Until quite recently I was a Running Coach. One of the things I would often ask as we gathered for our group warm up was this: Why are we here? Of course there are many reasons and we would go through all of them over the course of a season. But one reason in particular stood out recently when I went out for a run, my first since the Coronavirus situation hit hard here in Oklahoma.
Why are we here? Because we want to be fit and ready for whatever life throws at us. I would say to my runners, ‘If a disaster strikes in some way in your life, do you want to be fit or unfit? The answer is, you want to be fit.’ Back then I was thinking about if you got sick, lost a job, had to move, had a natural disaster, got a divorce or something else. Now I think, what if you found yourself in the middle of a world-wide pandemic? The answer to the question is the same: we want to be fit. Not only to protect us from the disease, but to help us deal with the physical, mental and emotional issues that come up as we go through this period.
I thought about this in depth as I was running that day. I was running fast and enjoying it but it was getting a little tough and I was doubting whether I could finish the 6 miles at the same pace I was doing mile 1 & 2. Then I thought about all the training I had been doing over the course of the last many years. The truth was I was fit and ready to take on this challenge and there was no legitimate reason I couldn’t finish what I started. So I left my doubts behind and kept up my pace in spite of it getting harder and hurting more. And what happened? I got faster as the miles wore on, finishing with my fastest mile (7:44) and with a new personal record (PR) of 50:24 for the 10k distance .
Why did that happen? A few reasons. One, I am fit physically. Two, I have done seriously hard marathon races that I thought were going to flat out kill me, but they didn’t. Third, I know that when I start to think too far ahead I need to pull back and run the mile I am in. Anticipating what might happen up ahead, having a head filled with ‘what ifs’ is a danger. It can paralyze you so that you don’t push forward with what you know you can do.
Translate that into facing your personal coronavirus circumstances. Yes, the circumstances are harsh. It might be a scary inconvenience like it is to me (for the most part) or it might be an existential threat. But wherever you are on that spectrum you know one thing, you are fit and you are ready. You understand you can suffer a LOT and still make it through. You know that discipline is essential for the long run, and that is what we are in now, a very long run.
She wanted to go to the Forum where she could show off her new hairdo and earrings and watch wrestling and talk and eat and flirt and listen to people say profound things and maybe get a mani/pedi. She would see her friends and have fun, laughing and enjoying the day.
She didn’t want to walk all the way up the hill and look at disgusting dead people on crucifixes all by herself. It was hot and her feet would get dirty and there would be flies and vermin and the smell would be aweful. Plus, people might see her up there and think she is somehow connected to those dead people and then people would start talking and not want to be around her.
She stood there a long time before she made her choice.
I think this might make an interesting T-shirt for a lot of interesting women. They are busy with their interesting lives, doing interesting things and aren’t interested in men being interested in them just because they look interesting.
She was nervous singing in front of the congregation because she didn’t like her shape. Her hips were too small and her shoulders and chest were too big. Her knees were too knobby and her feet were too small. Her hands were too manly and her lips were too thin. She knew everyone was looking at her shape and judging it. She knew they thought she had a terrible shape and were laughing at her.
But she went out and sang anyway because she loved the song and thought it was such a good message about letting God shape you instead of being shaped by something or someone else. She had been liberated when she first realized she wasn’t a slave to culture or society or anything else. She could choose to be shaped by something greater than those things. It had transformed her life.
When she got off stage and the service was over she went to the furniture store to buy a new coffee table. She didn’t like the one she had because it was an odd shape. It was square and didn’t fit well in her living room. When she went in the furniture store a nice lady came up and asked her if she could help her find something. The lady had a very nice shape to her face, sort of heart shaped with a pointed chin and bee sting lips, which she always thought were the perfect shape for lips. She wished for years she had lips shaped like that and would have gotten lip injections to make hers that shape if she could afford it. She wondered if lips shaped like that were nice to kiss and thought if she was a man she would want to kiss lips like that. She bought a table that had a nice shape and was very happy.
When she was done at the furniture store she went to the gym to get in shape. She was out of shape since her family had got all bent out of shape about something or other, she forgot what. But now it was a new year and she was going to get in shape. When she got dressed into her workout clothes she noticed all the women who were in shape. They were in better shape than she was and it bummed her out. She wanted to be in shape like they were. She decided to do a weight lifting class because she heard it got you in shape really fast. It was very hard because she was so out of shape but she did it anyway. The women in the shower in the locker room after the workout were all in good shape. One of them who had been in the class with her said, ‘You did good today. Don’t worry you will be in great shape before you know it.’ That made her feel good and bad. Good because she was noticed, bad because she was noticed because she wasn’t in good shape.
As she drove home she came upon a car accident. It looked like the car had hit a guard rail, that was all crumpled and out of shape, and then a light pole that was also out of shape. She stopped her car and immediately called 911 and told them where she was and told the dispatcher the car was in really bad shape. She ran up to the car and saw someone in the front seat. It was the furniture lady and she was in bad shape. She was bleeding from a ragged shaped cut on her forehead, her lip was cut wide open and her arm was shaped funny, like it had been broken. She was able to pull the door open after three really strong pulls and got the furniture lady out and moved her off the road into the grass. She ran back to her car and grabbed her first aid kit from her trunk and found a perfectly shaped piece of gauze to cover her cut. She found another, smaller piece, that was just the right shape to cover her lip but still allow her to breathe. She laid her down in her lap and talked to her, telling her she was going to be ok and would be back in tip top shape in no time.
The ambulance came in just a few minutes and took over. The medical people got her in the best shape they could to transport her and then they were all gone. She went home and collapsed on her couch and fell asleep in an odd shape and woke up 10 hours later with a crick in her neck.
Well, this isn’t quite true. A herd can make a heck of a lot of noise. But the point is that the individual can’t be heard apart from the herd.
So, if you feel you have a voice that should be heard all by itself then you need to separate from the herd in one way or the other. Some people think what that means is you have to have a superior voice (or some other talent) But it really doesn’t really mean that.
You can have quite an average voice (look at so many rock stars if you have any doubt) but have unique things to say that make you stand out. You can work harder than others to develop that voice or you can be better at finding the audience that wants and needs to hear it. In other words, standing out is, more than anything else, a result of a decision that you want to.
That can come from a number of things, some good, some bad. Perhaps you want adulation and fame and drive yourself to achieve that. You could very well get those things if you drive hard enough. But then what? Was that ultimately satisfying? Most famous people I have read about and most famous people I know (local celebrities of one sort or another, not really FAMOUS people) have given me the impression that being famous isn’t all that great in and of itself.
What word do we so often see alongside fame? Fortune. And for some the drive to stand out is based on wanting not fame but fortune. It’s all about the money. I get that. Money, especially if you have don’t have enough, is a compelling reason to do whatever it takes to stand out so money comes in. It is true that in most areas of sports and entertainment fame is often a precursor to having more money. And obviously money isn’t a bad thing to have in and of itself.
But once again, my experience having been raised in a very wealthy community and then having very little money, there really is not a huge difference in well-being or happiness between the two. Yes the big CEO might be well-known around the world, but that doesn’t mean he or his family isn’t wracked by alcoholism or domestic abuse or some other terrible issue that he or she tries to keep hidden. It’s not the part of their ‘voice’ that they want to be known for.
In my thinking the better and more sustainable sort of desire to stand out is based on feeling you have something of value to give the world, something that the world can benefit from. Fame and/or fortune might come along with that, no doubt. Nothing wrong with either. But neither one is the number one goal, making a positive contribution to the world is.
If you are driven to have your voice, or your art, science, music, engineering, writing, dance, humor, insight, athletics, or any other area of human endeavor stand out because of that, then you can sustain it and enjoy it for your entire life. And who knows, maybe you will get your name in lights and make a few bucks as well!
I heard the quote while watching the TV show, Survivor this season. The person who spoke it was Noura, one of the finalists of season 39. I do not know if she is the originator of the quote.
