The Hurt Bird This morning I heard a bird hit our front window. I got up from my chair and went to see if it was hurt. There was no bird but there was a hole in the snow and a light wing flapping pattern around it. It obviously had been stunned but not badly and had flown away on it’s own. If it was still there I was going to go get my work gloves and get the bird to see if I could help it. Have you ever found a hurt bird in your yard? When you pick it up you have to hold on to it tight enough that it can’t jump out and hurt itself but not so tight that you suffocate it, right?
Holding It Lightly That is a handy metaphor for questions and answers in life. I need to hold on to ideas (questions and answers are just different manifestations of an idea after all) that seem important to me, but I can’t hold on to them so tight that they can’t breathe.
Nurturing the Idea What that means with the bird is yes, there is a chance it could get away with how lightly you are holding it but there is a greater chance it won’t escape and you can nurture it back to health. When it comes to ideas this is also true. An idea grows and changes as it ages in your mind. It might become more clear, towards a more firm answer, or it might become a bit more muddied, so you have more questions about it than before (neither direction is better than the other). But the thing is, whatever the direction, you don’t know it in advance. All you know is you have to keep it alive so you can enjoy your relationship with that idea.
Living with Uncertainty And what that means is that it is good if you can live with uncertainty. If you can’t you will demand an answer to every question even if there is no answer that is true or helpful. Then you will hold on to that answer as if your life depends on it, so tight you kill it. It will no longer be alive, able to grow, mature, modify, expand. It will be dead.
Desperate Soil In religion it will lead to legalism. In politics it will lead to hyper-partisanship. In relationships it will lead to unhappiness and isolation. In all cases it will lead to desperation and both questions and answers aren’t nourished well in desperate soil. Where they grow best is in free, loosely packed intellectual soil, rich in nutrients and other ideas, nourished by a loving gardener who takes the time to let both the questions and answer grow into everything they are supposed to be.
The thing to talk about in motivational speaking is our power. If only we would realize our power we could stare down bullies, get that dream job, overcome disease, and end world hunger, is the message. No giant of inspirational rhetoric ever talks about not using power. And why should they, no one is going to travel or pay to listen to someone tell them to be meek or passive, right?
But here’s the truth, motivational, inspirational, or not.
Not is essential
Not is important
Not is powerful
And here is why. Because saying not is taking control. For example, saying, “I am not afraid to fail.” means you are willing to attempt something with the understanding failure is a possibility. Now, we all know the truth is you actually are most likely afraid to fail at some level. So why say it? Is it just a mind game to fool you into doing something? Yep, it is. At least at first. You aren’t actually saying you are not at all afraid to fail. You are saying that in spite of your fear you are going to attempt it anyway. The desire to succeed overcomes the fear of failure.
I am preaching to myself here of course. In my case it’s simple. “I will not have that lemon loaf from Starbucks.” is what I should have said.
What idea do you get just a bit too much pleasure out of? That is your most dangerous idea because, just like a passionate but toxic relationship, it’s the idea that is blinding you to red flags. You are so enamored of it, get so much pleasure from believing it that you forego the usual checks and balances you have on new ideas. Next thing you know you are deep into it and feel like you have invested too much to turn away. This is not true. It only has power when you hold on to it. Drop it like a bad dream and see how it’s power fades as you move away from it.
You won’t regret it.
“The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because it is true. He thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.”
She was writing the letter to her father but had a hard time saying what she wanted so she had started it 7 times.
By that time she was copying bits and pieces of the earlier attempts into the letter in the hope it would finally come together.
The first letter was too harsh. The second was too mushy. The third was too mushy. The fourth was too safe. The fifth was too pretentious and the sixth was too boring.
The seventh was turning out to be all those things and she didn’t like that so she took a break to get another cup of coffee.
As she stood in line she saw a mother roughly pull her child out of the way of a customer walking with a hot cup of tea. It reminded her of something good.
She put on her headphones and got lost in her romance novel until it was her turn to order. The barista said, “Bless you.” when she paid. It gave her a warm feeling.
While she was waiting at the end of the counter she saw an old man grab a pile of napkins as he picked up his drink with both hands. He smiled at her and said, “You can never be too careful, right?”. “Don’t I know it.” she said back with a smile.
As she settled back in her chair she heard the man behind her explain in great, minute detail the process of brewing a perfect cup of coffee to whoever he was with. She quietly chuckled and rolled her eyes.
She felt confident now of what she wanted to tell her father. She smiled as she wrote the five words and signed her given name.
In September of 2018 I went to Erie, Pennsylvania to run the Erie Marathon. It was my final effort to qualify for the 2019 Boston Marathon before the registration deadline the very next day. We had to take a short bus ride from a giant parking lot to the small start area in a nature preserve. While on the bus I met sisters Katie and Emily Funk who had flown in from out of town like I had to run the race. We had a good, if brief, conversation before we arrived at the start area and went on our way. We traded names and promised to connect on social media to see how we all did.
Katie and Emily Funk after the Erie Marathon, Sept. 9th, 2018
After the race we did indeed connect on Social Media. All 3 of us had qualified for Boston at the race and were making plans to connect again in Boston come April. However, one of the quirks of the Boston Marathon is that you can qualify and still not make it in and that is what happened to me. I missed out by 16 seconds. But the sisters made it in with time to spare and fulfilled their dream by running in the 2019 race.
Emily and Katie
Sisters, Sisters
You can see two things by the t-shirt Emily is wearing. One, they live in the neighboring states and two, they love each other a great deal and cherish the times they can get together. This was often when they were running marathons around the country together, always with the hope of qualifying for Boston.
Emily and Katie with the father, Charlie Funk, after the race
Not only are the two of them runners but so is their dad and a third sister, Jennie. Charlie Funk got the idea he wanted to run Boston when Emily went off to Boston College and he got hooked on the idea of running past BC at mile 21. He made it happen in 2008 (and 3 more years). Jennie has run Boston as well. Ever since then they have been a running family.
Painting the Relationship and the goal
Late in 2020 I got an unexpected message from Emily. She told me that they had tried for years to qualify, running 4 marathons together, each time coming up short until finally at Erie they made it happen. And now she wanted to give Katie something that would be a memento, not just of Boston, but of the entire journey they have been on together. So she contacted me hoping I might be available to create something. She sent me some photos of them together and some in action during races. She also sent me pics of the 5 medals representing the 5 races they had run.
After doing a lot of collaging and editing of the various photos I came up with an idea and executed it. I wanted to include the two of them, the 5 medals and the ribbons that held the medals. Here is the final result.
I sent it off to Emily in time for her to present it to Katie when they got together sometime after Christmas. She sent me a pic of them holding it along with all the medals. It made me feel great to have been asked and to be able to produce something that represented their love and their journey.
The world is my idea. Wow, this sounds pretty darn egotistical, doesn’t it? I mean, aren’t I just a mere dust speck in the world? Yes, I am. And that idea of who I am is MY idea of who I am. It is something I constructed in my mind out of all that I have experienced of the world. You however may think you aren’t a mere speck of dust. You might think you are the most important being on the planet. I know some people who think that actually. And that is their idea of the world and their place in it.
My point is, don’t be fooled into thinking that your idea of the world is the world. It’s not. The world is the accumulation of everyone’s understanding of it AND it is well beyond all those definitions as well. So, to be more effective on this planet hold on lightly to your idea of the world. Allow that others’ ideas might have equal validity. They might not as well. Your job is to be open to listening to what that idea is and see if you can learn something from it. Maybe what you learn is that idea is toxic and dangerous or maybe you’ll find out that idea is sublime and healthy. Either way, knowing your idea is just one of many will help you grow and expand your mind and heart.
And don’t be afraid. You aren’t obligated to take on someone else’s idea just because you listen to it.
I drew this last year at my local Starbucks in Oklahoma (before we moved to Texas). I thoroughly enjoy going to cafes and drawing the scenes I find. In this case it was 4 people working away. I got the impression they were all students but, unlike many times, I didn’t go over and introduce myself to them that I can remember.
I had received new watercolor paper as a gift earlier in the year so I brought that along with the anticipation of drawing then returning home to paint. I forgot about the drawing in the fervor of our move and didn’t bring it out again until I had a number of commissions over Christmas that I was doing in watercolor. Once they were done I wanted to continue in that medium and brought this and a few other drawings out.
This piece, and almost all my pieces, are for sale so if you are interested, let me know!
Many people believe all sorts of things that aren’t true. Some of those don’t matter much, for example, a person believing that rubbing keeping his lucky rubber ducky next to his easy chair will make his team win. It’s not true but it does no harm.
We aren’t talking about that. We are talking about lies that destroy and kill. For example, Trump said the Corona Virus was just like the flu and we didn’t have to worry about it. But he was lying, as proven by the recordings of him saying otherwise. That lie cost people their lives because action that wasn’t taken based on it supposedly being true.
Now we have seen this on display again, in Washington, D.C. and the U. S. Capitol Building. Trump has said he won the election. That is a lie. It’s not a mistake, or a miscommunication, it’s a lie. And he knows it’s a lie. But he doesn’t care. He wants to win so he’s making up a story that says he won. A story without evidence to back it up. And his followers believe him. They believe him so much they storm our Capitol and ransack it, searching for Senators and Representatives disloyal to Trump, perhaps to make stand trial in a kangaroo court right then. Luckily they didn’t find any officials.
The problem is the mob, a mob who isn’t bound by truth or evidence or facts. They are only bound by allegiance to Trump. And when Trump said to march on the Capitol and his servant Guiliani said to commit violence, they did so. Trump and all the public officials that supported and encouraged his behavior and his words are complicit and should forever be stained with the infamy of January 6th, 2021.
This was going to be my New Years Day post but a flood in my house on New Years Eve got in the way. At first it was just an obvious emergency I had to deal with, then it became the real life lesson that illustrates this quote.
So, about that flood. It was all my fault. Why? Because I didn’t think small, I thought big. Well, not exactly big, but bigger than I should have at the moment. In other words I didn’t pay attention to the small details that were important. REALLY important. Here’s how it came about.
I am a do-it-yourselfer and since we moved to our new house in Texas from Oklahoma I have been doing a LOT of DIYing. The latest project is a remodel of our guest bathroom. Wallpaper has been stripped and replaced, tub has been recaulked, lights have been replaced and old vanity countertop has been removed in anticipation of our new one being put in. All has gone according to plan.
Since the countertop was off and I could get to them easily I decided I would replace all four old and worn out water valves leading to the two sinks. Often times this is a job for a pro plumber since it can take a blow torch and ‘sweating’ and soldering of pipes.
But in this case it looked like an easy replacement by cutting off the old valve and just leaving a clean copper pipe that I could then attach to the new valve using what is called a compression fitting. Easy peasy, right? Yes, if you do it step by step.
It sounds very dorky but I was very excited to be able to do this by myself so I traipsed down to Home Depot and got all the right tools and parts I would need. Then I got right to it on New Year’s Eve day. I used this cool tool that you snap around the copper pipe and just rotate and it makes this perfect cut. And it did. Only one problem. In my excitement I didn’t think through the order of the steps I needed to take. Like the obvious important step of turning off the water to the house BEFORE cutting the pipe. Duh.
Even though there is a very harrowing but entertaining story about the consequences of me cutting that pipe, for now it will suffice to tell you that I created a massive flood in my house before we were able to get the water turned off. A flood that required us calling our insurance company and having a ‘water mitigation’ team come out and deal with it.
It’s now 2 days later and the wood flooring in the living room and two hallways is torn out and will have to be replaced. The carpet in parts of 3 rooms is also lifted up and is drying, most likely needing to be replaced.
All baseboards are removed and there are holes in all the effected walls (below the baseboard line luckily). Those holes have giant loud fans next to them blowing air into the walls to dry it all out. The carpets also have fans on them. There are also two big dehumidifiers going in the house. All of them will be going 24/7 for 3 days.
And why did this happen? Because I didn’t go small. I didn’t pay attention to the step by step details I needed to pay attention to. This is a DIY version of something that happens to us all at one time or another. We think so much about the big plans that we lose sight or skip the small steps needed to make sure the big plans come off as we want them too. It might be travel plans, or Covid19 protection, or gun and hunting safety, or a million other things.
The point is, taking the time to think through and execute the small things well is what will make for a safe and happy big thing.
Delusion is a hard thing to overcome. Individuals believe things that are untrue for all sorts of reasons. Many times they even know inside that what they believe is untrue but they just can’t get the courage to admit it to themselves or others. It really isn’t that uncommon. But what is far more dangerous is when large groups inside a country believe things that there is no evidence for or is grossly exaggerated. This is true in America right now.
Some Trump supporters have gone down a rabbit hole of adoration. They are so enamored of Trump, so invested in him being their savior (from what I don’t know), that they can’t handle the fact that he’s been voted out of office. They want so badly not to believe it that they have staked their faith on lies told to them by people who don’t really care about them. It’s sad to see but really not surprising when you take into account Trump’s methodology of propaganda and disinformation and his legion of media followers who are also so invested that they amplify that message without regard for their duties as journalists or commentators.
It’s sad to see and I can only hope that we find a vaccine for this hysterical delusion soon.
