by Marty Coleman | May 12, 2015 | Brene Brown, Shame - 2015 |
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Periscoping Sara
I Periscoped with a TV Newsperson the other day (see the end of the post for an explanation of Periscope).
She was in a cab after a long day of work and play. Her name is Sara Haines and she is a Lifestyle and Pop News Anchor for Good Morning America on ABC. It’s a good fit for her because she is chirpy, funny and a energized ball of laughs and smiles. She had been Periscoping during commercials and then later at a party. But now she was done for the day and on her way home.
Understanding Kim
I and others were watching her now in a more relaxed, contemplative mood, reflecting on things based on questions we were asking. Someone asked her if she liked the Kardashians. The person asking may have been expecting a typical, ‘I hate them, they are terrible’ type of response, I don’t know. But that is not what they got. Sara said she is intrigued and fascinated by them, especially Kim Kardashian. She said she tries to imagine what she would do if she was raised like her, looked like her, lived her life, had her money. What choices would she make and how different would they be from the choices Kim does makes? In other words, she doesn’t judge or shame Kim, she empathizes with her. And that means she can simply enjoy her for who she is and try to understand her.
Empathy Covers Shame
So far the 21st century is the century of public shaming and judgment. But what Sara shows in her attitude is that happiness and joy comes from empathy and understanding of others, not judgment and shaming. It’s a lesson we all need to learn again and again, that when we are tempted to judge, especially in the public arena when we truly don’t know the person, it’s best to step back and try to empathize, to understand what it is they are feeling and reacting to in life. That is when we will grow and learn.
Hope for Humanity
I like Sara from what I seen of her on TV, but she went to the top of my ‘I have hope for humanity’ list when I was able to hear her talk about her way of seeing the world and the people in it. She’s also now at the top of my ‘What TV person would you most want to have lunch with’ list. I think the conversation would be fantastic.
I have written a second blog post about Sara and Kim. You can find it here: Sara Haines, Kim Kardashian and the Power of Love
Here are my other posts on shame –
Headline Walking – Shame #1
Parenting in Anger – Shame #2
Periscope – Periscope is a live video broadcast with texting interaction app from Twitter. It’s available on the iOS and will be available on Android soon.
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman
Quote by Brene Brown, 1965 – not dead yet, American writer and scholar
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 1, 2015 | Shame - 2015 |
A Question
Is this quote true?
I think it might be. Here’s why.
The Anger of My Father
When I was growing up my father was often angry. He wasn’t pissed off at little league games or piano recitals (and I am grateful for that), but he was angry at many things for many years.
Life got pretty difficult in the early 70s due to his drinking, and the drinking of my mother, who was inebriated most every single day for years. The alcohol brought out intense, angry battles between them, with us three kids being collateral damage along the way. My older sister and I were teenagers during this time and we often got in arguments with them as well. Most of my arguing with either of them basically was telling them to get their shit together, that they were the parents and we were the children and I wished they would act like it. It was frustrating and unstable, not only for us two older ones, but especially for my younger sister, who was between 6-9 years old during the worst years.
And it got worse before it got better, a lot worse. But it did get better. My mother and father both stopped drinking. My father’s anger, while never complete gone, was greatly diminished and well within what could be considered ‘normal’.
20 Years Later
I don’t remember my father telling me he felt shame from all those years of anger, but I think that was one of the main emotions he felt. Why do I think that? Because when it was my turn 20 years later to be the adult with problems of alcohol and anger, that is what I felt.
What do you think?
From your experience, does something begun in anger eventually end in shame?
This drawing, and most every napkin drawing, is for sale, original or print. Please email marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
Here are my other posts on shame –
Headline Walking – Shame #1
Sara Haines, Kim Kardashian and the Power of Empathy – Shame #3
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790, American inventor, diplomat, politician, business owner, printer, writer.
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 24, 2015 | Monica Lewinsky, Shame - 2015 |
Monica the Brave
Many of you will remember Monica Lewinsky, the White House intern caught up in the 1998 Clinton impeachment scandal due to her affair with the President. She recently gave a TED talk about public shaming, something she knows a lot about. It’s a fantastic lecture and she brings up what I think is a horrible aspect of contemporary life, even more harsh than when she was in the center of the storm, and that is public humiliation and shaming.
Miles of Headlines
She had a number of great lines in the lecture and this quote was at the top of the list. It perfectly updates the old quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes to apply to our current world. To really understand what the people most affected by public humiliation and shaming, think about living through the headlines and publicity they have to live through.
Compassion and Empathy
What she is asking for is to be compassionate and empathic in the cyber world as well as in the real world. Now, it’s important to clarify one thing. Feeling compassion for someone does not mean you are absolving them of guilt. Being empathic does not mean you don’t approve of some serious consequences for their actions or words. Having both in your repertoire of responses simply means you treat that person as you would like yourself to be treated, with understanding.
Influence and Power
Here is her suggestion for action;
The theory of minority influence, proposed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici, says that even in small numbers, when there’s consistency over time, change can happen. In the online world, we can foster minority influence by becoming upstanders. To become an upstander means instead of bystander apathy, we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation. Trust me, compassionate comments help abate the negativity. We can also counteract the culture by supporting organizations that deal with these kinds of issues, like the Tyler Clementi Foundation in the U.S., In the U.K., there’s Anti-Bullying Pro, and in Australia, there’s Project Rockit.
We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression. We all want to be heard, but let’s acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention. The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and helps create a safer and better world. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion. Just imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.
I agree with her. I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions as well.
Ted Talk
Here is the video of her talk.
You can go to the written transcript from there if you prefer to read it.
Here are my other posts on Shame –
Parenting in Anger Shame #2
Sara Haines, Kim Kardashian and the Power of Empathy – Shame #3
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Monica Lewinsky, 1973 – , American author and activist.
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