Be Yourself – updated 2018
Drawing © Marty Coleman
Be yourself, everyone else is taken – Oscar Wilde
Be Not Angry – updated 2017
As Professor Higgins says in ‘My Fair Lady, ‘Why can’t a woman be more like a man?’ That is a sexist version of what so many wish, that the people they deal with would be different than they are; less annoying, less hard to understand, less odd in the way they do things.
How often is that our first reaction because it is so much easier to desire that than to actually figure out, and implement, how we can change instead.
Not just because we have areas we would like to change, but also so we have a better reaction to those around us. So everyone else isn’t an annoyance, but is just another person to try to understand, like we hope they would try to understand us.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” – Thomas A’Kempis, 1380-1471, German Priest and Theologian
My Arse Contemplates – updated 2017
This is a bit of a companion piece to the one yesterday about worrying about what others think of you.
Remember two things. If they are talking about you negatively behind your back they deserve the arse treatment.
If they are talking about someone else behind their back and want you to join in, protect yourself and honor the person not present by giving them the arse treatment.
See them for who they are. They are damagers (yes, I just made that word up) because they are damaged. They work desperately to find a way to make the world in their damaged image instead of changing themselves to a less damaged self. They deserve your compassion and help but not at the expense of your ethical and social safety.
Now, of course this sounds self-righteous talking about ‘they’ as if I, you, never gossip, never talk behind other peoples’ backs. We do. So, start to look around you. If you see a lot of arses you might need to reconsider your own way as well!
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“My arse contemplates those who talk behind my back.” – Francis Picabia, 1879-1953, French artist and poet. He contributed to the evolution of impressionism, cubism, fauvism, dadaism and surrealism.
What Others Think Of Us – updated 2017
How many times has this happened to you? You are cruising along, feeling fine about yourself, your life, your career, when you hear someone say something negative about you and your day (and maybe week) just goes to crap.
I hate it when that happens! I especially hate it when I get all mopey and depressed about something they said that I ALREADY KNOW IS TRUE! It’s as if I think I am hiding it from everyone else and now that it is out I have to realize it all over again about myself.
My unfather-in-law, Dwight Johnson and I couldn’t have been more different one from another. Where I was extroverted and opinionated, he was introverted and diplomatic in discussions. Where I was artistic and distracted he was logical and focused. Where I was a ‘bad boy’ with innuendo humor and a flirtatious streak, he was a straight arrow and wouldn’t know how to flirt if Marilyn Monroe landed in his lap.
The reason I mention this is that I was a relentless teaser of Dwight in the early years of our relationship. It wasn’t hard to do. But his response was always in good humor. It’s as if he knew my teasing, my comments about his habits, his attitudes, etc. weren’t about him. They were about me. His stock response, the response I am now recommending you take, is simple and easy to remember. He used to say ‘I just consider the source’.
So, consider the source. Not just to understand the comment in it’s proper place, but to also be understanding of the person who said it, their weaknesses and eccentricities and insecurities that led them to say something like that.
By the way, Dwight eventually became the most important male adult in my life. I learned more from him about how to be a good husband, father and man than any other single person. I didn’t learn the lessons very well, I flunked many times, but nonetheless it was his example, and his good humor with me, that gave me much of what I deem of highest value in who I became.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.” – Santayana, 1863-1952, Spanish Aphorist and Philosopher
Discovering Who You Are – Updated 2017
This is totally funny and absurd and silly and nutty. It’s also true.
We are talking about how one really does get to know oneself. It can’t be done in a vacuum, it’s always done in some part as a comparison.
If you don’t believe me just ask yourself, Am I my mother? Am I my father? Part of you says yes, a larger part says NO WAY. Why? Because you have learned who they are, you know them. Probably they drive you up the freakin’ wall. But even if you don’t and your one of those people who think your parents are just dandy (beware of those people, by the way), then you still realize that even if you WANT to be them, you aren’t.
Of course, this is only half the equation. Learning who you are not is good. I am not my neighbor, the perve. I am not my psycho boss. I am not my vain cheerleader frenemy, I am not my childhood friend, the rich, best-selling author with 3 homes, 2 BMWs, frequent trips to Europe and lots of hair (dag nabbit!).
It starts to narrow it down, but it doesn’t define. BUT…if you know enough people it will take you so long to figure out who everyone else is you won’t have time to focus on your self and next thing you know you will have become YOU!
I know, like I said at the beginning. It’s just a silly goofy saying. I just tried to make something of it. That’s just who I am.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“In order to discover who you are, first learn who everybody else is, and you’re who’s left.” – Ashleigh Brilliant, 1933 – not dead yet, American funny guy.
While One Person Hesitates – updated 2017
It is frustrating to hear a person talk about their low self-esteem, their feelings of inferiority all the while knowing that the only way to move past it is the one way they are not willing to take.
They have to step out, they need to attempt, to try, to pursue, to leap, to jump, to dive, to fly, to run, to love, to create, to build, to play, to meet, to greet, to talk, to write, to kiss, to touch, to bless, to work, to go, to swim, to do.
They do not need to figure out why they have low self-esteem first, before they act. They need to act, and act again and again and again.
My favorite song is ‘Jubilee’ by Mary Chapin-Carpenter. My favorite part in the song goes like this:
And I can tell by the way you’re talking
That the past isn’t letting you go
But there’s only so long you can take it all on
And then the wrong’s gotta be on its ownAnd when you’re ready to leave it behind you
You’ll look back, and all that you’ll see
Is the wreckage and rust that you left in the dust
On your way to the jubilee
You leave it behind you by moving, by acting, by doing. Go.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“While one person hesitates because they feel inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.” – Henry C. Link, dates unknown, American author, wrote ‘Return To Religion’, 1937
It’s Not What You Are – updated 2017
What did you want to be? Once in a while I think of all the careers I
could have had, what I could have achieved.
When I was a kid most people said I should be a lawyer because I could
argue so well. I never wanted to become a lawyer. I did, however, want
to be President since my parents were such big fans of JFK at the time
and it seemed a very cool thing to be.
I have been told that I should have been a therapist. I have never wanted
to be a full-time therapist, but I did want to be a preacher. I like the idea
of thinking deep thoughts and then telling other people about them.
I have been told I should have been a masseur. I never wanted to be a
full-time masseur, but I did want to take classes and learn more. I haven’t
done that yet.
I had the heritage that said maybe I should be a pilot. I never wanted to
be a full-time pilot, but I always loved to fly and see the world from above
in a small plane. I don’t fly anymore, but maybe someday I will again.
I was told I should be a teacher. I actually was a teacher at the college
level for 9 years. I loved it. I tried to land a full-time job as a teacher and
never made it. I miss being a teacher and perhaps will again someday.
I was never told I should be an artist. Do you know why? Because everyone
already knew I was going to be an artist. I don’t think anyone ever thought
I would not be an artist. I am glad I am an artist.
It doesn’t mean there aren’t other things I wish I could have done and been.
I think any curious and enthusiastic person has more things in their wish
list than they can actually accomplish in one life.
I prefer that to having no wish list.
What did you want to be?
“It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.” – Oscar Levant
Looked Over
A circular dilemma: you want to be noticed, seen, known, paid attention to.
You do what you can to make that happen. Then you realize that the
‘you’ that got the attention made the rest of ‘you’ invisible. So, you try to
downplay the attention-getting part and you discover you are still mostly
invisible. You don’t like that so you go back to emphasizing the parts that
got looked over. Then you feel the rest of you is invisible again.
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“It’s better to be looked over than to be overlooked.” – Mae West
Our Opinion of People Depends Less Upon What We See In Them, Than Upon What They Make Us See In Ourselves
“Our opinions of people depends less upon what we see in them, than upon what they make us see in ourselves.” – Sarah Grand
This is a tough one for people to grasp. It means you have to look inward and be honest about what is in YOU instead of what is in the person you are judging.
For example, let’s say you have a low opinion of a person at your work who has noticeable tattoos all over his body. What does seeing all those tattoos bring up in yourself? I don’t mean your surface reasons for not liking them. I mean your interior anxieties that the tattooed presence brings out. What is he making you see in yourself?
Let’s say you have a high opinion of a glamorous, high society client. What does she do for you, for your ego, your dreams, your aspirations, that make you think highly of her? What is she making you see in yourself?
Drawing © 2022 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
If You Do Not Tell The Truth About Yourself You Cannot Tell It About Other People
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” – Virginia Woolf
I don’t know if I believe this. I think many people can deceive themselves quite thoroughly about their real persona while at the same time having a laser focus on the truth about another person. They don’t make for the most trustworthy people in the world, but they can exist.
Drawing © 2022 Marty Coleman | Napkindad.com