love. Help her do that, ok?
How to Help
If you would like to support Mandy, Neema International and the Tuleeni Orphanage, you can make a contribution here. http://neemainternational.org/donate/?amount The donations go to a registered non-profit so you can have it be a charitable donation. Once you are at the site take some time to read about Neema and how it got started. It will warm your heart.
If you would like to contribute more directly you can do so at Paypal. Simply send the money to mandy@neemainternational.org. This will not be tax-deductible but the money is immediately available to Neema so they can buy school and home supplies quickly and as needed. Here are some pics that show what those sorts of donations have already bought. Plus, you are helping the local Tanzanian economy, something desperately needed.
If you’re interested in becoming an education sponsor contact: info@neemainternational.org for details
Stay Connected
Here an article about Mandy and the amazing work Neema is doing.
http://thebuzzmagazines.com/articles/2016/06/making-difference-‘neema’-tanzania
You can keep up with Neema International’s efforts at their home on FB – https://www.facebook.com/NeemaINTL/
You can do the same for the Tuleeni Orphans Home on FB – https://www.facebook.com/tuleeniorphanshome
Drawing and quote © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 25, 2016 | Brendan Behan, Decision Making - 2016 |
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The Fear of Being Wrong
When I hear people talk about their fear of decision making the number one thing I hear is fear of being wrong. You can see it on reality TV dating shows where the person choosing is racked with fear that he or she might make the wrong choice. You can see it in college kids trying to decide on a major. You can see it in people deciding on which house or car to buy. The list of ‘what if’ worries is endless. For many it can be paralyzing, keeping their life from moving forward and being fulfilled in so many ways.
The Wrong of being Fearful
You may be saying, ‘Hey wait, being fearful isn’t wrong’ and you would be right. And you would be wrong. Why wrong? Let’s use this example. You witness the rape of a friend. You are called to give a statement to police. You are called to look at a line up of possible perpetrators. You are called to testify for the prosecution. Doing those things is scary and it is likely you will be fearful. But what if you are SO fearful that you won’t do those things? You won’t speak up, you won’t testify. What then? Turns out your fear could be the reason a rapist is not convicted and is free to rape again. That could be considered a moral wrong, right?
Procrastinator Excellente
I am a procrastinator in decision making compared to my wife Linda. I take too much time and put off evaluating. Why? Because it means I have to take action and I don’t want to. I am lazy with a bit of fear of decision making thrown in. But what I have found is I have a lot more regrets from not having made a decision soon enough than I do from making a decision too soon. For example, I have waited too long and missed deadlines in applying for art fellowships or competitions in a particular year. But when I got my application in on time for those same things a year later, I certainly didn’t regret it.
The Lesson
First, know yourself. If you are a procrastinator or worrier about decision making, admit it and evaluate why. Then start to look at what it is you do regularly to sabotage good decision making. Do you rationalize and make excuses? You know if you do so just admit it instead of adding on the rationalizations. Also, don’t brag about your indecisiveness. Nothing is worse than someone bragging about their shortcomings as if the bragging makes it ok.
If you want to be a a more decisive decision maker, there is only one way to do it. That is to practice it. When the moment arrives to make a decision, be resolute in evaluating and deciding as quickly as you can. Your ‘quick’ might be days longer than someone else’s so don’t go by someone else. Just go by your own history. If it usually takes you 7 days? Do it in 5. If it usually takes you an hour, do it in 45 minutes. In other words, be deliberate and conscious about your decision making.
You will become a better decision maker if you practice it.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Brendan Francis Behan, 1923 – 1964, Irish Author
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 24, 2016 | Decision Making - 2016 |
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Being Young
Ah, the glories of being the right kind of young. For those it means a body that works well, a future that looks set, a plan and help that builds confidence. That straight line to their future is clearly laid out before them. They can see it as clearly as they can see the sun rise on a cloudless day.
For some their young life is filled with pain, worry, and strife. They can’t see any line to the future much less a straight one because nobody else around them has ever seen it either. It’s like the Loch Ness Monster of futures. Nobody they know has ever seen it.
And then some are in between. The line might have been spotted, but it’s lost or covered up in large areas by the dirt of life; hate, confusion, distractions and more.
The Illusion Revealed
So, who is the lucky one of the three above? The answer? None of them. And all of them. It all depends on how you react to discovering the illusion of the line. Or the reality of it.
To give just one example, I have a friend who for 45 years lived a charmed life. Her line was as straight as could be. She had a wealthy and happy upbringing, good friends, health and education. She then met and married a man who seemed to have a great future himself and had 2 healthy and beautiful kids. The life she envisioned came true. Until her spouse became the least likely thing she could ever imagine, a crack addict. We were having a discussion about this destruction of her family and life when she said “Nothing like this has ever happened to me, I don’t know why it’s happening now.” My response? “Be grateful you had 45 years of a charmed life first, most people don’t have anywhere near that luck.”
Coming up against the truth that the straight line is an illusion didn’t ruin her, even though it could have. She was a very smart, resilient and adaptable woman when she got over the trauma she refocused on finding a new line and was successful. It included an amazing career she never would have had and a new husband who led the way on adventures all around the globe. But most importantly it helped her have sympathy and understanding for others who didn’t live her charmed life but who suffered the ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ in ways she never understood before.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Victor Hugo, 1802-1885, French author
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 20, 2016 | Illustrated Short Stories |
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Chapter One – Ella Goes
Chapter Two – Ella Drinks
Chapter Three – Ella Looks
Chapter Three – Ella Realizes
Chapter Four – Ella Blushes
Chapter Five – Ella Points
Chapter Six – Ella Laughs
Chapter Seven – Ella Speaks
Chapter Eight – Ella Listens
Chapter Nine – Ella Argues
Chapter Ten – Ella Laughs Again
Chapter Eleven – Ella Gets Married
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 19, 2016 | David Russell, Decision Making - 2016 |
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Time and Forgiveness
Why not burn a bridge? I mean, you aren’t going to see those jerks again anyway, right? Many many years ago I was fired from a company. One person made the decision and she was the one who gave me the news. I didn’t burn any bridges then, even though given the circumstances I could have seen her as my enemy.
The Future is the Present
Fast forward 6 years and this woman crosses my path when she enrolls in a class of mine (not knowing I am the lead teacher). A class she will be in 3 days a week for 12 weeks. Now is the moment I am glad I didn’t burn that bridge. I knew who she was and I knew what she had done. I knew it had been unfair and had adversely affected my life. But I had a choice. Would all the anger and unfairness I felt at the beginning hold sway or would I choose a different path?
Embracing
I chose the different path. I embraced her. I worked with her. I cared for her. I listened to her story of injury and recovery. I encouraged her in making progress, and she did. I saw her all the way through. So much so that after the class was over and a new class started she joined that as well. We didn’t become close friends, but there is no doubt she knew I had not only forgiven her (which she may or may not have felt she needed anyway) but had embraced her and wished her well in her life. I didn’t just say it, I acted it out in my actions towards her.
That is why you don’t burn bridges. Not just because you may regret it professionally later, but because it will cut off the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation later in life.
In Your Mind
Another story, this one from an online friend. His daughter abruptly left home at age 18 without much of an explanation. She didn’t respond to repeated attempt to reconnect with her family, including old fashion letter writing on the part of her father. She had been dealing with anxiety and depression before and after she left and eventually did get medical treatment. However, she was still estranged from the entire family. But when she accidentally ran into her younger sister in public and chose to ignore her, the father witnessed the devastation the younger daughter went through. Enough was enough and he knew he had to take action.
But what action? How about burning that bridge, telling her she was persona non grata in the family for hurting the younger sister so badly? NO, of course he didn’t do that. He found a way to contact her directly and demanded they get together and talk. Others had been telling her the same thing, so she agreed.
Moving Past
He was nervous about this meeting, expecting to be confronted by the same angry daughter who had left over a year earlier. But, that is not what happened. Instead he met a mature, responsible 19 year old. One who asked forgiveness, placed no blame on her parents, and wanted to start fresh with the whole family. You don’t have to be told how great that father felt. And why did that happen? Because he didn’t burn the bridge but decided, in spite of the danger and anxiety, to cross the bridge instead. He made the effort out of love and it paid off.
A burned bridge never would have allowed that.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by David Russell
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 16, 2016 | Teamwork - 2016 |
Some
Ok, a single leaf provides SOME shade, as my periscope viewers kept saying while I was drawing this live. But the point is, as evidenced by the sunburned sunbather with the silly silhouette on her stomach, it doesn’t provide ENOUGH shade. But enough shade for what? That is the question. And the answer reminds us of a larger reason behind teamwork.
Olympics
We watch the teams in the Olympics and they are so focused in the pursuit of their communal glory that we often don’t see who else they are fighting for. We forget that in their mind they want to win the Gold not just for their teammates, but for their parents and families and friends and nations. When they breakdown and cry at a medal ceremony it’s often because they are thinking of how they made their country proud, their families happy and their sports club back home so filled with pride. It wasn’t just about the team, but about what the team did for others.
And that is the essence of great teamwork: having a purpose that includes, but at the same time transcends, the team.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote adapted from a quote by Chuck Page
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 15, 2016 | African Proverbs, Teamwork - 2016 |
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You Are the Bundle
This was an interesting one to draw. Once I finished the drawing I didn’t really like it much. It just didn’t make sense. A woman holding a bundle of sticks is going to stop some jerk? The I realized it wasn’t the bundle of sticks doing the stopping, it was the woman. the WOMAN was the bundle. She was strong because of all the various ‘sticks’ she was made of. She isn’t just strong as one thing, she is strong because she is many things. Each of those things by themselves might be a weakness, but even the weakest stick is strong when in a bundle, right?
All Of You
That is why your supposed flaws are really only dangerous to you if you are ONLY your flaws. But you aren’t. You are your strength, your humor, your perseverance, your attitude, your skill, your craft, your intelligence, your wisdom, your judgment, your toughness. In with those things are also your fears, your anger, your panic, your laziness, your self-righteousness, your forgetfulness, your selfishness, your lack of common sense. They make you stronger than if you are just one thing. And that means, if you bring all those things out, even some of the negative ones, at the right time, you won’t be broken.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote is a Kenyan proverb
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 11, 2016 | Sketchbook History Tour |
I had to go to the art supply store and decided that as long as I was all the way there I might as well get some coffee and create some art.
I got my giant cappuccino and settled in to draw the woman at the window. She was deep into writing and I had a feeling she would be there a while. Who knows, I might get lucky and be able to draw the entire scene before she left. Of course all I really needed was for her to stay long enough to draw her. The rest of the scene I was pretty sure would remain where it was.
I was able to finish the entire line drawing, including the background. When I went over to show her the drawing I told her I wasn’t sure what I would put in the thought bubbles but that I would probably write a short story and the words in the bubbles would be part of that story. She told me she was actually writing a film script if that helped at all. I told her it did.
Britni Harris at Fair Fellow Coffee House, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Drawing and story © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 11, 2016 | Anonymous, Teamwork - 2016 |
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Blame and Glory
As funny as this is, it brings up a pretty good point. The whole point of teamwork is to not place blame on individuals. The blame, and the glory, goes to the team instead. You see this all the time in sports during interviews after games that a team has lost. “WE let our fans down”, “WE didn’t execute properly”, “WE were slow to adjust” are all things you might hear from a coach or a player. No pointing at one person.
Even sports analysts not connected to the team do this. In American football, you often will hear an analyst talk about how a team is weak in a certain position. not that a particular teammate is not good enough.
Olympics
Yesterday I watched at Katie Ledecky was interviewed at the Rio Olympics. Her relay team had just won the Gold Medal in the 4x200m relay. She came back from 1 1/2 lengths behind to crush the competition and was the main reason the team won. But you heard none of that from her. She only talked about the team’s performance, not her own. Others pointed to her as the reason, but she pushed off the praise, turning it back to the team.
Knowing vs Saying
Does that mean she doesn’t know she was the reason? No, she knew. Among the coaches and athletes talked about above, did they not know who actually was to blame? Who dropped the ball at the crucial time, who didn’t live up to expectations? Of course not. They all know. But they didn’t say it outloud in public. In private, in the coaches room while figuring out the future team? Of course they talk about individuals and their performance. But in public? No. Because doing it in public is judgment. Doing it in private is evaluation. And the best teams thrive on neutral evaluation, not harsh judgment and condemnation.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Anonymous
“Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.”
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